Climbing Fish Parenting

Dr. Kristi Clarke
  • 4.9 (9)
  • PARENTING

Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes, we're just asking our fish to climb trees. If you're an exhausted parent who's tried everything and nothing has worked—this podcast is for you. You're carrying guilt about your parenting. Your child's behaviors don't respond to the typical strategies. The advice from books, friends, and even professionals just... doesn't fit. Here's what I need you to know: You're not failing. You're just using the wrong map. I'm Dr. Kristi, a psychologist and behavior analyst, and I help parents understand their child's unique wiring and use strategies that actually work. Whether your child has a diagnosis or you just know they're wired differently—whether it's ADHD, ASD, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or they're just... not like the parenting books describe—this is for you. No fluff. No shame. Just practical, evidence-based guidance from someone who gets it. Each episode gives you real strategies for real challenges—meltdowns, school struggles, bedtime battles, and everything in between. This is where we stop asking fish to climb trees and start helping them swim.

  1. 3D AGO

    Your Teen Isn't Checking Out. They're Running on Empty.

    Your teenager failed multiple classes last semester. Not because they didn't understand the material — their teacher says they're one of the most engaged kids in the room. But the assignments aren't getting turned in. And when you ask why, they shrug. "I don't know." You've taken away the phone. You've sat next to them at the kitchen table. You've hired a tutor. Nothing sticks. And the thing making you crazy is that they don't seem to care. Here's what I need you to hear: they care. The problem was never motivation. In this episode: Why the executive function gap that was visible in childhood goes underground in the teenage years — and what it looks like when it does What "I don't know" actually means when your teenager can't explain themselves — and why pushing for the explanation makes everything worse The three patterns I see constantly in wired-differently teenagers — and what each one actually looks like from the inside when nobody around them can see it Why motivational strategies don't work when motivation was never the problem — and what does work instead Two concrete things to try this week that match the support to the brain instead of the expectation By the end of this episode, you'll understand what the shrug actually means, what's really happening during those twelve days before the project deadline, and what your teenager needs from you that looks completely different from what you've been trying. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content.  Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    20 min

  2. APR 6

    Your Child Isn't Falling Apart - Their Brain Just Hit Its Limit

    It's 3:15pm. Your child just walked through the door. They drop their backpack somewhere between the entryway and the kitchen — not where it goes, just somewhere. You ask how their day was. They grunt. You ask if they have homework. They explode. Not a little frustrated. Not mildly annoyed. Explode. Slammed door. Maybe something thrown. Maybe words that sting. And you're standing there thinking: I said two words. Two completely normal words that every parent says to every kid who comes home from school. And somehow that became a crisis. It's not about the homework. It's not about the chips. It's not even about you. In this episode, I'm going to show you exactly what's happening inside your child's brain by the time they walk through that door — and why the way most parents respond (naturally, instinctively, reasonably) accidentally makes it worse. In this episode: The whiteboard metaphor that will permanently change how you see your child's hardest moments Why your child can hold it together all day at school and completely fall apart the moment they get home — and why that's actually a sign your relationship is working What a "depleted whiteboard" actually looks like in real life (the after-school explosion, the bedtime unraveling, the homework shutdown) Why consequences and lectures don't work in these moments — and what restoring capacity actually looks like instead The one thing to try this week that parents tell me is a game-changer within days This episode is the lens that makes everything else click. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Resources: Newsletter signup at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup — and registration for my free April webinar opens soon. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    21 min

  3. MAR 30

    How to Talk to Grandparents About Your Child's Needs (Without Losing Your Mind)

    How to Talk to Grandparents About Your Child's Needs (Without Losing Your Mind) You're at Sunday dinner. Your child melts down when it's time to leave. And your mom says—not unkindly, but with that tone—"He's fine. You just need to be firmer with him." Or your father-in-law laughs: "She doesn't act like that with me." Or the worst one: "We didn't have all these labels when you were growing up. Kids were just kids." And your child is sitting right there. Your stomach drops. Your face flushes. You want to defend your child, defend yourself—and part of you wonders: What if they're right? It's not just frustrating. It's destabilizing. Because now you're not managing your child's nervous system. You're managing your parents' opinions, your in-laws' judgments, and your own creeping self-doubt. In this episode, you'll discover: Why grandparent pushback hits deeper than criticism from anyone else—and the generational layer underneath the tension Why the shame spiral ("What if they're right?") is so predictable—and how to interrupt it What your child is actually hearing when adults question your approach in front of them, and why protecting their developing identity matters more than winning the argument A personal story about my daughter's food allergies and the moment I had to choose between keeping the peace and protecting my child—and what that taught me about love vs. safety Three practical strategies for protecting your peace: how to pre-brief before a visit, short neutral responses that shut down debate without escalating, and how to repair with your child afterward When gentle redirection isn't enough—and the language for setting a firmer boundary when your child's wellbeing is at stake A real-life example of a dad who stopped trying to convince his mother-in-law and focused on protecting his son's sense of self instead—and what changed By the end of this episode, you'll have concrete tools for navigating family dynamics without losing your authority, your peace, or your child's trust in you. Resources mentioned: Join me live for my free training "Why Your Smart Kid Can't Do Easy Things" — the brain-based explanation that finally gives you the language for what you've been watching. April 2nd at 8 pm est/5 pm pst. Register now at www.climbingfishparenting.com/webinar. No replay — can't wait to see you there!  Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    13 min

