Climbing Fish Parenting

Dr. Kristi Clarke
  • 4.9 (9)
  • PARENTING

Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes, we're just asking our fish to climb trees. If you're an exhausted parent who's tried everything and nothing has worked—this podcast is for you. You're carrying guilt about your parenting. Your child's behaviors don't respond to the typical strategies. The advice from books, friends, and even professionals just... doesn't fit. Here's what I need you to know: You're not failing. You're just using the wrong map. I'm Dr. Kristi, a psychologist and behavior analyst, and I help parents understand their child's unique wiring and use strategies that actually work. Whether your child has a diagnosis or you just know they're wired differently—whether it's ADHD, ASD, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or they're just... not like the parenting books describe—this is for you. No fluff. No shame. Just practical, evidence-based guidance from someone who gets it. Each episode gives you real strategies for real challenges—meltdowns, school struggles, bedtime battles, and everything in between. This is where we stop asking fish to climb trees and start helping them swim.

  1. 1D AGO

    Why Your Child's Meltdowns Don't Mean They Hate You

    Why Your Child's Meltdowns Don't Mean They Hate You It's Tuesday night. Homework time. You say, gently, "Just three more problems." Their jaw clenches. Their shoulders rise. The pencil flies across the room, the paper rips, the chair crashes into the wall. And they scream right in your face: I HATE YOU! YOU'RE THE WORST MOM EVER! Then they run to their room and slam the door. And you're standing there—heart pounding, hands shaking, face hot—with that quiet, terrible voice whispering: What if they mean it? Here's what I need you to know: Your child doesn't hate you. Not even a little bit. And in this episode, I'm going to show you exactly what's actually happening in their brain when those words come out. In this episode, you'll discover: The neuroscience of what happens to your child's brain during a meltdown—and why their prefrontal cortex goes completely offline (not dimmed, not struggling—offline) What "I hate you" actually translates to when you understand what the amygdala is doing Why your child falls apart with YOU and holds it together at school—and why that's actually a sign you're doing something right How to read the body signs of escalation BEFORE the explosion hits—the physical cues that give you a window to intervene The three-step response that keeps you grounded when your child is coming apart at the seams The four functions of behavior, and how to decode which one is driving your child's meltdowns The most common mistakes parents make during meltdowns—and what to do instead How to repair the relationship after a hard moment, and why repair is where the real connection-building happens By the end of this episode, you'll understand what your child's meltdowns are actually communicating—and you'll have a practical framework for responding in a way that preserves your relationship instead of damaging it. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup. And stay tuned—registration for my FREE April webinar opens soon. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    12 min

  2. MAR 16

    Listener Q&A: Your Questions Answered

    Listener Q&A: Your Questions Answered You send me questions all the time—through emails, DMs, after workshops—and today I'm answering four of the ones I hear most often. Real questions from real parents who are in the trenches, dealing with the things that don't make it into the parenting books. Because sometimes you don't need a full deep dive—you need a quick, honest answer from someone who actually understands how your child's brain works. In this episode, I'm answering: "My kid is so slow—it takes hours to clean his room, forever to leave the house. Nothing motivates him. What's going on?" (Hint: it's not a motivation problem—and I break down the difference between executive function struggles, slow processing speed, and sluggish cognitive tempo) "My kid's teacher says they're fine at school, but they fall apart at home. What's happening?" (What "holding it together" actually costs your child—and why you're not imagining what you see at home. I break this down by age: elementary, middle school, AND high school) "My child refuses all help. How do I support them when they won't let me?" (A different approach for each developmental stage—and why the key is making help feel like partnership instead of failure) "How do I get my partner on the same page when they think I'm too soft?" (What actually works—and what definitely doesn't) By the end of this episode, you'll have concrete starting points for four of the most common challenges I hear from parents like you—and you'll know you're not alone in any of them. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content. And mark your calendar—registration for my free live webinar opens soon. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    19 min

