Empowered to Connect Podcast

Empowered to Connect
  • 4.9 (119)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Weekly

The Empowered to Connect Podcast a place where we come together to discuss an attachment rich, healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families and our communities.

  1. 1d ago

    [E247] Understanding FASD: The Diagnosis 90% of Doctors Miss with Sandra Flach

    FASD specialist and adoptive mom Sandra Flach joins Jesse to break down fetal alcohol spectrum disorder: what it actually is, why it hides behind behavior nobody understands, and why it's one of the most common and least discussed disabilities in foster care and adoption. Sandra shares her own family's diagnosis journey and the accommodations-based approach that finally helped her understand her sons instead of just managing their behavior. It's a conversation for anyone parenting a child whose brain might be working differently than expected, diagnosed or not. Sandra Flach is co-founder of Justice for Orphans and an adoptive and kinship parent of six. After her own sons were diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, she became a national voice on FASD, offering training, coaching, and a peer support community for foster and adoptive families. Website: Justice for Orphans: FASD Training & Support Key Takeaways FASD is far more common than most people realize (one in twenty people prenatally exposed to alcohol, up to seventy percent of kids in foster care), yet true diagnosis is rare because doctors are trained to look for facial features present in fewer than ten percent of cases. FASD symptoms overlap heavily with trauma and can look like willful defiance, but the brain difference is real: what looks like "won't" is usually "can't," especially around executive function, auditory processing, and daily living skills. The path forward is accommodation, not consequence: understanding a child's specific struggles (memory, impulse control, sensory processing) and adjusting expectations the same way we already do for visible disabilities. Timestamped Outline 00:00 – Introduction: meet Sandra Flach, adoptive and kinship mom, FASD specialist and advocate 00:01 – FASD 101: how common it actually is, and why it's called an invisible disability 00:08 – Getting a diagnosis: who can diagnose FASD, and why so few doctors do 00:13 – Why the standard diagnostic criteria miss 90% of cases 00:19 – Not a straight line: the "scribble" and FASD's scattered developmental profile 00:28 – Why it's not that they won't, it's that they can't: executive function and the brain 00:36 – The neurobehavioral approach: accommodations instead of consequences 00:40 – "A child with brain damage": the reframe that changed how Sandra saw her sons 00:46 – Grief, interdependence, and redefining what success looks like 00:52 – Untangling shame, for parents, kids, and birth parents 01:03 – The long view: daily living skills, connection, and "not yet" instead of "never" 01:07 – Where to find Sandra: her support group, training, podcast, and a free gift Resources Mentioned Justice for Orphans: FASD Training & Support Hope Community (Sandra's online FASD support group) The Adoption & Foster Care Journey podcast Sandra Flach's site (Soul Care Saturday devotional and free breath prayers download) Call to Action (CTA) ETC Shopify ETC Newsletter signup ETC Instagram ETC Facebook Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction and Sandra's Background(00:01:46) - What Is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder(00:03:30) - Sandra's Family Journey to Diagnosis(00:07:57) - Challenges Getting an FASD Diagnosis(00:10:36) - Alcohol as a Teratogen and Whole-Body Effects(00:12:58) - Diagnosis Barriers and Facial Features Myth(00:14:17) - Navigating Diagnosis Without Birth History(00:18:48) - Developmental Gaps and Scattered Abilities(00:26:22) - Coping Strategies and Stress Capacity(00:28:21) - Executive Function and Misunderstood Behavior(00:30:28) - Communication Challenges and Real-Life Examples(00:33:55) - Untangling Trauma vs FASD Symptoms(00:35:54) - Accommodations as a Neurobehavioral Approach(00:39:36) - Seeing Brain Differences Instead of Bad Behavior(00:42:19) - Adults with FASD and Lifelong Accommodations(00:44:17) - Grieving Expectations and Celebrating the Child(00:47:58) - Community, Support Groups, and Celebrating Wins(00:52:04) - Addressing Shame and Building Acceptance(00:57:38) - Dispelling Shame Around Alcohol and Pregnancy(01:03:16) - Long-Term Goals and the Power of Connection(01:06:58) - Closing Resources and Farewell

    [E247] Understanding FASD: The Diagnosis 90% of Doctors Miss with Sandra Flach

  2. Sep 8

    [E246] You're Not the Hero of Their Story, & That's the Point: A Conversation about Open Adoption with Annie Iverson

