It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

TruStory FM
  • 4.6 (94)
  • MANAGEMENT
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

  1. Beyond No-Contact: High Conflict Skills for Family Relationships

    4D AGO

    Beyond No-Contact: High Conflict Skills for Family Relationships

    The Evolution of Family Estrangement: Understanding Adult Children Cutting Ties Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the growing phenomenon of adult children severing relationships with parents, examining research, societal shifts, and potential solutions. Drawing from their experience at the High Conflict Institute, they analyze Oprah's recent YouTube conversation with Dr. Joshua Coleman about family estrangement, offering professional insights into this complex dynamic affecting millions of families. Understanding Modern Family Estrangement Research indicates approximately one-third of Americans experience parent-child estrangement. The hosts examine how smaller family sizes, increased mobility, and social media influence these dynamics, while exploring the impact of shifting cultural values, mental health awareness, and changing approaches to conflict resolution. Questions Addressed in This Episode: What factors contribute to increased family estrangement?How do cultural differences affect family relationship patterns?When might relationship boundaries be appropriate versus complete estrangement?What impact does estrangement have on extended family relationships?How can families develop better conflict resolution skills?Key Takeaways: Family estrangement often reflects broader societal shifts in relationship dynamicsConflict resolution skills are crucial for maintaining family connectionsModern technology and social media can both help and hinder family relationshipsSetting appropriate boundaries differs from complete relationship terminationMost estrangements are temporary, with opportunities for reconciliationThe episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating complex family relationships, offering understanding of this significant societal trend and practical approaches for addressing relationship challenges. Additional Resources Oprah Video- Why Adult Children are Cutting Ties With Their ParentsExpert Publications SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOur New World of Adult BulliesContact Us For High-Conflict Training Understanding & Managing High-Conflict TrainingProfessional & Personal Development HCI’s courses:Conflict Influencer® - for famlies (new classes starting January 2026)High-Conflict Law Certification - for legal professionals (starts March 2026)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Why Adult Children Cut Ties with Parents (04:13) - Why More Rifts (11:11) - US Experience (13:45) - Mexico and Religion (16:20) - Destabilizing for Kids (21:25) - Intergenerational (22:56) - Everyone Needs These Skills (25:30) - Setting Consequences (26:58) - How Can You Make It Better? (29:02) - Wrap Up

    31 min
  2. SLIC Solutions for Limits: How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work (with Ekaterina Ricci)

    JAN 29

    SLIC Solutions for Limits: How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work (with Ekaterina Ricci)

    Setting Effective Limits: A Conversation About SLIC Solutions for Conflict Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome co-author Ekaterina Ricci to discuss their new book "SLIC Solutions for Conflict," exploring practical approaches to setting limits and consequences with individuals who demonstrate challenging behaviors. The episode introduces the "two and a half steps" approach: establishing clear boundaries, implementing consequences, and selectively using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements. Traditional empathy-focused approaches may sometimes enable rather than resolve difficult situations, particularly with individuals who demonstrate manipulative behaviors. Bill Eddy outlines five crucial questions for establishing consequences: Is it proportional? Have positive consequences been considered? Is it safe? Are you prepared to enforce it? Do you need assistance? Questions we answer: How can empathy make conflict worse? Why is advance preparation important? How does social media impact younger generations' ability to set boundaries? When should you seek help imposing consequences? Whether managing professional relationships, navigating family dynamics, or maintaining personal boundaries, this episode provides practical tools for setting effective limits while maintaining respect and safety. Learn how preparation, practice, and proper timing can help you implement boundaries with confidence. Additional Resources Watch this episode on YouTube! Expert Publications SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsHigh-Conflict Training Understanding & Managing High-Conflict TrainingPersonal Development Conflict Influencer Group Class - starts January 21New Ways for Couples: Online Class + CoachingProfessional Development Family Law Consultation Group with Bill Eddy - starts March 2026Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:49) - SLIC Solutions for Conflict (01:22) - About Ekaterina (03:23) - Why This Book? (04:07) - When Empathy Makes It Worse (06:31) - Two-and-a-Half Steps (08:29) - Consequence (11:13) - Role Play Practice (13:31) - Learning How to Set the Limit (16:56) - Younger Generations and Setting LImits (20:03) - Social Media Example (22:08) - Surprises in the Writing of It (25:36) - Something Hopeful (29:54) - Creating Space for Yourself (32:38) - The Five Questions (37:55) - The Writing Experience (38:52) - A Few Examples (43:28) - Doing What's Right (46:35) - Wrapping Up

