Divorce with Carolyn

Carolyn Tate

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Divorce with Carolyn is real talk for women about the hard parts of divorce and the beautiful life waiting on the other side. I've been through two divorces, spent years coaching women inside Women's Divorce Academy, and I'm here to be the divorce bestie you didn't know you needed — straight with you, cheering you on, and always bringing you back to what matters.

6d ago

"He took everything so I got to start again": Di Geddes on cancer, divorce and rebuilding at 50

A note on this episode: Di describes emotional and financial abuse in her marriage. If anything here lands close to home, the support services below are available any time. Di Geddes knew her marriage was in trouble on the day she married. She stayed for 21 years. What finally ended it wasn't a single moment – it was her eldest son standing in front of her and asking her to do something. By the time she left, Di had a breast cancer diagnosis behind her, no savings and no self-belief. In the years that followed she lost both her parents. Then, with $10,000 and a fair bit of bluff, she started a business. In this conversation Di tells Carolyn what it actually took to rebuild – the thing she had to let go of before anything could change, the friendship that carried her through, and why she now describes losing everything as the biggest gift she was ever given. Key takeaways Children see more than we think they do. Di stayed to hold the family unit together – it was her son who told her he couldn't live in the house any more.Erosion doesn't require violence. Di names the verbal and mental chipping away that left her with no self-esteem, no money and no sense of her own capability.Letting go of the anger wasn't the same as forgiving him. Di describes the moment in a church pew when she understood what carrying it was costing her.Grief doesn't wait its turn. Cancer, separation, both parents dying and two bullying workplaces inside a few years – and no space to feel any of it.Di's approach to falling apart: shut the blinds, cry for as long as you need, but know the date you're getting up again.Independence had to be built on purpose. When her eldest son moved overseas, Di had to go back and find the woman she'd been at 25.Starting a business in her fifties took a leap of faith and a clear set of values – she left a job she loved because the people running it were counting the money.Links mentioned Di Geddes – digeddes.com.auDi's memoir, Courage to Be Me – digeddes.com.auDi's home care and disability support business, Exceptional Care for You – exceptionalcareforyou.comBreast Cancer Network Australia – bcna.org.au1800RESPECT (family, domestic and sexual violence counselling, including emotional and financial abuse) – 1800respect.org.au or 1800 737 732Lifeline – 13 11 14A note on this episode: Di describes emotional and financial abuse in her marriage. If anything here lands close to home, the support services above are available any time. Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Sep 7

Raising emotionally intelligent kids when you're doing it on your own

Carolyn's children were twelve, six and four when she separated. They're teenagers and young adults now, and their verdict on divorced parents is two Christmases, more holidays, and the nuisance of footy boots left at the wrong house. The worry sits with the mothers. Stephanie Pinto is an emotional intelligence coach and paediatric anxiety therapist, and here she and Carolyn get practical: how to become the parent your children come to rather than the one they manage, the questions that open a child up when "how are you feeling" shuts them down, and what it means that the household culture is now yours to build. Plus the question Carolyn hears from women more than any other, about the house she doesn't control. Key takeaways Work on your own emotional intelligence before your children's. That doesn't mean staying calm – as Stephanie puts it, a permanently zen parent is a robot, not a human.Check-ins land best sideways. At tuck-in, or in the car on the way to sport. Sometimes nothing comes of it. Sometimes you get gold."Do you want solutions, or do you just want me to listen?" It's the question that makes you the parent your children come to when something goes wrong, rather than the one they manage around.Children will often discuss a friend's behaviour long before they'll discuss their own. Carolyn calls it the side door.Every family already has a culture, chosen or not. After separation you get to build yours on purpose – and it holds whether there's one adult in the house or two.Dr Ross Greene's principle that kids do well if they can. When something isn't working there's a reason, and the fix has to work for everyone under the roof.Rupture and repair is normal, expected and healthy. You can come back hours or days later and repair it. There is almost no cutoff.Links From Women's Divorce Academy What to say to your kids right now – a free guide covering under-fives, five to twelves and teenagers, including what to say when a child asks whose fault it is, how to be honest with a teenager without handing them adult detail, language for the handover and the day a child refuses to go, and what to do when the conversation goes badly. womensdivorceacademy.com/free-what-to-say-to-your-kidsThe values exercise Carolyn mentions is the first thing new members do inside the WDA membership. Join here: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-programThe Separated Mother's Toolkit – family lawyer interviews on parenting plans and binding agreements, a child support fact sheet, a Centrelink guide, a parenting schedule tracker and co-parenting scripts. A$49. stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/separated-mothers-toolkit/Stephanie Pinto Website: stephaniepinto.comHer book, From Chaos to Connection: How parenting with emotional intelligence raises kind, confident, resilient kidsHer podcast, Emotionally Intelligent ParentingHer Facebook group, Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent KidsInstagram: @emotionally.intelligent.parentMentioned in this episode The feelings wheel – Dr Gloria Willcox's original, the one that breaks a broad state like "angry" into six more specific ones. Free printable PDF: https://judishouse.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/Feeling-Wheel-Handouts.pdfDr Ross Greene – "kids do well if they can", and the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions approach: livesinthebalance.org Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Aug 31

