The Midlife Reset: Sleep, Strength & Joyful Living for Women 50+

Cheryl Gordon
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Welcome! This podcast is about real life for real women who want to make real change in their fifties and beyond. I'm Cheryl Gordon and I educate midlife women on how to sleep better, lose weight and feel stronger using the tools of yoga and mindfulness. cherylgordonyt.substack.com

  1. Five Powerful Questions for Midlife Women

    6D AGO

    Five Powerful Questions for Midlife Women

    There comes a moment for many women when effort stops delivering results. You’re doing all the right things — working harder, staying capable, caring for everyone — and yet you feel stuck, exhausted, and frustrated. In this conversation, I sat down with Leslie Gordon Christie of BUFF Nation to explore what really changes when women stop pushing and start listening. What unfolded was a deeply honest discussion about subconscious programming, nervous system regulation, embodiment, and the powerful questions that can quietly shift everything. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. When Hustle Stops Working I asked Leslie to take us back to the moment she realized that pushing harder wasn’t the answer anymore. She shared that this realization came early in her career while working as a television anchor and reporter. On the surface, everything looked successful — but internally she felt stressed, stuck, and disconnected. She didn’t yet understand how much her thinking patterns were shaping her experience. What she noticed was a familiar spiral: the more she focused on frustration and what wasn’t working, the more entrenched those feelings became. Life began to feel like a snowball rolling downhill, gathering momentum in the wrong direction. At the same time, she was navigating a divorce and returning to work after maternity leave. It was a moment of reckoning — the kind that forces you to either stay stuck or choose something different. That was when she hired a coach and discovered something essential:Pushing, hustling, and driving harder only create more of the same. The real shift has to happen internally first. Why External Fixes Aren’t Enough in Midlife Leslie comes from a strong fitness and nutrition background, but her work today goes far beyond workouts and meal plans. Like many women, she initially believed the external solution would be the fix — exercising more, doing better, trying harder. And while making time for yourself is important, the mistake many women make is assuming that external action alone creates lasting change. What she learned is this: Your habits create your results — and your habits are driven by your subconscious programming. Until we understand and work with that internal operating system, real change remains out of reach. Your Subconscious Is Running the Show Research suggests that 96–98% of our behaviors and results are driven by subconscious patterns. In coaching, this is often referred to as our paradigm. Leslie shared a powerful analogy:Imagine trying to take photos on a phone that’s out of storage space. The phone freezes or shuts down — not because it’s broken, but because it needs an upgrade. We’re no different. If we want new results, we need to upgrade our internal operating system so we have the capacity to receive and sustain change. You can always tell what your subconscious program is by looking at your results. The Exhausted High-Capacity Woman This conversation struck close to home for me. I described a dear friend — incredibly capable, caring, and generous — who looks like she has it all together. Her home is immaculate, she shows up for everyone, and she never says no. And yet: * She doesn’t sleep * She lives with chronic pain * She’s emotionally exhausted * She carries quiet resentment * She keeps going anyway So many women recognize themselves in this story. Why do we do this to ourselves? Leslie named it clearly: many women carry a deep, unconscious identity as the protector and caregiver. Over time, those roles — combined with outdated beliefs — become exhausting. Which brings us to the five questions. Five Powerful Questions That Change Everything 1. Where am I still playing small out of fear, not truth? This question asks you to look honestly at the roles, habits, and stories you’re holding onto that no longer reflect who you’re becoming. Often this shows up as: * Turning down opportunities * Minimizing your visibility * Staying “safe” instead of seen Before answering, Leslie suggests first asking:Who do I want to become now? 2. What parts of me have I been silencing or hiding? Many women learned early on that certain parts of themselves weren’t welcome. Over time, those parts get buried — not healed. There is tremendous freedom in acknowledging them with compassion. At this stage of life, we have the wisdom and experience to meet ourselves honestly — and that can be a profound turning point. 3. What do I need more of — not just in my schedule, but in my soul? This is a game-changing question. What brings you joy, peace, and a sense of aliveness? For me, when I asked this at 60, the answer was simple: connection. Not grand gestures — just more intentional moments of closeness, conversation, and presence. Often, what we need more of is already within reach. 4. Who do I become when I fully trust myself? If fear and doubt weren’t in charge: * How would you speak? * How would you move? * How would you lead? * How would you live? I love reframing this as:What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail? So many women edit their dreams before they ever try — because they’ve never seen someone “like them” do it. That’s not truth. That’s conditioning. 5. What is one bold step I’m ready to take in the next 30 days? This isn’t about overhauling your life. It’s about one courageous step: * Investing in support * Saying yes to an opportunity * Taking a trip * Beginning a new practice One step forward — without overwhelm. Coming Home to the Body We also talked about embodiment — learning to feel emotions instead of overriding them. So many women fear their emotions:What if I get overwhelmed? What if I can’t handle it? Leslie’s approach is simple and grounded: * Slow down * Breathe (inhale 4, exhale 6) * Notice where the emotion lives in the body * Name it without judgment When emotions are felt and moved through the body, they lose their power. She also shared tools like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and personal mantras such as: I am safe. I am guided. I receive. These practices calm the nervous system and create space for clarity. Why “Just Be Positive” Can Be Harmful We touched on toxic positivity — the idea that negative emotions shouldn’t exist. True growth doesn’t come from bypassing feelings. It comes from perspective, not suppression. Every disappointment holds information. Not failure — feedback. As Marianne Williamson says:If the bus doesn’t stop for you, it’s not your bus. That doesn’t invalidate the experience. It simply invites a wider view. Strength as Self-Trust, Not Punishment We also reframed strength training — especially for midlife women. Exercise doesn’t need to be punishment.Our bodies want cooperation, collaboration, and partnership. Some days that means strength training.Other days it means walking or resting. Strength becomes an act of self-respect — a way of helping the body work for you, not against you. Is It Ever Too Late? The idea that “it’s too late” is just another inherited program. Leslie shared the famous pot roast story — habits passed down without questioning their original purpose. Many beliefs linger long after they’ve stopped serving us. The real question isn’t Is it too late?It’s: Is believing this serving you — or shrinking you? Growth doesn’t stop at any age. When we stop growing, we feel stuck. When we choose expansion, we feel alive. A Gentle Invitation This conversation is a reminder that midlife isn’t a closing chapter — it’s a turning point. If you’re feeling the call to slow down, listen inward, and take one brave step forward, trust that impulse. It’s not too late.It never was. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com

    30 min
  2. Feel Wildly Alive Again: Style, Visibility and Confidence for Midlife Women

