Let's look at life through the lens of our ancestors. Our instincts were shaped by their struggles in an environment much different than our current environment. Our instincts haven't changed much but our environment has changed dramatically. We blend the science of evolutionary psychology with the clinical experience of Doug Lisle, PhD to explore common problems and stumbling points in our pursuit of happiness.
New episodes come out Wednesdays at 8:30 PST. If you have a question or comment, or maybe even a complicated situation that you'd like some advice on, feel free to call us and leave a voicemail at (714) 900-2601 or send in a question through www.BeatYourGenes.org
261: Current events (July 2021)
In today's episode, Dr .Lisle and Dr. Howk weigh in on current events.
(Replay) Earning attraction, IQ discrepancy, Market-limiting cues in dating
In today's replay of episode 198, the Dr's discuss:
1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It's really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA?
2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how?
3. I am a recently single 30 year old male, and I’ve been hitting the online dating apps once again. With my more finely tuned evolutionary lense thanks to your podcast, I’ve noticed something interestin. It seems as though most of us, while we want to put our best foot forward in order to increase our chance of success, we still can’t help but leak potentially market-limiting queues. Is it simply that we are programmed to be honest so that we don’t end up wasting our time with people who wouldn’t find these market-limiting interests appealing? Is this a simple energy conservation cost-benefit analysis?
260: Shaking the Jimmy Gene, Less Productive after Securing a Mate?
In today's show, Dr. Howk dicusses:
1. I am a fairly successful artist in his late 20s (definitely another Jimmy the Guitar player). My Big Five is highly distorted (O-98, C-75, E-98, A-15, N-98), which has gotten me in all sorts of trouble but luckily, my high IQ has kept me on the right track. Your podcast and website have helped me in almost every arena, but I can't shake my Jimmy gene. I find myself "falling in love", but losing interest just as quickly. This has caused many unhappy romantic relationships, sometimes even when I desperately want them to work. How can a Jimmy who would love to pair bond beat his genes? Is there a ten paid dates rule for men? What is the right environment, if I can't change my personality?
2. I'm a young male adult (~20), and I truly enjoying studying, working out, training, and just overall being productive. I know it's because I'm trying to gain mate value and climb social structures, but I truly enjoy it. Now, I recently aquired a girlfriend, and I've found that I'm more attracted to bouts of watching youtube videos for a few hours at night before I go to bed, or just generally not being productive. I've had problems here and there, but most of the time I avoid the temptation altogether and it works well. But the energy to stop relaxing and start working once I'm there is more than I'm willing to muster, it seems. It may be that this is just how I feel right now in life, and in a month or two I'll be more productive again, but do you think it's possible that now I have a mate, my brain doesn't believe I have a serious need to climb structures and gain skills? If so, that is seriously depressing.
259: Standoff w Son, Partner Won't Move Out, Mean Son, Problems w MIL
In today's show, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions:
1. Our adult son is still living at home to save money to buy his own place. This year he was riding his motorcycle without insurance for short rides. We chose to put a wheel lock on his bike until he gets insurance. Since then he basically ignores us. How can we get through to him and put an end to this 'stand off'?
2. My partner is 44 and has never had a serious job for more than a couple of months. He hates authority and always complains about having superiors or work being “dull”. I've been the main breadwinner for many years and I am fed up. The thing stopping me from throwing out his stuff and changing the locks is the fact that we have a 10-year-old child. That, and the fact that my partner has a bad temper when pushed. How do I get out safely?
3. My son is 14, and his personality is not very charming. He says very mean things to me, he is violent towards things and sometimes me, he has a hard time making and keeping friends. He is selfish in a way that is ruthless. Our dog is terrified of him. I don’t know how to deal with him anymore.Give me advice on how to be a better mother and how to cope please.
4. I am having a major personality clash with my mother-in-law. She is extremely religious and insists on praying for me and my husband regardless of what we are up to or going through. Every success is owing to her prayers, and every failure, she claims, is *in spite of* her prayers. She has been a major point of stress for me since getting married three years ago. Her brand of undermining, theological interference really bugs me. Do you prescribe some disagreeable distance, or perhaps something else? I want to be a pleasant daughter-in-law but find myself feeling nothing short of hateful for her godly gaslighting. HELP!
(Replay) Myelin sheath/child development,Are private ppl missing out, Genes
In today's replay of episode 197, Dr. Lisle disusses:
1. Does the myelin sheath development also apply to more purely mental abilities like reading and comprehension, or the ability to imagine and come up with inventive solutions to a problem? For example, how much can learning and practice be helpful in growing infants and children? Will a baby that is spoken to for 5 hours a day learn to speak significantly faster than one exposed to only an hour of language a day? Or are parents kidding themselves when they spend so much effort to give their child an edge in cognitive development?
2. I'm a private person: I cringe when people air their dirty laundry or have what to me are very private conversations in the facebook comment section. I don't signal affiliation or loyalty the way most people do, and tend to minimize advertising even when it would be seemingly beneficial: I recall declining someone wanting to write an article about me back in high school because "it's nobody's business". I realize I'll always be like this, but the way you and Geoffrey Miller talk about advertising opened it a new perspective. Do you think I'm missing out, and if so, how could I improve where it matters?
3. How do scientists go about measuring genes? How do they identify and associate them with human behavior? Is this something they can see with Petri dishes and a microscope? What would a behavioral scientists day look like?
258: Current Events
In this epsiode, Dr. Howk and Dr. Lisle discuss current events.
Definitely a life changing podcast, this has to be one of the best I've come across. I'm addicted to the show and evolutionary psychology in general
Update June 2021: I can no longer stomach this show. The arrogance and support of unsubstantiated conspiracy theories is off the charts now. Lisle especially keeps claiming he knows stuff 100% and then gets proven wrong (eg. pandemic will be over in 2 weeks).They belong with Pam Popper and the other quacks. Very sad because I followed these guys for years and now I'm questioning many things I thought I learned from them and their associates. Too hard to separate the gold from the garbage.
Dr. Lisle's book The Pleasure Trap and this podcast are some of the most helpful resources on discovering how to live healthy and happy. He answered one of my questions on a recent podcast which was super generous and helpful! Just a really great unique perspective on everything in life. Not politically correct at all but I can excuse a few things I don't agree with since there are so many nuggets of wisdom here. And he is super kind. Usually. :) And Nate does a great job hosting, asking follow up questions and commenting throughout the show.
Rude Coronavirus Doc
Coronavirus Loneliness episode- male doc was carrying on about some lady who bothered him, which was very petty on his part. I don’t need to listen to this judgmental negativity