How Not To Suck At Divorce

Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport
  • 4.7 (270)
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clarity, strategy, and support—not drama, shame, or sugarcoating. Hosted by powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at the largest firm in the country, and comedian-turned-marketing-guru Andrea Rappaport, this show helps you avoid the most common (and costly) divorce mistakes while protecting your kids, your finances, and your sanity. How Not to Suck at Divorce offers you divorce guidance that only the really wealthy can afford. Each episode breaks down what actually matters during divorce—custody, co-parenting, negotiations, communication, and decision-making—using real-world examples, practical tools, and a refreshingly honest approach. You’ll learn what to tell your lawyer (and what to tell your friends), how to manage emotions without letting them derail your case, and how to move forward even when the process isn’t over. Whether you’re thinking about divorce, in the middle of it, or trying to rebuild your life after, How Not to Suck at Divorce gives you the information you need, the validation you deserve, and the confidence to make better decisions—one step at a time. Morgan Stogsdill has seen every curveball, knows the difference between drama and strategy, and helps clients avoid costly mistakes. Andrea Rappaport has made the exact painful mistakes we beg you not to repeat. Together, we’ve built a podcast that blends courtroom-level insight with compassionate, practical moves you can use the second the episode ends. What We Cover Should I stay or should I go? Decision-making frameworks, acronyms, and step-by-step exercises for clarity. Co-parenting and high-conflict personalities. We unpack narcissist dynamics, manipulation tactics, and non-reactive communication. (We even created a framework called “WTF” to help you remember it when your brain is on fire.) The BIFF method and conflict de-escalation. With Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute, we translate his tools into real-world texts and emails you can send without blowing up your case. Tech safety and AI mistakes. Steven Bradley, former FBI agent and digital safety expert Prenups, financial transparency, and power dynamics. Guests like Katie Post share what to include, what to avoid, and how to start the conversation before things go off the rails. That’s our recipe: expert interviews + practical tools + humor that keeps you breathing. Episodes are short enough for a dog walk but deep enough to change your next decision. Who You’ll Hear Bill Eddy (High Conflict Institute): BIFF and EAR techniques, parallel parenting, and communication guardrails. Steven Bradley (former FBI “Tech Cowboy”): Digital breadcrumbs, evidence handling, and how AI can backfire in divorce. Dr. Nadine Macaluso (therapist, trauma specialist): Love-bombing, trauma bonds, and healing after divorce. Joanna Strober (Midi Health): Resilience, perimenopause, career pivots, and financial autonomy. Core Topics Divorce Strategy & Family Law: prenups, mediation vs. litigation, custody agreements, relocation, settlement strategy. High-Conflict & Safety: coercive control, gaslighting, BIFF, protective orders, tech hygiene. Co-Parenting & Parallel Parenting: calendars, school/holiday schedules, and communication protocols. Money & Power: financial disclosure, tracing assets, budgeting, and managing fees.Mindset & Mental Health: compartmentalizing, trigger management, boundary scripts, and choosing the right therapist or coach. Our show is both resourceful and entertaining. You’ll laugh, take notes, and walk away feeling less alone. How Not to Suck at Divorce has become a trusted resource worldwide. Whether you’re in the middle of a divorce, just considering it, or rebuilding afterward, this podcast helps you breathe easier, protect your sanity, and avoid the mistakes that cost people the most. You’ll get through this. We promise. You’ve got this

  1. 3D AGO

    185. The Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce: How to Stop Letting Feelings Drive Your Decisions

    One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.” In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind. You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved. What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-makingWhy emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations areWhy emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choiceWhat “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan BThe biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster (Practical Action Steps)If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do: ✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality “That meeting went well. Okay.”“That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.” Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge. ✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time) When something goes well, ask your attorney: “What’s a realistic expectation from here?”“What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?” ✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional states Morgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react. ✅ 4) Stabilize with routine Predictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable. ✅ 5) Write it down—don’t react Journal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system. ✅ 6) Choose ONE safe person Avoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅). ✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflict Consider structured communication support

    42 min

  2. JAN 2

    184. What to Do Before You File for Divorce: A Pre-Divorce Checklist to Get Organized and Avoid Costly Mistakes

    If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan. Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace). This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart. Key Topics CoveredWhat to do before you file for divorceHow to create a private email and start organizing information safelyThe pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiralHow to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other side Practical Pre-Divorce Action Steps (Checklist)Do these before you file: Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)Passwords/access issuesPull your credit score and document it.List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.li...

