The Powerful Man Show

Tim Matthews & Doug Holt
  • 4.9 (138)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Semiweekly

The Powerful Man is a show for married businessmen looking to improve their relationships, their health, their businesses, and themselves. Your hosts, Doug Holt and Tim Matthews have decades of experience helping married businessmen step into their power, live up to their potential, and live a life they love. The Powerful Man Show tackles conversations and topics designed to help men become better fathers, lovers, husbands, and leaders in their communities. If this sounds like you, we encourage you to subscribe and also head over to thepowerfulman.com for more information.

  1. 20h ago

    From 'I'm Fine' to Honesty: Creating Safe Spaces in Marriage

    Episode #1210 You know something is wrong. You can feel it in the room. And when you ask, she says "I'm fine." In this episode of The Powerful Man Show, Doug Holt sits down with his wife Erin Holt to answer the pile of questions TPM men keep sending in about those two words. Not with a script to recite, but with the thing underneath: she does not feel safe sharing. Erin defines what emotional safety actually means to a woman, and it is not what most men assume. It is not agreement, it is not calm, and it is not the absence of conflict. It is whether she believes you can hold what she is about to hand you. Doug brings the picture that makes it land for men. Imagine a woman walking through dark woods with a deer beside her. Now put a wolf beside her instead. Which one feels safer? In TPM, DEER is what a deactivated man does: Defend, Excuse, Explain, React. The wolf is Wise, Open, Loving, Fierce. She can tell the difference without you saying a word, and she is choosing her honesty accordingly. Then there is the story. A man who had been doing the work for years heard his wife say she had an emotional affair a decade ago. His reaction was not what you would expect, and it is the clearest proof in the episode of what emotional safety actually buys you. Erin also covers the part most men never factor in: hormones. She walks through the luteal phase honestly, including what it does to energy, to getting dressed, and to the bandwidth required to have a hard conversation. Not as an excuse, as information you are currently operating without. Inside this episode: why "I'm fine" is sometimes safety and sometimes a middle finger, the exact words Erin says land better than Doug's version, why the words do not work at all without the energy behind them, how to get into her world instead of assuming she is the same woman she was ten years ago, and the question Doug asked a resentful husband that stopped him cold. Doug's close for the men listening: you would do it for a stranger down the street. The only difference is the story you are telling yourself. Common questions this episode answers: Why does my wife say she is fine when she is not? What does emotional safety mean to a woman? What is DEER mode? How do I get my wife to open up to me? Does she want me to read her mind? How do hormones affect my wife's mood and communication? Chapters: 00:00 - What this episode is about 00:54 - Where these questions came from 01:17 - The real reason she says "I'm fine" 01:31 - What emotional safety actually means 03:46 - The deer, the wolf, and DEER mode 05:53 - "I had an emotional affair 10 years ago" 06:49 - Why "I'm fine" is the path of least resistance 07:32 - When "I'm fine" is teenager energy 08:11 - A gift for you 09:27 - How hormones change the answer 12:36 - Role play: what to actually say 13:31 - Why the words do not work without the energy 14:21 - Get into her world 17:07 - Is she expecting you to read her mind? 18:30 - Run the bath, handle dinner, be there 19:20 - The woman down the street 20:43 - In the moment of insight Get Doug's book, "A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It," free. You cover shipping. Learn more about The Powerful Man and The Activation Method. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/K0GJ1o00eEA

  2. 2d ago

    Relationship Reset: Building Trust and Attraction [Revisit]