  4. MAR 23

    Why Your Child's Meltdowns Don't Mean They Hate You

    Why Your Child's Meltdowns Don't Mean They Hate You It's Tuesday night. Homework time. You say, gently, "Just three more problems." Their jaw clenches. Their shoulders rise. The pencil flies across the room, the paper rips, the chair crashes into the wall. And they scream right in your face: I HATE YOU! YOU'RE THE WORST MOM EVER! Then they run to their room and slam the door. And you're standing there—heart pounding, hands shaking, face hot—with that quiet, terrible voice whispering: What if they mean it? Here's what I need you to know: Your child doesn't hate you. Not even a little bit. And in this episode, I'm going to show you exactly what's actually happening in their brain when those words come out. In this episode, you'll discover: The neuroscience of what happens to your child's brain during a meltdown—and why their prefrontal cortex goes completely offline (not dimmed, not struggling—offline) What "I hate you" actually translates to when you understand what the amygdala is doing Why your child falls apart with YOU and holds it together at school—and why that's actually a sign you're doing something right How to read the body signs of escalation BEFORE the explosion hits—the physical cues that give you a window to intervene The three-step response that keeps you grounded when your child is coming apart at the seams The four functions of behavior, and how to decode which one is driving your child's meltdowns The most common mistakes parents make during meltdowns—and what to do instead How to repair the relationship after a hard moment, and why repair is where the real connection-building happens By the end of this episode, you'll understand what your child's meltdowns are actually communicating—and you'll have a practical framework for responding in a way that preserves your relationship instead of damaging it. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup. And stay tuned—registration for my FREE April webinar opens soon. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    12 min

  5. MAR 16

    Listener Q&A: Your Questions Answered

    Listener Q&A: Your Questions Answered You send me questions all the time—through emails, DMs, after workshops—and today I'm answering four of the ones I hear most often. Real questions from real parents who are in the trenches, dealing with the things that don't make it into the parenting books. Because sometimes you don't need a full deep dive—you need a quick, honest answer from someone who actually understands how your child's brain works. In this episode, I'm answering: "My kid is so slow—it takes hours to clean his room, forever to leave the house. Nothing motivates him. What's going on?" (Hint: it's not a motivation problem—and I break down the difference between executive function struggles, slow processing speed, and sluggish cognitive tempo) "My kid's teacher says they're fine at school, but they fall apart at home. What's happening?" (What "holding it together" actually costs your child—and why you're not imagining what you see at home. I break this down by age: elementary, middle school, AND high school) "My child refuses all help. How do I support them when they won't let me?" (A different approach for each developmental stage—and why the key is making help feel like partnership instead of failure) "How do I get my partner on the same page when they think I'm too soft?" (What actually works—and what definitely doesn't) By the end of this episode, you'll have concrete starting points for four of the most common challenges I hear from parents like you—and you'll know you're not alone in any of them. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content. And mark your calendar—registration for my free live webinar opens soon. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    19 min