    What does open adoption actually mean, and what happens when fear gets in the way of staying connected? Annie Iverson, adoptive mom of four and creator of Write It & Remember It, joins us to talk honestly about openness, boundaries, and the small, sustainable habits that keep birth family connections alive. Episode Bullets Openness lives on a spectrum, from a card a few times a year to regular visits. There's no single "right" version of it. Three common misconceptions about open adoption: it means co-parenting, it's all or nothing, and it's mainly for the birth mom (it's really for the child). Keeping the child at the center means letting their questions, not the adults' comfort, drive the connection. A simple four-times-a-year rhythm (birthdays, a holiday, Birth Mother's Day, and one more) helps families stay consistent without overthinking it. "Something is better than nothing": an imperfect photo or a short text still counts as connection. Fear, of saying the wrong thing, of being judged, is often the biggest barrier, not logistics. If contact has faded or gone quiet, it's never too late to reach back out through the agency. Annie created Cards That Connect and the Birthday Interview Cards to make staying in touch simple and sustainable for other families. Resources Mentioned Write It & Remember It — Cards That Connect + Birthday Interview Cards Birthday Interview Cards & Book Digital Cards That Connect Free Guide: Keeping the Connection After Placement (PDF) Annie on Instagram Promo code: CONNECT20 for 20% off (Annie's gift to ETC listeners) Timestamps 00:03:29 — What "openness" really means 00:07:39 — Three misconceptions about open adoption 00:16:20 — Keeping the child at the center (the birth mom & shoe-size story) 00:21:43 — The four-times-a-year rhythm for staying consistent 00:22:52 — "Something is better than nothing" 00:32:18 — Fear as the biggest obstacle to staying connected 00:34:06 — What to do when contact has faded 00:41:52 — Letting go of the "hero" narrative If this episode encouraged you, share it with another parent who needs to hear it. For more support on connected, trauma-informed parenting, check out our Connecting Practices Handbook and the Cultivate Connection course. Chapters (00:00:00) - Annie Iverson on Empowered to Connect(00:01:45) - What is an Open Adoption?(00:03:04) - What Does Open Adoption Mean?(00:04:42) - Open adoption and biological family(00:07:40) - 3 Main misconceptions about Open Adoption(00:11:29) - What Kind of Contact Should Birthmother Have With Her Child?(00:16:18) - Open Adoption: Keeping the Child at the Center(00:20:21) - How to Keep the Open Adoption Relationship(00:25:52) - The Birth Mother's Cards(00:29:13) - Birth Mother Cards!(00:31:55) - Open Adoption: The Challenges(00:39:21) - Open Adoption: When Your Daughter Gives Up Her Story

    [E246] You're Not the Hero of Their Story, & That's the Point: A Conversation about Open Adoption with Annie Iverson

  3. Aug 25

    [E245] The Science and Heart of Bedtime with Allison Ezell

    If bedtime in your house feels like a nightly negotiation, or you're the one lying in the dark at 2 a.m. wondering why nothing seems to work, this conversation is for you. Pediatric sleep consultant Allison Ezell spent years stuck between a sleep doctor telling her to sleep train and a TBRI therapist affirming the trauma-informed parenting she knew her son needed, unable to find anyone who could bridge the two. She eventually became the person she needed, and she's bringing that hard-won wisdom to us today. What We Cover in This Episode The two building blocks of sleep science, sleep associations and sleep pressure, and why understanding sleep associations alone resolves most of the sleep struggles Allison sees. The difference between "putting a child to sleep" and "putting a child to bed," and why that distinction matters most for kids who wake in the middle of the night. A practical bedtime routine built around what a body actually needs to fall asleep: sensory input earlier in the evening, a warm bath or shower, real connection, and a small snack. How to build felt safety around bedtime fears through repeated, low-pressure exposure, and a gradual pullback method for weaning off sleep associations without a jarring overnight switch. A consistent, scripted response for middle-of-the-night wake-ups, plus the red flags (frequent waking, restless legs, long sleep onset, excessive daytime sleepiness) that mean it's time to talk to a doctor. Resources Mentioned Dwell Pediatric Sleep Allison Ezell on Instagram (@dwellpediatricsleep) Timestamps 00:00:37 — Allison's story: years of sleeplessness with her son, and how she became a pediatric sleep consultant 00:05:03 — The two big buckets: trouble falling asleep vs. trouble staying asleep 00:08:01 — Sleep science 101: sleep associations, explained through "the pillow" 00:11:09 — "For a lot of parents, they are the pillow": why parents become the sleep association 00:13:36 — Building a child's confidence and tolerance for separation 00:20:35 — Why temperament and history change how a child responds to sleep 00:22:45 — Sleep pressure, naps, and finding the right wake windows 00:30:36 — What has to happen in the body to fall asleep: heart rate and body temperature 00:33:07 — Building a bedtime routine: sensory input, bath or shower, connection, snack 00:41:37 — Creating felt safety around bedtime fears through repeated exposure 00:47:52 — The gradual pullback: weaning off unsustainable sleep associations 00:53:07 — The scripted response for middle-of-the-night wake-ups 00:55:16 — Red flags that mean it's time to talk to a doctor 00:59:47 — Allison's closing message: it's not selfish to want to fix your family's sleep Connect Line Have a question or topic you'd like us to cover? Send it to podcast@empoweredtoconnect.org Chapters (00:00:00) - Empowered to Connect: Everything Sleep(00:00:45) - What a Sleep Consultant Can Help You(00:05:00) - How to Get Your Child to Fall asleep(00:08:05) - Sleep Science for Adopted Kids(00:09:19) - Sleep Associations and Sleep Pressure(00:14:50) - How to Sleep Well With Your Child(00:22:49) - How to Raise a Sleepy Child(00:27:04) - How to Establish a Sleep Schedule for Foster Kids(00:30:40) - The Science of Falling asleep(00:31:18) - Sleep Aid for Kids(00:35:56) - How to Have a Good Bedtime(00:41:50) - How to Put Your Child to Sleep(00:47:11) - Waking Up in the Night(00:51:42) - How to Talk Your Child Out of Night Fever(00:54:52) - Signs of Insomnia in Parents(00:59:28) - How to Sleep Your Child