    FEB 6

    Feel Wildly Alive Again: Style, Visibility and Confidence for Midlife Women

    What if feeling wildly alive in midlife had nothing to do with doing more — and everything to do with finally being seen? If you’ve ever stood in front of your closet thinking, “I’ve lost myself,” this conversation might change the way you think about style, confidence, and visibility forever. Welcome back to the Midlife Reset Podcast episode 47, where we explore what it really means to age strong — physically, emotionally, and energetically. I’m guiding 100’s of midlife women to losing weight, sleeping better and feeling more alive through this podcast and my online programs, like my free masterclass “5 Step Midlife Reset”. More details on that later. Today’s conversation is such a treat. I’m joined by Mary Michele Nidiffer, a style coach with nearly two decades of experience who is helping midlife women stop shrinking, stop hiding, and start showing up as their most authentic selves. Mary Michele is the creator of Live Wildly Alive, a philosophy and movement rooted in self-trust, self-expression, and visibility. Through her proprietary Style Finder ID system, she helps women reconnect not just with their style — but with who they are becoming in midlife. In this episode, we talk about: * Why so many women feel invisible in midlife * The difference between fashion and true personal style * How what you wear affects your confidence, energy, and presence * And why reclaiming your style is an act of self-respect — not vanity If you’re ready to stop feeling frumpy, tired, or unseen — and start feeling wildly alive — this episode is for you. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. Cheryl Gordon:So, Michelle, I’m so excited you’re here. Welcome to the Midlife Reset Podcast! Mary Michele Nidiffer:Oh, thank you so much, Cheryl. I’m so excited to be here and chat with you. Cheryl:You look beautiful today, as always. Michelle, I reached out to you because I love the name you’re using for your work right now. Tell us what you’re calling it. Mary Michele:Thank you. I’m calling it Live Wildly Alive. It’s interesting—my mom actually asked me why I chose that name. I told her it’s been on my vision board for the past two years, because that’s how I want to feel. Not just alive. Not just awake. But wildly alive. That phrase really resonates with the women I work with, especially midlife women. So many of them say they want to wake up feeling vibrant and invigorated again. It just clicked, and I thought, why not name it exactly what we’re all craving? “Wildly alive” is such a great phrase. Cheryl:I think a lot of us feel tired and worn down in midlife. We need inspiration, support, and community—and that’s exactly what you’re offering. Let’s back up a bit. You’ve been a style coach for 18 years. Mary Michele:Yes! And while that sounds like a long time, I honestly feel like I’ve been doing this my entire life. I started sewing when I was about five or six, and I had this deep knowing even then that I was meant to be a designer. I spent years in the clothing design industry, and one thing led to another. My personal journey ultimately brought me into style coaching, but it was really about the process I was guiding my clients through—not just the clothes. Cheryl:So let’s talk about that. If someone wanted to work with a style coach, how would you help them? Mary Michele:I developed a proprietary system called the Style Finder ID. It’s similar to something like DISC, but for your style—and it goes much deeper. It looks at your personal style, your leadership style, your communication style, and even identifies visibility blocks—what’s keeping you stuck or holding you back from being seen. I created it because so many women were coming to me saying, “I don’t have a style,” or “I’ve lost my style.” Style came naturally to me, but I realized most women weren’t taught how to identify or trust it. So I built a system—and it’s been about 99.9% accurate. Women tell me it gives them clarity right away. It’s the starting point for everything I do. Cheryl:You mentioned visibility blocks. What does that mean? Mary Michele:I now call myself a visibility stylist because so many women—especially in midlife—tell me they feel invisible. A visibility block is something internal that keeps you from being fully seen. For example, one of my primary style words is “dramatic.” Dramatics are meant to be seen. But for years, I didn’t feel safe being visible. I avoided the stage, felt uncomfortable speaking up, questioned whether I had the right to take up space. Once I worked through that and understood that visibility was actually part of my purpose, everything shifted. Now I’m on stage all the time. Each Style Finder type has its own visibility blocks, and when women understand theirs, they can stop hiding and start showing up more fully. Cheryl:I love awareness tools. Awareness is the first step to any real change. What’s the difference between fashion and style? Mary Michele:Fashion and style are polar opposites. Fashion is about trends—what’s coming down the runway. Style is about who you are. Style isn’t about labels or wearing a head-to-toe outfit from one store. It’s about expressing yourself authentically. When your style aligns with who you are, you show up differently—you walk differently, speak differently, and feel more confident. Cheryl:You can see that confidence when a woman walks into a room fully embodied in her style. If you had to give a few basic guidelines for midlife women wanting to step into their style with confidence, what would you say? Basic Guidelines for Midlife Style Mary Michele:The first one is simple: trust yourself. If you put something on and it doesn’t feel good, don’t wear it. Second, if it’s too small, don’t wear it. There’s nothing wrong with your body—your clothes are the problem. Trying to squeeze yourself into something makes you shrink energetically too. Third, honor yourself. Wear things that light you up and fit your body now. Fourth, wear color. Color is powerful. When you learn which colors make your eyes pop, your skin glow, your energy lift—it changes everything. And finally, dress for who you truly are. Experiment. Give yourself permission to try things. If something doesn’t feel right, let it go. No guilt. Cheryl:That really resonates. I’ve taught yoga for 25 years, and for a long time I wore basically pajamas to work. Over the years, I started being more intentional—even for teaching or going out for breakfast. It’s a way of honoring myself. It’s not vanity. It’s self-respect. Mary Michele:Exactly. What you wear tells the world who you are. Style speaks before words do—through color, texture, and how things are put together. Style is storytelling. The jewelry from a friend, the ring from your grandmother—those pieces matter. Cheryl:That’s the secret power of style. You’re also working on a book, which I’m really excited about. French Women Don’t Get Frumpy Mary Michele:Yes, the book is called French Women Don’t Get Frumpy, coming out in 2026. I chose the word “frumpy” because it’s what women have been telling me for years. When I was in Paris last winter, I asked French women in midlife what their challenges were getting dressed—and they said they didn’t have any. That sent me down a deep cultural exploration. France honors being over doing. They value rituals, sensuality, and slowing down. In contrast, American culture values hustle and burnout—and midlife women feel lost in that. French women pivot. They update their hair, get jeans that fit, and keep going—with confidence and joy. Cheryl:I’ve seen that even in Quebec—the joie de vivre, the confidence. It’s inspiring. And people don’t have to wait until 2026 to access your work, right? Mary Michele:That’s right. I created the Paris Atelier membership, where I release a chapter each month along with audio, journal prompts, style tips, and behind-the-scenes content. The conversations there are incredible—it’s really about reimagining midlife. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com