  6. MAR 9

    When Your Tween Pushes You Away But Still Needs You

    Your 12-year-old walks in from school. You say, "Hey, how was your day?" They don't look up. "Fine." You try again—a sigh, an eye roll, "Can you not?" And they walk past you, go to their room, and shut the door. Your stomach drops. Three hours later, they're melting down over homework and need you nearby. And you're standing there thinking: You just told me to leave you alone. Why do you need me now? Welcome to the push-pull of the tween years—where your child is simultaneously trying to separate from you and desperately needs you to stay. And if your tween is wired differently, this tension is even more intense. In this episode, you'll discover: The developmental reason your tween pushes you away and still needs you—and why both things are true at the same time Why distance is not the same as disconnection—and what "You're safe enough to push against" actually means What your tween is really testing for when they're prickly and difficult (it's not what you think) Why kids who've been masking all day at school have nothing left when they walk through your door—and what that means for how you greet them The two mistakes most parents make when tweens pull away (and how both backfire) The concept of non-intrusive availability—what it looks like in real life and why it works How repair actually strengthens the relationship more than getting it right the first time A real-life example of a mom who shifted her approach and got her daughter back—not by demanding connection, but by being steady enough that her daughter found her way back on her own timeline By the end of this episode, you'll have a framework for staying connected to your tween without chasing, controlling, or taking the distance personally. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    13 min

  7. MAR 2

    The Resentment You Don't Want to Admit

    It's 8:47 PM. You've been awake since 5:30. The morning started with a 45-minute battle over wrong socks. Homework took two hours. Bedtime is still not done. And somewhere in that exhausted, tight-chested moment, you feel it—that burning thought: This is not fair. Immediately followed by gut-punch guilt: What kind of parent resents their own child? Here's what I need you to know: resentment doesn't mean what you think it means. It doesn't mean you're failing. It doesn't mean you don't love your child. It means you're carrying more than any one person should carry alone—and your nervous system is waving a red flag. In this episode, you'll discover: Why resentment is one of the most common—and least talked about—experiences for parents of neurodivergent kids, and why almost no one warns you it's coming The invisible labor that makes parenting a child who's wired differently fundamentally harder (cognitive load, emotional labor, physical labor, and advocacy labor—all at once) The gap between the parenting you imagined and the parenting you're actually doing, and why it's okay to grieve that Why love and resentment can absolutely coexist—and what it actually means when both are present at the same time How the guilt spiral keeps you stuck, and what to do instead What resentment is actually signaling—the three things it's almost always pointing to The body sensations of resentment, and why learning to catch them early changes everything Four concrete steps for responding to resentment without drowning in shame By the end of this episode, you'll understand that resentment isn't proof you're a bad parent—it's information about what you need. And you'll have a framework for listening to it instead of hiding from it. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    19 min

  8. FEB 23

    When Your Child Refuses Medication: What's Really Happening and What Actually Works

    My child needs medication—for ADHD, for anxiety, for whatever—but they won't take it. I've tried hiding it in food. I've tried rewards. I've tried consequences. We battle every single morning and I don't know what to do. Sound familiar? Underneath that battle is so much guilt—guilt that you can't get your child to do something that's supposed to help them, guilt that you're fighting over healthcare, guilt that maybe if you were a better parent, this wouldn't be so hard. Let me say this clearly: medication refusal is not a parenting failure. It's a skill deficit, a sensory challenge, or a communication breakdown—and once you identify which one it is for your child, you can actually fix it. In this episode, you'll discover: The two-part framework that solves 95% of medication refusal: skill and buy-in How to teach pill swallowing systematically using shaping (from sprinkles to Tic Tacs to actual pills) Alternative delivery methods when your child isn't ready to swallow pills—and the critical mistake parents make when mixing medication with food Why buy-in problems look different for younger kids versus tweens and teens (and what actually works for each age) The conversations that reduce resistance more than any argument ever will When to let your teenager try going without medication (and how to do it safely with clear parameters) How to identify whether your child's refusal is primarily a skill problem or a buy-in problem—and what to do about it this week By the end of this episode, you'll understand the two most common reasons medication refusal happens and have specific solutions for each. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com for this week's exclusive content on the system piece—how to make medication automatic instead of something you have to remember every morning.  Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    13 min
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About

Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes, we're just asking our fish to climb trees. If you're an exhausted parent who's tried everything and nothing has worked—this podcast is for you. You're carrying guilt about your parenting. Your child's behaviors don't respond to the typical strategies. The advice from books, friends, and even professionals just... doesn't fit. Here's what I need you to know: You're not failing. You're just using the wrong map. I'm Dr. Kristi, a psychologist and behavior analyst, and I help parents understand their child's unique wiring and use strategies that actually work. Whether your child has a diagnosis or you just know they're wired differently—whether it's ADHD, ASD, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or they're just... not like the parenting books describe—this is for you. No fluff. No shame. Just practical, evidence-based guidance from someone who gets it. Each episode gives you real strategies for real challenges—meltdowns, school struggles, bedtime battles, and everything in between. This is where we stop asking fish to climb trees and start helping them swim.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Kristi Clarke
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    30
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2025
  • Show Website
    Climbing Fish Parenting