    Episode #1209 What happens when you're respected at work but feel powerless in your own marriage? In this revisit episode of The Powerful Man Show, we're bringing back a conversation with Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen that tackles three challenges many married businessmen face: losing their wife's trust, struggling to stay grounded during conflict, and wondering how to rebuild attraction when the spark has faded. You might be the guy everyone turns to for answers at work. You make decisions, lead teams, and handle pressure. But when you get home, it feels like every decision is questioned, every conversation becomes an argument, and your wife no longer sees you the way she once did. So what's really going on? Doug and Chris revisit real questions from men who are successful professionally but feel stuck in their relationships. They explain why leadership at home isn't about controlling your wife, why emotional safety matters, and how becoming more confident and grounded can change the way you show up in your marriage. In this episode, you'll discover: Why your wife might question your decisions, even when you're successful at work. How a lack of follow-through and boundaries can damage trust. What it really means to "be the lighthouse" when your wife is upset. Why reacting, defending, and explaining can make disagreements worse. How personal growth, self-respect, and emotional connection can help rebuild attraction. Why investing in yourself is an important part of creating a healthier marriage. One of the biggest reminders from this conversation is that you don't have to wait for your wife to change before you start making changes yourself. Whether you're hearing this conversation for the first time or returning to it for another perspective, it's an opportunity to look at how you're showing up as a husband and what you can do differently. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why successful men struggle with leadership at home 00:40 Introduction to the marriage Q&A 01:18 Why your wife questions your decisions 01:49 Rebuilding trust through consistency and boundaries 05:21 Why you don't need your wife's validation 06:40 What does being the lighthouse really mean? 07:13 How to stay grounded when your wife is upset 08:47 Using humor and connection instead of reacting 11:10 Why improving your marriage requires consistent effort 12:38 Free training to help rebuild your marriage 15:30 Can you rebuild attraction after your wife loses interest? 16:41 The role of self-improvement in attraction 19:04 How self-worth influences intimacy and connection 20:23 Learning to love yourself and reconnect emotionally 21:59 Why taking action matters more than waiting Prefer to watch the conversation? Watch the podcast video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/BdJCWvCxjCI Ready to understand what's missing in your marriage? Doug shares a free training that explains how relationships lose love, respect, admiration, and intimacy, and what you can start doing to rebuild them. Watch the Scales Free Training: https://thepowerfulman.com/scales The Powerful Man Show helps married businessmen develop stronger leadership, improve their relationships, and create more fulfilling lives through personal growth and practical action.

  3. Oct 29

    Breaking the Cycle: Reconnecting in Marriage

    Episode #1207 Why do so many men wait until their wife has already checked out before they do anything about their marriage? In this episode of The Powerful Man Show, Doug Holt sits down with his wife Erin Holt to talk about the quiet drift that ends marriages: the husband who buries his head in work and survives on hope, and the wife who contorts herself until she disappears. If you have ever thought "it will be better after Christmas," or "the kids will be older, then we can reconnect," this conversation is the one you have been avoiding. Doug names the pattern he hears from almost every man who comes through TPM: I saw what was happening and I decided to wait a little longer. Sometimes the waiting costs him the marriage, because by the time he moves, she has not just made up her mind, she has closed the door on reconciliation. Erin brings the other side of it. She explains what a gray marriage looks like from a woman's chair, why so many wives go quiet instead of loud, and what is actually happening when a woman reaches the point of "I cannot live like this anymore." She also gives the simplest first move she uses with her own clients, and it takes five minutes. Inside this episode: why men chase significance at work when they cannot find it at home, how resentment builds on both sides when nobody is talking, what a leader actually does when the marriage is stuck, how to slow a wife down without managing her, and the one question that breaks a woman out of all-or-nothing thinking. Doug's line for the men listening: you are a hopium addict, and the antidote to the addiction is action. Common questions this episode answers: What is a gray marriage? Why does my wife seem emotionally checked out? Why do I keep waiting to fix my marriage? How do I reconnect with my wife without a big conversation? What should a husband do when his wife says she is done? Episode Chapters 00:00 Why couples keep waiting to reconnect 00:27 Why some people want to blow up their marriage and start over 01:05 Is this really all there is? 02:21 Why men bury themselves in work 03:00 How businessmen get their needs met outside the home 04:00 The danger of surviving on "hopium" 05:01 Why waiting can cost you your marriage 06:48 What a disconnected "gray marriage" looks like 07:10 How women lose themselves trying to keep everything together 07:41 Free Book 08:34 When giving more turns into exhaustion and loneliness 09:34 How resentment builds on both sides 11:00 Someone has to go first 12:54 Taking responsibility for your part of the relationship 14:25 Healing the parts of yourself you've outgrown 15:19 When blowing everything up feels like the only option 17:08 Reconnecting with yourself before reconnecting with your spouse 19:28 How slowing down can help women reconnect with themselves 20:16 Creating intentional space without filling it 22:49 How a husband can support his wife in slowing down 24:18 Finding the "sacred third" instead of choosing between two extremes 25:45 Stop waiting for your spouse to change first 26:16 The antidote to "hopium" is action 29:44 Take action before it's too late f your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug's A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It provides an action-focused place to begin: Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-eOBEf1q0KA The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical relationship skills, self-leadership, coaching, and a brotherhood focused on building stronger marriages and families.