    31 min

  3. 12/24/2025

    183. When the Kids Aren't With You For Christmas (Divorce Support)

    Support and survival tools for one of the hardest days of divorce. “When the house is quiet, the feelings are loud.” If you’re facing Christmas (or any holiday) without your kids, this episode is your survival guide. Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill talk about one of the most painful parts of divorce: the first (or early) holidays when your children are with the other parent. The anxiety can start days in advance, and the empty-house silence can feel unbearable — but Morgan reminds listeners that this is usually a moment in time, not a sign that you made the wrong decision about divorce. You’ll hear real, practical tools for getting through the day hour-by-hour (doggy paddling counts), what not to do when you’re spiraling, and why “effective support” matters. You’ll also get tips for keeping conversations with your kids positive, avoiding emotional landmines, and making a plan that helps you survive the holiday — without shame, stalking your ex, or numbing yourself into oblivion. In This Episode, We CoverWhy holidays without your kids after divorce can feel like a crisis momentHow to tell the difference between grief and a “divorce decision”Why “two truths can coexist” (you can be doing the right thing and it can hurt)The best coping strategies for surviving Christmas without your childrenWhat not to do: social media spirals, isolating, stalking your ex, emotional decisionsWhy moving your body helps your mind calm down (“an exhausted body is a calm mind”)How to use community support (even anonymously) when you feel aloneHow to talk to your kids without making them feel responsible for your emotionsCo-parenting communication tools (and why OurFamilyWizard helps when rules aren’t followed)Morgan’s “Chad” story: how making a plan helped a parent survive the first Christmas aloneWhy leaving the house is the #1 non-negotiable tool (even a drive-through counts) Key Takeaways1) This is normal — it doesn’t mean you’re weakAndrea says it best: no amount of self-care candles fixes the fact that your kids aren’t here. Missing your children doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re hurting. 2) Don’t make big decisions in a holiday spiralMorgan sees clients question everything during the holidays — but she rarely sees people truly halt divorce because of it. These feelings are real, but they’re usually temporary. 3) Doggy paddling is still progressYou don’t have to “thrive” today. You just have to get through it. Hour-by-hour is allowed. Holiday Survival Plan (From the Episode)Here’s your breakdown, straight from Morgan + Andrea: ✅ 1. Move your body (or at least get moving)Walk outside if you canIf it’s cold: use a short YouTube workout videoIf...

    27 min

  4. 12/19/2025

    182. Surviving Christmas When You Want a Divorce

    Why the holidays amplify doubts. What to do instead of panicking. If you're overwhelmed, exhausted, pretending you’re fine, or Googling “How to pretend I'm not miserable in my marriage and ruin Christmas?” this conversation is exactly what you need. December hits differently when your marriage feels heavy. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea break down why the holidays can push you into emotional overdrive and why that does not automatically mean you need to file for divorce today. From understanding the difference between a crisis moment vs. a clarity moment, to learning the now-iconic Pantry Party Plan, this episode gives you practical strategies to stay grounded, calm, and emotionally safe during one of the most triggering months of the year. You’re Not Weak — You’re OverwhelmedAndrea and Morgan open the episode with a message so many listeners need to hear: You’re going to be okay. Holiday stress isn’t proof that your marriage suddenly collapsed — it’s proof that December is a pressure cooker. Friends. Traditions. Money. Kids. Expectations. Fake joy. Your nervous system is maxed out, and that’s normal. A crisis moment feels like: wanting to flee your househiding in the pantrycrying out of nowherefantasizing about driving away and not coming backpanic bubbling in your chest These moments do NOT require divorce decisions. A clarity moment feels like: “Yep… this marriage still doesn’t feel right.”annoyance, sadness, or distancenoticing repeating patternscalm recognition of misalignment Clarity = information Crisis = not the time to act This distinction alone saves listeners from major mistakes. December will give you a moment where you need to step away — mentally or physically. Andrea introduces the Pantry Party Plan, a simple, strategic grounding tool to stop panic from running the show. Step 1: Set a timer. 3 minutes → small wobble5–7 minutes → medium crisis10 minutes → major meltdown prevention Step 2: Exhale first. Panic makes it nearly impossible to breathe in. So start by pushing out all your air, then allow the inhale. Step 3: Add your mantra. Pick something that makes you laugh, relax, or feel powerful. Andrea’s? “Bitches ain’t shit.” Find one that works for YOU. 🧘‍♀️ Why December Makes Everything Feel WorseMorgan breaks down the legal + emotional side: Emotional triggers:holiday traditions when you're unhappyforced family timespan...

