13 episodes

“I still love him and I miss him.” Losing the thing you are most sure of and coming out the other side - a story about life, love and loss. A 12-part memoir by Sophie Townsend.

Goodbye to All This BBC World Service

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.9 • 201 Ratings

“I still love him and I miss him.” Losing the thing you are most sure of and coming out the other side - a story about life, love and loss. A 12-part memoir by Sophie Townsend.

    12. Moving

    12. Moving

    He’s still here all the time. Yet he’s not. And a diary has more in it than expected.
    “I’ll feel his absence every day, like a bruise that’s tender to the touch.”
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 32 min
    11. The shoe

    11. The shoe

    “She hates me going into her room”. A pink, strappy, high-heeled shoe causes a big row. The girls are growing up – fast. And now Sophie is crying over a shoe.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 19 min
    10. Appointment

    10. Appointment

    The washing machine breaks. The bills are mounting. Sophie almost electrocutes herself. And just as it couldn’t get any worse, it’s raining and there’s nowhere for the delivery men to park. Now she is going to be late for her appointment.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 24 min
    9. Something new

    9. Something new

    “You’ll never find anyone if you’re not online.” Sophie is ready to start dating again but finds it’s done differently now. She meets a man who likes her shoes.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 29 min
    8. Going under

    8. Going under

    “Mama, I can’t get to you!” There’s unexpected danger on a holiday, when the family is swept out to sea in Byron Bay, Australia.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 31 min
    7. Port in the storm

    7. Port in the storm

    “His death is nothing like the worst thing. The worst thing is now.” Sophie is struggling after Russell’s death. Everyone is trying to help, but is saying the wrong thing – except one person, who knows what it’s like because his wife has died.
    A Falling Tree production for the BBC World Service.

    • 25 min

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5
201 Ratings

201 Ratings

kbetcher ,

Truly moving

This show is completely beautiful. I started listening not long after my father died of cancer, and had to stop after a few episodes because I was crying too much. Since then, I’ve only been able to listen to a couple episodes at a time before getting overwhelmed and putting it aside for a few months, but it was worth listening to all of them eventually. If you’re not in a good place emotionally, set this podcast aside for a bit, but definitely seek it out when you’re feeling better <3

3510yogi ,

Thank you

I was a child when my mom died of cancer and a young mother when I was diagnosed with it myself. This is a gorgeous narrative, produced with such subtle care. It resonated with, and moved me, almost unbearably. Thank you Sophia.

LKD50 ,

Poignant, honest and

Thank you for sharing your story. My sister, sadly, lost her husband suddenly last year. Your words have encapsulated in so many ways the emotions that I thought were indescribable.

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