Beauty in Battle is a high-energy conversation for married couples to help you energize your relationship, give you purpose, and draw you close to your spouse by turning the tension that divides you into energy that fuels you. In this podcast, Jason and Tori Benham share the stories of their relationship and the practical ways they turned conflict and quarrels into passion and purpose by leaning into their struggles rather than trying to avoid them. As a result, they discovered that fighting together drew them together. Their message is clear - you don’t need to stop fighting; you need to start fighting … the right way. When you and your spouse choose to no longer fight against each other in a personal battle but alongside one another in a spiritual war, the results are amazing as you begin to recognize your God-given purpose together. Laced with practical insights and easy-to-follow steps, our discussions will help you discover:* The number one relationship killer and how to stay away from it. * How to combat negative thinking toward your spouse. * The one key that will magnetize you to your spouse and your spouse to you.* How to win your love back when “you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.”* Why there was a wedding crasher at the first marriage in history and how he showed up at your wedding too. We all fight. The question is, will you discover the beauty in battle? We're here to help you do just that!
Self Awareness in Marriage
Many of you know that Tori is a certified coach for the Enneagram and Emotional Intelligence, but for those who don’t, well, she is! And in this episode she’s going to dive deep into the three “instinctual subtypes” of the Enneagram.
Knowing how you behave “instinctively” will help you not only understand yourself but relate to your spouse on a deeper level.
In short, there are three sub-types (or “instincts”) we all have. They are:
Self Preservation - my instinct is mostly about “ME.” Social - my instinct is mostly about “US.” One-to-One - my instinct is mostly about “YOU.” Tori will explain each of these more in depth as she dissects me (lucky guy!) on air. Hope you enjoy learning this as much as we did sharing it!
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Grab a copy of Beauty In Battle HERE.
Five Core Human Needs
We all have five core needs:
Security - Who can I trust?Identity - Who am I?Belonging - who wants me?Purpose - why am I alive?Competence - what am I good at?In today's episode we're going to dive into each of these and show you how God meets those needs in you through your spouse.
We'll also discuss the core relational need of a husband and the core relational need of a wife and how you can make sure you're meeting those needs on a regular basis.
If you'd like to connect with us visit our website HERE.
If you haven't read our book, you can grab a copy HERE.
Staying in Love While Parenting Kids
Today we're going to dive into the four stages of parenting and a very simple, practical way we can stay in love while parenting our kids. As any married couple with kids will tell you, it can be a real challenge!
Our foundation is in Exodus 33 where we see how God parented the Israelites and stayed connected with them at the same time.
Throughout the book we see the Four stages of parenting:
• 1) Babysitter - A babysitter says, “I’ve GOT you!”
• 2) Referee - A ref says, “I’ll PUNISH you.”
• 3) Coach - A coach says, “I’m FOR you.”
• 4) Teammate - A teammate says, “I’m WITH you.”
KEY: A spirit of HONOR moves our kids through the first three stages to become a teammate.
The teammate phase is where we truly get to KNOW the person.
PROBLEM - our kids often move backward through the stages when by their behavior. And that can threaten our marital bond if we're not careful. Therefore, the key to staying in love while parenting kids is to be on the same page in the same stage with our spouse.
Dating in Marriage
This episode is all about dating in your marriage. Often times when we get married that's the thing that gets pushed aside because of our busy lives. But it's vitally important if we want to keep our relationship strong and growing.
We'll discuss three key aspects about dating:
DATING IS ABOUT DISCOVERYDATING IS ABOUT CONNECTIONDATING IS ABOUT DREAMING We'll also talk about the value of play and the five things it gives you as a couple:
Deeper connectionPositive emotions (cancer breeds on negative emotion) Relational satisfaction Better communication Better problem-solving If you want to incorporate dating into your marriage, follow these three steps:
1) Create a dating system 2) Set goals (big and small) 3) Talk about things that matter
Overcoming Fear in Marriage
Before two can become one, one needs to be one (a whole person).
Relational health is born out of individual health.
Often times in marriage the problem isn’t US - it’s ME.
The problem we’ll talk about today is FEAR. We're going to show how fear is literally debilitating to your relationship.
Fear draws us away from those we love.
Faith draws us toward those we love.
KEY - God often orchestrates scary situations to prove His power.
How do we overcome fear? The same way the angels did in Revelation 12:11:
The blood of the Lamb - salvation The power of their testimony - salvation lived outNot loving their lives so much as to shrink from death - whatever the cost attitude. In marriage, if we can overcome our fear it will unite us to our spouse in a powerful way. But you have to first let your spouse in on your fear. And if they are the ones going through a trial, jump into the struggle with them.
Your greatest blessings are only found on the other side of your greatest fears! And when you walk through them together, your relationship will grow stronger as a result.
Closing the Love Loop
Today we're talking about THE LOVE LOOP. This is just a fancy term for when spouses are connected and nothing is hindering their relationship. Like your wedding ring - it's fully connected in a perfectly formed loop around your finger.
Marriage is the same way. And in order to keep that loop secure, we have to excel in the power of GRATITUDE!
When your spouse does something for you it opens up a half loop.
Expressing gratitude closes the Love Loop and results in connection.
Unexpressed gratitude leaves the loop open and results in disconnection.
The primary factor in emotional and relational health is GRATITUDE. Why? Because gratitude challenges negative thought patterns. Negative thinking destroys your brain and your bond to your spouse.
Gratitude is the social emotion of the brain - it makes you feel attached to the person you’re thankful for.
Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.
Thankfulness is the desire to express that feeling.
Thanksgiving is following through on that desire.
How to increase gratitude in your relationship:
Pay attention to the little things that you typically take for granted. Focus on the good that you can be thankful for. Experience the emotion of gratitude by putting yourself in different shoes. (If I didn’t have her…what would my life be like if…) Have a habit of thanking God for your spouse. (He’s your Father-In-Law)Express, Express, Express your gratitude. (the more you express the more you’ll want to express) The reward for gratitude is presence (Psalms 100:4) with God & your spouse.
Huge shift in mindset
The greatest thing they bring to the table is teaching couples to shift in your mindset. Game changer.
I love hearing the real stories and how you work through those battles by understanding who the real enemy is. Satan loves to break up unity especially in marriage.
Answer to prayer
What a gift and answer to prayer this podcast is! I have been praying that my husband of 25 years and I would have a God-honoring marriage. I don’t want to settle for not wanting anyone else. I want to see where marriage synergy can take us. I can’t wait to listen with my husband. I listened to the first four in a row and you guys are already so fun to listen to! What amazing tips straight out of God’s word with real life applications! I look forward to all future episodes! I will definitely be sharing this with friends and family members! First favorite parts are: God is not just my Father, he’s my father-in-law and to remember why I had gratitude for my spouse.