    30 min

  5. 12/12/2025

    181. Not Ready to File for Divorce? What to Do Instead

    How to prepare, protect yourself, and move forward without rushing This episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for: How to prepare for divorce without filingEmotional separation before divorceHow to survive the holidays before divorceWhat is a silent divorce?How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)Divorce timing strategyHow to protect kids during separation If you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet. If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it. Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios: 1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting. 2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea. You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes. Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:✔ What a “silent divorce” actually isHow emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers. ✔ Signs you’re in a silent divorce– Minimal communication – Loss of intimacy – Roommate vibes – Emotional loneliness – Avoidance of conflict – No partnership energy ✔ If both partners know divorce is comingDo this: Keep things predictableSet temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)Treat this time as preparation, not limbospan class="ql-ui"...

    32 min

  6. 12/05/2025

    180. The Most Powerful Divorce Negotiation Tool You’re Not Using

    Why strategy, not emotion, wins negotiations. Emotions don’t win in divorce court — facts and strategy do. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, divorce attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian-turned-divorce-advocate Andrea Rappaport walk you through how to negotiate your divorce like a pro using their THINK framework: T – Take the emotion out of itH – Have realistic non-negotiablesI – Identify their pain pointsN – Negotiate from facts, not feelingsK – Keep your BATNA in mind (your best backup plan) If the idea of mediation, settlement conferences, or sitting across from your ex makes you want to hide in a hole, this episode is your game plan. You’ll learn how to work with your lawyer instead of against them, what’s actually realistic to ask for, how to use what you know about your ex as legal leverage, and why clinging to your emotions can cost you big money, time, and sanity. Whether you’re just starting your divorce, heading into mediation, or trying to wrap up a long, exhausting case, this episode will help you stay out of court if possible, save money, and make smarter decisions for you and your kids. In This Episode, We Cover: Why “facts win” in divorceHow emotions spiral, stories get twisted, and why judges and mediators care about documents, numbers, and timelines — not drama.T = Take the emotion out of itAndrea’s “Ziploc bag and freeze your feelings like a 2018 pot roast” strategyHow to notice when you’re triggered in mediation (hello, Brenda and Chad)What to say to your lawyer when you’re about to lose it — and when to zip it and let them speak for youH = Have realistic non-negotiablesThe difference between must-haves and nice-to-havesWhy “I want 100% custody” usually isn’t realisticHow to decide which holidays, financial terms, or parenting provisions are truly non-negotiableMorgan’s example of a client who refused to accept any end date on maintenance — and why that was realistic in her caseI = Identify their pain pointsHow to “play detective” and figure out what your ex really cares about (ego, money, reputation, time with kids, a specific property, etc.)span class="ql-ui"...

    41 min

  7. 11/26/2025

    179. Hard Truths About Divorce No One Warns You About

    Hard truths that can save you time, money, and sanity. If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly. From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family. This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes. What You’ll Learn in This Episode1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy youThe legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice. 2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revengeMorgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it. 3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategyWhy your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet. 4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live. 5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOUYour ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy. 6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disastersHow to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce. 7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OKAndrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything. 8. Do NOT fire off emotional textsUse a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret. Hard Truths from This EpisodeThe legal system is not designed to make you feel better.Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.Your attorney isn’t your therapist.Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional. ⏱️ Timestamps00:00 — Hard truth:...

