I’m big mad about Druski doing the white woman skit so now I am taking it out on you.
First, you will want to get dark meat. White meat is a mistake. This is true in general but especially in this case.
I prefer to de-bone but you don’t have to. If not, just cut some slits in the thighs or leg quarters. Only fools try to go for legs only. Skin is taken off of course.
Cut up an entire onion, juice at least one lemon, and get an appropriate amount of kosher salt. If you’re not cognizant of the appropriate ratio, that’s between you and God.
Throw it all in a plastic tub and let it sit on the counter top for a while. Perhaps you forget it while putting your child to bed.
Now, rinse it and set it on a plate. Then get a little more onion, a little more salt, maybe two glugs of Greek yogurt, curry powder, garam masala, paprika, allspice, black pepper, and some fragrant herbs. Put them together in quantities you like. Yes, you need more paprika. No, you can’t get away with skipping the garam masala. It’s not nuclear red? That’s because they use dye and RFK Jr. told me that was bad.
Let that sit together overnight in the fridge. Maybe two nights, you forgot and your kid wanted Chic-Fil-A and you didn’t have it in you to push the issue. Whatever. Maybe not your morality but it’s chicken and fruit.
Get the charcoal hot. Of course you don’t have a tandor and your mom’s chiminea she bought in 2003 is not a good option. Remember the things you’ve burned in there.
You don’t really need to wash off the marinade but if you leave too much it’ll be kinda gross. So at least wipe most of it off.
COOK INDIRECTLY FIRST. If you want a little char, you can finish it over flame right before it comes up to temp. Use a thermometer. They’re like $13 now and they’re also good for checking your sourdough.
Now use a time travel machine and make the rice you forgot. Also buy the cilantro. Now make cilantro lime rice, leave some extra lime wedges. You have lemons instead because you got too many for the first step? That’s fine, close enough.
Make sure you let the chicken sit for 5-10 mins once it comes off the grill. You lost track of time because of bedtime again? It’s fine. You left it in the oven to “rest.”
Now eat it over the sink, taking spoonfuls of rice to the face like you’re malnourished and the citrus is needed to heal scurvy. Store leftovers in a ziplock, microwave and repeat for the next 3 days.
