The Divorce Allies Podcast

The Divorce Allies
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Welcome to the Divorce Allies Podcast, your go-to resource for navigating the intricate landscape of divorce. In this engaging podcast and video series, we delve deep into the complex world of divorce mediation and litigation alongside a diverse team of experts.Our lineup includes seasoned financial professionals, business valuators, mortgage specialists, as well as seasoned parenting and relationship coaches, as well as a team that can help you kickstart your next chapter in life.Join us as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of every facet of the divorce journey, from the financial intricacies to the emotional well-being of all involved parties.Our episodes tackle common yet complex divorce situations, offering valuable insights and practical advice to empower you through every stage of the process.

  1. 6D AGO

    The House, The Mortgage, and Divorce: What You Need to Know

    Welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast. I’m Anna Graham, and in this episode, we’re having a conversation that so many people avoid—but absolutely shouldn’t—money and the house. When you’re going through divorce, decisions about the marital home and your financial future can feel overwhelming, emotional, and deeply personal. It’s not just about property. It’s about stability, identity, security, and sometimes fear of the unknown. I’m joined by Melissa Gragg and Emile Flowers, and together we’re breaking down what you really need to consider when making decisions about keeping, selling, refinancing, or letting go of the home. We’re talking about financial clarity, long-term sustainability, and why emotional attachment can sometimes cloud practical judgment. This episode is about empowerment through information. It’s about understanding your options so you can make decisions from a place of strategy—not panic. If you’re navigating questions about the house, affordability, equity, or what your financial life looks like after divorce, this conversation is for you. 5 Key Takeaways The marital home is both an emotional and financial asset  Decisions about the house should consider long-term affordability, not just emotional attachment.Keeping the house does not automatically mean financial security  Mortgage payments, maintenance, taxes, and refinancing terms must all be evaluated realistically.Refinancing during or after divorce requires strategic planning  Credit, income qualification, and timing can significantly impact loan approval and terms.Equity division impacts long-term financial stability  Understanding how home equity is calculated and distributed is essential for fair negotiation.Clarity reduces fear  When you understand your true financial position, you can make confident decisions rather than reactive ones.5 Q&As from this episode 1. Should I keep the house in a divorce? You should keep the house in a divorce only if you can afford the mortgage, maintenance, taxes, and refinancing long-term without financial strain. 2. How is home equity divided in a divorce? Home equity in a divorce is typically calculated by subtracting the remaining mortgage from the home’s market value and then dividing the net equity according to settlement terms. 3. Can I refinance the mortgage during a divorce? Yes, you can refinance during or after divorce, but approval depends on income, credit score, debt-to-income ratio, and finalized settlement agreements. 4. What happens to the mortgage after divorce? After divorce, the mortgage remains legally binding unless it is refinanced, assumed, or paid off through sale of the home. 5. Is it better to sell the house during divorce? Selling the house during divorce can provide liquidity and a clean financial break, but the right decision depends on affordability, market conditions, and long-term goals. Watch the YouTube video here Melissa's Website here Emile's website here The Divorce Allies website here