  4. Oct 27

    The Power of Emotional Safety: Transform Your Relationship [Revisit]

    Episode #1206 What happens when every disagreement with your wife turns into defending yourself, explaining your intentions, or reacting emotionally? And what do you do when she shuts down after an argument or tells you she needs space? In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen return to three listener questions about emotional safety, conflict, stonewalling, and what a husband can do when his wife seems to be pulling away. Doug starts by breaking down DEER mode: Defend, Explain, Excuse, React. When a man automatically falls into this pattern, a disagreement can quickly escalate. Instead, Doug discusses becoming more grounded, recognizing what TPM calls safety tests, and learning to respond without allowing every complaint to control your emotional state. They also discuss what happens after a fight when your wife shuts down and refuses to talk. Rather than chasing her or leaving the conflict unresolved indefinitely, Doug explains how to take responsibility for your side, communicate what you actually want for the relationship, and close the loop by agreeing on when you'll reconnect. Finally, they tackle one of the most concerning things a husband can hear: "I need space to find myself." Doug explains why giving her space and fighting for the marriage don't necessarily have to be opposites. The key is understanding what "space" actually means while also taking action on yourself. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why emotional safety changes how your wife responds 00:42 Listener Q&A on marriage and relationships 00:58 How to stop falling into DEER mode during arguments 01:28 DEER versus WOLF 02:00 Emotional safety and relationship safety tests 04:31 How your response can change the relationship 06:20 Why safety tests don't simply disappear 07:00 Staying grounded instead of reacting 08:30 Why certain comments trigger you 10:22 Why healthy relationships still have conflict 10:43 Cleaning up your mistakes quickly 11:30 What to do when your wife stonewalls after a fight 12:07 Taking ownership without becoming needy 12:49 Helping your wife feel like you're on the same team 15:00 How to close the loop after an argument 16:44 Free Book 17:36 What does "I need space" really mean? 17:55 Give her space or fight for the marriage? 19:00 Defining what space actually looks like 21:10 When your wife's request for space becomes a call to action 21:43 "I love you, but I'm not in love with this version of you" 22:30 Why men delay taking action 24:12 How fear keeps men stuck 25:41 Admitting when you're scared 27:49 Why you deserve more than an average marriage 29:29 Taking action and submitting questions to TPM If your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug's A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It gives you an action-focused place to start: Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xQ7ETaNe3Lw The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, self-leadership, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to create stronger marriages and families. emotional safety in marriage, wife needs space, wife stonewalling husband, DEER mode, marriage conflict, how to stop being defensive with your wife, relationship safety tests, wife says she needs space, rebuilding connection with your wife, marriage advice for men

  5. Oct 24

    Living with Urgency: What If Today Was Your Last Day?

    Episode #1205 What would you do differently if you knew today was your last day alive? Would you spend more time working, scrolling your phone, or worrying about what other people think? Or would you put the distractions aside, spend time with the people you love, say what needs to be said, and become fully present? In this episode of The TPM Show, Tim Matthews sits down with Stephen to explore how creating an intentional sense of urgency can change the way you approach your marriage, family, business, and life. They discuss why people often wait for urgency to be imposed on them. Divorce papers arrive. A health problem appears. A business reaches a crisis point. Suddenly, the things that have been avoided for months or years need attention immediately. But what if you didn't wait for the crisis? Tim and Stephen explore the idea of asking, "What if I only had 24 hours?" as a way to cut through procrastination, distraction, fear, and the stories that prevent you from taking meaningful action. For a man struggling in his marriage, that could mean asking a more specific question: What if I had 24 hours to save my marriage? The point isn't to frantically do everything. It's to identify what actually matters and show up with greater presence, honesty, gratitude, appreciation, love, and action. Episode Chapters 00:00 What would you do if today was your last day? 00:39 Living with greater urgency and intention 01:15 What actually matters on your final day? 02:09 Presence, family, and putting away distractions 03:06 Why connection becomes more important when time is limited 04:11 Creating urgency around what matters 04:30 Scales Free Training 05:33 Stop assuming there will always be another day 06:03 Looking for connection in the wrong places 06:35 How urgency brings your priorities into focus 07:17 Vulnerability when you have nothing to lose 08:05 Letting go of the stories holding you back 09:10 How having more time can create complacency 10:27 Stop sweating the small stuff 11:06 What meaningful family connection actually looks like 12:21 Bringing the last-24-hours mindset into everyday life 13:13 Choosing connection over rigid routines 14:48 Don't wait for divorce papers to create urgency 15:26 Imposing urgency on yourself before a crisis does 17:23 Performing when your back is against the wall 18:38 Using urgency to take massive action 19:38 Stop searching for connection through distractions 21:16 Compressing time through action 24:04 Using urgency to overcome procrastination 25:30 Challenging the stories that keep you stuck 26:41 What if you had 24 hours to save your marriage? 27:19 Leave it all on the field 28:27 Making the most of the life you have now If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, the Scales Free Training can help you identify what's missing and understand practical steps for rebuilding it. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/17TkeuSvsj8 The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the self-leadership, relationship skills, and brotherhood needed to build stronger marriages and more meaningful lives.

