we are NOT the SAME

Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph
  • 4.0 (4)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Weekly

We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos! 

  1. May 22

    The Girls Girl Myth

    Send us Fan Mail “Women support women” is one of those lines that sounds great on a mug and falls apart the second somebody levels up. We start with the uncomfortable question: is the “girl’s girl” thing real, or do people only support you when you stay small, miserable, or safely behind them? We talk through the full spectrum of female friendship, from teenage mean girl culture to adult frenemies who smile to your face and compete in silence. We get into what changes when you look more confident, when you start making more money, and when success becomes visible in the workplace. You’ll hear our take on pretty privilege, mentorship that’s preached but not practiced, and why “women empowering women” can sometimes be more branding than behavior. Then we go deeper on jealousy and competition, especially in the age of social media comparison. We break down how algorithms feed insecurity, why rage bait makes money, and how to use jealousy as data instead of letting it run your life. We also share real-world boundaries around relationships, including the homewrecker dynamic and what it looks like when a partner shuts it down the right way. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re being “too sensitive” or you’re simply noticing patterns, you’ll leave with clearer language, sharper boundaries, and a better standard than labels: be a person’s person and let actions prove loyalty. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs this, and leave a review. What’s your definition of real support? - Support the show

    43 min

  2. May 18

    Season Four Chaos And Catch-Up

    Send us Fan Mail A guy makes an AI “couple photo” after one date, and suddenly we’re asking the only question that matters: is that cute, or is that a horror movie trailer? Season four starts exactly how we live, loud, chaotic, and accidentally honest. We catch up on fitness prep and routines, why this cut feels more balanced, and how tiny habits like walking the dog or getting outside can shift your whole mood when you’re busy, stressed, and trying to stay consistent. From there we spiral into dating boundaries and the “prospect” phase, including the 90-day rule, what we learn after getting burned by love bombing, and why phone calls can feel like an energy vampire when you already have a full life. We even pull up ChatGPT mid-recording to unpack why ending a call can be weirdly hard, and the conversation turns into real talk about people-pleasing, social anxiety, ADHD, and autistic communication patterns like struggling with transitions. We also go deeper on sobriety, grief, and friendship growth, how we used to be “too supportive of the spiral,” and what changed when healing became the priority. Add Florida travel, parenting and cheer Worlds, plus our absolutely unhinged hatred of certain cars, and you’ve got a messy, relatable reset for anyone rebuilding routines, relationships, and mental health. If you laughed, cringed, or felt seen, subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find the show. - Support the show

    49 min

  3. Apr 21

    The Morning After Social Anxiety

    Send us Fan Mail Your brain ever wake up and decide you’re the villain of yesterday’s perfectly normal conversation? We go straight into that morning shame spiral where you replay every word, assume everyone secretly hates you, and somehow turn a good interaction into a cringe highlight reel. We talk about how common it is, why it hits hard in the morning, and what it looks like when you’re used to masking and delaying emotions until you finally sit still. Then we pivot from life chaos to relationship patterns. Between cancer treatment stress, nonstop schedules, and the weird way some of us feel calmer when everything is on fire, we start asking the bigger question: what does “emotionally stable” even mean? From there, we dig into attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant), how “vibes” can be your nervous system scanning for danger, and why past emotional abuse, love bombing, and childhood unpredictability can wire you for the push-pull. We take an attachment style quiz on mic and both land on fearful avoidant (disorganized). That opens up the real frustration: we’re painfully self-aware, so why does change still feel so hard? We close with a candid talk about trauma and memory, why your brain might not “press record” during survival mode, and how healing can be less about knowing the label and more about practicing safer patterns over time. If any of this hit a nerve, listen now, share it with a friend who overthinks everything, and leave a review with your attachment style and what helps you feel secure. - Support the show

    55 min

  4. Apr 13

    Hot People Problems And A Side Of Chaos

    Send us Fan Mail Pretty privilege sounds like a throwaway internet debate until you’re the one sitting at your desk wondering if you earned a promotion or if people only see your face.  We start with a real catch-up, from turning 40 and stepping into a new era, to cheer worlds travel, bodybuilding prep, and the heavy day-by-day reality of a mom going through chemo. Life is layered right now, and we don’t only talk about it we actually live it.  Then we pivot into a listener mailbag on pretty privilege and attraction, because the stories hit hard. One message comes from a woman getting side-eyed at work after a promotion, and we break down jealousy, projection, and what “earned” really means in corporate culture. Another comes from someone dating the hottest man alive who also happens to be flaky, inconsistent, and proudly unserious, and we say the part out loud about situationships, self worth, and why “If he wanted to, he would” keeps being true.  We also read a rare male submission that asks whether staying vague is just modern dating or quietly taking advantage, and we get specific about boundaries, expectations, and honest communication from the very beginning. If you’re navigating dating in 2026, rebuilding after a long relationship, or trying to keep your standards intact in a low-effort world, this one will feel uncomfortably familiar.  Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a reality check, leave a review, and send us your stories and questions for the next mailbag. - Support the show