    1h 35m

  2. FEB 11

    Healing After Divorce: A Mind, Body, Soul Approach

    I’m Melissa Gragg, and welcome to The Divorce Allies Podcast. In this episode, we’re talking about something that often gets overlooked in divorce conversations—the need to rewrite the script not just legally or financially, but mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m joined by the Divorce Allies team: Emile Flowers and Cristine Terri. Together, we explore what it really means to heal after divorce by addressing the whole person—mind, body, and soul. Divorce doesn’t just change your relationship status; it reshapes your identity, your nervous system, your financial reality, and the way you move through the world. This conversation is about awareness and intention. It’s about recognizing patterns that no longer serve you, learning how stress shows up in the body, and understanding why healing isn’t linear—and doesn’t happen on a timeline set by the court. If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, exhausted, or unsure of who you are on the other side of divorce, this episode is designed to help you reconnect and move forward with clarity and compassion. 5 Key Takeaways Divorce impacts the mind, body, and soul—not just your legal status  Emotional stress, financial fear, and physical exhaustion are interconnected and must be addressed together to truly heal.Awareness is the first step toward change  Recognizing emotional triggers, stress responses, and limiting beliefs allows you to interrupt old patterns and make intentional choices.The body holds unresolved stress from divorce  Without proper regulation and care, stress can manifest as fatigue, anxiety, or illness—making physical well-being a critical part of recovery.Financial clarity supports emotional healing  Understanding your financial reality reduces fear, restores confidence, and creates space for forward-looking decisions.Rewriting your story is an active process  Healing after divorce requires conscious effort, support, and patience—not perfection or constant positivity.5 Q&As from this episode 1. How does divorce affect mental and emotional health? Divorce can trigger anxiety, grief, and identity loss by disrupting emotional security, routines, and future expectations. 2. Why is healing after divorce not just emotional? Healing after divorce involves the mind, body, and soul because stress affects physical health, decision-making, and emotional regulation. 3. How can I start over after divorce in a healthy way? Starting over after divorce begins with self-awareness, setting boundaries, seeking support, and creating clarity around finances and goals. 4. What role does stress play during and after divorce? Stress during divorce activates the nervous system, which can impair judgment, increase conflict, and delay emotional recovery if not addressed. 5. How long does it take to heal after divorce? Healing after divorce has no fixed timeline and depends on emotional support, self-care practices, and intentional personal growth. Watch the YouTube video here Melissa's Website here Emile's website here The Divorce Allies website here

    1h 37m

  3. FEB 4

    Starting Over After Divorce: Boundaries, Communication, and Healing

    I’m Anna Graham, and welcome to The Divorce Allies Podcast. Today’s conversation is one so many people find themselves needing—but rarely feel prepared for—what it actually looks like to start over after divorce. I’m joined by three incredible experts and voices you know well: Melissa Gragg, financial mediator and divorce strategist; Emile Flowers, divorce mortgage planning specialist; and Cristine Terri, co-parenting specialist and meditation teacher. Together, we’re talking about boundaries, communication, and healing—not as abstract ideas, but as real, lived practices during and after divorce. This episode is about learning how to regulate your emotions when you’re triggered, how to communicate without escalating conflict, and how to protect your peace when you’re still required to engage with someone who may be toxic, avoidant, or controlling. We also explore why being “over-prepared” can sometimes work against you, how to set boundaries that actually hold up, and what healing really requires when the divorce is finalized—but the relationship dynamic isn’t. If you’re navigating co-parenting, high-conflict communication, or simply trying to rebuild trust in yourself, this conversation is meant to meet you exactly where you are. 5 Key Takeaways Boundaries are about your response—not controlling the other person  True boundaries define what you will do when a line is crossed, not how you expect someone else to behave.Less communication is often more effective in high-conflict divorce  One channel, one issue at a time, and neutral language can significantly reduce escalation and manipulation.Oversharing is a trauma response—and it can work against you  While documentation is important, presenting too much information can overwhelm mediators, courts, and even undermine credibility.Emotional regulation is a critical divorce skill  Timing your responses, pausing before engaging, and recognizing triggers are essential tools for protecting your mental health.Healing includes setting boundaries with yourself  Stopping reactive behaviors—such as checking messages immediately or engaging emotionally—is just as important as external boundaries.5 Q&As from this episode 1. What boundaries should I set when starting over after divorce? When starting over after divorce, boundaries should focus on communication limits, emotional protection, and clear expectations about how and when you will engage with your ex. 2. How do I communicate with a high-conflict co-parent? The most effective way to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent is through written, neutral, task-based communication using one channel and addressing one issue at a time. 3. Why is oversharing harmful in divorce mediation or court? Oversharing can overwhelm decision-makers, dilute key issues, and unintentionally make someone appear reactive or unreliable, even when their concerns are valid. 4. What is the difference between setting a boundary and controlling behavior? A boundary defines your response to behavior, while control attempts to change someone else’s actions—something you cannot enforce. 5. How do I heal emotionally while still co-parenting after divorce? Healing while co-parenting requires emotional regulation, clear boundaries, limited engagement, and support outside the co-parenting relationship. Watch the YouTube video here Melissa's Website here Emile's website here The Divorce Allies website here

