How To Deal

Attachment Nerd

How To Deal is the podcast for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy kids in a world full of messy moments. Therapist and bestselling author Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) brings you real stories, expert advice, and practical tools to build stronger relationships with your children—and yourself. Attachmentnerd.com

  1. 6D AGO

    How To Deal With Boredom | With Lizzie Assa

    How to Deal with Kids Who Say "I'm Bored" — with Lizzie AssaEpisode SummaryParenting coach and author Lizzie Assa joins Eli to unpack why modern parents have accidentally taken over their children's play — and how to give it back. From reframing boredom as a bid for connection, to setting up "play pockets" around your home, this episode is a practical, permission-giving guide to raising kids who can play independently. Key TakeawaysPlay belongs to the child. Your job is not to optimize or entertain during play — it's to protect the time and space for it.Boredom isn't a failure. When your child says "I'm bored," it can be a bid for connection — and it's a sign you've reserved unstructured time for them.Be a mirror, not an entertainer. When kids invite you into play, give the control back: "Tell me what the puppy does."Play pockets work. Bring open-ended materials to where life already happens in your home — the kitchen, laundry room, even the bathroom cabinet.Less really is more. Too many toys create decision fatigue and actually prevent kids from entering deep imaginative play.Independent play is a skill that takes practice. Like learning to read, it needs gradual scaffolding — not a scheduled demand.Close the loop. Come back after the play session to notice and name what your child accomplished. This builds play confidence. About the GuestLizzie Assa, MS Ed is a parenting coach, former preschool teacher, and founder of The Workspace for Children — a platform followed by over 200K parents on Instagram. She is the author of But I'm Bored!: Discover the Power of Independent Play to Raise Confident, Resilient Kids (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2026), which she also narrated as an audiobook. 🌐 Website: workspaceforchildren.com📸 Instagram: @theworkspaceforchildren📬 Substack: The Workspace for Children on Substack Resources Mentioned📗 But I'm Bored! by Lizzie Assa — Amazon | Penguin Random House🎧 But I'm Bored! Audiobook (read by Lizzie herself) — Amazon Audible🌐 The Workspace for Children — play guides, coaching, and playspace design resources📬 The Workspace for Children Substack — weekly ideas for independent play🛒 Lizzie's Curated Toy & Play Favorites — open-ended toy recommendations mentioned in the episode Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    31 min
  2. MAR 22

    How To Be a Secure Parent in the Midst of a Crisis

    Episode SummaryIn this powerful solo episode, Eli Harwood gets real about one of the hardest parenting challenges there is: how do you help your child feel safe and secure when you don't feel safe yourself? Drawing from a deeply personal experience — her six-year-old daughter's unexpected ICU admission — Eli walks through the core principles of attachment-based parenting under pressure. Whether you're navigating a family health crisis, divorce, oppression, or uncertainty in the world, this episode will remind you that your presence is one of the most powerful medicines you can offer your kids. Key TakeawaysYour job isn't to remove fear — it's to make sure your child doesn't feel alone in it. Saying "everything's fine" when it isn't is a dismissal; acknowledging "this feels hard" is connection.Attachment systems exist for moments of threat. Crisis doesn't break attachment — it activates it.Act on what you can control, then become emotional support. Take practical steps to remove real threat, but once you've done what you can, your presence is the intervention.Distinguish removing threat from removing discomfort. We aren't supposed to shield our kids from all discomfort — we're meant to protect them from real danger and walk alongside them through the rest.You cannot pour from an empty cup. Your nervous system needs co-regulation too. Lean on your community so you can show up for your kids.Imperfection is part of the process. Crisis is messy. Keep returning to connection — that returning is what secure attachment feels like to a child.The 'Good Enough Parent' is one who keeps coming back. D.W. Winnicott's concept reminds us that reliability and repair matter far more than perfection. About Eli HarwoodEli Harwood (MA, LPC), known as @attachmentnerd, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and Child Psychology Award winner with 19+ years of clinical experience. She is a mom of three and the creator of Attachment Nerd, a community of 1.2M+ caregivers worldwide. Eli translates peer-reviewed attachment research into plain-language tools that help parents build trust, connection, and resilience with their kids — without shame or blame. 🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Resources Mentioned📖 Eli's Newest Book — How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To (the book referenced in the episode with a chapter on parental loneliness) https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Your-__-Kids-Dont/dp/1632175967📖 Eli's Book — Raising Securely Attached Kids (USA TODAY Bestseller, Child Psychology Award winner) https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Securely-Attached-Kids-Connection-Focused/dp/B0CPDP7DT5📖 Eli's Book — Securely Attached (attachment workbook for adults) https://www.amazon.com/Securely-Attached-Transform-Attachment-Relationships/dp/1632174898🧠 D.W. Winnicott's "Good Enough Mother/Parent" concept — learn more via Wikipedia overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_enough_parent🎓 Secure Parenting Program (Pay-What-You-Can) https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    19 min
  3. MAR 15