    4 min

  3. JAN 30

    Menopause, Cravings & Insulin

    Beep! Beep! Delivery coming in! That’s what insulin sounds like in your body. If you’ve been hearing a lot of buzz lately about insulin resistance and think that your menopause belly might have something to do with that… stay tuned. Today I want to make it super easy to understand what this hormone does for you, why you should care and offer 7 fast, simple ways to balance your blood sugar. I know you’ve heard it all before. Insulin is a hormone manufactured in your pancreas and it is responsible for moving glucose into your cells. Yawn. Do I need to know this for the test, right? Here’s the way I finally started to get the real low down on insulin. With a story! A Love Story Let’s say you eat a really wonderful meal. All that fuel is digested and your body has a brilliant shipping and receiving system set up. Way better than Amazon even. It gets the nutrients to the places you need them in record time. That wonderful meal contained proteins, fats and carbohydrates. Each one of the macronutrients has its own special pathway. The carbs are quick fuel for your system. As soon as possible, the molecules are converted to glucose (otherwise known as sugar) and your body races to get these energy packed nuggets to where your body requires get up and go. Carbs are all the bread, pasta, rice, muffins, syrup, jam, popcorn, chips, starchy vegetables, legumes, candy, soda…. Your body absolutely needs carbs to provide that quick energy. Ok… so you ate that gorgeous meal and you have glucose ready to go. Can you picture all the little sugar molecules dressed for a hot date and waiting for the Uber? Bazillions of little molecules, lookin’ hot and just floating around. Ahhhh. Here comes their specialized Uber now. Insulin! Wow he’s lookin’ hot! Bazillions of insulin molecules pull up and load the glucose. Woot! Woot! We’re on the road, looking for a hot spot to kick up our heels. Now the best place for a zesty glucose molecule to hang would be muscle tissue. That’s where the real action is. But, sometimes, muscle tissue isn’t really rocking. Maybe it’s sleep time. Or just a really good Netflix documentary for like 4 hours. Not much movement so muscles really don’t feel like hooking up. Poor glucose! I guess a bit like being a wall flower. Anyway…. There are other options for this hang out. Glucose can head to the liver or be stored in fat tissue. These are not first choices but hey, a girls’ gotta do what a girls’ gotta do. Labour Troubles As the Uber (our insulin hormones) pulls up at the storage facility, either the liver or the fat tissue, ambitious warehouse guys figure out how to pile it all in. But these guys get cranky with a lot of overwork. If that glucose keeps flooding in, day in and day out, they start grumbling… “why doesn’t that muscle do it’s part???”. They start a little work to rule. They stop responding to unload the glucose from the Uber (insulin) and so the Uber keeps driving around and around. Can’t get out of the loop. Stuck in the blood stream. This my friends is insulin resistance. Your warehouse guys are on work to rule…they’re burnt out. Storage gets really sloppy which means a lot more fat in places that you would not choose. Liver gets congested which causes a big commotion with our skin, hair, digestion. Ack! And your doctor warns you that your blood sugars are running high. Which puts you at risk for cardiac disease, diabetes and Alzheimers. And you know the really frustrating part? There’s really an excess of glucose available out there. Lots of hotties lookin’ for love. But due to the inventory management debacle, our warehouse guys practically on strike, the body THINKS we need more energy. It takes a lot of calories to run this gorgeous machine that we call the human body, especially our amazing brains. And the brain has got a big procedural manual. Developed over your whole lifetime, even in times way before your daddy winked at your mommy. In this tome, your brain has experience that if we need quick glucose, send up a flashy billboard to attract the ladies. You experience this sordid attempt at romance as a craving. It FEELS like you have low blood sugar. You feel hungry even. At least peckish. It’s probably not an actual meal time so you just grab what’s easy and appeals to you. Which will almost always be a simple sugar like a donut in the break room, a granola bar from the bottom of your purse, an iced coffee, a bag of doritos. Your very smart brain knows that those sort of cravings get answered quickly and dependably. Unfortunately, the brain does not read the press releases from your warehouse guys and knows little about that labour unrest. It doesn’t know that the warehouses are in a sloppy mess and there is plenty of glucose and love to go around. It will default to the quickest and more habitual solution. Carb craving. This is so interesting to watch. I’ve been using mindfulness tools to really try and feel this happening in real time in my own body. I’ve written a free guide to mindful eating that I’d love to share with you. Remember… this is not the fault of your insulin. The poor Uber drivers are just following the app, right? They aren’t responsible for the extra fuel we’ve ingested. They can’t make the muscles do more. They can’’t solve the labour problems in the warehouses. They just drive the glucose girls around. It’s supply and demand, man. You know who can solve this whole mess? YOU! The Exciting Part of the Story The part where you fly in wearing a super hero cape and save yourself from all those horrid chronic diseases. Wow, you’re amazing! Some really simple shifts in your habits can solve all that labour unrest. You can reduce the number of girls out there looking for love. You can get those muscles to do their part. It’s all just common sense really. Here are 7 Simple Habits These will reduce insulin sensitivity and your risk of cardiac disease, diabetes, Alzheimers and so many other nasty and annoying conditions we thought we due to aging. But it’s really just an energy mis-match. The first two tips address the muscle movement problem. 1. Take a 1000 steps post meal. This equals about 10 minutes strolling casually. This is not a power walk. It’s not about burning calories. In fact, research shows that delaying your walk 30 minutes post meal and going longer is actually less helpful. This works because the large muscle groups you move walking will signal the Uber to drop the glucose ladies with them instead of going to the warehouse. Already your labour troubles are eased. 2. Another movement trick… calf raises. There’s something about those calf muscles that really attract the ladies. All it takes is 10 up on the toes and down with the heels done quite quickly. Really pulls in the glucose. Now, how can you reduce the glucose hit without giving up all the carbs that you absolutely do need? 3. Eat the protein and veg first during your meal. These macronutrients take longer to break down so glucose will be delayed. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! The warehouse guys will have more time to get organized. 4. Consider eating the salad first and use apple cider vinegar dressing. It’s so simple to make… 1/3 vinegar, 2/3 olive oil and salt & pepper to taste. You can get fancy and add a dollop of dijon mustard or a bit of honey but it’s so basic. If you’re not eating salad this meal, you can take 1 T vinegar in 8oz room temp water. That’s great first thing in the morning. The acetic acid in the vinegar boosts the power of your digestion. Breaks the glucose down more thoroughly so the stomach empties well. Sluggish digestion really confuses the Uber drivers. And the timing of your meals is important. In my mindful eating guide, I’ll explain how to plan effectively so the whole when to eat and what to eat becomes effortless. 5. Because your warehouse guys are fresher in the morning, shift your eating window earlier in the day. Before they get too tired and cranky. Meals ideally are spread over 10 - 12 hours per day. The remaining hours without glucose going into the system allow the warehouse to get better organized. And it might even stimulate the stores of fat to give up a few glucose goodies when the brain realizes that cravings just won’t get them the love. But your brain will DEFINITELY try the cravings first. It’s science. 6. Which brings us to, yes, breakfast may be the most important meal of the day. Skipping that first meal tends to bring on greater blood sugar spikes at lunch. The wild Uber ride gets the girls just too excited and the whole system is destabilized. So many people just don’t feel hungry at breakfast or they lack time to make anything substantial. Remember… you don’t have to rely on cereal or toast. You can eat leftovers. A really good hit of protein and fibre first thing will set up your digestion for a stellar day. I know everyone is pushing the protein…and it’s not the be all end all… but if you’re looking at about 30 grams at breakfast, you’re well set. This would be 3 eggs, whole grain toast with nut butter and a bit of Greek yogurt. Which probably sounds like a lot of food. But in mindful eating, we don’t count calories. We look at eating smart. Timing your protein is smart. I have a smoothie most mornings with pea protein power, almonds, kefir, ground flax seed and greens. I don’t think I hit 30 grams but I’m close. On days that I lift weights, I’ll add a homemade protein bar which clocks in at about 8 grams. These kind of details don’t matter to the glucose girls. They just need the Ubers to show up on time and the muscles to be ready to rock n roll. 7. And I bet you guessed that I’d get around to stress. How can I yoga therapist address insulin resistance without that conversation? Cause it’s huge! Simply put, when you are experiencing chronic stress (and who isn’t these days???), your body prod