    1h 46m

  4. FEB 2

    Turning Your Divorce Position Statement Into a Strategic Settlement Offer (Part 2)

    I’m Emile Flowers, and welcome back to The Divorce Allies Podcast. Today, I’m joined again by financial mediator and divorce strategist Melissa Gragg as we continue Part Two of an essential conversation—what really happens when your divorce position statement turns into a settlement offer. In the last episode, we talked about how to create a position statement and why it’s one of the most important documents in your divorce. Today, we’re going deeper. We’re breaking down how that document becomes the foundation of negotiation, mediation strategy, and ultimately, your settlement. This episode is about clarity—how to organize your facts, remove emotion from the narrative, and present your case in a way that professionals, mediators, and even judges can quickly understand. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unheard, or unsure how to move your divorce forward strategically, this conversation is designed to help you slow the process down, regain control, and prepare for meaningful resolution. 5 Key Takeaways Your position statement is the blueprint for your settlement  It’s not just background information—it sets the tone, priorities, and structure for negotiation and mediation.Clarity beats volume in divorce strategy  A concise, well-organized position statement is far more effective than pages of emotional detail or unstructured facts.Think of your position statement as a “trailer,” not the full movie  Its job is to invite deeper questions and guide the mediator or attorney toward what matters most.Organization saves time, money, and emotional energy  Preparing documents, timelines, and summaries upfront reduces legal costs and prevents repeated explanations.This document helps regulate communication in high-conflict divorces  A fact-based, neutral tone positions you as credible and prepared—especially when dealing with a toxic or uncooperative spouse.5 Q&As from this episode 1. What is a divorce position statement? A divorce position statement is a written summary of the key facts, issues, and goals in a divorce, used to guide mediation, negotiation, and settlement discussions. 2. How does a position statement turn into a settlement offer? A position statement becomes a settlement offer by outlining priorities, supported facts, and proposed outcomes that can be expanded into financial terms and agreements during mediation. 3. Do I need a lawyer to create a divorce position statement? No. A divorce position statement can be created before hiring a lawyer and is often more effective when prepared by the person who knows the facts best—you. 4. Why is a position statement important in divorce mediation? It helps mediators quickly understand the issues, reduces emotional conflict, and creates a structured roadmap for productive settlement negotiations. 5. What should be included in a strong divorce settlement strategy? A strong divorce settlement strategy includes a clear position statement, organized financial documents, defined priorities, and realistic, supportable proposals. Watch the YouTube video here Melissa's Website here Emile's website here The Divorce Allies website here

