Complex Couples Podcast

Heidi Applegarth
  • 5.0 (6)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Welcome! This is a space where your marriage matters, your values matter, and your choices matter. I’m Heidi, a couples therapist and founder of Complex Couples Coaching. I help couples navigate complex marriages, especially where mixed-orientation, desire discrepancies, attraction changes, or mixed gender identity play a role. My goal is to help you see your relationship clearly and make decisions rooted in integrity rather than fear. Learn to navigate complicated issues so you can make choices and thrive in whatever choice you make. Join me as I share insights about marriage that specifically apply to your situation. I’ll walk you through complicated issues such as: • What to do when your husband or wife comes out as gay, bisexual or trans • Whether mixed-orientation marriages can thrive or just merely survive • How attraction works and if you have to give it up if you want to stay married • Loss of desire in long-term marriage and how to get it back • Navigating high-conflict situations in a way that increases self-respect • Working through feelings of resentment • Rebuilding trust after emotional betrayal or secrets Subscribe and join a community of people committed to allowing marriage to shape them into better humans.

  1. 6d ago

    Daniel Episode: What Helps (and What Doesn’t) When Someone Comes Out

    Someone you love just came out to you, or maybe you heard secondhand and don't know what to say.  Here's where to start. Daniel and I talk through our experience with: What actually is supportive in the response to someone coming out, and it wasn't what most people assume The well-meaning response that can quietly do the most damage Why the way you responded on day one isn't the end of the story   This Week's Invitation If this is a situation you are currently facing, think of that person and consider what curiosity, instead of certainty, could offer them right now. If you have regrets about how you’ve handled someone coming out to you, figure out what you wish you would have done differently, take ownership for the mistake, and try again!   Connect 🧭 FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide  Interested in private coaching?➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  ⭐️ Want private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  🎙️ Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ watch this episode here.  📧 Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com  This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  2. Aug 25

    Could I have prevented this?

    If you’ve wondered what you could have done differently after your spouse cheated, there may be a reason that question is so compelling. When a spouse steps outside the marriage, it’s easy to look back at yourself and wonder what you could have changed. In this episode, I share a story that changed the way I think about that question, and what we may miss when we’re searching for an answer. Why “If I had just…” can feel like such a compelling place to look after a spouse cheats What can happen when we try to make sense of someone else’s choices by looking at ourselves How to begin sorting through what’s actually yours to examine in the relationship   This Week’s Invitation Notice where you’ve been asking, “What could I have done differently?” Then get curious about what you’re hoping the answer to that question will give you. If you’re having difficulty sorting through what’s true in your relationship, I’d love to help.   Resources Mentioned Complex Couples Coaching   Connect 🧭 FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide  ⭐️ Want private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  🎙️ Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ watch this episode here.  📧 Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com  This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  3. Aug 18

    If You're Gay and Cheating, I Understand Why

    A phone call from a friend cracked open something I'd believed my whole life.  This episode walks through a real conversation that challenged how I think about infidelity, specifically for those in mixed orientation marriages.  If you're gay or lesbian and married to someone of the opposite sex, and you've stepped outside your marriage, this one's for you.  Today we’re talking about: Why mixed orientation marriages create a two choice dilemma most people never have to face  What an affair actually does, and doesn't do How to move from justification toward integrity, without shame driving the conversation   This Week's Invitation  Ask yourself honestly what your choices are impacting, and who deserves a say in them. Then take one honest step, even a small one, toward your spouse.   Connect 🧭FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide  ⭐️Want private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  🎙️Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ https://youtu.be/189wbVULsnE  📧Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com    This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  4. Aug 11

    Why This Still Counts as Grief Even If Your Life Looks Normal

    If your life looks normal from the outside but something inside you has quietly fallen apart, this episode is for you.  The kind of grief you’re experiencing has a specific name.   In This Episode Why and how the loss you experience after a marriage disclosure or discovery is real grief, even without a funeral or a diagnosis Why grief that no one else can see still moves through the same stages, anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, in no particular order How to ask for help without having to explain the full story yet Resources Mentioned North StarLift + Love   Connect 🧭 FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide  ⭐️ Interested in private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  🎙️Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ You can watch this episode here. 📧Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com  This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  5. Aug 4

    Daniel Episode: When Your Spouse Lights Up Around Someone Else...What Are You Really Seeing?

    Have you ever watched your spouse come alive around someone else and wondered, "Why don't they look at me like that?" This week, Daniel and I have an honest conversation about jealousy, friendship, freedom, and what happens when we mistake our interpretations for reality. In this episode, we'll discuss: Why jealousy isn't always telling the story you think it is. The difference between what you observe and what you conclude. Why trying to control your spouse often pushes you further from what you want. How we learned to navigate deep friendships without pretending the jealousy wasn't there. What changed when we stopped focusing on controlling each other and started looking at ourselves.   This Week’s Invitation The next time jealousy shows up, pause before you act. Notice what you instinctively want to do. Do you: Punish? Withdraw? Nag? Beg for reassurance? Compare yourself? Try to control? Instead of asking, "How do I get my spouse to stop making me feel this way?" try asking, If I want my spouse to see me with more affection, what might I be doing that's getting in the way? How would I prefer to show up instead?   Resources Mentioned North Star   Connect 🧭 FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide    Interested in private coaching?Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  ⭐️ Want private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  🎙️ Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ You can watch this episode here.  📧 Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com  This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  6. Jul 28

    When People Feel Sorry for You Because of Your Marriage…Do You Feel Sorry For Yourself?