    36 min

  8. 11/21/2025

    178. How Asking ‘WHY’ Can Change Your Divorce

    Making better decisions by understanding what really matters. If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning. This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY. When is asking why strategic? And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)? To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically. Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers. https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/ In this conversation, you’ll learn: Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer questionHow to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverageWhy understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediationThe one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insaneWhen your lawyer should break things down in plain languageWhy slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disasterHow to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questionsWhy the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with thatHow to advocate for yourself without apologizing PLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing. This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer. Key Takeaways1. Not All “Why” Questions Are Helpful“Why is this happening?” “Why is he acting like this?” “Why is she being crazy?” These are human questions—but not legal ones. They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours. 2. Strategic Why’s Are POWERFULWhy are we filing this motion? Why is this our mediation plan? Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue? These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective...

    42 min
See All (186)

4.7
out of 5
270 Ratings

About

How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clarity, strategy, and support—not drama, shame, or sugarcoating. Hosted by powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at the largest firm in the country, and comedian-turned-marketing-guru Andrea Rappaport, this show helps you avoid the most common (and costly) divorce mistakes while protecting your kids, your finances, and your sanity. How Not to Suck at Divorce offers you divorce guidance that only the really wealthy can afford. Each episode breaks down what actually matters during divorce—custody, co-parenting, negotiations, communication, and decision-making—using real-world examples, practical tools, and a refreshingly honest approach. You’ll learn what to tell your lawyer (and what to tell your friends), how to manage emotions without letting them derail your case, and how to move forward even when the process isn’t over. Whether you’re thinking about divorce, in the middle of it, or trying to rebuild your life after, How Not to Suck at Divorce gives you the information you need, the validation you deserve, and the confidence to make better decisions—one step at a time. Morgan Stogsdill has seen every curveball, knows the difference between drama and strategy, and helps clients avoid costly mistakes. Andrea Rappaport has made the exact painful mistakes we beg you not to repeat. Together, we’ve built a podcast that blends courtroom-level insight with compassionate, practical moves you can use the second the episode ends. What We Cover Should I stay or should I go? Decision-making frameworks, acronyms, and step-by-step exercises for clarity. Co-parenting and high-conflict personalities. We unpack narcissist dynamics, manipulation tactics, and non-reactive communication. (We even created a framework called “WTF” to help you remember it when your brain is on fire.) The BIFF method and conflict de-escalation. With Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute, we translate his tools into real-world texts and emails you can send without blowing up your case. Tech safety and AI mistakes. Steven Bradley, former FBI agent and digital safety expert Prenups, financial transparency, and power dynamics. Guests like Katie Post share what to include, what to avoid, and how to start the conversation before things go off the rails. That’s our recipe: expert interviews + practical tools + humor that keeps you breathing. Episodes are short enough for a dog walk but deep enough to change your next decision. Who You’ll Hear Bill Eddy (High Conflict Institute): BIFF and EAR techniques, parallel parenting, and communication guardrails. Steven Bradley (former FBI “Tech Cowboy”): Digital breadcrumbs, evidence handling, and how AI can backfire in divorce. Dr. Nadine Macaluso (therapist, trauma specialist): Love-bombing, trauma bonds, and healing after divorce. Joanna Strober (Midi Health): Resilience, perimenopause, career pivots, and financial autonomy. Core Topics Divorce Strategy & Family Law: prenups, mediation vs. litigation, custody agreements, relocation, settlement strategy. High-Conflict & Safety: coercive control, gaslighting, BIFF, protective orders, tech hygiene. Co-Parenting & Parallel Parenting: calendars, school/holiday schedules, and communication protocols. Money & Power: financial disclosure, tracing assets, budgeting, and managing fees.Mindset & Mental Health: compartmentalizing, trigger management, boundary scripts, and choosing the right therapist or coach. Our show is both resourceful and entertaining. You’ll laugh, take notes, and walk away feeling less alone. How Not to Suck at Divorce has become a trusted resource worldwide. Whether you’re in the middle of a divorce, just considering it, or rebuilding afterward, this podcast helps you breathe easier, protect your sanity, and avoid the mistakes that cost people the most. You’ll get through this. We promise. You’ve got this

Information

  • Creator
    Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    186
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Morgan L. Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport 2021-2025
  • Show Website
    How Not To Suck At Divorce

You Might Also Like