    48 min
  3. Self-Compassion and DBT: How New Treatment Approaches Transform BPD Recovery with Amanda Smith

    JAN 22

    Self-Compassion and DBT: How New Treatment Approaches Transform BPD Recovery with Amanda Smith

    In this episode of It's All Your Fault, host Megan Hunter interviews Amanda Smith, LCSW, about her groundbreaking new book on self-compassion and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills for people who have borderline personality disorder traits. The discussion explores how incorporating self-compassion into treatment can enhance recovery and improve outcomes. Understanding Self-Compassion in BPD TreatmentThe conversation delves into how self-compassion serves as a vital but often overlooked component in treating borderline personality disorder traits. Amanda Smith draws on 19 years of clinical experience to explain why traditional confrontational approaches often backfire, while self-compassion can help reduce self-destructive behaviors and improve emotional regulation. Research shows that increased self-compassion correlates with better mental health outcomes, healthier relationships, and reduced anxiety and depression. This episode examines how these findings specifically apply to people working to manage borderline personality disorder traits. Questions We Answer in This Episode How has treatment for borderline personality disorder evolved over the past 20 years?What role does self-compassion play in DBT skills training?How can family members support loved ones who cannot access immediate treatment?When should boundaries and limits be introduced in treatment?How does self-compassion affect recovery outcomes?Key Takeaways Self-compassion can serve as a replacement skill for self-destructive behaviorsDBT skills can be learned and practiced by family members to support loved onesTreatment approaches work best when starting with validation before introducing structureRecovery is possible with appropriate evidence-based treatmentEarly intervention, even before age 18, can be beneficial when approached appropriatelyThe episode provides hope and practical guidance for anyone impacted by borderline personality disorder traits, while highlighting the importance of combining clinical skill development with self-compassion practices. Listeners will gain insights into both professional and personal approaches to supporting recovery. Additional Resources Watch this episode on YouTube! Expert Publications by Amanda L. Smith The Self-Compassion Workbook for BPDThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for Your Body, Mind, and SpiritThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families: 52 Weeks of Hope, Inspiration, and Mindful Ideas for Greater Peace and HappinessExpert Publications SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional & Personal Development Amanda Smith’s Family DBT courseHCI’s courses:Conflict Influencer® - for co-parents (new classes starting January 2026)Conflict Influencer® - for famlies (new classes starting January 2026)High-Conflict Law Certification - for legal professionalsConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Meet Amanda Smith (03:34) - Creating a Life Worth Living (06:03) - Progression Over Time (09:45) - Other Terms (11:54) - Lack of Awareness (13:30) - Addressing with DBT (14:50) - Exceptions and Causes (16:11) - Giving Hope (17:55) - Age Groups (19:51) - When They Can’t Get Into Treatment (24:37) - Boundaries and Limits (28:32) - Amanda’s New Book (31:57) - Compassion for Self (37:11) - Trying the Opposite (41:59) - The Book (43:32) - Wrap Up

    46 min
  4. Worth Repeating: Protecting Elderly Loved Ones from High Conflict Manipulation

    JAN 15

    Worth Repeating: Protecting Elderly Loved Ones from High Conflict Manipulation

    In this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan examine the growing challenges faced by elderly populations dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. As global demographics shift toward an aging population, understanding how to protect vulnerable seniors becomes increasingly critical. The hosts explore how individuals who exhibit manipulative personality traits may target elderly people through isolation, financial exploitation, and emotional manipulation. They discuss why traditional support systems may miss these subtle forms of control, and how societal changes have created new vulnerabilities. Key Vulnerabilities Addressed: Increasing isolation in elderly populationsFinancial exploitation risksManipulation by caregivers and family membersEssential Protection Strategies: Maintaining regular, unannounced visitsAsking specific, direct questionsCreating support networks and oversightDrawing from extensive research and case examples, Bill and Megan provide practical guidance for recognizing warning signs and taking appropriate action. They emphasize the importance of balancing respect for autonomy with necessary protective measures. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone concerned about elderly loved ones or planning for their own future security. The discussion highlights how proper awareness and early intervention can help protect our most vulnerable community members. Additional Resources Books & Expert Publications: Our New World of Adult Bullies5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsArticles & Resources: Protecting the Elderly in Our New World of Adult BulliesTraining & Professional Development: Custom Training for OrganizationsNew Ways Training ProgramsConflict Influencer ClassConnect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:43) - Podcast Update (12:39) - The Elderly and High Conflict (24:34) - When They Deny It (27:22) - CARS Method (31:55) - Being Targeted (34:08) - Keep an Eye Out for Them (36:45) - Wrap Up (37:30) - See You Next Year!