    22 min

  4. JAN 23

    3 Ways to Slay Your Goals… And It’s Not What You Think

    It’s the new year. Big plans. What if doubling down on those resolutions… really gritting your teeth and going for it… pushing really hard… was the opposite of what really works? Today I want to offer a magic formula, well it seems magic at first, for breaking through long time barriers and discovering a natural well of motivation and momentum. I’ll give you 3 ways to slay your goals this year and it’s definitely not what you think. Are you hoping this is permission to just give up? Slack off? Hell, no, my friend. This is a rally call to get you pumped, motivated and slaying it. But not how we’ve been doing it. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. Think back to your days at work. Push, push, push. Always looking ahead and feeling more behind by the minute. And then you went home to a whole new level of insanity. Never enough hours in the day. For me, I just got totally lost in all that. Forgot the sound of my own voice. Forgot what brought me joy. Forgot how to say “I don’t want to”. When We Lose our Voice I heard some research the other day. At age 9, little girls are very similar to little boys. They confidently assert what game or food or whatever that they want. They own up to what they want to be when they grow up. By age 11, little girls are beginning to waffle a bit. “I think…” is used much more often than with boys. And by age 13? Girls are much more likely to respond with, “what do you think or want?”. We lose our voice in our socialized pressure to please and nurture others. No wonder we get to 50 or 60 years old and feel lost. We’re so accustomed to just doing what needs to be done… serving others… that when life changes (which it does, right, at our age?), it feels like someone has changed not only the board in this game but all the rules too. I was raised with the idea that looking after others’ needs would be how I stayed valuable. It’s how I earned love. My worth could be measured by the number of people who depended on me. Is Keeping Busy Avoiding your Life? I complained about how busy I was but secretly, I felt needed. Like I was part of something. I had no down time but that was ok. It felt pretty scary when the house got quiet and there was nothing between me and the snack cupboard. Staying busy was a great buffer so I didn’t have to really think or feel for myself. What typically happens when you hit the hormonal tsunami of menopause, however, is that busy pace gets harder and harder to support. You’re not sleeping well, you’re not digesting and assimilating minerals well, you’ve been depleting yourself for decades now. Looking back, I wonder what on earth I thought was going to happen? But I honestly had no idea how menopause was going to feel. I had always held it together for everyone so I guess I assumed I always would??? Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. Menopause is an Invitation to Reset Here’s what I really want to share. Aging feels different than being 30. Chasing that old “burn the candle at both ends” energy is futile and self aggressive. We can be wiser. And I want to give you three ways to achieve your goals without burnout and that desperate energy. Longtime listeners have heard me share before how, at the age of 60, I lost weight, started an online school and this podcast, calmed fractious family dynamics and welcomed the most exciting years of my life. And this was through being kinder to myself in so many ways. That’s the simple truth. Part of the process (I share more in my free “5 Step Midlife Reset” Masterclass which I’ll link to in the show notes) was more effectively utilizing therapeutic rest. Here’s the typical scenario. After a full day of holding everyone else and their s**t together, you finally collapse on the couch with the remote in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. This is your “down time”. Your reward for slugging it out all day. Although quite enjoyable, it is not truly supercharging your depleted battery. In fact, the action movie and alcohol may interfere with that all important sleep later tonight. I mean, you know this intellectually but you’re too damn tired to change anything about it. Been there. The result of decades of this coping was uncontrolled weight gain, interrupted sleep, anxiety, joint pain and just feeling like everything that felt normal before did not anymore. I didn’t fit with my friends like before. I didn’t know what to do about work. Everything kind of pissed me off to be honest. I finally reached out and got some help. Many of those teachings are assembled in the SHE Mindfulness Program. You can get a taste of the whole approach in the free masterclass, “5 Step Midlife Reset”. All the well meaning advice and the most fantastic tools mean nothing if you are as depleted as I was. Most of us are, girlfriend. We grind into menopause with exhausted adrenals, low grade chronic health concerns and no time to pause and take a wider look. This is the superpower that we all have. This is what I want to hone in on today. Therapeutic relaxation. The Power of the Pause Hear this: relaxation will get you to your goals (be it losing weight, building a business or fixing a relationship) BECAUSE it creates a grounded state that feels connected, safe and capable. An exhausted nervous system cannot support new learning. It can’t afford any resources to shift to better habits. It can’t grasp the new concept necessary to motivate a new behaviour. Knowing all this, which I knew very well as a yoga therapist, you might understandably ask, “Cheryl, why didn’t you just rest more?” It seems so clear in hindsight. I know the research. I taught the practices. I have a nice space all set up in my house. Over the years, I have seen so many clients who had all the resources but still failed to put the tool into practice. And that’s me too. We get so accustomed to the hamster wheel that we just don’t see the forest for the trees. That’s why I needed to reach out for help. And why you, as a powerful over achiever, may need to as well. So if you just take a little more time on the courch with the remote, will that magically make all your dreams come true? I’m so sorry. But no. What I’m suggesting is that we use relaxation strategically. It’s not a free pass to slack off. In order to achieve your dreams, you will need to show up. It will involve planning, journalling, exercising, researching, trying new things and so much more. Which sounds exhausting right? It can be if you are just grinding away, using sheer willpower and self aggression. What softens all that grasping energy is the self care, self compassion and gentler self talk. We find our way to this energy by taking rest. 3 Ways to Harness the Power Here are the three ways that you can strategically insert therapeutic relaxation into your day to support motivation, momentum and lasting change. * Mindfulness snacks These are small breaks in the flow of your daily living that take about 5 minutes or less. One of my favourite is the 3 minute breathing space. We can practice right now together. Unless you’re driving. Comfortable seat…. Become aware of your body, sensations, thoughts, mood, energy level…. Reorient attention to movements of breath in the body…. Keeping breath in the background of your awareness, open lens to encompass all sensation, thought and emotion again. Notice any shift. Why this works: we shift our brains from being “in the weeds” to watching the weeds. It takes activity out of the amygdala and more reactive areas of the brain to the pre-frontal cortex where our executive function lives. Literally, more of our brain become available to utilize. Consistency is key. Regular practice trains us in the witness capability. Waiting until you are frazzled or upset is too late. Other snacks could be a quick meditation or breathing break. The key to remember is you don’t have to jump out of your life or leave other activities entirely in order to reset your brain. 2. A Restorative Pose My biorhythm is low energy in late afternoon. This is when we typically reach for a coffee, candy bar or glass of wine. I wanted stay on track with my health goals so I decided to give myself the gift of 15 minutes at 4 pm-ish every day. You maybe have a favourite restorative yoga pose from class. One of the easiest things I’ve found is throwing my legs up the couch. I put an eye pillow on (I keep one in the freezer to reduce puffiness as an added bonus… this can also help some headaches). And maybe a throw pillow under my head. Maybe some soft music (or yoga chanting) on the headphones. Invite Natalie to snuggle. Set my phone timer for 10 - 20 minutes. And then just do it. Just lie there. The first few times, other people in the house thought I was ill. Some of my clients rebel against the impression that they need a nap, like old people. Most of us feel the pressure to finish getting the day’s tasks done. And it does feel awkward to just lie around in the middle of the day. Nothing between me and my thoughts but an eye pillow. Ack! But I’ve come to treasure that respite. Because I have read the research on the power of the pause but to actually see how my life is reshaping BECAUSE I drop out regularly… well it’s amazing. Why it works: As the day progresses, your unconscious or habit brain is called upon to handle more and more decision making. Brains take a lot of energy to run. And habits are more energy efficient. Trying something new is exhausting. This little recharge for the body and mind will armour you for the decisions facing you in the evening ahead. What to cook for dinner, how much to eat or drink, whether to snack, should you pick a fight with your husband… all these decisions