    How to Deal with Clutter & Be a More Present Parent | With Katy Wells

    How to Deal with Clutter (ft. Katy Joy Wells)Episode SummaryFeeling overwhelmed by your home — and how it's affecting your ability to show up for your kids? In this episode, Eli welcomes holistic decluttering expert and author Katy Joy Wells to explore the surprising connection between a cluttered home and your capacity to be a present, secure parent. Katy breaks down the four types of clutter, explains why popular decluttering methods keep failing, and gives you two practical habits you can start today — no weekend overhaul required. Key TakeawaysClutter isn't just about stuff. It steals your time, energy, and ability to connect with your kids — and there's real science behind it.There are 4 types of clutter — superficial, scarcity, sentimental, and identity — and each requires a different strategy. Applying the wrong tool to the wrong type is why most methods fail.We don't just buy things — we buy stories, emotions, and beliefs about ourselves. Understanding what's driving your accumulation is the key to stopping the cycle.The "good enough home" (inspired by D.W. Winnicott's attachment concept) gives you permission to release shame and focus on what actually matters.Mess is expected. Clutter is optional. Neither says anything about your worth as a parent.Start with two habits: Set up a permanent donation station, and practice daily "clutter audits" built into your existing routine.Action creates motivation — not the other way around. You don't need to feel motivated to start; you just need to start. About the GuestKaty Joy Wells is a holistic decluttering expert, host of The Maximized Minimalist Podcast (5M+ listens, Top 50 globally), and author of Making Home Your Happy Place: A Real-Life Guide to Decluttering Without the Overwhelm. Through her online programs and podcast, she has helped hundreds of thousands of families transform chaotic homes into calm, clutter-free spaces by getting to the emotional root of the problem. 🌐 Website: katyjoywells.com📺 YouTube: youtube.com/@katyjoywells📸 Instagram: @katyjoywells Resources Mentioned📖 Making Home Your Happy Place by Katy Joy Wells — Available everywhere books are sold🎙️ The Maximized Minimalist Podcast — Katy's podcast with 350+ episodes🧠 UCLA Clutter & Cortisol Study (PubMed) — Research showing women in cluttered homes have elevated cortisol levels and adverse health profiles📚 D.W. Winnicott's "Good Enough Mother" concept — The attachment theory concept referenced in episode🏠 Katy's Free Declutter Guide — Get started simplifying today Learn more about secure parenting:https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/ Mentioned in this episode: 009 - Intro

    37 min
  4. MAR 6

    How To Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of Cults | With NXIVM Whistleblowers Sarah & Nippy

