It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

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Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

  1. Worth Repeating: Skills Over Discipline to Transform Workplace Conflict with Cherolyn Knapp

    DEC 18

    Worth Repeating: Skills Over Discipline to Transform Workplace Conflict with Cherolyn Knapp

    Managing High Conflict in Today's Workplace In this episode from the High Conflict Institute archives, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Cherolyn Knapp, a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator who brings fresh perspectives on handling workplace conflict. While the discussion captures workplace dynamics during an earlier phase of post-pandemic adjustment, the insights on conflict management remain remarkably relevant for today's organizations. Understanding Workplace Conflict PatternsThe discussion explores how traditional workplace conflict resolution methods often fall short with certain behavioral patterns. Cherolyn shares insights from her extensive experience, noting that while standard approaches work for 80-90% of situations, some cases require specialized skills and understanding. Though recorded closer to the initial workplace disruptions of the pandemic, the conversation highlights enduring challenges in managing high conflict situations that continue to resonate. Questions We Answer in This Episode: Why do traditional HR approaches fail with certain behavioral patterns?What makes the New Ways for Work method effective?When should organizations invest in specialized conflict coaching?Key Takeaways: Traditional conflict resolution methods work for most employees but fail with about 10-20% of casesEarly intervention with skill-building can prevent escalation to terminationConnection and empathy are crucial elements in managing high conflict situationsThe New Ways for Work method offers a structured approach that helps organizations identify when standard interventions aren't working and provides alternative strategies. This skills-based program gives both employees and managers practical tools they can implement immediately, proving just as valuable today as when this episode first aired. The episode provides valuable insights for HR professionals, workplace coaches, and leaders seeking to create healthier workplace environments. While some conflict is inevitable in any organization, understanding these patterns and having the right tools can transform seemingly impossible situations into manageable ones. Additional Resources: Books & Training: New Ways for Work® Coaching ManualNew Ways for Work® WorkbookIt's All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps (Pre-order)Professional Development: New Ways Training RegistrationCustom Training for OrganizationsNew Ways ProgramsConflict Influencer CertificationArticles & Resources: New Ways for Work: A New Coaching MethodWhy Can't They Get It? What to do when coworkers and employees have no idea how they behaveConnect With Us: Visit our websiteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collectionFind all episode notesFollow us on Facebook | Twitter | LinkedInNote: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Meet Cherolyn Knapp (03:42) - Questions (21:01) - New Ways for Work (29:25) - Tips (31:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (33:42) - Wrap Up

    35 min
  2. Worth Repeating: Finding Your Path Forward with High Conflict Parents

    DEC 11

    Worth Repeating: Finding Your Path Forward with High Conflict Parents

    Young Adults Navigating Life with High Conflict Parents In this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan explore why many young adults struggle to launch successfully into independent life, particularly those raised by parents who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. They examine how today's interconnected world, while offering unprecedented opportunities, can also amplify feelings of inadequacy and isolation for young people trying to find their path. The hosts discuss how growing up with a parent who exhibits self-focused personality traits can leave young adults feeling responsible for managing their parent's emotions instead of developing their own identity. This dynamic, combined with intense cultural pressures and weakened community connections, creates unique challenges for today's emerging adults. Key Challenges Addressed: Constant exposure to global crises and negative newsSocial media comparison and online bullyingWeakened family and community support systemsEssential Solutions Explored: Finding healthy mentors and building support networksEngaging in meaningful work or volunteeringAccessing counseling and group therapy resourcesDrawing from their extensive experience, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for young adults to develop stronger boundaries with high conflict parents while building their own sense of identity and direction. They emphasize the importance of finding healthy connections and support systems outside the family dynamic. This episode provides valuable insights for young adults working to establish independence, as well as parents, mentors and professionals supporting them through this critical transition period. The discussion highlights how proper support and understanding can help transform struggle into growth. Additional Resources Books & Publications: New Ways for Life™ Instructor's GuideNew Ways for Life™ Youth JournalSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsTraining & Professional Development: Live Lab™ (1:1 coaching for high conflict communication)Individual Consultation ServicesNew Ways for Life TrainingCustom Training for OrganizationsConflict Influencer ClassArticles & Resources: Kids and Self-EsteemAdolescent Mental Health and New Ways for Life SkillsConnect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - State of Floundering Young People (01:37) - Why So Much Floundering? (08:49) - Bullying and Stimulation (12:24) - Parenting (17:29) - When Truly Floundering (19:21) - How Many? (21:45) - Wrap Up (22:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Are EAR Statements for All High Conflict Types?