    [E245] The Science and Heart of Bedtime with Allison Ezell

  4. Aug 11

    [E244] Redefining the Parent Report Card with Nicole Barlow

    What if the parent report card you've been grading yourself on this whole time was never actually yours to fill out? Episode summary bullets: Nicole Barlow, longtime foster and adoptive mom and one of our Cultivate Connection facilitators, shares how she went from feeling like a "rockstar" foster parent to realizing she was in way over her head. Why the peer-to-peer model at the heart of Cultivate Connection matters: none of us are exempt from putting these tools into practice in our own homes. The weight of being watched. Nicole opens up about neighbors, strangers, and offhand comments that shaped how she saw her own parenting. How Nicole's understanding of Scripture around obedience and discipline shifted over time (a perspective she shares from her own faith journey). Redefining success: from "my kids are compliant" to "does my adult child still call me, even from a hard place?" Why a compliant kid isn't always a regulated kid, and what Nicole wishes she'd noticed sooner in her own home. Dysregulation isn't disobedience: a look at fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and why repair matters more than perfection. Nicole and Jesse's honest conversation about social media, comparison, and the images of parenting we quietly measure ourselves against. Nicole's closing encouragement for any parent white-knuckling their way through this season: "It's not yours to carry." Resources mentioned: Cultivate Connection On-Demand course: https://empoweredtoconnect.shop/products/cultivate-connection-on-demand Connecting Practices Handbook: https://empowered-to-connect.myshopify.com/products/connecting-practices-handbook-ebook-spiral Timestamps: 00:00 – Meet Nicole Barlow and her foster and adoptive journey 09:53 – From "I've got this" to feeling completely in over her head 18:13 – Faith, obedience, and the pressure of what other people think 26:31 – What "successful mom" used to mean to Nicole, and what changed 33:08 – Why her most compliant kid taught her the most about trauma 39:07 – Redefining success as relationship, not response 48:36 – Nicole's word for any parent white-knuckling it right now Connect line: Find more trauma-informed parenting tools and connect with our community at http://empoweredtoconnect.org or follow along on Instagram @‌empoweredtoconnect. Chapters (00:00:05) - Empowered to Connect: Nicole Barlow on Foster Parents(00:03:22) - How to Train the Trainer(00:10:07) - Coming soon: Learning to Love Yourself(00:10:31) - What Made You Feel Bad About Your Parenting?(00:19:21) - Anglicans on Parenting(00:26:46) - Paula on Being a Successful Parent(00:35:59) - Fight or Flight: Dysregulation and How to Support It(00:39:10) - What Does That Look Like to Be a Successful Mom?(00:41:20) - "So Much of Success Is Staked on Connection With My Child(00:48:38) - It's Not Your Parents' Report Card