    27 min
  5. 5 Secrets to Stop Bladder Leaking

    JAN 16

    5 Secrets to Stop Bladder Leaking

    Are you feeling embarrassed and old because you leak when you laugh, jump, or cough? Me too. And I got tired of saying no to things like group hikes or going dancing. My guest and I are both “women of a certain age” who have found the answers to embarrassing leaks and demoralizing diapers. We’ve helped hundreds of women find freedom from bladder accidents. Today, we’re going to give you the five basic tools to bring your bladder back from the brink. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. By the time you’re done with this podcast, you’ll be able to confidently ask your healthcare team for the support you need to start rehabbing your plumbing. Welcome to Episode 44 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon. I’m a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach, and today, we’re going to bring clarity to why your pelvic floor bottoms out in midlife—and share the astonishingly simple answers that help you get your confidence back. Please welcome my guest, Kim Wenger-Hall, from Flourishing Third Wellness. She’s a fellow yoga teacher, certified health coach, and artist specializing in pelvic floor health, chair yoga, and art therapy. She’s dedicated the last ten years to educating women about their pelvic floor. Rooted in evidence-based practices, she provides tools, insights, and community to navigate aging as a vibrant, expansive chapter—not a countdown of years, but a celebration of what’s possible. Welcome, Kim! I’m really pumped to have this conversation. Kim: I am too! I’m a little nervous—it’s only my second podcast ever. Cheryl: Well, welcome! Kim: Thank you. Cheryl: Now, we promised listeners that we’re going to deliver five things many people don’t know about keeping their plumbing bouncy and responsive. Such an important topic, right? Kim: Yes! It’s really remarkable. I never thought I’d focus so much of my work on pelvic floor health, but honestly, 90% of the traffic on my website, my classes, and my courses is about pelvic floor health—mostly incontinence. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my high school classmates would be seeing post after post about bladder leaks… but this is the conversation we need to be having. Nobody talked about this with us earlier. The biggest takeaway I give people is that pelvic floor issues—bladder leaks, prolapse, diastasis recti, all of it—are pressure management problems. Maybe you’re loading improperly, maybe you’re not strong enough in certain areas, maybe you’re disconnected mind-to-body. It comes down to managing pressure. And when we learn to manage our stressors—both the physical ones and the emotional ones like politics, finances, relationships—it makes all the difference. There is a finite amount of pressure your pelvic floor can withstand. Cheryl: And we’re going to look at this today through a yoga lens, which doesn’t get talked about nearly enough. I’ve had other guests speak about hormones or pelvic floor physiotherapy, but today we’re focusing on yoga—holistic, integrated, whole-body. 1. Thoracic Spine Mobility Cheryl: First thing—and hardly anyone talks about this—is your thoracic spine. That middle part of your back around the shoulder blades. Why is that so important for what’s going on “down south”? Kim: Great question. Think about the diaphragm up here and the pelvic floor down here. As we inhale, the diaphragm drops and the pelvic floor softens and lengthens. They manage pressure together in three dimensions. Wherever the breath can’t expand, the pressure has to go somewhere. The body will always prioritize breathing—if we stop breathing, we die. So if your upper back is tight, the body compensates: shoulders creep up, ribs flare out, low back strains, or we round forward more just to get a breath in. As we age, we tend to round forward. The vertebrae usually shrink on the front side, which leads to that classic “old lady hunchback.” Many of us even developed this posture as teenagers if we were trying to hide our breasts. Cheryl: And now we spend hours at desks, which restricts our diaphragm and affects pelvic floor movement. So what’s the fix? Kim: Building resilience in the thoracic spine. We need mobility in the shoulder blades and mobility in the thoracic spine. That includes chest strength, subscapular strength, and bringing the head back in space—something we’ll talk about shortly. Cheryl: So something like cat-cow is great for this? Kim: Yes, absolutely. Simple yoga postures make a big difference. 2. Core Strength—But Not Sit-Ups Cheryl: Okay, the second thing people get confused about: core strength. Why is it so important for pelvic floor function? And what about sit-ups? Kim: No! No sit-ups. Cheryl: Sit-ups are stupid, right? Kim: They only work the rectus abdominus—the six-pack—and they pull us forward. They don’t access the obliques or the transversus abdominuis, the wrap-around muscles that provide diagonal support and stability. And when we aggressively cinch the belly in—navel to spine—the diaphragm can’t move. So the pelvic floor gets confused and overloaded with pressure. Cheryl: And that’s when the pelvic floor gives out. Kim: Exactly. Instead, find core engagement that still allows the diaphragm and ribs to move. Breath first, then core. My favourite cue is “waistline back” instead of “navel to spine.” You can still breathe into that. Everything becomes core work—plank, downward dog, chaturanga, even standing poses—when we allow gentle engagement paired with breath. 3. Forward Head Posture (Texting Head) Cheryl: Let’s get into texting head. Forward head posture. Why does this affect the pelvic floor? Kim: Everything is connected. Fascia wraps around the entire body. The spine functions best in its natural curves. When the head drops forward—even just 11 pounds of weight out of alignment—the whole core tank. The body has to compensate to keep us from falling forward. Often that compensation comes from the low back or hip flexors. Cheryl: In yoga, we cue people to align the head with the spine, but I often see people in forward folds letting the head drop and losing their natural curves. So one simple fix is: keep your head aligned as you move. Kim: Exactly. When the head moves out of alignment, pressure management goes out the window. 4. Pelvic Tilt Cheryl: On to pelvic tilt. What’s going on here? Kim: Neutral pelvis is when the front hip points are in line with the pubic bone. Anterior tilt—we’re spilling forward, crunching the low back. Posterior tilt—the femurs jam forward, glutes grip, everything clenches. Either way, the pelvic floor gets confused. Cheryl: The high-heeled posture is classic anterior tilt. Pregnancy often exaggerates posterior tilt. Neither one is mountain pose. Kim: Exactly. Notice your pelvis in yoga poses. Are you dipping forward in a lunge? Tucking under in standing poses? Either habit limits breath and core function. It’s not that you can’t move into those tilts—it’s that you want to do them mindfully. 5. Nervous System State Cheryl: And finally, number five—maybe the most important: what does my autonomic nervous system have to do with my bladder? Kim: When we’re disconnected from our bodies and living in a state of constant stress, the brain prioritizes survival—not bladder control. If your brain thinks you’re dealing with threats—emails, money, relationships—your muscles tense, preparing to fight or flee. One major player here is the psoas. It’s a hip flexor and postural stability muscle that shares fascial attachments with the diaphragm and travels all the way down into the thigh bone. Because of this connection, the psoas becomes deeply involved in our fight-or-flight response. Pre-modern humans used the psoas to sprint away from danger. But today, we activate it during everyday stress—when a tense email comes in, when we’re stuck in traffic, even just sitting in the car can mimic the “ready to run” stance. Our nervous system has been practicing stress for thousands of years. It thinks, “Oh, something’s wrong? Great, I know exactly what to do!” And it holds tension—sometimes chronically. That tension limits our body’s ability to manage pressure. Then the body gets stuck in a loop: it knows how to hold pressure, but it forgets how to let go. The muscles get tight, then tired, then confused because they’re no longer moving with the breath. That’s why we always come back to breath. Yoga is so powerful because it’s breath-oriented—we explore a three-dimensional inhale and exhale, feeling the whole body expand and contract. Whenever that expansion can’t happen, the question becomes: What can I shift? What can I change? How can I rebalance pressure management? That includes stress management. Am I holding my breath? Am I pulling my navel to my spine as a coping mechanism? Am I clenching my jaw? Cheryl: Kim, what’s your favourite yoga posture for releasing the psoas? Kim: Probably something restorative, lying on your back. Cheryl: Talk my language, girlfriend! Kim: I thought you’d like that. Imagine lying over a bolster with your hips slightly elevated, and then gently letting one leg lengthen and soften toward the floor. It gives a beautiful sense of length through the psoas. A sandbag on the hip can feel wonderful too. Just make sure your pelvis is neutral or slightly tipped forward if that gives you more space. Cheryl: I’ve got to go do that right now. One thing I often recommend, especially if someone doesn’t have a lot of props or is short on time, is simply putting their legs up on the couch or a chair and breathing. Just letting the pelvic floor move in sync with the diaphragm and letting it do its job. Resources: The Decoder is a clickable PDF that helps women recognize signs of pelvic floor dysfunction beyond