    23 min
  3. Worth Repeating: Turning Down High Conflict at Work with Cherolyn Knapp

    DEC 4

    Worth Repeating: Turning Down High Conflict at Work with Cherolyn Knapp

    In this classic episode from the archives, special guest Cherolyn Knapp joins Bill and Megan to tackle listener questions about managing challenging workplace dynamics. They explore how high conflict behavior manifests in professional settings - from overt confrontations to more subtle forms of workplace disruption. The hosts examine why traditional disciplinary approaches often backfire, discussing instead how skills-based interventions can transform difficult workplace relationships. They emphasize the importance of recognizing that problematic behavior doesn't always present as obvious conflict. Key Workplace Challenges Addressed: Managing interdepartmental tensionsResponding to passive-aggressive behaviorSupporting targeted team membersEssential Skills Explored: Using EAR statements for de-escalationAnalyzing options before taking actionSetting appropriate professional boundariesDrawing from their extensive experience, the hosts provide practical guidance for both supervisors and employees facing challenging workplace dynamics. They emphasize the importance of developing specific communication skills rather than relying on confrontational approaches. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating difficult workplace relationships, whether as a manager protecting their team or an individual seeking to improve a challenging situation. The discussion highlights how proper training and support can transform seemingly intractable workplace conflicts. Additional Resources Books & Expert Publications: BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationsIt's All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleOur New World of Adult BulliesSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsTraining & Professional Development: New Ways Training Programs (for workplace professionals)Individual Workplace CoachingCustom Training for OrganizationsConflict Influencer Class (for personal situations)Connect With Us: Visit High Conflict InstituteSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection in our online storeFind all episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Welcome Back Cherolyn (03:05) - Listener Question #1: Dealing With a Workplace Bully (09:38) - EAR Statements and Connecting (11:57) - What to Say (13:57) - How High Conflict ‘Presents’ (17:04) - Passive Aggressive (19:36) - How to Deal With Them (22:43) - Dealing With Abuse Enablers (28:55) - New Ways for Work (35:50) - New Ways for Work Leaders (39:42) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest!