  6. Oct 22

    From Courtroom Battles to Family Balance: Expert Insights on Divorce

    Episode #1204 Successful businessmen are used to making decisions, solving problems, and staying in control. But what happens when that same approach enters family court? In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt sits down with family law attorney April Jones to discuss why CEOs, founders, and high-performing men can struggle when divorce moves from the boardroom into the courtroom. April brings more than 35 years of legal experience to the conversation. She is the founder and CEO of Jones Law Firm, which she built in 2000, and her firm has handled thousands of complex family law and divorce cases. She is a multi-year Super Lawyers honoree, was named an Outstanding Woman in Business by the Denver Business Journal, and serves in leadership roles connected to judicial selection in Colorado. Doug and April discuss why the financial settlement is only one part of divorce. There is also the emotional impact, disruption to business performance, parenting time, and the reality that another person may eventually become part of your children's lives. April explains why getting legal information early doesn't necessarily mean you've decided to divorce. Understanding what divorce could actually look like may help someone make better decisions while reconciliation is still possible. They also address one of the biggest mistakes business owners can make: trying to hide or move assets. April explains how this can increase litigation costs, damage trust, and create additional problems in court. The conversation ultimately returns to something men can control even before divorce becomes inevitable: changing how they show up in their marriage. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why successful businessmen can struggle in family court 00:37 From the boardroom to the courtroom 01:00 April Jones' family law experience and credentials 03:21 Why CEOs can struggle with losing control 05:38 When charm and persuasion stop working 08:16 The hidden costs of divorce 09:13 Parenting, business, and the emotional cost of separation 11:06 How men sedate themselves during divorce 12:20 When should you speak with a family lawyer? 14:30 Why hiding assets can backfire 15:13 Free Book 16:06 The financial and emotional cost of moving money 17:01 Why successful men need expert guidance 19:00 Infidelity, intimacy, and warning signs in marriage 21:08 Resentment and sexless marriages 22:33 What happens during a family law intake 24:01 Privacy and revealing difficult information 24:38 Why your attorney needs to know the skeletons 26:51 Preparing strategically for difficult issues 27:37 Divorce, workaholism, and losing connection with your children 31:19 Gray divorce later in life 32:21 How changing your behavior changes the relationship 34:01 Self-leadership when your marriage is on the edge If your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug offers A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It as a practical action plan. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DrbubtX3yTI The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, self-leadership, and relationship tools designed to build stronger marriages and families.

  7. Oct 20

    Be More Interesting Than Instagram: Modern Relationship Solutions [Revisit]