Emotional intelligence for mums when your life is on fire

Carolyn invited Stephanie Pinto on to talk about raising emotionally intelligent children. The conversation kept turning back to the mothers. Because emotional intelligence is straightforward enough to explain and almost impossible to practise when you're the one coming apart. When you're making decisions you don't fully understand, at a pace you didn't choose, with children who need you steady. Stephanie is an emotional intelligence coach and paediatric anxiety therapist. Here she unpicks why kindness without boundaries helps nobody, what happens in the seconds before you send a message you'll regret, and how to buy those seconds back. Carolyn shares the small administrative habit that changed the tone of her entire separation. And near the end, something about grief she hasn't said on this podcast before. Key takeaways Emotional intelligence has two halves – knowing what you're feeling, and recognising the other person has their own state going on. Empathy on its own isn't the whole skill.You can validate what someone feels without agreeing with them and without dropping the boundary. Those aren't in conflict.A limited emotional vocabulary costs more than it sounds like it should. "Mad" and "sad" don't tell you what's actually happening, in a child or in yourself.Solutions offered too early don't land. Not because the solution is wrong, but because the person isn't ready to hear it.The gap between reacting and responding is a skill rather than a personality trait. It can be built.Nothing you write down stays yours. Emails and texts can be read out in court, forwarded, or found by your children years later.Relief and grief turn up together. You can be certain you did the right thing and still be flattened by what you lost.Links Stephanie Pinto Website: stephaniepinto.comHer book, From Chaos to Connection: How parenting with emotional intelligence raises kind, confident, resilient kidsHer podcast, Emotionally Intelligent ParentingHer Facebook group, Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent KidsInstagram: @emotionally.intelligent.parentMentioned in this episode The Separated Mother's Toolkit – family lawyer interviews on parenting plans and binding agreements, a child support fact sheet, a Centrelink guide, a parenting schedule tracker and co-parenting scripts. A$49. There's also a parenting plan template you can add at the checkout, so you're filling in a document rather than starting with a blank page.Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Aug 24