    41 min
  4. Worth Repeating: High-Conflict Holiday Guide

    NOV 27

    Worth Repeating: High-Conflict Holiday Guide

    Holiday Peace: Managing High Conflict Personalities During Celebrations Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter return to explore practical strategies for handling challenging personalities during holiday gatherings. As many of our longtime listeners enjoy revisiting this timeless discussion during our winter programming, we're pleased to reshare these essential tools for maintaining peace while preserving relationships during family events. Understanding high conflict personalities requires both preparation and practice. Through real-world examples and expert insights, this conversation illuminates the complex dynamics that often emerge during holiday celebrations. Whether managing others' behaviors or our own stress responses, the techniques shared here have proven invaluable for countless families. Key Strategies: Set clear boundaries before gatheringsUse the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm)Create physical space when neededWhat You'll Learn: How to prepare mentally for difficult encountersWays to protect your personal peaceTechniques for graceful exits from heated discussionsThe intersection of family traditions and modern challenges requires a nuanced approach. Bill and Megan discuss how to honor meaningful connections while establishing new patterns that better serve everyone involved. Their practical guidance helps listeners navigate complex family dynamics without sacrificing their own wellbeing. Our conversations focus on behavioral patterns rather than specific diagnoses. While these strategies can be helpful for many situations, please consult qualified professionals in your area for specific legal or mental health guidance. Additional Resources: BOOKS Calming Upset People with EARBIFFBIFF for CoParent CommunicationThe Courage to FeelThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideARTICLES EAR Statements for the HolidaysHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysHow to Survive the Holidays with an Anti-Social RelativeEXPERT PUBLICATIONS New Book: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsPROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT Custom Training & SpeakingNew Ways Training ProgramsConflict Influencer ClassCONNECT WITH US High Conflict InstituteSubmit Questions for the PodcastBrowse Our Complete Book CollectionView All Episode NotesOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:42) - Holiday Conflict (02:34) - Tips to Stop Holiday Conflict (08:54) - Assumptions (09:53) - One More Tip (10:37) - A Family of Multiple HCPs (12:24) - The Overly Sensitive Person (14:34) - The Narcissist (15:50) - When Alone (24:59) - HCP Whiplash

    30 min
  5. Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Method for Effective Boundaries

    NOV 13

    Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Method for Effective Boundaries

    Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict Resolution Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages. Understanding the SLIC Method The SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether dealing with toddlers learning self-control or teenagers pushing social limits. Bill's extensive background in child development, education, and family therapy informs practical applications across various parenting scenarios. Questions Answered in This Episode What are the five key questions to ask when imposing consequences?How should consequences vary by age and development stage?When and how should parents collaborate with teachers on limits?What makes limit-setting effective in divorced family situations?How can parents overcome fear of setting firm boundaries?Key Takeaways Proportional consequences maintain effectiveness and teach responsibilityEarly limit-setting creates foundation for teenage boundary acceptanceParent-teacher-community alignment strengthens limit enforcementBoth positive and negative consequences play essential rolesThe SLIC method works across various family structures and situationsThis episode equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with practical tools from the SLIC method to establish consistent, effective boundaries while maintaining strong relationships with children. Listeners learn how to implement this structured approach across different ages and challenging situations. Additional Resources Expert Publications New Book available for pre-order: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional Development Invite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Setting Limits (01:22) - Bill’s New Book (04:35) - Young Children (10:29) - Do Consequences Work For Everyone? (14:42) - Five Questions (16:46) - Teacher and Student (20:36) - Overcoming Fear of Setting Limits (22:53) - Older Kids (31:58) - Wrap Up

    34 min
  6. Choosing Safe Partners: Understanding Red Flags in Dating with Dr. David Wexler

    NOV 6

    Choosing Safe Partners: Understanding Red Flags in Dating with Dr. David Wexler

    Identifying Red Flags: Making Safer Relationship Choices Dr. David Wexler joins Bill Eddy to discuss his new book "Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner," co-authored with Dr. Donald Meichenbaum. Drawing from over 40 years of clinical experience working with relationship dynamics and domestic violence, Dr. Wexler shares crucial insights about recognizing concerning patterns early in relationships. Understanding Warning SignsThe conversation explores three key categories of warning signs: observed behaviors, historical factors, and gut feelings. Dr. Wexler explains how early relationship behaviors like "love bombing," expressions of contempt, and patterns of entitlement can indicate potential future challenges. The discussion examines why psychological abuse often creates deeper lasting impacts than physical abuse through its systematic erosion of self-esteem and autonomy. Questions Answered in This Episode What are the top three warning signs of potentially abusive relationships?How can someone distinguish between healthy attention and concerning obsession?Why do people sometimes ignore clear warning signs?What role does family history play in relationship patterns?When is couples therapy helpful or potentially harmful?Key Takeaways Early relationship intensity ("love bombing") warrants careful evaluationExpressions of contempt and entitlement serve as significant red flagsPersonal boundaries and gut feelings provide valid assessment criteriaUnderstanding attachment patterns helps explain relationship choicesSelf-blame often prevents recognition of concerning behaviorsThis episode provides valuable tools for anyone navigating dating and relationships, offering practical guidance for evaluating potential partners while maintaining healthy boundaries. The discussion emphasizes empowerment through awareness rather than victim-blaming, acknowledging that while warning signs exist, many relationships can provide safe, healthy connections. Additional Resources Dr. Wexler Book: Choose Him WiselyRelationship Training InstituteOnline Course for Family Law: Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts Law PrfProfessional Development Invite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Dr. David Wexler (02:41) - David’s Book Choose Him Wisely (03:42) - David’s Background (09:23) - Warning Signs (14:25) - Obstructions (23:18) - Psychological vs. Physical Abuse (26:53) - From Victim to Abuser (30:33) - Where Is the Line? (35:09) - Gut Feeling Test (38:07) - Counseling and Couples Counseling (43:34) - Wrap Up