    1h 24m

  5. JAN 24

    How to Turn Your Position Statement Into a Divorce Settlement Offer

    Whether you’re just starting your divorce journey or you’re already deep in it, we’re really glad you’re here. I’m Emile Flowers, your divorce mortgage planning specialist, and I’m joined by Melissa Gragg — financial mediator, divorce strategist, and honestly… the divorce queen. Today we’re talking about position statements — and here’s the big shift: your position statement isn’t “just notes.” It’s the first draft of your settlement offer. So in this episode, we’re breaking down how to take what you’ve already done — your timeline, your summary, your top three issues — and turn that into a clear, credible, documented offer that you can actually walk into mediation with. Because the goal is simple: stop negotiating in a fog and start negotiating with facts. 5 Key Takeaways A position statement is the outline — the settlement offer is the full book.  You start with story + priorities, then build one topic at a time into a detailed, usable offer.Words alone create confusion — spreadsheets create clarity.  A marital balance sheet helps compare apples to apples (house vs. retirement vs. after-tax values).“Prove it up” with one-page summaries + supporting documents.  Bring short summaries (value, rationale, sources) and attach key proof (CMA, appraisal, mortgage statement, quotes).Anchor with your best-case offer first.  Ask for your best-case scenario (sun, moon, stars) and let the other side react and counter—don’t wait for them to draft it.Boundaries matter: don’t agree to anything you can’t live with.  If you need more data, table it, set deadlines, and return to mediation with stronger proof instead of rushing.5 Q&As from this episode Q1: What is a position statement in divorce mediation?  A: A position statement is a written summary of your divorce case—your history, key issues, and priorities—and it acts as the framework for your settlement offer in mediation. Q2: How do I turn a divorce position statement into a settlement offer?  A: Take each priority issue from the position statement and build it into a detailed offer using a marital balance sheet, clear asset values, and one-page summaries backed by documents. Q3: What documents should I bring to divorce mediation for a house dispute?  A: Bring a mortgage statement, CMA or appraisal, repair quotes, inspection summary, HOA info, and a one-page explanation of how you reached your proposed home value. Q4: Why is a divorce settlement spreadsheet important?  A: A spreadsheet prevents misunderstandings by listing every asset and debt, showing values clearly, and helping compare after-tax retirement funds against cash assets like the house. Q5: How do I negotiate with a high-conflict or toxic spouse in mediation?  A: Lead with a detailed written offer, rely on factual documentation instead of opinions, keep emotions neutral, and set firm deadlines for missing disclosures or unresolved items. Watch the YouTube video here Melissa's Website here Emile's website here The Divorce Allies website here

    36 min

  6. 09/23/2025

    Women in Life Transitions: Reset Your Body, Mind, and Soul After 50

    Women in Life Transitions: Reset Your Body, Mind, and Soul After 50 Luxury real estate broker, 7x national ballroom champion, spiritual director, and Miss Senior America—CT titleholder Robin Kencel joins Melissa Gragg to unpack practical ways women can reset mind, body, and spirit—especially through divorce and life transitions.  Learn centering prayer in 10 minutes, the “three graces” nightly practice, how to spot disordered attachments, and a gentle path to forgiveness (including forgiving yourself). What you’ll learn How to start centering prayer in 10 minutes a dayThe “three graces” bedtime ritual that rewires your focusWhy removing harmful people and then forgiving frees energyHow to treat upheaval as information, not identitySimple ways to find your voice again: tiny reps, new routinesA week-one reset plan for women in divorce or transitionWhat spiritual direction is and how to try it Quick takeaways Purpose lives where what you’re good at + what you love + what serves others meet.You can’t change much, but you can change yourself—via micro steps.Disordered attachments (even to “good” things) block your love/flow.Divorce is a forced reset—use it to design a life you actually want.Your 10-year-old self didn’t vanish—she’s just covered like grass under snow. Q1: What is centering prayer and how do I start? Centering prayer is a silent, 10-minute daily practice of consenting to God’s presence—no agenda, no analysis. Sit comfortably, choose a simple “sacred word” (e.g., peace), and when thoughts arise, gently return to the word. Consistency matters more than duration. Q2: What are “three graces” and why do they help? Each night, name three grace-filled moments from your day (a kind driver, a pink sunset, an unexpected laugh). This shifts attention from rumination to gratitude, improving sleep and emotional resilience over time. Q3: How can I find purpose after divorce at 50+? Map the purpose trifecta: list (a) what you’re good at, (b) what you love, and (c) who it serves. Where they overlap is your next move. Start with one micro-action this week that touches all three. Q4: What does “disordered attachment” mean? It’s over-attachment to something—even a “good” thing—that pulls you away from love/flow (or your relationship with God). Signs: compulsive checking, anxiety if you can’t do it, neglecting health or relationships. The fix is gentle rebalancing, not self-shaming. Q5: How do I set boundaries with harmful people? Name the behavior, state the boundary, and define the consequence—briefly and calmly. Example: “No yelling. If it starts, I’ll leave the call.” Follow through once; consistency builds safety. Then begin the work of forgiveness to release the emotional hook. Q6: Why does forgiveness matter if I’m already done with them? Because your nervous system isn’t done. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse harm; it releases the energy you spend reliving it. Pair boundaries (external protection) with forgiveness (internal freedom). Q8: How do I “find my voice” after a power-imbalanced relationship? Practice in low-stakes rooms: improv, community classes, or small groups. Aim for one rep per day where you ask, decline, or express a preference. Reps build confidence faster than reflection alone. Connect with Robin: https://robinkencel.com/ Connect with Melissa: https://www.valuationmediation.com/ Connect with The Divorce Allies: https://www.thedivorceallies.com/

