we are NOT the SAME

Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph
  • 4.0 (4)
  • COMEDY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos! 

  1. APR 21

    The Morning After Social Anxiety

    Send us Fan Mail Your brain ever wake up and decide you’re the villain of yesterday’s perfectly normal conversation? We go straight into that morning shame spiral where you replay every word, assume everyone secretly hates you, and somehow turn a good interaction into a cringe highlight reel. We talk about how common it is, why it hits hard in the morning, and what it looks like when you’re used to masking and delaying emotions until you finally sit still. Then we pivot from life chaos to relationship patterns. Between cancer treatment stress, nonstop schedules, and the weird way some of us feel calmer when everything is on fire, we start asking the bigger question: what does “emotionally stable” even mean? From there, we dig into attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant), how “vibes” can be your nervous system scanning for danger, and why past emotional abuse, love bombing, and childhood unpredictability can wire you for the push-pull. We take an attachment style quiz on mic and both land on fearful avoidant (disorganized). That opens up the real frustration: we’re painfully self-aware, so why does change still feel so hard? We close with a candid talk about trauma and memory, why your brain might not “press record” during survival mode, and how healing can be less about knowing the label and more about practicing safer patterns over time. If any of this hit a nerve, listen now, share it with a friend who overthinks everything, and leave a review with your attachment style and what helps you feel secure. - Support the show

    55 min

  2. APR 13

    Hot People Problems And A Side Of Chaos

    Send us Fan Mail Pretty privilege sounds like a throwaway internet debate until you’re the one sitting at your desk wondering if you earned a promotion or if people only see your face.  We start with a real catch-up, from turning 40 and stepping into a new era, to cheer worlds travel, bodybuilding prep, and the heavy day-by-day reality of a mom going through chemo. Life is layered right now, and we don’t only talk about it we actually live it.  Then we pivot into a listener mailbag on pretty privilege and attraction, because the stories hit hard. One message comes from a woman getting side-eyed at work after a promotion, and we break down jealousy, projection, and what “earned” really means in corporate culture. Another comes from someone dating the hottest man alive who also happens to be flaky, inconsistent, and proudly unserious, and we say the part out loud about situationships, self worth, and why “If he wanted to, he would” keeps being true.  We also read a rare male submission that asks whether staying vague is just modern dating or quietly taking advantage, and we get specific about boundaries, expectations, and honest communication from the very beginning. If you’re navigating dating in 2026, rebuilding after a long relationship, or trying to keep your standards intact in a low-effort world, this one will feel uncomfortably familiar.  Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a reality check, leave a review, and send us your stories and questions for the next mailbag. - Support the show

    52 min

  3. APR 7

    Attention Or Intention

    Send us Fan Mail A text that hits at 10 p.m. can feel like connection, but is it care or convenience? We’re Heather and Lacey, and we’re getting painfully honest about attention versus intention in dating: the difference between easy, frequent, low-effort validation and the consistent, planned follow-through that actually builds a relationship. Along the way, we share the moments that fooled us, like the “anniversary trip” that wasn’t planned for the relationship and the no-card Instacart flowers that screamed bare minimum. We dig into why attention is so addictive, how love bombing and breadcrumbing keep you hooked, and why “feeling chosen” is not the same as being chosen. We also talk about the weird modern reality where daily texting can masquerade as effort, while real plans never materialize. Social media dating habits make it worse, training all of us to chase quick dopamine hits, confuse frequency with commitment, and treat stability like boredom. Then we put the theory to work with our games: “Would You Date Him?” (texts all day but never locks in plans, barely texts but consistently shows up) plus “Receipts Or Reach” and a rapid round of instant icks. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re in a situationship, ignored mixed signals, or stayed because the attention felt good, you’ll leave with clearer dating advice, stronger boundaries, and a sharper eye for real relationship effort. Subscribe for more, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review. Then reply to us: what’s the most convincing “effort” you later realized was just attention? - Support the show

    43 min

  4. MAR 30

    What If The Chaos Feels Like Home?

    Send us Fan Mail Are you actually “surrounded by idiots,” or are your choices quietly steering the chaos? Heather and Lacey get uncomfortably honest about self-awareness, dating patterns, and the ways we blame other people while ignoring our own habits, especially when we keep dating the same person in different packaging. We kick things off with real-life updates and then jump into Would You Date Him, a fast game that exposes what we tolerate: inconsistent communication, unemployed “figuring it out” energy, and the kind of success that still makes you anxious. From there, the conversation turns into a deeper look at the broken picker problem, why some of us default to “it’s my fault,” and how love bombing can slip past you even when you know the therapy buzzwords. We talk boundaries, closure, trust after a toxic relationship, and why calm can feel suspicious when you grew up in chaos. Then we lighten it up with Instant Ick and Main Character Or Embarrassing, roasting gym filming, motivational quotes, soft launching relationships, and the wild things people do online. We close with Receipts Or Reach hot takes like “men always come back,” “pretty privilege,” and whether you can tell in five minutes if you like someone, plus a listener prompt that makes this personal. If you’ve been searching for dating advice, red flags, relationship boundaries, and healing after toxic relationships, hit play and come laugh with us while you learn something about yourself. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reality check, leave a review, and tell us: what do you keep blaming on other people that might actually be you? - Support the show