    22 min
  6. Menopause as your "Second Spring"

    JAN 9

    Menopause as your "Second Spring"

    What if menopause wasn’t an ending… but the beginning of your second spring? For most of us raised in Western culture, menopause has been framed as decline, loss, disruption, or at best, something to “get through.” But in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), menopause is not a problem to fix — it’s a natural turning point. A gateway. A season of renewal. This week on the Midlife Reset Podcast, I spoke with Clarissa Kristjansson, an expert in TCM and Qigong for women. If you’re tired of pushing, striving, and powering through, this conversation is your invitation to soften and rediscover your natural rhythm. And I have to say: Clarissa embodies what she teaches. She joined me in the midst of an international move — calm, grounded, and centered. Proof that these ancient practices work. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. The Chinese Medicine View: Menopause as “Second Spring” In TCM, women’s lives unfold in seven-year cycles — each building toward a new phase of wisdom and vitality. Menopause marks what is called the second spring, a chapter meant to be spacious, reflective, and rich with possibility. Compare that to the Western approach, where menstruation is treated like an inconvenience, postpartum recovery is rushed, and perimenopause is marketed as something to fear or suppress. Clarissa put it simply: “Menopause is not an illness. But the imbalances we carry into it can make the transition harder than it needs to be.” Instead of forcing the body to behave like it did at 25, TCM invites us to honor how energy naturally shifts as we move through life. If we’ve spent decades overriding these cycles — hustling, overworking, skipping rest, pushing through PMS, postpartum, burnout — midlife becomes the moment when all that catching up wants to happen at once. No wonder so many women feel blindsided. Why We Feel So Off: The Seasons Within Us TCM teaches that nature’s seasons live inside the body: Spring — rising energy, renewalSummer — peak activityLate Summer — grounding, stabilizingAutumn — releaseWinter — deep rest + restoration Women experience these cycles monthly, yearly, and over the course of a lifetime. But modern life ignores these rhythms completely. We’re eating fridge-cold breakfasts in January, sprinting through 12-hour days, over-scheduling, under-resting, and calling it normal. So when midlife arrives — a natural decline in yin and jing — the body is already depleted. That’s when symptoms show up: hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, bloating, mood swings, dryness, brain fog. Not because menopause is a problem. But because we didn’t honor the seasons on the way here. The Hidden Cost of Modern Coping I shared with Clarissa that I hit menopause at 57 — exhausted, burned out, and overcompensating with wine, rich food, bootcamp yoga classes, restrictive diets, and too much travel. These coping mechanisms are common. They also destabilize the system. Alcohol, overstimulation, constant output, and emotional suppression all drain yin — the grounding, cooling, restorative force that midlife depends on. TCM says what we already know deep down: We aren’t meant to live in a perpetual summer. Eating for Balance: Warm, Moist, Gentle One of the biggest TCM recommendations for midlife women is deceptively simple: warm, lightly cooked, moistening foods. Why? Because digestion slows with hormonal shifts. Cold foods slow it even further. Hot foods overstimulate. And dryness is one of the main symptoms of declining yin. Clarissa shared some midlife-supportive foods: * Fermented soy: miso, tempeh, tamariPulses and beansSnow fungus (a collagen-supportive food used for centuries)Warm oats — grounding and moisturizingSoups, stews, steamed vegetablesGentle spices, ginger, cinnamon These foods support the kidney system, which governs bones, hearing, urogenital health, reproductive energy, and longevity in TCM. No fancy supplements. Just food that warms, nourishes, and steadies. Qigong: Gentle Movement, Powerful Medicine If you’ve only encountered Qigong in a community center or park, you might not know how deep this practice goes — especially for women. As Clarissa explained, Qigong isn’t “exercise” in the Western sense. It’s medicine. A way to move qi — the life force — through the body. Her women’s Qigong focuses on: * grounding and stabilitynourishing the heart and emotional centerreleasing grief and fearsupporting digestion and sleepstrengthening bones and joints balancing hormonal energy nurturing the uterus and breasts And it doesn’t require an hour a day. Ten minutes is enough to shift your energy. What I loved most is how Qigong mirrors what I teach in yoga therapy: slow down, feel inward, regulate the nervous system, and rebuild trust with your body. Midlife Is Not Something to Fix The biggest takeaway from our conversation? Midlife isn’t a problem — it’s a portal. It’s not something to control. Or optimize. Or push through. It’s a season to meet with curiosity. A chance to explore ancient practices that have supported women for millennia: * Traditional Chinese MedicineAyurvedaQigongMindfulnessYoga therapySeasonal eating and living You don’t need to overhaul your life. Small shifts — warm food, better rest, 10 minutes of movement, emotional honesty — can change everything. Menopause isn’t the end of anything. It’s the beginning of your second spring. If you want to explore these practices more deeply: 🌿 Follow Clarissa Kristjansson — her Substack and Qigong offerings are linked in the show notes. 🌱 Check out my free masterclass: The 5-Step Midlife Reset, rooted in yoga, breath, and mindful habit change. 💛 And stay tuned — Clarissa and I will be doing a live session together on Substack soon. Namaste, Cheryl This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com