    39 min
  5. Worth Repeating: Setting Limits Without Public Exposure to Manage Difficult Behavior

    JAN 8

    Worth Repeating: Setting Limits Without Public Exposure to Manage Difficult Behavior

    Exposure and Public Shaming as Conflict Management Tools: A Critical Analysis In this back episode from the High Conflict Institute podcast, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle a challenging question that many face when dealing with difficult workplace situations: Is exposing someone's problematic behavior an effective strategy for creating change? While the impulse to "name and shame" may feel justified, especially when facing reputation damage or distortion campaigns, the hosts explore why this approach often backfires with high conflict personalities. When dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behavior patterns, the threat of exposure frequently escalates rather than resolves situations. The hosts examine how cluster B personality traits like being domineering, vindictive and intrusive can make public confrontation particularly counterproductive. Key Questions Addressed: Does exposing problematic behavior lead to meaningful change?When might the threat of exposure be strategically useful?How should organizations balance accountability with escalation risks?Core Strategic Insights: Private criticism tends to be more effective than public shamingSkills-based coaching offers better outcomes than humiliationNatural consequences work better than intentional exposureThrough examining both legal precedents and business case studies, the hosts demonstrate why investing in skill development and structured interventions often proves more valuable than reactive exposure strategies. The episode provides concrete examples of more effective approaches, from healthcare settings to corporate environments. Drawing on Harvard research and real-world examples like the Harvey Weinstein case, Bill and Megan illustrate the complex factors organizations must weigh when deciding how to address problematic behavior. They emphasize that while public exposure may occasionally be necessary, it should typically be a last resort after other interventions have been attempted. Additional Resources Books: It's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsArticles: Fire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?Professional Development: New Ways Training Programs (workplace, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Custom Training for OrganizationsHigh Conflict Institute Consultation ServicesConnect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation

    26 min
  6. Worth Repeating: Skills Over Discipline to Transform Workplace Conflict with Cherolyn Knapp

    12/18/2025

    Worth Repeating: Skills Over Discipline to Transform Workplace Conflict with Cherolyn Knapp

    Managing High Conflict in Today's Workplace In this episode from the High Conflict Institute archives, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Cherolyn Knapp, a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator who brings fresh perspectives on handling workplace conflict. While the discussion captures workplace dynamics during an earlier phase of post-pandemic adjustment, the insights on conflict management remain remarkably relevant for today's organizations. Understanding Workplace Conflict PatternsThe discussion explores how traditional workplace conflict resolution methods often fall short with certain behavioral patterns. Cherolyn shares insights from her extensive experience, noting that while standard approaches work for 80-90% of situations, some cases require specialized skills and understanding. Though recorded closer to the initial workplace disruptions of the pandemic, the conversation highlights enduring challenges in managing high conflict situations that continue to resonate. Questions We Answer in This Episode: Why do traditional HR approaches fail with certain behavioral patterns?What makes the New Ways for Work method effective?When should organizations invest in specialized conflict coaching?Key Takeaways: Traditional conflict resolution methods work for most employees but fail with about 10-20% of casesEarly intervention with skill-building can prevent escalation to terminationConnection and empathy are crucial elements in managing high conflict situationsThe New Ways for Work method offers a structured approach that helps organizations identify when standard interventions aren't working and provides alternative strategies. This skills-based program gives both employees and managers practical tools they can implement immediately, proving just as valuable today as when this episode first aired. The episode provides valuable insights for HR professionals, workplace coaches, and leaders seeking to create healthier workplace environments. While some conflict is inevitable in any organization, understanding these patterns and having the right tools can transform seemingly impossible situations into manageable ones. Additional Resources: Books & Training: New Ways for Work® Coaching ManualNew Ways for Work® WorkbookIt's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps (Pre-order)Professional Development: New Ways Training RegistrationCustom Training for OrganizationsNew Ways ProgramsConflict Influencer CertificationArticles & Resources: New Ways for Work: A New Coaching MethodWhy Can't They Get It? What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behaveConnect With Us: Visit our websiteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collectionFind all episode notesFollow us on Facebook | Twitter | LinkedInNote: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Meet Cherolyn Knapp (03:42) - Questions (21:01) - New Ways for Work (29:25) - Tips (31:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (33:42) - Wrap Up