    57 min

  5. MAR 23

    Standards Or Control

    Send us Fan Mail The fastest way to start a relationship fight is to call a demand a “boundary” and hope nobody notices. We go straight at the question most couples dance around: where’s the real line between having standards and being high maintenance, and when does a “healthy boundary” slide into control? We break down the difference in plain language: boundaries are about what we will tolerate and what we will do next, not rules we enforce on another adult. From there, we get into the modern stuff that makes this so confusing: social media boundaries, following exes, Snapchat “secret conversations,” liking other people’s photos, and what it means when a partner won’t post you. We also talk about why feeling hidden can trigger real insecurity, especially if you’ve lived through emotional abuse, cheating, or being treated like someone’s secret. Then we move into the gray areas: location sharing for safety versus tracking for reassurance, password access versus phone searches, and how “therapy speak” can be weaponized to justify toxic behavior. Finally, we play High Maintenance Or Healthy Boundaries and argue through daily communication, splitting bills, opposite-sex best friends, and more, with plenty of “it depends” and a few hard no’s. If you’ve been wondering whether you’re asking for respect or asking for control, this one will hit. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one boundary you refuse to compromise on? - Support the show

    45 min

  6. MAR 16

    Bring A Gallon Of Milk And Do The Dishes

    Send us Fan Mail Foreplay isn’t a single move. It’s the whole build, and when two people define it differently, everything downstream gets tense fast. We start with our usual real-life chaos and a ridiculous milk-as-a-meal moment, then shift into something more vulnerable: a family cancer update, the long drag of court delays, and what it feels like to finally be far enough removed from a bad situation to breathe again.  From there, we get honest about sex, libido, and why desire can disappear when the environment is wrong. We unpack the core mismatch we see everywhere: many men treat foreplay as physical warm-up, while many women experience arousal as emotional intimacy first, physical touch second. We talk orgasm reality, clitoral stimulation, confidence, and why getting defensive when your partner gives feedback is a guaranteed turn-off. We also call out porn myths and how “camera angles” have nothing to do with actual pleasure, consent, comfort, or connection.  To make it practical, we play a quick round of “foreplay or fake play” with everyday examples like flirty texts, chores, back rubs that turn into pressure, and what a real date night signals. The big takeaway is simple relationship advice that works: communicate your needs, learn your own body, and actively listen to your partner so desire can grow instead of being demanded. If you like honest conversations about foreplay, sexual desire, emotional connection, and building a healthier sex life, hit subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave us a review. - Support the show

    1h 4m

  7. MAR 9

    Imaginary Friends, Real Boobs, Zero Filters

    Send us Fan Mail What happens when two best friends ditch the outline and say the quiet parts out loud? We grab a stack of questions and tumble through childhood memories, pop-star crushes, and the bizarre charm of reality TV before landing on the real stuff: effort as love’s currency, the masks we wear around sensitivity, and why resilience is earned in the dark long before it’s praised in the light. We get personal about body image and breast implants, separating health questions from cultural noise and choosing comfort without apology. Music debates—shuffle chaos versus curated vibes—turn into a map of compatibility, showing how tiny preferences mirror big relational patterns. We also talk sobriety and the quiet revolution that made mocktails mainstream, celebrating how options create dignity and ease for anyone choosing a different path. Along the way we name the needs we usually hide. One of us admits attention matters more than she lets on; the other confesses effort is the deal-breaker she won’t negotiate. We unpack why some compliments never land—being “only” pretty in narrow windows, or feeling like a good mom without a blueprint—and we practice saying the praise we actually believe about each other. If you’ve ever felt misunderstood by your own face, matched someone’s low energy to protect your heart, or wondered whether fame could fit alongside privacy, you’ll hear your echo here. Come for the laughs, stay for the honesty, and leave with better questions to ask your favorite person. If this hit home, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs it, and drop us the question you want us to answer next. Your stories make this space work. - Support the show

    51 min

  8. MAR 2

    We Tried A DIY Mental Health Reset And Learned Why Protocols Exist

    Send us Fan Mail A catch-up turns confessional as we try to fix frayed nerves with an at-home ketamine session—and get a crash course in why protocols exist. We talk through the exact missteps that derailed it (no blindfolds, worded audio, late-night timing, no anti-nausea plan) and break down the real differences between IV infusions and front-loaded at-home doses. If you’ve ever reached for a mental health reset and made things worse, this is the compassionate post-game you need, complete with the fixes we’ll use next time: morning sessions, lyric-free music, proper fasting, Zofran support, and a fully controlled environment. Underneath the chaos sits the real reason we reached for a reset: finally opening the long-avoided “mother” file in therapy and feeling the nervous system spike—lost appetite, mental fog, and relentless rumination. We share how pairing ketamine-assisted work with therapy in a tight window can create safe distance from triggers, helping you process without drowning in fight-or-flight. It’s not magic; it’s a method that turns white-knuckle coping into clear-eyed integration. Then the ground shifts again with an urgent family crisis: a mother hospitalized with hemoglobin at 4.1 and a massive colon tumor discovered and removed with robotic surgery. We walk through the red flags, the surgery, the relief, and the lesson stamped in bold: preventive care matters. Colonoscopies save lives. Symptoms aren’t personality quirks; they’re data. Between hospital corridors and home routines, we also tackle body image during bodybuilding prep, movement as medicine for anger and anxiety, and the small habits—sleep, schedules, honest boundaries—that make big storms survivable. If you’ve been carrying too much and winging the rest, press play. You’ll find hard-won takeaways on mental health protocols, trauma processing, and the kind of preventive care that changes outcomes. And you’ll hear a lot of laughing, because joy is still our favorite coping tool. If this resonated, share it with a friend, subscribe for new episodes, and leave a quick review to help more listeners find us. - Support the show

    51 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos! 

Information

  • Creator
    Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    72
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 we are NOT the SAME
  • Show Website
    we are NOT the SAME

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