High conflict co-parenting: what I'd do differently

Ten years on from separation, Carolyn is still in regular conflict with her ex-husband. It looks different now than it did at the start – but there always seems to be something in the process. In this solo episode she opens up the arrangements she and her ex made at the beginning. One of them held. One of them didn't. And the reason the first one nearly came apart isn't the reason you'd expect – it had nothing to do with him. She talks about the pressure separated women carry to be collaborative and get it right, and what happened to one woman she coached who spent a year interrogating her children on the drive home about what went on at their father's house. And she makes a case that cuts against almost everything you'll hear about co-parenting: the thing most women treat as a last resort is the thing that gives you your life back. If you're setting arrangements up now, or living inside ones that stopped working a while ago, this one is for you. Links Mentioned in this episode The Separated Mother's Toolkit – stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/separated-mothers-toolkit/ (there's a super useful parenting plan template you can add at the checkout too)1800RESPECT – 1800 737 732, 24 hours – 1800respect.org.auFamily Advocacy and Support Services (FASS) – free duty lawyers and support workers – fcfcoa.gov.au/fassChildren's Contact Services – supervised changeover and contact – familyrelationships.gov.auChild support collection options – servicesaustralia.gov.auIndependent Children's Lawyer – what they do and when they're appointed – fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/children/iclKey takeaways Why an arrangement that was sensible at the start comes under pressure anyway – and why your ex isn't the only variable in itThe difference between a parenting plan and consent orders, and what neither of them can do for youWhy police don't enforce parenting orders, what actually happens when someone breaches them, and the one exceptionThe counter-intuitive case for bringing outside services in early rather than treating them as a last resortWhat parallel parenting looks like day to day, and why choosing it isn't a failure to co-parent properlyWhat the research says children need after separation – and why it isn't more contact timeWhere general co-parenting advice stops being useful, and what belongs around you if you've left an abusive relationshipWorth reading Australian Institute of Family Studies, Child wellbeing after parental separation – aifs.gov.auHarvard Center on the Developing Child, The Science of Resilience – developingchild.harvard.eduAustralian Federal Police on breaches of family law and parenting orders – afp.gov.auSupport outside Australia UK – National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, free, 24 hoursUS – National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788New Zealand – Are You OK, 0800 456 450. Women's Refuge, 0800 733 843Canada – ShelterSafe.ca will connect you with the right line for your provinceSend Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Aug 17

The lesson Helene's first divorce taught her that made her second one easier

Episode summary Helene has been through two separations so she's in a rare position: she can look back and see exactly what was different the second time round, and why it made all the difference to how she got through it. In this conversation, she talks about the work she did between the two relationships, the exercise she still uses with her own clients to work through hard emotions, and how she found her way out of a victim mentality and into real agency. It's a conversation full of practical, hard-won insight. Key takeaways Getting professional support early changes the trajectory of a separation.The "hidden benefits" exercise can dissolve an emotional charge enough to make a decision from a clear head rather than a reactive one.Moving out of victim mentality starts with recognising the beliefs formed early in life that are still running the show.Blended families often work better with house rules for everyone, and separate rules under each parent, rather than forcing one set of rules on both.Keeping the family home at all costs isn't always the financially sound choice – sometimes investments, superannuation or cash reserves serve a woman better long-term.A fully felt emotion only lasts around ninety seconds – learning to sit with it rather than numb it can loosen its grip over time.Reaching out to family and friends, even when shame says not to, is more likely to bring support than judgement. Links mentioned in this episode Women's Divorce Academy membership – https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/our-programThinkbowl Marketing – https://www.thinkbowl.com.au/Her Money Matters podcast – https://www.hermoneymatters.com.au/podcastMedicare mental health treatment plans (Australia only) – Better Access initiative, Department of Health (covers GP mental health plans and rebated sessions)Coercive control support, 1800RESPECTSend Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Aug 10