    Why do some comments stay with you long after they're said? In this episode, I explore why other people's opinions can feel so personal. And how understanding what's happening beneath the surface can help you respond differently. Why certain comments affect us more deeply than others. How to tell the difference between feeling understood and feeling defined by someone else's perspective. A simple way to begin finding your footing when outside voices feel overwhelming. This Week's Invitation Think about a comment that's stayed with you longer than you'd like. Spend a few quiet moments asking yourself what made it feel so significant before deciding what you want to do with it. Resources Mentioned Complex Couples Coaching Workshop ➡️ Register here: https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/workshop Connect If this episode was meaningful to you, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who may need it. My hope is that these conversations help you navigate it all with greater clarity, courage, and compassion. Interested in private coaching? Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast  Have questions?Have a story to share?Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone. This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  7. Jul 21

    I Just Found Out Your Spouse Is Gay. Now what?

    When you discover your husband is gay, your wife is a lesbian, or your spouse is transgender, it can feel like your entire world has been turned upside down. Questions come quickly. Emotions come even faster.  You may feel pressure to make sense of everything immediately. In this episode, I want to slow things down. We'll talk about what those first days often feel like, why you don't need all the answers right now, and how to begin sorting through your experience without rushing to conclusions. I'll also share parts of my own journey and the practices that helped me find steadiness when everything felt uncertain. If you're in the beginning of this journey, I hope this episode helps you take one deep breath and remember that you're not alone. In This Episode How to process without becoming consumed by fear The difference between healing and avoidance Why it's important not to rewrite your entire marriage overnight Learning to "zoom in" and "zoom out" as you make sense of your story The role of faith, compassion, and hope in the healing process Resources 📘  FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide  Connect If this episode was meaningful to you, I'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who may need it. My hope is that these conversations help you navigate it all with greater clarity, courage, and compassion. Interested in private coaching?Learn more ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast  Have questions?Have a story to share?Share your story with me here: complexcouplescoaching.com/questions Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com Your emails help shape future episodes. You don’t have to face this alone. This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

  8. Jul 14

    What If It Was Never About You? When the Story You're Telling Yourself Isn't the Whole Story.

    What if the story you've been carrying isn't the only way to understand what's happening? Sometimes the smallest shift changes everything. There are moments in relationships when it's easy to believe someone else's choices say something about us. In this episode, I explore how the language we use and the labels we accept can quietly shape the way we experience our marriage, our pain, and ourselves. Together, we'll look at how to begin separating what belongs to you from what belongs to someone else, so you can recognize where your power actually lives. Key Talking Points How the stories we tell ourselves can shape the way we experience our relationships. Why someone else's choices may not mean what you've been afraid they mean. Begin to recognize what belongs to you and what doesn't. This Week's Invitation Pay attention to the language you use when you think or talk about your situation this week.  Resources Mentioned Differentiation and the Resolute Spouse by Dr. David Schnarch  Connect 🧭FREE Guide "When Your Spouse Comes Out: 9 practical tools to help you navigate the aftermath of disclosure or discovery." ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/guide  ⭐️Want private coaching? ➡ https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application  🎙️Join me on my YouTube channel Complex Couples Podcast ➡ https://www.youtube.com/@complexcouplespodcast  📧Questions? Comments? A topic you’d like covered? Email me at: heidi@complexcouplescoaching.com  This podcast is for educational purposes only. It does not replace therapy, and it's not a substitute for professional mental health care. The examples I share are brief snapshots designed to illustrate a principle and may not apply to every situation. Because every relationship is unique, consider these principles thoughtfully and seek individualized professional guidance when needed. If your relationship involves violence, intimidation, or you have concerns for your safety, please seek support from professionals who can help you assess your specific situation and address it appropriately.

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5
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

Welcome! This is a space where your marriage matters, your values matter, and your choices matter. I’m Heidi, a couples therapist and founder of Complex Couples Coaching. I help couples navigate complex marriages, especially where mixed-orientation, desire discrepancies, attraction changes, or mixed gender identity play a role. My goal is to help you see your relationship clearly and make decisions rooted in integrity rather than fear. Learn to navigate complicated issues so you can make choices and thrive in whatever choice you make. Join me as I share insights about marriage that specifically apply to your situation. I’ll walk you through complicated issues such as: • What to do when your husband or wife comes out as gay, bisexual or trans • Whether mixed-orientation marriages can thrive or just merely survive • How attraction works and if you have to give it up if you want to stay married • Loss of desire in long-term marriage and how to get it back • Navigating high-conflict situations in a way that increases self-respect • Working through feelings of resentment • Rebuilding trust after emotional betrayal or secrets Subscribe and join a community of people committed to allowing marriage to shape them into better humans.

Information

  • Creator
    Heidi Applegarth
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    29
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 2026
  • Show Website
    Complex Couples Podcast

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