    52 min

  7. 09/12/2025

    Financial Disclosures & Filing for Divorce: What You Need and Why It Matters

    Whether you're just beginning your divorce journey or already in the thick of it, understanding disclosures is key. We’ll walk you through what they are, why they matter, and how they can become one of the most powerful tools in your strategy—not just a pile of paperwork. This episode will help you rethink your first steps, take back control of the process, and avoid wasting money on the wrong professionals at the wrong time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, intimidated, or unsure of what your lawyer has already submitted, don’t worry—you’ll leave this episode with clarity and confidence. Financial Disclosures & Filing for Divorce: What You Need and Why It Matters (Divorce Mediation StL) If this episode resonated with you, don’t stop here. ✅ Start with your Position Statement — tell your story, list your priorities, and anchor your divorce strategy. Download the guide here (https://www.thedivorcevault.com/) 📂 Download your state’s financial disclosure forms and use our checklist to get organized before you spend a dollar on legal help. 📄 Use that information to create a Settlement Offer that leads your case instead of reacting to chaos. 🧠 If mediation is part of your process — or could be — we’ll show you how to navigate it, even with a high-conflict or narcissistic spouse, through our Mediation Prep Strategy Guides. 🔓 Want all of this in one place? Unlock The Divorce Vault, which gives you 6+ months of support, templates, AI tools, and insider strategy. 🤝 And if you’re craving real community and expert insight, join our weekly live sessions inside The Divorce Allies Circle. We’ll help you turn fear into clarity and lead your own case like a pro. https://www.thedivorceallies.com/ ✅ 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS Financial Disclosures Are Strategy, Not Just Paperwork Disclosures aren’t busywork—they form the foundation of your settlement and influence how negotiations unfold. Start With the Forms, Not the Lawyer Downloading your state’s pro se forms is often a smarter first step than spending $5–10K on an attorney just to gather basic info. Your Position Statement Is Your Blueprint Combining your financial disclosures with a clear position statement gives you negotiating power and saves time across your legal team. Missed Assets Create Legal Risk Later Incomplete or inaccurate disclosures can damage your credibility and derail your case—especially when assets like businesses or SBA loans are overlooked. You Can Revise and Reclaim Control Even if disclosures were filed without your input, you can (and should) revisit, update, and use them to regain strategic control. Q: What are financial disclosures in a divorce? A: Financial disclosures are formal court documents where you list all income, expenses, assets, and debts—essentially a sworn financial truth that shapes the rest of your divorce strategy. Q: Should I hire a lawyer before filling out disclosures? A: Not necessarily. Start by downloading your state’s forms, gather your financial documents, and organize everything. Then decide if you need expert help—this can save you thousands in unnecessary legal fees. Q: Can I update my disclosures if they were already filed by my attorney? A: Yes, and you absolutely should. Request the filed version from your lawyer, revise with accurate data, and use it to build your position statement and settlement offer. Q: How do disclosures give me leverage? A: A complete, organized disclosure becomes the basis of your position statement. It helps your legal and financial experts negotiate from a place of truth, reducing costly surprises and missed assets later. Melissa Gragg https://www.valuationmediation.com/ Emile Flowers https://www.divorcemortgageplanningservices.com/