  3. MAR 9

    When Your Tween Pushes You Away But Still Needs You

    Your 12-year-old walks in from school. You say, "Hey, how was your day?" They don't look up. "Fine." You try again—a sigh, an eye roll, "Can you not?" And they walk past you, go to their room, and shut the door. Your stomach drops. Three hours later, they're melting down over homework and need you nearby. And you're standing there thinking: You just told me to leave you alone. Why do you need me now? Welcome to the push-pull of the tween years—where your child is simultaneously trying to separate from you and desperately needs you to stay. And if your tween is wired differently, this tension is even more intense. In this episode, you'll discover: The developmental reason your tween pushes you away and still needs you—and why both things are true at the same time Why distance is not the same as disconnection—and what "You're safe enough to push against" actually means What your tween is really testing for when they're prickly and difficult (it's not what you think) Why kids who've been masking all day at school have nothing left when they walk through your door—and what that means for how you greet them The two mistakes most parents make when tweens pull away (and how both backfire) The concept of non-intrusive availability—what it looks like in real life and why it works How repair actually strengthens the relationship more than getting it right the first time A real-life example of a mom who shifted her approach and got her daughter back—not by demanding connection, but by being steady enough that her daughter found her way back on her own timeline By the end of this episode, you'll have a framework for staying connected to your tween without chasing, controlling, or taking the distance personally. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    13 min

  4. MAR 2

    The Resentment You Don't Want to Admit

    It's 8:47 PM. You've been awake since 5:30. The morning started with a 45-minute battle over wrong socks. Homework took two hours. Bedtime is still not done. And somewhere in that exhausted, tight-chested moment, you feel it—that burning thought: This is not fair. Immediately followed by gut-punch guilt: What kind of parent resents their own child? Here's what I need you to know: resentment doesn't mean what you think it means. It doesn't mean you're failing. It doesn't mean you don't love your child. It means you're carrying more than any one person should carry alone—and your nervous system is waving a red flag. In this episode, you'll discover: Why resentment is one of the most common—and least talked about—experiences for parents of neurodivergent kids, and why almost no one warns you it's coming The invisible labor that makes parenting a child who's wired differently fundamentally harder (cognitive load, emotional labor, physical labor, and advocacy labor—all at once) The gap between the parenting you imagined and the parenting you're actually doing, and why it's okay to grieve that Why love and resentment can absolutely coexist—and what it actually means when both are present at the same time How the guilt spiral keeps you stuck, and what to do instead What resentment is actually signaling—the three things it's almost always pointing to The body sensations of resentment, and why learning to catch them early changes everything Four concrete steps for responding to resentment without drowning in shame By the end of this episode, you'll understand that resentment isn't proof you're a bad parent—it's information about what you need. And you'll have a framework for listening to it instead of hiding from it. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy content. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    19 min

  5. FEB 23

    When Your Child Refuses Medication: What's Really Happening and What Actually Works

    My child needs medication—for ADHD, for anxiety, for whatever—but they won't take it. I've tried hiding it in food. I've tried rewards. I've tried consequences. We battle every single morning and I don't know what to do. Sound familiar? Underneath that battle is so much guilt—guilt that you can't get your child to do something that's supposed to help them, guilt that you're fighting over healthcare, guilt that maybe if you were a better parent, this wouldn't be so hard. Let me say this clearly: medication refusal is not a parenting failure. It's a skill deficit, a sensory challenge, or a communication breakdown—and once you identify which one it is for your child, you can actually fix it. In this episode, you'll discover: The two-part framework that solves 95% of medication refusal: skill and buy-in How to teach pill swallowing systematically using shaping (from sprinkles to Tic Tacs to actual pills) Alternative delivery methods when your child isn't ready to swallow pills—and the critical mistake parents make when mixing medication with food Why buy-in problems look different for younger kids versus tweens and teens (and what actually works for each age) The conversations that reduce resistance more than any argument ever will When to let your teenager try going without medication (and how to do it safely with clear parameters) How to identify whether your child's refusal is primarily a skill problem or a buy-in problem—and what to do about it this week By the end of this episode, you'll understand the two most common reasons medication refusal happens and have specific solutions for each. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com for this week's exclusive content on the system piece—how to make medication automatic instead of something you have to remember every morning.  Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    13 min

  6. FEB 16

    Morning Routines for Tweens and Teens: When They 'Should Know Better'

    Your child is thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years old. Old enough to have a phone. Old enough to want independence. Old enough that well-meaning relatives keep asking, "Why can't they just get themselves ready?" And you're watching your teenager—who can recite entire dialogue sequences from their favorite shows, who navigates complex video game strategies—completely unable to get out the door without you directing every single step. Here's what I need you to know: your teenager absolutely can need routine support at thirteen or fifteen or seventeen, and it's not because you've coddled them or failed to teach independence. It's because executive functioning skills develop on a slower timeline in kids who are wired differently—sometimes significantly slower. In this episode, you'll discover: Why executive functioning can lag 30% behind chronological age (and what that means for your brilliant but disorganized teen) The shame spiral that makes everything worse—and why tweens and teens resist help even when they desperately need it The fundamental shift from control to collaboration that changes the entire morning dynamic The one question that transforms nagging into partnership: "What support do you need to get ready this morning?" Why teaching self-advocacy is more important than forcing independence Practical strategies for different support levels—from initiation struggles to working memory deficits The critical difference between support and enabling (and why support needs to last longer than you think) By the end of this episode, you'll understand why your teenager still needs routine support and how to provide it without nagging or micromanaging. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com/newslettersignup for this week's exclusive phrase that eliminates nagging. Plus, registration closes February 18th at midnight for the live training on February 19th and 21st—your last chance to build a morning routine system that works for YOUR child's age and specific challenges. Enroll here: www.climbingfishparenting.com/MorningRoutineSystem Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    18 min