    [E244] Redefining the Parent Report Card with Nicole Barlow

  5. Jul 28

    [E243] The Risk of Winning

    Ever notice how a bedtime standoff, a backtalk moment, or a flat-out refusal can turn into you against your kid? Jesse sits down with Mo & Tona Ottinger for an honest look at what happens when parenting starts to feel like a competition, and why "winning" a moment can quietly cost you the relationship. This one includes real, unfiltered stories (including a New Year's Eve bedtime battle that's now family legend) and a simple mindset shift that changes how you handle the next hard moment. What we cover in this episode Why parenting can start to feel like you're on opposite sides of the net from your own kid, and how to get back on the same team The difference between winning an interaction and being "rightly related," and why the second one matters more long term A real, unfiltered bedtime story about doubling down that went sideways (and the do-over that followed) What to do when your expectations and your child's needs are out of sync, especially with kids who struggle with big behaviors A simple practice for slowing the moment down mid-conflict so you can respond instead of react Resources mentioned Cultivate Connection On Demand: ETC's parenting course, referenced for its "before, during, and after" framework Connect with us Have a question or topic you'd like us to cover? Send your idea to info@empoweredtoconnect.org Chapters (00:00:00) - The Risk of Winning in Parenting(00:05:49) - On Winning and Losing(00:09:15) - What Does It Look Like to Support a Child's Bedtime Sleep(00:15:07) - How to Be Right All the Time with Your Child(00:17:52) - How To Approach a Parent's Bedtime(00:26:20) - Alexandra on Collaborative Parenting(00:35:25) - The Importance of Helicopter Parenting(00:43:00) - Slow Down With Your Child(00:50:51) - Slow Down in the Moment

    [E243] The Risk of Winning

  6. Jul 14

    [E242] Torn From the Root: Rhonda Roorda on Honoring the Voice Within

    Some books change the way we see. Rhonda Roorda's In Their Own Voices did that for countless adoptive families, including our own here at ETC. In this episode, Rhonda returns to walk us through her debut memoir, Torn from the Root, and the four questions at its center: who was going to get hurt, what was it going to cost, who would be held accountable, and what hope could there be for repair. It is a tender, unflinching conversation about transracial adoption, the voice of the child within, and what it really takes to belong. Listener-care note: this episode includes honest discussion of trauma, abuse, and mental health within the context of transracial adoption. In this episode Why Rhonda turned the lens on her own story after decades of documenting others, and what it meant to listen to the little girl within her The four questions from her memoir that frame the whole conversation The history most adoptive families never hear, from the 1970 National Association of Black Social Workers statement to the research that shaped current policy How everyday language and labels shape a child's sense of identity and worth The difference between celebrating a child's culture and simply living near it A family "blueprint" approach to belonging, where every member is honored and advocated for What repair actually requires, starting with an honest audit of ourselves How nurture, in ETC terms, shows up in our words, our attention, and our follow-through Resources Torn from the Root: A Memoir of a Black Transracial Adoptee by Rhonda M. Roorda (Temple University Press). Pre-order available now, releasing July 2026. In Their Own Voices, In Their Parents' Voices, and In Their Siblings' Voices, the landmark trilogy Rhonda co-authored with Dr. Rita J. Simon In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption, Rhonda's award-winning solo work Rhonda M. Roorda's website: https://rhondamroorda.com Context referenced in the episode: the 1970 National Association of Black Social Workers position on transracial adoption, and the Multi-Ethnic Placement Act of 1994 with the Interethnic Adoption Provisions of 1996 Chapters (00:00:04) - Rhonda Rorda on Transracial Adoption(00:07:12) - Transracial Adoption: A memoir(00:13:48) - Rhonda on Transracial Adoption(00:16:48) - Who Is Being Hurt in Transracial Adoption?(00:24:43) - In the Land of Adoptees: Language(00:28:53) - From A Commodity to the World(00:30:49) - Othering Transracial Adoptees(00:37:15) - What Would It Have Been Like to Experience A Real African Family?(00:46:40) - Adoption advocates speak out for equity(00:47:47) - Adoptees Speak Out About the Transracial Adoption System(00:53:59) - African American culture in the Netherlands(00:59:07) - Transracial Adoptions: The Need for Nurture(01:05:02) - Torn from the Root Review(01:12:53) - Telling My Story of the Transracial Adoption System(01:19:11) - From Here to Eternity(01:22:47) - Rhonda's Empowerment to Connect: Where Do We Go