    26 min
  7. The Gift You Never Wanted: How Midlife Curveballs Become Catalysts for Reinvention

    JAN 2

    The Gift You Never Wanted: How Midlife Curveballs Become Catalysts for Reinvention

    Midlife has a way of serving up plot twists we never saw coming. Some are beautiful. Some shake us to our core. But every once in a while, the twist is so sharp and so dark that it stops us in our tracks and makes us wonder: What now? My guest on this week’s Midlife Reset Podcast knows that feeling intimately.Suzy Rosenstein was in her 50s when she faced a sudden job loss after nearly 20 years. No warning. No gentle transition. Just a knock on the door and a life she’d outgrown—but didn’t yet realize she was ready to leave. Today, she has built an incredibly successful career as a life coach helping midlife women not only recover from upheaval, but reinvent themselves with clarity, joy, and purpose. And she does it with equal parts practical wisdom and creativity—including a delightful tool called mindful doodling. Together, Suzy and I explored what it really takes for women to thrive through the messy, unpredictable, and transformative season of midlife. Here are her three most powerful strategies for navigating change with resilience and grace. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. 1. Let Envy Be Your Teacher Of all the emotions midlife women try to hide, envy tops the list. We don’t want to feel it, admit it, or talk about it. Yet according to Suzy, envy is one of the most revealing emotional clues we have. She explained it like this:Envy isn’t about wanting someone else’s life. It’s about wanting something inside your own life that has gone missing. A client once told Suzy she envied a friend who always had time to visit sick relatives. It had nothing to do with the friend’s circumstances and everything to do with her own desire to live more in alignment with her values. Envy, approached with compassion and curiosity, becomes a roadmap:What does this reveal about what I want more of? What matters to me? What’s missing? Instead of pushing envy away, midlife invites us to use it as a highlighter—illuminating the places inside us that want attention. 2. Rekindle Joy Through Your “Passion Clues” One of the most common concerns Suzy hears from women 45+ is this:“I don’t know what I’m passionate about anymore.” Passion feels like a big, intimidating word. Many fear choosing “wrong” and wasting the precious second half of life. But Suzy reframes passion entirely. Her tool, Passion Project 50, walks women through every decade of their life—not to revisit hardship, but to rediscover what once sparked joy. Grade 3 joys. Early 20s joys. Surprising joys. Quiet joys. These moments contain what Suzy calls passion clues—breadcrumbs that lead us back to the activities, environments, and ways of being that naturally light us up. It doesn’t require a career overhaul.It doesn’t require a bold leap.It might be tapping into dance again… or nature… or movement… or creativity… or something totally unexpected. As Suzy puts it:Joy doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be real. 3. Fall in Love With the Process (Not the Finish Line) Inspired by Tom Sterner’s book, The Practicing Mind Midlife women—and I include myself here—tend to be deeply, sometimes painfully, productivity-driven. We want to check the box, finish the thing, accomplish the goal. Sterner’s work turns that mindset on its head. What if the middle—the practicing, the learning, the messy attempts—is just as meaningful as the outcome? When we stop rushing through the process, everything shifts.Suddenly, practicing a skill becomes enjoyable.Creative exploration becomes calming.Goals feel exciting instead of overwhelming. This idea shapes every part of Suzy’s coaching and also links beautifully to one of her favorite tools… Mindful Doodling and the Zentangle Method: Calm, Clarity, and Creativity in 20 Minutes Suzy is a certified teacher in the Zentangle method—a form of mindful doodling using repeated, simple, structured patterns. No art skills required. No pressure to perform. Just pattern, breath, presence, and flow. It’s astonishingly soothing for the nervous system. As she described it:“If creating is something you enjoy, why rush through it? Why is being done more important than being here?” This practice is at the heart of her new program, Doodle Think Club—a gentle, creative community for women 50+ who want to feel calmer, think more clearly, and reconnect with themselves through mindful art. In a world that idolizes productivity, mindful doodling invites us back into presence. The Deeper Thread: Are You Living Like the Woman You Want to Become? Near the end of our conversation, Suzy offered one of the most important reflections of the entire episode: “Notice how often you think, ‘I’m too busy.’ Ask yourself: Is it actually true? Or am I valuing busy over rest? Over joy? Over alignment? Is there a gap between how I’m living and how I want to live?” This is the heart of the midlife reset. Not just responding to crises.Not just managing change.But intentionally aligning your life with the woman you want to be in your next chapter. Because the truth is this:Aging is a privilege. Not everyone gets it.And midlife is far too precious to live it misaligned, overcommitted, or disconnected from joy. Your Midlife Reset Invitation Whether you’re navigating a big life shake-up or simply sensing that quiet inner nudge—there’s more for me—these three strategies can begin your reset: * Let envy guide you toward what matters. * Follow your passion clues. * Engage fully in the journey, not just the destination. And if creativity calls to you, explore the soothing possibilities of mindful doodling. You can find Suzy’s resources, including freebies and her new program, at DoodleThink.com. Here’s to reinvention, resilience, and the next beautiful chapter. If you would like to explore a reset with me, check out my free Masterclass : 5 Steps to a Midlife Reset. Namaste,Cheryl This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com