Get your feelings out of your head and onto the page with Rachel Smith

If you've ever lain awake trapped in a thought loop or composing a message you'll never send, this conversation is for you. Journalist and copywriter Rachel Smith joins Carolyn to talk about what writing can do that talking can't. Rachel runs Letter To My Ex, a site where thousands of people around the world have written to the person who broke their heart, and she spent years as an anonymous advice columnist reading what heartbreak sounds like from the inside. Together they look at why closure is so hard to find, why the truth so rarely delivers it, and what actually helps – sitting with the feeling, giving grief a container, and getting the words out of your body and onto the page. You'll come away with prompts you can use tonight and permission to stop chasing an answer that may never arrive. Key takeaways Closure and the truth aren't the same thing. As Rachel puts it, "in so many cases, they're just not gonna tell you really why they made that decision" – and when the truth does come, it often brings more questions rather than peace.Writing breaks the loop. When your thoughts are circling at 10pm, moving them onto the page gives you the perspective you can't find inside your own head.You don't have to journal every day to get the benefit. A ten to twenty minute feelings brain dump, when you need it, does more than a gratitude journal you resent.Give grief a container. Rachel's "five minute cry it out session" let her feel it fully, then get on with her day, rather than being ambushed by it hour after hour.Humour restores perspective – sweary colouring books, breakup cakes, a Tumblr full of other people's unsent love notes. Laughing at it is part of moving through it.What helps isn't more information about your ex. It's acceptance, sitting with the feelings, and finding out who you are again.Writing shows you your own patterns, including what you won't put up with next time. And if it isn't lifting after months or years, that's the signal to get professional support alongside the page. Links from this episode Letter To My Ex – lettertomyex.comRachel's List – rachelslist.com.auRachel Smith's website – rachelsmith.com.au Women's Divorce Academy membership - womensdivorceacademy.com/our-program More support Relationships Australia – counselling and family dispute resolution: relationships.org.auBeyond Blue – free mental health support: beyondblue.org.au or 1300 22 46361800RESPECT – national domestic, family and sexual violence counselling: 1800respect.org.au or 1800 737 732Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Aug 3

Can't afford to leave? Here's where to start...

Content warning: this episode discusses domestic and family violence, including deaths. There are links to support services below. If you've sat at the kitchen table late at night working out whether you can afford to leave, this episode is for you. You're not weak, and you're far from being the only one. New ABS figures put divorce near its lowest point since 1976 – in the middle of the worst cost of living stretch in a generation. That's not a sign more marriages are working. It's a sign fewer women can afford to leave. In this episode, I talk through what leaving actually costs in 2026, answer the "just leave" argument doing the rounds at the moment, and finish with three practical places you can start. Free help exists and a lot of women don't know about it – I'll tell you where to look. Support In an emergency, call: 000 (Australia) 111 (New Zealand) 999 (UK) 911 (US and Canada) 112 (Europe, and from your mobile in many other countries)Domestic and family violence support Australia: 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, 24 hours. Text 0458 737 732 or chat at 1800respect.org.au Australia 13YARN, 13 92 76, 24 hours, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people New Zealand: Women's Refuge Crisis Line, 0800 REFUGE (0800 733 843), 24 hours UK: National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, 24 hours, free Ireland: Women's Aid, 1800 341 900, 24 hours, free, with support in over 240 languages US and Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours Canada – find your nearest shelter at sheltersafe.caAnywhere else in the world: findahelpline.com is a vetted directory of crisis lines by country. Choose yours and it will show you what's available locally, in your language. From WDA Free guide: 5 Financial Mistakes Women Make in Divorce – and what to do instead. https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/free-5-financial-mistakes Women's Divorce Academy membership – the full resource library covering property and settlement, the legal process in plain English, superannuation, parenting, work and wellbeing. $74 a month, cancel any time. Charges appear on your statement as Stellar Content Group. https://stellarcontent.thrivecart.com/wda-membership/ Free financial help Australia – National Debt Helpline, 1800 007 007. Free, independent, confidential financial counselling. Elsewhere, free financial counselling exists in most countries but goes by different names. Search "free financial counselling" or "free debt advice" plus your country – and look for a not-for-profit or government-funded service, not a company selling you a debt product. Free legal help Australia: Legal Aid operates in every state and territory, alongside Women's Legal Services and community legal centres. Many offer free initial family law advice. Elsewhere, search "legal aid" or "free family law advice" plus your country or region. In many places a women's legal service or community legal centre will give you a first conversation at no cost. Support for men My work at Women's Divorce Academy supports women specifically but men experience domestic and family violence too, and there are services specifically for them. Australia: MensLine Australia, 1300 78 99 78, 24 hours. Free professional counselling for men, including men experiencing family violence. UK: Men's Advice Line (Respect), 0808 801 0327. Free, and calls don't appear on itemised bills. US and Canada: The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233, supports people of all genders. Australia: 1800RESPECT, 1800 737 732, is open to anyone experiencing domestic, family or sexual violence. Elsewhere: findahelpline.com will show you what's available in your country. If you're a man concerned about your own behaviour towards a partner, please seek support. In Australia the Men's Referral Service is 1300 766 491. Mentioned in this episode The data in this episode is Australian, but the pattern isn't – if you're listening from somewhere else, the equivalent research and services in your country are worth looking up. Australian Femicide Watch, Sherele Moody's project through the RED HEART Movement – https://australianfemicidewatch.org and petition for a royal commission into femicide – https://australianfemicidewatch.org/campaigns/femicide-royal-commission/Leaving Violence Program – https://leavingviolenceprogram.org.auAnglicare Sydney, Cost of Leaving report 2026 – https://assets.anglicare.org.au/asset/52433ada-8ada-4ee4-b0bc-73a5c3d2bc9a/cost-of-leaving-report-2026.pdfABS, Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2025 – https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/latest-releaseUniversity of Sydney, soaring house prices and divorce – https://www.sydney.edu.au/news-opinion/news/2025/07/15/soaring-house-prices-may-be-locking-people-into-marriages-new-research-shows.htmlANROWS, the facts about intimate partner homicide – https://www.anrows.org.au/publication/domestic-and-family-violence-lethality-the-facts-about-intimate-partner-homicide-html/National Legal Aid (Australia), find your state or territory service – https://www.nationallegalaid.orgFind A Helpline, crisis support directory by country – https://findahelpline.com Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!
Jul 28