    [E242] Torn From the Root: Rhonda Roorda on Honoring the Voice Within

  7. Jun 30

    [E241] The Consequences of Consequences

    You said it would be the last warning. You meant it this time. And somehow you are standing in the hallway with your voice raised, wondering how you ended up here again. If consequences have quietly become your first move, and you are starting to suspect they are not actually working, this conversation is for you. What we cover in this episode Why a consequence is so often the first thing we reach for, and what that reach is usually really about What a quick consequence shuts down: the curiosity, the teaching, and your child's chance to learn what to do instead The difference between a punishment mindset and a loving limits mindset, and how each one handles power How the Faris and Ottinger homes actually deal with mistakes now, including the "consequence" the Faris’s friends could not believe was real Small, doable first steps if you want to lean on consequences less, starting with one question you can ask yourself in the moment Resources mentioned Cultivate Connection (the on-demand parenting course where the Collaboration module lives): https://empoweredtoconnect.shop/products/cultivate-connection-on-demand Connecting Practices Handbook (ideas for giving voice, choices, and compromises): https://empoweredtoconnect.shop/products/connecting-practices-handbook-ebook Chapters (00:00:00) - Nick Faris on Empowered to Connect(00:01:58) - Questions about Consequences in Parenting(00:09:48) - Jesse on Contribution to Consequences(00:15:16) - What Happened When You Changed the Way You Parent Your Kids(00:21:19) - Do Parents Need To Complain About Mistakes?(00:28:46) - What Kind of Consequences Should Parents Have for Their Kids?(00:34:42) - The Limits of Parental Communication(00:37:58) - What is a Punishment Mindset and a Loving Limit Mindset(00:39:36) - The Loving Limits vs Punishment Mindset(00:45:37) - When You Can't Get What You Want(00:46:47) - How to Talk to Your Child About Consequences(00:52:56) - What Do I Want My Children To Remember About Their Childhoods?(00:57:02) - How to Civillate Connection in Parenting(01:00:22) - Closing Thoughts On The Nick Podcast(01:01:38) - Reclaiming the Preciousness of Our Children

    [E241] The Consequences of Consequences

  8. Jun 16

    [E240] Your Summer Survival Guide

    Summer is here, and Jesse and Tona are keeping it real: they love summer, and it also asks a lot of them. In this episode, they sit down (virtually, because summer pivots happen to hosts too) to talk honestly about what it actually feels like to parent through the loss of structure — and what it can look like to find your footing in the middle of the season. They cover everything from the emotional load working parents carry when school lets out, to practical ideas for younger kids and teenagers alike. Whether your summer is high-energy or gloriously low-key, this conversation is a permission slip to stop trying to curate someone else's summer and start trusting your own. In this episode: Why summer can feel like something you have to survive even when you love it The difference between structure and rigidity — and why predictable rhythms matter for kids Practical, low-cost ideas for younger kids The "summer of ___" concept for kids & teenagers Boredom tolerance as a regulation skill — and what to do when your child genuinely can't self-entertain Resources & Mentions: ETC Summer Survival Kit Use Scaffolding - Free downloadable, Podcast Episode 90 & Episode 147, and we just wrote about this in our newest ETC Newsletter! The Lazy Genius Collective / Kendra Adachi Inside Out 2 (the character Ennui) Chapters (00:00:00) - How to Survive the Summer(00:02:40) - How Do You Feel About Summer?(00:06:55) - How to Plan for the Summer(00:12:15) - Summertime Work and Life Balance(00:14:35) - How To Survive Summer(00:17:07) - How to Plan Your Summer Survival Guide(00:20:55) - What's Your Summer Plan?(00:25:12) - What Makes Summer Feel Like Summer?(00:30:26) - Summer Plans for Your Kids(00:38:04) - When You Can't Help But Remember Your Hooligans(00:39:13) - Summer Is For Me(00:45:59) - How to Survive A Summer With Kids(00:49:36) - I Wish Bored Kids Could Be Tolerated(00:54:58) - Bored Kids: How Do They Regulate Their Mind?(00:58:55) - How to Deal With Bored Kids This Summer(01:03:12) - A message for the summer(01:04:33) - summer Survival Kit

    [E240] Your Summer Survival Guide
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4.9
out of 5
119 Ratings

About

The Empowered to Connect Podcast a place where we come together to discuss an attachment rich, healing centered approach to engagement and well being for ourselves, our families and our communities.

Information

  • Creator
    Empowered to Connect
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    264
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2020 Empowered to Connect
  • Show Website
    Empowered to Connect Podcast

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