225 episodes

In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.

Sex With Dr. Jess Dr. Jessica O'Reilly

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.5 • 207 Ratings

In Sex With Dr. Jess, Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, Toronto-based sexologist, author, and media personality, shares tips on how to enhance your sexual life to improve the quality of your relationships. She interviews guests with questions ranging from how to deal with jealousy to getting down in the bedroom, as well as hosting thought-provoking episodes centered around compatibility and strengthening relationships.

    Better Boners: Erection Facts, Fiction & Advice

    Better Boners: Erection Facts, Fiction & Advice

    Urologist, Dr. Denise Asafu-Ajei, joins us to answer your questions about erections:



    How can you prevent erectile dysfunction?

    How do you treat erectile issues?

    How do you know if erectile issues are psychological or physiological in nature?

    What can you do if you lose your erection?

    How do you manage anxiety to reduce negative feedback loops?



    Dr. Denise Asafu-Adjei is a urologist with subspecialty training in sexual dysfunction and male infertility. She completed a Fellowship in Andrology at University of California Los Angeles (UCLA). She will be joining the Urology Department at Loyola University in Chicago as the Medical Director of Male Reproductive Medicine.



    She completed her Urology residency at Columbia University Irving Medical Center and received her M.D. from the University of Michigan Medical School. She obtained an MPH in Health Policy and Management from the Harvard School of Public Health and a Bachelor of Science from Carnegie Mellon University.



    In the future, she aims to utilize clinical research and physician leadership to help healthcare systems achieve access to equitable and high quality healthcare for sexual dysfunction and male reproductive services. Follow Dr. Denise's Instagram and Twitter.



    Be sure to check out our sponsor, Lovehoney, as they’re having a big sale this week and you can save a little extra with code DRJESS10



    If you want to enter our contest to win the awesome We-Vibe Touch, be sure to leave us a review on any of the podcast sites and then email us at info@sexwithdrjess.com so we can be sure to enter your name in the draw. We’ll choose (and notify) the winner August 2nd and announce on the podcast on August 6th.



    If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here.



    And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!

    • 40 min
    Sexual Communication Tips: Erection Loss, Libido Issues, & Pressure

    Sexual Communication Tips: Erection Loss, Libido Issues, & Pressure

    This podcast is brought to you by Feeld, a dating app for couples and singles where they're a pioneer in allowing couples to explore dating together as a pair. Feeld is for everyone from the experienced to the curious.



    Jess & Brandon answer listener questions related to erection loss, anxiety, libido, social norms and how to start difficult conversations.



    This episode is brought to you by Lovehoney. They’re having a summer sale and you can save a little extra with code DRJESS10!



    Here is a sampling of the questions we address:



    #1. My partner is able to get and retain a really bangin' erection and can reliably orgasm during any type of penile stimulation (hand jobs, oral, even just putting lube on my body and rubbing himself back and forth on me), but he quickly and consistently loses his erection during penetration. The only time he is able to maintain an erection during PIV sex is in roleplay situations where I'm pretending to be someone other than myself.



    Logically I know this issue isn't caused by anything I'm doing or not doing. We also have an amazing relationship and a strong emotional connection. But as this continues to happen it's starting to erode my self esteem--a nagging voice tells me that he's bored of having sex with me and doesn't want to make the effort unless I jump through hoops to make it extra exciting for him. I'm wondering what exactly is really going on here, how I can bring this up to him without making him feel like there's something wrong with him, (I don't want to make the problem worse by adding extra anxiety to him), and what we can do to help him maintain his erection during PIV sex.



    #2. Hi Dr.Jess, I’ve been listening to your podcast for a couple months now and I have a question dating focused: do you think leagues are a thing? Like when someone says “they’re out of their league” or “dating or marrying up” or “you’re a 5 and they’re a 10”. Although sometimes this refers to socioeconomic divides in terms of education, income rather than just physical attractiveness alone. But I wanted to know your thoughts on how you think these divides can be overcome as I hear this enough or have seen it sometimes get in the way of my friends’ relationship.



    #3. Firstly thank you for all you do. Your podcast is a huge source of comfort, inspiration and knowledge for me and I am excited every Friday to listen!