    35 min
  7. Worth Repeating: Finding Your Path Forward with High Conflict Parents

    12/11/2025

    Worth Repeating: Finding Your Path Forward with High Conflict Parents

    Young Adults Navigating Life with High Conflict Parents In this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan explore why many young adults struggle to launch successfully into independent life, particularly those raised by parents who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. They examine how today's interconnected world, while offering unprecedented opportunities, can also amplify feelings of inadequacy and isolation for young people trying to find their path. The hosts discuss how growing up with a parent who exhibits self-focused personality traits can leave young adults feeling responsible for managing their parent's emotions instead of developing their own identity. This dynamic, combined with intense cultural pressures and weakened community connections, creates unique challenges for today's emerging adults. Key Challenges Addressed: Constant exposure to global crises and negative newsSocial media comparison and online bullyingWeakened family and community support systemsEssential Solutions Explored: Finding healthy mentors and building support networksEngaging in meaningful work or volunteeringAccessing counseling and group therapy resourcesDrawing from their extensive experience, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for young adults to develop stronger boundaries with high conflict parents while building their own sense of identity and direction. They emphasize the importance of finding healthy connections and support systems outside the family dynamic. This episode provides valuable insights for young adults working to establish independence, as well as parents, mentors and professionals supporting them through this critical transition period. The discussion highlights how proper support and understanding can help transform struggle into growth. Additional Resources Books & Publications: New Ways for Life™ Instructor's GuideNew Ways for Life™ Youth JournalSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsTraining & Professional Development: Live Lab™ (1:1 coaching for high conflict communication)Individual Consultation ServicesNew Ways for Life TrainingCustom Training for OrganizationsConflict Influencer ClassArticles & Resources: Kids and Self-EsteemAdolescent Mental Health and New Ways for Life SkillsConnect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - State of Floundering Young People (01:37) - Why So Much Floundering? (08:49) - Bullying and Stimulation (12:24) - Parenting (17:29) - When Truly Floundering (19:21) - How Many? (21:45) - Wrap Up (22:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Are EAR Statements for All High Conflict Types?

    23 min
  8. Worth Repeating: Turning Down High Conflict at Work with Cherolyn Knapp

    12/04/2025

    Worth Repeating: Turning Down High Conflict at Work with Cherolyn Knapp

    In this classic episode from the archives, special guest Cherolyn Knapp joins Bill and Megan to tackle listener questions about managing challenging workplace dynamics. They explore how high conflict behavior manifests in professional settings - from overt confrontations to more subtle forms of workplace disruption. The hosts examine why traditional disciplinary approaches often backfire, discussing instead how skills-based interventions can transform difficult workplace relationships. They emphasize the importance of recognizing that problematic behavior doesn't always present as obvious conflict. Key Workplace Challenges Addressed: Managing interdepartmental tensionsResponding to passive-aggressive behaviorSupporting targeted team membersEssential Skills Explored: Using EAR statements for de-escalationAnalyzing options before taking actionSetting appropriate professional boundariesDrawing from their extensive experience, the hosts provide practical guidance for both supervisors and employees facing challenging workplace dynamics. They emphasize the importance of developing specific communication skills rather than relying on confrontational approaches. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating difficult workplace relationships, whether as a manager protecting their team or an individual seeking to improve a challenging situation. The discussion highlights how proper training and support can transform seemingly intractable workplace conflicts. Additional Resources Books & Expert Publications: BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationsIt's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleOur New World of Adult BulliesSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsTraining & Professional Development: New Ways Training Programs (for workplace professionals)Individual Workplace CoachingCustom Training for OrganizationsConflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Connect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Welcome Back Cherolyn (03:05) - Listener Question #1: Dealing With a Workplace Bully (09:38) - EAR Statements and Connecting (11:57) - What to Say (13:57) - How High Conflict ‘Presents’ (17:04) - Passive Aggressive (19:36) - How to Deal With Them (22:43) - Dealing With Abuse Enablers (28:55) - New Ways for Work (35:50) - New Ways for Work Leaders (39:42) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest!

    41 min
See All (197)

Trailer

4.6
out of 5
94 Ratings

About

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

Information

More From TruStory FM

You Might Also Like