    46 min
  7. Healthcare Conflict Solutions: Managing Hospital Tensions in High-Stress Environments with Dr. Jeff Stuart

    OCT 30

    Healthcare Conflict Solutions: Managing Hospital Tensions in High-Stress Environments with Dr. Jeff Stuart

    Healthcare Conflict Management: Insights from the Pandemic and Beyond In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," host Megan Hunter welcomes Dr. Jeff Stuart, an experienced physician executive and co-founder of RxSolve Conflict, to discuss conflict management in healthcare settings. Their conversation explores how the pandemic transformed healthcare conflicts and what lessons can help improve communication and patient care. Understanding Healthcare Conflict Dynamics Dr. Stuart shares insights from his three decades of medical practice and leadership, including his experience as Chief Medical Officer during the pandemic. He describes how hospitals function as inherently high-pressure environments where different departments operate as distinct "battlefields," each with their own unique pressures and challenges. The discussion reveals how operational pressures, resource constraints, and evolving power dynamics contribute to healthcare conflicts. Dr. Stuart explains how traditional hierarchical structures are shifting toward team-based approaches, creating new communication challenges that require innovative solutions. Questions We Answer in This Episode How did the pandemic affect conflict dynamics in healthcare settings?What are the primary sources of conflict in healthcare environments?How can healthcare professionals better manage high-stress interactions?What role does communication training play in preventing healthcare conflicts?How can healthcare leaders support better conflict management?Key Takeaways Healthcare conflicts often arise from competing priorities and resource constraintsRole ambiguity and poor communication channels amplify conflict potentialBasic conflict management training can significantly improve healthcare interactionsThe pandemic created unique challenges but also opportunities for improved communicationLeadership engagement is crucial for implementing effective conflict management strategiesThis episode provides valuable insights for healthcare professionals, administrators, and anyone interested in understanding how complex organizations can better manage conflict. The discussion offers practical approaches while acknowledging the unique challenges faced by those working in high-stress medical environments. Additional Resource Dr. Jeff Stuart’s website: www.rxsolveconflict.com Professional Development Leaders High-Conflict Training: New Ways for WorkConflict Influencer Group ClassConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:58) - Dr. Jeff Stuart (03:22) - Jeff’s Background (10:10) - CMO Experience During Pandemic (16:02) - Conflict with Travelling Professionals (16:51) - Stuck in Storming (19:45) - Biggest Conflicts in Healthcare (25:24) - Making Conflicts Bigger (31:50) - Preventative (33:02) - Continual Societal Breakdowns (35:29) - Momentum and Problem-Solving (46:30) - Delineations (48:10) - Wrap Up

    50 min
  8. Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

    OCT 16

    Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

    Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement. Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements. First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During Divorce How can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?When should grandparents intervene versus step back?What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New Wife How to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics. The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Additional Resources Expert Publications ⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025):  SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the Kids Personal Transformation Solutions ⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter) Professional Development ⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders) Connect With Us ⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - More Listener Questions (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife (28:46) - Wrap Up

    33 min
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Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

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