    I'm 27, my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 7 months. He recently told me that he fantasizes about being dominated. Other than the occasional light choke or spank, I have not taken on that role before. I tend to prefer to be dominated, too, so while I'm happy to try it out, I am unsure how to begin and how to feel confident doing so.



    Separately, we are working on our communication in sex but I still struggle with initiating sex and talking about it for fear of rejection or being humiliated. I've been feeling like I want sex more than him but, because I don't know how to start it, I end up waiting for him to be in the mood. I end up feeling unattractive, like I'm unable to seduce my boyfriend. Even though logically I know that he sometimes might just be tired or not in the mood, and that's OK. Last week, after months of my internal agonizing, he brought up the subject and asked how I would describe my libido. He told me his was "changeable" and that sometimes he can tell I'm trying to make it happen but he just doesn't feel like it. He suggested I try telling him that I want him and that can sometimes get him in the mood, too. I now feel pressure to assert myself in a way I feel uncomfortable doing. I feel very vulnerable stating that I want sex, especially since I know that if he wanted it he would have initiated it already!



    I told him once that I felt the patriarchy made me less sexually assertive, because woman are taught to be passive,

    • 44 min
    How To Prep For A Threesome

    How To Prep For A Threesome

    In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on threesomes and discuss couples’ privilege.



    Check out the questionnaires below and be sure to check out our sponsor Lovehoney, as they have the most innovative toys, props and lingerie. Use code DRJESS10 to save.



    (And if you’re curious about the Greedy Girl Thrusting G-Spot Vibe, check it out here!)



    Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire 



    Why do you want to have a threesome?

    Where did the idea of a threesome come from? How do you feel about this source?

    What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome?

    What are the perceived risks/costs?

    With whom would you like to have a threesome? Do you know if they’re open to it?

    How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome?

    What excites you most about a threesome? What motivates you?

    What concerns you about a threesome? Do you have any hesitations?

    What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered?

    How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise?

    Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries? What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?

    What does your ideal threesome entail? Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc..



    Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress 



    Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress?

    I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when…

    When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as…(emotional presence)

    When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to…

    When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by…

    When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I’d like you to…

    When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don’t want you to…

    You’ll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I…Some other cues to look for include…



    Threesomes: Couples’ Questionnaire 



    Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure? Have you (in)directly pressured your partner?

    Why do you/we want to have a threesome?

    What do you/we hope to get out of the experience?

    What are my/our concerns about the experience?

    Have we talked about jealousy, insecurity and other potentially challenging emotions we might encounter?

    What would it look like if it goes well?

    What might it look like if something goes awry? How will we communicate and respond?

    What do we value in a third-party? What type of person do we want to connect with?

    Do we want to involve a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend and/or a sex worker?

    Have we considered our couples’ privilege and how we can ensure that all voices are heard and respected?



    If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here.



    And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!

    • 34 min
    Threesomes: Who, What, Why & How?

    Threesomes: Who, What, Why & How?

    Most people fantasize about threesomes, but not many people actually dive in. In part I of our Threesomes podcast, we dive into the data and get some practical advice from Justin Lehmiller who answers your questions including:



    How common are threesomes?

    What counts as a threesome?

    How does a threesome affect relationships for couples?

    Who is having threesomes?

    How do people find threesomes (e.g. through apps like Feeld)?

    What’s the appeal of threesomes?



    Next week, we’ll dive into how to prep for a threesome with prompts, conversations and more!



    Justin Lehmiller the Scientific Advisor to Feeld, and host of the Sex and Psychology Blog and Podcast. To stay up to date with The Kinsey Institute research fellow, follow his Instagram and Twitter!



    Feeld is the first dating app for couples and singles. They're a pioneer in allowing couples to explore dating together as a pair -- from ethical non-monogamy to alternative relationships and everything in between. Feeld is for everyone from the experienced to the curious.



    If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here.



    And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!



    Rough Transcript:



    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.



    EPISODE 220: Threesomes: Who, What, Why & How?



     (00:05):



    You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.



    Brandon (00:15):



    Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.



