In this episode, I sit down with Arlina Allen, founder of Arlina Allen Coaching, who works at the intersection of addiction recovery and self-esteem. If you have lived through a high-conflict divorce, you know how deeply connected these two areas are. Arlina uses IFS, hypnosis, and coaching to address the parts of you that learned to numb out, shrink, or self-destruct to survive. We explore how coping mechanisms start as survival tools and quietly become habits you cannot break, how to recognize when you have crossed the line, and what actually works when you are ready to heal (spoiler: it is not always cold turkey). If you have ever poured a drink to navigate a custody battle, buried yourself in work, or done anything to escape your reality, this episode is for you. Key Topics Covered: Why reaching for something to numb the pain is one of the most human responses to a traumatizing experience — and why that matters more than the judgment around it.The psychology of addiction: what the cycle actually looks like and why it's so hard to see from inside it.The Stoplight Theory — a framework for honestly assessing your relationship with whatever you're using to cope, and where you actually fall on that spectrum.The link between self-esteem and addiction, and why one almost always feeds the other.The full picture of what addiction can look like: shopping, work, sex, drugs, alcohol — and why the "acceptable" ones are just as worth examining.Triggers, parts work, and what IFS reveals about why you keep reaching for the same thing.How hypnosis and IFS work together to interrupt the cycle at the root — not just manage the symptom. “The purpose of obsession is distraction. It's distraction from pain you're not able to process to resolution.” - Arlina Allen About Our Guest: Arlina Allen Arlina Allen is a bestselling author, recovery coach, speaker, podcast host, and creator of the ReInvent app. Sober for 32 years, she spent over three decades helping people overcome addiction, stress, and self-limiting beliefs. Following a tech sales career in Silicon Valley, Arlina discovered that the identity transformation principles driving lasting recovery also help high achievers unlock wealth and purpose. Today, she teaches a practical approach to manifestation rooted in identity, mindset, and intentional action. As host of a Top 1% podcast, Arlina has interviewed hundreds of experts in psychology, neuroscience, and personal growth to help people stop living from fear and transform their lives. Who This Episode Is For: You have been white-knuckling through a high-conflict divorce and wonder what "getting through it" is costing you.You are drinking, working, or spending more, and while you are not ready to call it a problem, you know it is not fine.Your self-worth took a hit in the marriage or courtroom, and you are starting to see how that fuels your current habits.You have tried to quit or cut back, but willpower alone keeps failing, and you want to understand why.You are ready to do real healing work beyond surviving the next hearing and want an approach deeper than talking in circles. Connect with Arlina Allen: Website: https://makesobrietystick.com & https://www.selfesteemcourse.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arlinaallen/ Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com 🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to work with Ksenia? The next cohort is forming now- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/