    52 min

  8. 08/15/2025

    Position Statements: Your Divorce Roadmap | Negotiate From Strength & Avoid Oversharing

    Position Statements: Your Divorce Roadmap | Negotiate From Strength & Avoid Oversharing Welcome back to the Divorce Allies Podcast. In today’s workshop-style episode, we’re diving into one of the most powerful—but overlooked—tools in your divorce toolkit: the position statement. https://www.thedivorceallies.com/ If you’ve ever felt like your case is a chaotic mix of emotional stories, endless emails, and missing numbers—this episode is your turning point. Emile Flowers and Melissa Gragg walk you step-by-step through what a divorce position statement is, why it’s crucial for mediation or trial, and how it gives you control, confidence, and clarity throughout the process. We’ll break down exactly what goes into this document, how to use it to negotiate from strength, and how to avoid oversharing while still being taken seriously. Plus: get insider strategies for using the position statement to anchor your offer, save legal fees, and keep your professionals on the same page—without having to repeat your story 500 times. 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS Your Position Statement Is Your North Star It keeps you focused, strategic, and fact-based—so your team, mediator, or judge sees your case clearly, not emotionally. Clarity Wins Over Chaos Every Time A concise, well-crafted position statement makes you look credible, calm, and prepared—even when emotions are high. Tell Your Full Story—Then Summarize Strategically Voice-memo your entire history, then use AI (like ChatGPT) to extract timelines, top issues, and facts that belong in the statement. Anchor the Offer, Don’t Chase It A strong position statement lets you lead with your offer and forces others to respond to your clarity, not drag you into their confusion. Less Is More—Until They Ask for More Start small: one or two pages. But be ready with deeper data, summaries, and exhibits to pull out if challenged. That’s your quiet power. QUESTIONS & ANSWERS Q: What exactly is a divorce position statement—and why do I need one? A: It’s a short, fact-based summary (1–2 pages) of your history, top issues, and high-level settlement goals. It keeps your team aligned, saves you legal fees, and presents you as credible and prepared in negotiations or court. Q: How detailed should my position statement be? A: Start with bullet points, dates, and major assets/issues—enough for someone to understand the case in 5–10 minutes. You can build out detailed sections later (on parenting, finances, home) as needed. Q: Can I make one if I’m already in the middle of my divorce? A: Yes. It’s never too late. Whether you’re just starting or 6 weeks from trial, a position statement helps refocus the strategy and save time during every meeting, mediation, or hearing. Q: What if I’m too emotional to write it? A: That’s okay. Start by voice-memoing your story. Then use AI tools to help turn your thoughts into facts and timelines. You’ll process your emotions and produce a clear strategy at the same time. Q: How do I use this in mediation? A: Bring it. Share it with the mediator (and your attorney, if applicable) ahead of time. Let it guide the conversation, anchor your offer, and remind the professionals what you want—so you’re not stuck re-explaining everything. Melissa Gragg https://www.valuationmediation.com/ Emile Flowers https://www.divorcemortgageplanningservices.com/

    1h 11m
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Welcome to the Divorce Allies Podcast, your go-to resource for navigating the intricate landscape of divorce. In this engaging podcast and video series, we delve deep into the complex world of divorce mediation and litigation alongside a diverse team of experts.Our lineup includes seasoned financial professionals, business valuators, mortgage specialists, as well as seasoned parenting and relationship coaches, as well as a team that can help you kickstart your next chapter in life.Join us as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of every facet of the divorce journey, from the financial intricacies to the emotional well-being of all involved parties.Our episodes tackle common yet complex divorce situations, offering valuable insights and practical advice to empower you through every stage of the process.

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  • Creator
    The Divorce Allies
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    41
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Divorce Allies Podcast
  • Show Website
    The Divorce Allies Podcast