    Dr. Jess (00:22):



    Hey, hey. We are talking threesomes today. And it fits that today's episode is brought to you by Feeld. And Feeld is the first dating app for couples and singles, they’re a pioneer in allowing couples to kind of explore dating together as a pair. And they're open to all genders, all sexual identities, all sexual orientations, basically for anyone who's interested in either ethical non monogamy or alternative relationships structures, or simply those who are curious and looking to kind of dip their toe into the pond so do check them out. And you can download the Feeld app, it’s free, and you create a profile and once you have liked someone and they've liked you back on the app, you become connections and you're able to chat. And if you want to you can share photos and they also often offer an upgraded membership option with extra features and yeah, so do check out Feeld. They're one of the largest online communities for fun stuff like this. And it's interesting, I actually came across Feeld in my research a few years ago, when I was prepping a training for therapists on threesomes and ethical non monogamy. And they really are the perfect partner for this podcast, because we're talking about threesomes. And of course there are people on Feeld looking for threesomes.



    And later, we’re going to be talking with their expert Dr Justin Lehmiller, but before he joins us, I wanted to kind of dig into some of the data on threesomes. And later on, I also wanna talk if we have time about how to prepare for a three some, like in terms of communication and reflection and just topics to address before you start exploring. I don't know how much time we'll have. I might have to split it into a couple episodes, but we will get there. It's interesting because when you think about threesomes, don't you think porn has kind of made threesomes seem like the norm?

    • 40 min
    Polyamory, Coming Out & Emotional Consent

    Polyamory, Coming Out & Emotional Consent

    Sydney Rae Chin joins us to share her personal experience as a closeted queer woman who grew up Chinese-American-Catholic. She shares some really valuable advice on how to navigate emotional consent and leaves us with tools for navigating boundaries and honouring our own values.



    They dive deep into conversation around polyamory, monogamy, and coming out to their family answering these questions and more!



    Can you have monogamous relationships as a polyamorous person?

    Can polyamory & monogamy co-exist in a relationship?

    How do you cultivate emotional consent and communicate emotional boundaries?

    How do you come out to family — as polyamorous or queer?

    How do culture and gender intersect with experiences of polyamory?



    To stay up to date with Sydney, check out her website and follow her on Instagram.



    Our wonderful partner Adam & Eve has extended their promo. Use code DRJESS to get 50% off almost any item including shipping PLUS a bunch of free goodies. Take this opportunity to save and try something new tonight!



    If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here.



    And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!



    Rough Transcript:



    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.



    EPISODE #219: Polyamory, Coming Out & Emotional Consent



     (00:05):



    You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.



    Brandon (00:17):



    Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my always lovely other half, Dr Jess, who is currently squeezing my nipple.



    Dr. Jess (00:26):



    I just wanted to see if he could keep going, and he did.



    Brandon (00:28):



    I did, I threw you a curve ball by telling everybody what you were doing at the beginning.



    Dr. Jess (00:34):



    How you doing today babe?



    Brandon (00:36):



    I'm great my nipples little sore. But otherwise I'm great. Thanks for asking, how are you?



    Dr. Jess (00:41):



    I’m good. I feel like your nipples have played a prominent role in the podcast the last few weeks. Because you were talking about I don't know, pinching nipples on my instagram and people were having a good time with that. I think my family unfollowed us, but we're okay with that. And I don't know, I feel like things are going really well right now because life is getting back to normal here in Canada. They're opening up some restrictions. Or I guess they're loosening the restrictions around travel. We are fully vaccinated, you and me. I got a pinch in my vaccination. The pharmacist pinched my arm and said “I like to pinch,” then she pinched my arm and then she gave me the jab. And I'm unclear as to whether or not she liked to pinch for the sake of the vaccine or she just generally liked to pinch and took the opportunity to pinch me, but either way I'm happy because I'm vaxxed.



    Brandon (01:29):



    Got my jabs in, and it feels so good.



    Dr. Jess (01:34):



    Anyhow, lots going on, just wanted to mention that my new show on CityTV presented by TSC is still running Friday nights here in Canada at midnight on CityTV. And it's called Intimately You With Dr. Jess and we’re already, I don't know almost two thirds through the season. We're at least halfway through season one and it's going pretty cool.