    Episode #1203 What do you do when you've tried marriage counseling but feel like you keep revisiting the same problems? What if your wife seems more interested in her phone than connecting with you? And how do you handle sexual rejection without becoming needy, resentful, or afraid to initiate again? In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen return to a practical Q&A covering three situations men commonly face when their marriage feels disconnected. The first question comes from a man who has already tried marriage counseling and wants to know how TPM's approach differs. Doug shares his own experience with counseling and explains why the TPM approach focuses on acknowledging what happened, cleaning it up, and then moving forward through action. The conversation then turns to a husband whose wife is constantly on her phone and hides the screen when he enters the room. Doug's advice is not to compete with the phone directly. Instead, become more engaged, curious, decisive, and interesting in the relationship. His simple reminder is: be more interesting than Instagram. Finally, Doug and Chris address sexual rejection. Doug discusses trust, emotional safety, polarity, keeping your word, and why repeatedly trying to keep the peace can sometimes create the opposite of the connection a man wants. Throughout the episode, the focus stays on what a man can actually control: his actions, integrity, leadership, curiosity, and how he shows up in the relationship. Episode Chapters 00:00 Stop driving forward while looking in the rearview mirror 00:41 Marriage coaching versus marriage counseling 01:32 Doug's experience with marriage counseling 03:00 Why constantly revisiting the past can create disconnection 04:00 The Clean Slate Method and Marriage 2.0 05:00 Creating change through action 06:00 Emotional safety and helping your wife feel seen, heard, and desired 07:00 Rebuilding confidence and masculine energy 09:15 Understanding the "why" versus creating change 09:25 Scales Free Training 10:26 Why understanding the past may not be enough 11:17 What to do when your wife is always on her phone 11:50 Be more interesting than Instagram 13:15 Your wife has changed, and so have you 14:00 Why dinner alone isn't necessarily a date 16:25 How to handle sexual rejection from your wife 16:59 Trust, emotional safety, and polarity 18:00 How broken promises affect attraction 19:00 Nice guy behavior and keeping the peace 21:24 Taking action on what you've learned If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, Doug's Scales Free Training walks through how you got here and gives you a methodology for beginning to rebuild it. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/UuIbkgzy7h4 The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to help men create stronger marriages and families.

  8. Oct 17

    Making the Holidays Magical: Strengthening Marriages

    Episode #1202 The holidays are supposed to bring families together, but for many couples, they create stress, resentment, arguments, and disconnection. In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug and Erin Holt talk about how husbands and wives can approach the holiday season differently. Instead of waiting until schedules, gifts, family expectations, business pressures, and traditions collide, they encourage couples to plan for the experience they actually want to create. For business owners and executives, the end of the year can already carry enormous pressure. Add family gatherings, travel, gifts, children, traditions, and expectations at home, and it's easy for a man to become disconnected or grumpy while his wife feels like she's carrying the entire holiday mental load. Doug and Erin explain why simply asking, "What can I do?" isn't always enough. Sometimes that creates another task for your wife because she still has to identify, assign, and manage what needs to happen. Instead, Doug encourages men to become proactive: see what needs to be done and do it. They also share how their different childhood experiences shaped what Christmas meant to each of them. Those differences created conflict until they learned to communicate about what mattered, make concessions, and intentionally decide what they wanted the holidays to look and feel like for their family. The goal isn't a perfect holiday. It's creating connection, meaningful traditions, and memories your family actually wants to remember. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why the holidays can create marriage problems 02:17 Why relationship problems can intensify after the holidays 03:05 Why husbands become grumpy during the holiday season 03:29 Year-end pressure for business owners 04:18 Feeling disconnected from your family 06:00 What to do when you're struggling emotionally 07:09 Why your wife wants partnership during the holidays 07:49 Stop waiting until the last minute 09:25 Different family traditions and expectations 09:43 Free Book 10:36 Creating holiday magic for your family 12:15 When spouses have very different holiday experiences 13:56 Communicating before the holidays arrive 15:00 Deciding how you want the holidays to feel 16:31 Reducing holiday stress to prioritize connection 18:03 Planning your holiday season like you plan your business 19:32 Why asking "What can I do?" isn't always helpful 20:15 See it, do it 21:07 Learning from previous holiday seasons 22:00 Identifying habits that create holiday stress 23:07 Being proactive instead of reactive 23:33 Grief, loss, and difficult emotions during the holidays 24:20 Creating memories your children will remember 25:08 Make the holidays magical 25:36 Create your vision for the holiday season If your marriage has lost some of the love, admiration, respect, or intimacy it once had, Doug offers A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It as a practical action plan you can begin applying. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/jXXLIPUP_ps The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the relationship and leadership skills needed to create stronger marriages and families.

See All (999)

4.9
out of 5
138 Ratings

About

The Powerful Man is a show for married businessmen looking to improve their relationships, their health, their businesses, and themselves. Your hosts, Doug Holt and Tim Matthews have decades of experience helping married businessmen step into their power, live up to their potential, and live a life they love. The Powerful Man Show tackles conversations and topics designed to help men become better fathers, lovers, husbands, and leaders in their communities. If this sounds like you, we encourage you to subscribe and also head over to thepowerfulman.com for more information.

Information

  • Creator
    Tim Matthews & Doug Holt
  • Years Active
    2018 - 2026
  • Episodes
    999
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Show Website
    The Powerful Man Show

You Might Also Like