ADHD, divorce and co-parenting with Sharon Collon

This week, Carolyn sits down with Sharon Collon from The Functional Family to talk about parenting through separation when ADHD is part of the picture – whether that's your child's, your own, or both. Sharon breaks down why transitions between two households cost the ADHD brain more than our neurotypical cousins, and shares tools you can use straight away: a "circular to-do list" that gives kids a visual path back to safety, a family meeting format that runs over dinner instead of turning into a toilet-roll witch hunt, and a reframe of rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Carolyn and Sharon also talk about what happens when a child comes home dysregulated after time with the other parent, and how to build systems that hold up on your worst day – not just your best one. Key takeaways Kids with ADHD often experience time as "now" and "not now" rather than a clear sequence – visual planners and wall calendars make transitions concrete.A "circular to-do list" gives kids a visual path back to the safety of home, rather than a string of instructions to remember.Family meetings work best short, low-pressure, and paired with an activity – like decorating pizza over dinner – rather than a serious sit-down.Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) means divorce is more likely to land as rejection – naming it takes some of the sting out, for kids and adults.Small, predictable anchors – a goodnight ritual, a private hug signal, a proper welcome home – do more for a child's sense of security than long conversations.If a child regularly comes home dysregulated after time at the other parent's house, build in decompression time first: food, quiet, low demands, no big questions.New systems need the child's buy-in, real simplicity, and around twelve weeks of consistent practice alongside a parent before they stick for an ADHD brain. Links Free guide to talking to your children about your separation or divorce: https://www.womensdivorceacademy.com/free-what-to-say-to-your-kidsFree training in September – The ADHD Family System – www.thefunctionalfamily.com/systemFurther resources ADDitude – Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and ADHD, by William Dodson, M.D.Send Carolyn a text READY FOR MORE SUPPORT? Women's Divorce Academy offers expert divorce support and a friendly community of women who understand exactly what you're going through. Learn more about our membership and divorce support: womensdivorceacademy.com CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @womensdivorceacademy Facebook: Women's Divorce Academy SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW: If this episode helped you, subscribe to Divorce With Carolyn and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show. Thank you!

Divorce with Carolyn is real talk for women about the hard parts of divorce and the beautiful life waiting on the other side. I've been through two divorces, spent years coaching women inside Women's Divorce Academy, and I'm here to be the divorce bestie you didn't know you needed — straight with you, cheering you on, and always bringing you back to what matters.

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Carolyn Tate
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2026
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29
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Explicit
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© 2026 Women's Divorce Academy
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