    27 min
  8. Start Fresh: Midlife Change That Sticks

    12/26/2025

    Start Fresh: Midlife Change That Sticks

    Are you already dreading stepping on the scale after the holidays? Looking to get your routine back on track? Real, lasting change is possible. Next year’s holiday season can feel lighter, calmer, and more joyful — and it starts with understanding the mindful way to initiate change. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. Stay tuned as I share the three phases of change and provide solid support on how to implement them. I’ve helped hundreds of women, including me!, get their lives back on track after the shock of midlife weight gain, sleeplessness and stress. I also want to offer you a spot in my “5 Steps to a Midlife Reset” Masterclass. It’s a free webinar where I’ll provide a deeper dive into this science… giving you a workable framework to tackle your new year’s goals. Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode #41. I’m your host Cheryl Gordon, yoga therapist and mindfulness coach. Let’s dive in. Does this resonate? You worked your ass off to create a magical holiday for everyone. Shopped. Cooked. Smiled. Invited your sister in law to keep the peace. Skipped your workouts in order to get it all done. Now, your house is trashed. The scale is mocking you. No one has a clue how tired you are. And there is a nagging thought rumbling around in your heart. Maybe all those loved ones don’t care how hard you worked. When this used to happen to me, my husband would say “then don’t do it next year!”. He was bewildered as to why making those special pressed cookies were absolutely pivotal to the happy holiday memories of my entire extended family. He was oblivious to how I stayed awake nights, wracking my brain for the perfect gift for my father in law, that if I didn’t nail it = it would mean my inlaws would think I was selfish. Ugh!!! So now that we’ve acknowledged the post-holiday stress and disappointment (you’re normal!), let’s talk about why I didn’t just follow my husband’s advice. Why don’t we just change…. Like now? Because change feels so hard. We are not wired for it. One of the biggest mistakes we make is expecting ourselves to flip a switch overnight. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. To understand the depth of resistance to change, we need to appreciate our habit brains. About 90%, or more, of the decisions, behaviours, likes and dislikes, all are organized by our habit brains. This is a primal part of our brain that has evolved very little in the last million or so years. Why? Because it works very well and has kept humans alive and evolving quite nicely thank you. In fact, I share this wiring with my dog and most other creatures on the planet. Rather humbling I know. Humans do have an amazing higher level of brain power. But it is tremendously energy hungry. So as much of daily life as we can manage is shunted to the habit side. Mindfulness is the process of pulling life out of automatic pilot and into conscious awareness. It is work. I know. But you have the world’s most sophisticated and powerful computer in your head. And yet most of us don’t even unpack the box. Today, I want to detail for you how to seduce that habit brain into doing what you want. This is how to initiate change on purpose and stick to it. There are three Phases of Change. The first phase I call The Status Quo. This is where most of us start. We know what to do — whether it’s getting back to healthy eating, moving our bodies, or managing stress — but finding motivation feels impossible. We research, we think, we wish… we blame ourselves or others, procrastinate, and sometimes even shame ourselves for not doing better. Sound familiar? It’s exhausting, and yet it’s completely normal. You may have to stay in this phase for awhile… even years. But at some point, you’ll find the drive to commit to doing something different. Now is when most of us jump to what I call The Overwhelm Zone. This is when we try to do a 180-degree pivot. We go all in: strict rules, rigid diets, punishments, maybe even those dreaded group weigh-ins. The intention is good — we want change! — but the nervous system gets overwhelmed, and this approach is rarely sustainable. Most of us burn out or fall back into old habits quickly. Let’s touch back on that habit brain. It has three goals: seek pleasure, avoid pain and keep things the same. Remember… this is old, primal wiring. If you did something different, back in the day, you might get eaten by a sabre toothed tiger. You could be mocked, ejected from the tribe, which meant certain death. Better to stay in the cave. Do what you’ve always done. The habit brain knows the outcome. Risk is a survival threat. So when you do that 180 degree pivot, the habit brain will fight back. Willpower alone will not carry you through. Survival instincts are too strong. You’re going to need another level of understanding and strategy. That’s why I encourage moving into the third phase: The Fluidity Space. Here, change is broken into small, digestible steps. We give ourselves time to reason things out before making a shift, consult our brain on each step, and allow our nervous system to adjust. We ask ourselves, ‘Can we just try…?’ instead of expecting perfection. We practice self-compassion, notice the pressure to be perfect, and gradually introduce new habits in a way that feels doable and sustainable. When first initiating change, we might only be able to follow new behaviours 20% of the time and still fall back 80%. This is normal. Over time, we slowly shift to 40% change, then 60% and finally, after months maybe, the behaviour is habitual to the point we can expect to maintain the new habit 80% of the time. Notice we never expect 100% perfection. In the past, I’ve put my foot down. That’s it… I’m not eating any sugar! Or, I’m walking 10 km a day! It lasts for a couple days and then the excuses start. I hear a podcast that says sugar isn’t so bad. Or I feel my knee isn’t happy with all these extra steps. And I fall away from that declaration. We’ve all done it. Now you know it’s that habit brain trying to pull you back into familiarity. Your higher dreams and goals do not have a home in your habit brain. So to recap… Aim to stay in the Fluidity Zone when you want to make change. Don’t expect perfection. Give yourself lots of time to make little steps rather than one grand gesture. And here’s another important piece… remember that habit brain? Loves pleasure? Work with that. What can you do to celebrate those tiny wins? Just like kids love things like stickers, getting an extra bedtime story or family game night, the little kid inside of us treasures those too. I use stickers (don’t judge), congratulations banners in the kitchen or permission to settle in with a good old fashioned magazine without guilt. You’ll have your own unique rewards that fit with your habit brain. Don’t forget. All this information and more steps to a midlife reset are in my free masterclass. Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit cherylgordonyt.substack.com

    13 min
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About

Welcome! This podcast is about real life for real women who want to make real change in their fifties and beyond. I'm Cheryl Gordon and I educate midlife women on how to sleep better, lose weight and feel stronger using the tools of yoga and mindfulness. cherylgordonyt.substack.com

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