    • 30 min
    Master Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples

    Master Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples

    Are you comfortable talking dirty? Do you feel silly trying new lines, approaches and scenarios? You’re not alone. Jess and Brandon share their struggles (while sharing a few laughs) and offer guidance & strategies for all types of dirty talk from sweet and romantic to naughty and kinky. They try out dozens of lines that you can practice on your own and share with a partner (or two!).



    To find out more about the lines Brandon and Jess talks about in this podcast, they can be found throughout her book The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay co-authored by Marla Renee Stewart.



    And check out  IOBAToys.com for the OhMyC, a silent clitoral massager that fits in the palm of your hand. Use code DRJESS to save 30% off!



    If you’ve got questions for the podcast, submit them here.



    And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts & Stitcher!







    Rough Transcript



    This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.



    EPISODE 218: Master Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples



    (00:05):



    You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.



    Brandon (00:16):



    Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half Dr. Jess.



    Dr. Jess (00:23):



    Hey, hey.



    Brandon (00:24):



    How are you?



    Dr. Jess (00:25):



    I'm fine. I want you to talk dirty to me.



    Brandon (00:28):



    I want you. I want you right now. You smiling and laughing at me doesn't help with the confidence here.



    Dr. Jess (00:36):



    I’m not laughing, I was just smiling at you. What do you think I want to hear in bed when I say talk dirty?



    Brandon (00:43):



    I think you want to hear that I want you that, I can't stop thinking about you.



    Dr. Jess (00:49):



    You never say that. If you know I want to hear that



    Brandon (00:51):



    I know it, it doesn't mean it’s what I say.



    Dr. Jess (00:54):



    So why don't you say that?



    Brandon (00:55):



    Because I feel stupid. Talking dirty, I feel dumb.



    Dr. Jess (01:01):



    Perfect setup for this episode.



    Brandon (01:03):



    Is it really?



    Dr. Jess (01:04):



    I think so, because we're going to be talking about dirty talk. And I think so many of us feel that way. But can I ask you something? In the heat of the moment, when you're like all riled up and you’re turned on and you know that I'm liking it and you're liking it, do you feel less silly?



    Brandon (01:17):



    No I still feel silly. Because I think, because I don't know what to say.



    Dr. Jess (01:21):



    But you do know what to say, because you just said it, in jest.



    Brandon (01:25):



    Yes but in the moment, it's like I'm drawing so many blanks.



    Dr. Jess (01:32):



    Well yeah anyhow. I was thinking that what I find is, that the more turned on I am, the less self conscious I am. If I'm in the heat of the moment, 'cause I don't worry about what's going on around me, I don't think about anybody else's needs.



    Brandon (01:47):



    But that's my problem. My problem is I'm constantly paying attention to everything that's happening around me.

    • 38 min

Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5
207 Ratings

207 Ratings

JMOB04 ,

:)

I was more curious when I came across this app and didn’t think I’d get much out of it, I was wrong! It’s so interesting and helpful and I really enjoy listening to the back and forth of you 2! Thanks

Brooklyn (Bee's Nest) ,

I learn so much!

Having parents that didn’t teach me much around sex and sexuality and coming from a restrictive religion and upbringing, this podcast has greatly helped me learn. I’m grateful for the candid conversation around relationships, communication, and straight up sex! Thank you Dr. Jess and Brandon 🥰

Yaaaaaayy ,

Thoughts

You two really get me thinking! Loved the eroticism daily episode and just the back and forth between you I am in a partnership(just realized a couple of months ago) for over half my life. Partner sexually abused by family members, been to countless healer and therapists, things peek up then fade again. She has basically declared herself somewhere between celibate and totally asexual! It’s been 5.5 + years with just a peck on lips once or twice a week. She has given permission to see others consensual nonmogamy “if sex means that much to me!” This episode spelled out what I really miss... Small town on big island, retired science teacher, so know everyone... hard to connect with someone who doesn’t know “is.” I love her as much as ever, hence why when you said you and Brandon are WAY different, it resonated. Malama Pono, Mike Any advice or episodes to listen to appreciated Please keep it up! Love you and Brandon!

Just listened to dirty talk episode! Fun and funny! Sorry Brandon your parter could say almost anything she said and I would become mush!

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