    52 min

  5. Apr 7

    Attention Or Intention

    Send us Fan Mail A text that hits at 10 p.m. can feel like connection, but is it care or convenience? We’re Heather and Lacey, and we’re getting painfully honest about attention versus intention in dating: the difference between easy, frequent, low-effort validation and the consistent, planned follow-through that actually builds a relationship. Along the way, we share the moments that fooled us, like the “anniversary trip” that wasn’t planned for the relationship and the no-card Instacart flowers that screamed bare minimum. We dig into why attention is so addictive, how love bombing and breadcrumbing keep you hooked, and why “feeling chosen” is not the same as being chosen. We also talk about the weird modern reality where daily texting can masquerade as effort, while real plans never materialize. Social media dating habits make it worse, training all of us to chase quick dopamine hits, confuse frequency with commitment, and treat stability like boredom. Then we put the theory to work with our games: “Would You Date Him?” (texts all day but never locks in plans, barely texts but consistently shows up) plus “Receipts Or Reach” and a rapid round of instant icks. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re in a situationship, ignored mixed signals, or stayed because the attention felt good, you’ll leave with clearer dating advice, stronger boundaries, and a sharper eye for real relationship effort. Subscribe for more, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review. Then reply to us: what’s the most convincing “effort” you later realized was just attention? - Support the show

    43 min

  6. Mar 30

    What If The Chaos Feels Like Home?

    Send us Fan Mail Are you actually “surrounded by idiots,” or are your choices quietly steering the chaos? Heather and Lacey get uncomfortably honest about self-awareness, dating patterns, and the ways we blame other people while ignoring our own habits, especially when we keep dating the same person in different packaging. We kick things off with real-life updates and then jump into Would You Date Him, a fast game that exposes what we tolerate: inconsistent communication, unemployed “figuring it out” energy, and the kind of success that still makes you anxious. From there, the conversation turns into a deeper look at the broken picker problem, why some of us default to “it’s my fault,” and how love bombing can slip past you even when you know the therapy buzzwords. We talk boundaries, closure, trust after a toxic relationship, and why calm can feel suspicious when you grew up in chaos. Then we lighten it up with Instant Ick and Main Character Or Embarrassing, roasting gym filming, motivational quotes, soft launching relationships, and the wild things people do online. We close with Receipts Or Reach hot takes like “men always come back,” “pretty privilege,” and whether you can tell in five minutes if you like someone, plus a listener prompt that makes this personal. If you’ve been searching for dating advice, red flags, relationship boundaries, and healing after toxic relationships, hit play and come laugh with us while you learn something about yourself. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reality check, leave a review, and tell us: what do you keep blaming on other people that might actually be you? - Support the show

    57 min

  7. Mar 23

    Standards Or Control

    Send us Fan Mail The fastest way to start a relationship fight is to call a demand a “boundary” and hope nobody notices. We go straight at the question most couples dance around: where’s the real line between having standards and being high maintenance, and when does a “healthy boundary” slide into control? We break down the difference in plain language: boundaries are about what we will tolerate and what we will do next, not rules we enforce on another adult. From there, we get into the modern stuff that makes this so confusing: social media boundaries, following exes, Snapchat “secret conversations,” liking other people’s photos, and what it means when a partner won’t post you. We also talk about why feeling hidden can trigger real insecurity, especially if you’ve lived through emotional abuse, cheating, or being treated like someone’s secret. Then we move into the gray areas: location sharing for safety versus tracking for reassurance, password access versus phone searches, and how “therapy speak” can be weaponized to justify toxic behavior. Finally, we play High Maintenance Or Healthy Boundaries and argue through daily communication, splitting bills, opposite-sex best friends, and more, with plenty of “it depends” and a few hard no’s. If you’ve been wondering whether you’re asking for respect or asking for control, this one will hit. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one boundary you refuse to compromise on? - Support the show

    45 min

  8. Mar 16

    Bring A Gallon Of Milk And Do The Dishes

    Send us Fan Mail Foreplay isn’t a single move. It’s the whole build, and when two people define it differently, everything downstream gets tense fast. We start with our usual real-life chaos and a ridiculous milk-as-a-meal moment, then shift into something more vulnerable: a family cancer update, the long drag of court delays, and what it feels like to finally be far enough removed from a bad situation to breathe again.  From there, we get honest about sex, libido, and why desire can disappear when the environment is wrong. We unpack the core mismatch we see everywhere: many men treat foreplay as physical warm-up, while many women experience arousal as emotional intimacy first, physical touch second. We talk orgasm reality, clitoral stimulation, confidence, and why getting defensive when your partner gives feedback is a guaranteed turn-off. We also call out porn myths and how “camera angles” have nothing to do with actual pleasure, consent, comfort, or connection.  To make it practical, we play a quick round of “foreplay or fake play” with everyday examples like flirty texts, chores, back rubs that turn into pressure, and what a real date night signals. The big takeaway is simple relationship advice that works: communicate your needs, learn your own body, and actively listen to your partner so desire can grow instead of being demanded. If you like honest conversations about foreplay, sexual desire, emotional connection, and building a healthier sex life, hit subscribe, share this with a friend, and leave us a review. - Support the show

    1h 4m
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Ratings & Reviews

4
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

We Are Not the Same: Join our comedic journey as Bodybuilder Barbie flexes her muscles against Daria’s dry wit! Dive into the hilarity of life’s twists and turns through the eyes of two contrasting besties who prove that different perspectives lead to the best stories. Tune in for laughs, randomness, and a sprinkle of chaos! 

Information

  • Creator
    Heather Gardner and Lacey Joseph
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    74
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 we are NOT the SAME
  • Show Website
    we are NOT the SAME

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