  7. FEB 9

    The One Morning Routine Mistake That's Sabotaging Everything Else

    You've tried teaching the skills. You've tried building routines. And it still falls apart every single morning. Here's what you're missing: you're trying to do too much at once. When I ask parents to walk me through their morning routine, they list fifteen tasks. Then I ask which of those fifteen things their child can do independently right now, and the answer is usually one. Maybe two. Sometimes zero. That's the problem—you're not trying to teach a morning routine. You're trying to teach fifteen separate skills simultaneously while also getting out the door on time. In this episode, you'll discover: Why "scope creep" is destroying your morning routine (and how every problem becomes another task you add) The skill acquisition reality: why your child's brain literally cannot learn fifteen complex skills at the same time How to ruthlessly prioritize down to the three non-negotiables that actually matter The three questions to ask about every task to decide what stays and what gets cut Why simplifying to 3-4 essential tasks creates more progress than managing 15 tasks ever will The parent mindset shift from "lowering standards" to "strategic sequencing" By the end of this episode, you'll understand exactly why your routine keeps falling apart and what to change immediately to start seeing skills actually stick. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com for this week's exclusive strategy about the best time to start a new routine—it cuts your teaching time in half. Plus, registration opens this THURSDAY, Febuary 12th for the live training on February 19th and 21st where Dr. Kristi will help you build a complete morning routine system from the ground up, customized for YOUR child's specific wiring. Sign up here: www.climbingfishparenting.com/MorningRoutineSystem Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    14 min

  8. FEB 4

    Why Traditional Morning Routine Charts Fail Kids Wired Differently

    If you've created a beautiful visual schedule—laminated cards, Velcro, pictures for every step—and your child is still melting down every morning, wandering off mid-routine, or standing in their underwear twenty minutes after being told to get dressed, I need you to hear this: That chart isn't failing because you did something wrong. It's failing because visual schedules are step three of a process, and everyone told you they were step one. In this episode, you'll discover: Why visual schedules are reminder systems, not teaching tools (and why that distinction changes everything) The fifteen hidden skills required just to "get dressed"—and why your child isn't being defiant when they can't do it independently The critical difference between a skill deficit and a performance deficit (and why misidentifying this sets everyone up for failure) The three-step process that actually builds morning routine skills that stick Why traditional parenting advice skips the two most important steps—and how to fill in those gaps A real-life example of transforming a forty-two-step disaster into a routine that actually works By the end of this episode, you'll understand exactly why that beautiful chart isn't working and what actually needs to happen before visual schedules can help. Resources mentioned:  Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com for this week's exclusive framework that will help you know exactly when your child is ready for step three. Plus, mark your calendar for the live training on February 19th and 21st where Dr. Kristi will walk you through building morning routine skills that actually stick—with step-by-step implementation for YOUR child's specific challenges. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.

    16 min
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4.9
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About

Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes, we're just asking our fish to climb trees. If you're an exhausted parent who's tried everything and nothing has worked—this podcast is for you. You're carrying guilt about your parenting. Your child's behaviors don't respond to the typical strategies. The advice from books, friends, and even professionals just... doesn't fit. Here's what I need you to know: You're not failing. You're just using the wrong map. I'm Dr. Kristi, a psychologist and behavior analyst, and I help parents understand their child's unique wiring and use strategies that actually work. Whether your child has a diagnosis or you just know they're wired differently—whether it's ADHD, ASD, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or they're just... not like the parenting books describe—this is for you. No fluff. No shame. Just practical, evidence-based guidance from someone who gets it. Each episode gives you real strategies for real challenges—meltdowns, school struggles, bedtime battles, and everything in between. This is where we stop asking fish to climb trees and start helping them swim.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Kristi Clarke
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    27
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2025
  • Show Website
    Climbing Fish Parenting