    How to Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of CultsEpisode SummaryIn this powerful episode, host Eli welcomes NXIVM whistleblowers and A Little Bit Culty podcast hosts Sarah Edmondson and Anthony "Nippy" Ames to talk about what cultic abuse actually looks like — and more importantly, what parents can do to help protect their children from it. Together, they explore the psychology of manipulation, the red flags every parent should know, and how raising kids who can question authority may be one of the greatest protective gifts we can give them. Key TakeawaysCults start with inspiration, not coercion. The first step into a high-control group almost always feels meaningful — like joining a movement or community that's changing the world.It can happen to anyone. Cults often recruit high-achieving, charismatic individuals — not just vulnerable or uneducated people. Intelligence is not a shield.The real red flag isn't the group — it's the behavior. Look for: inability to question authority, isolation from family/friends, love bombing, "us vs. them" thinking, and a "one true way" belief system.Teach kids to spot tricky behaviors, not tricky people. Abusers are often well-respected members of society — coaches, pastors, teachers. Teach kids that it's the behavior that's the warning sign, not the person.Secrets vs. surprises. A great framework for kids: surprises feel light and exciting; secrets feel heavy. Secrets are not good for our hearts.Love bombing + future faking = a manipulation pattern. Excessive praise, special treatment, and promises that never come true are a recognizable sequence used by predators.Raising empowered kids is inconvenient — and worth it. Children who are allowed to question authority, express preferences, and push back learn to recognize when something feels wrong.If you're worried about a group, don't go to the leader. Seek out former members, look on Reddit, and find outside voices before confronting the situation from inside. About the GuestsSarah Edmondson is a Canadian actress and podcaster who spent 12 years inside NXIVM before blowing the whistle and helping bring down cult leader Keith Raniere. She is featured in HBO's The Vow documentary series and is the author of the memoir Scarred. She co-hosts A Little Bit Culty podcast with her husband Nippy. 🌐 Website: alittlebitculty.com📸 Instagram: @sarahedmondson🐦 Twitter/X: @sarahjedmondson Anthony "Nippy" Ames is a former NXIVM member turned whistleblower, featured prominently in HBO's The Vow. He is the Executive Producer of A Little Bit Culty podcast. 🌐 Website: alittlebitculty.com📸 Instagram: @anthonyames11🐦 Twitter/X: @nippyames Resources Mentioned📺 The Vow (HBO Documentary Series) — Watch on Max📚 Scarred by Sarah Edmondson — Amazon | Publisher (Chronicle Books)🎙️ A Little Bit Culty Podcast — alittlebitculty.com📖 Sarah & Nippy's Upcoming Book — Pre-order at sarahedmondson.com/book🕷️ Spot a Spider (Dr. Amy Saltzman's child safety program) — spotaspider.com🧠 Dr. Ramani Durvasula on Future Faking & Narcissism — doctor-ramani.com📖 I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy — Amazon Learn more about secure parenting:https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    39 min
  5. FEB 27

    How to Teach Young Kids About Body Safety & Consent | With Jayneen Sanders

    How to Deal with Teaching Kids Body Safety & Consent | Jayneen SandersEpisode SummaryIn this deeply important conversation, Eli sits down with internationally acclaimed children's book author and publisher Jayneen Sanders to explore how parents can teach body safety, consent, and boundaries to children of all ages — from infancy through the teen years. Together they discuss why body autonomy is one of the most powerful tools we can give our kids, how grooming actually works, and what we can do to raise children who trust their instincts and feel safe coming to us. Key TakeawaysStart from birth. You can begin narrating body care to infants — "I'm moving your arm to put your jacket on" — planting the seeds of body autonomy from day one.Use the word 'consent' with young children. Teaching kids that no one can enter their personal space without permission — and that they must ask too — is the foundation of body safety.Be a warrior parent. When grandparents or other adults override your child's physical boundaries (the forced hug), speak up. Protecting body autonomy in the moment is not rude — it's essential.Teach the four-step boundary response: Name the boundary that was crossed → Share how it made you feel → State what you want them to do → Know your next step (tell a trusted adult).Teach body warning signs. Kids' bodies give them signals — a sick stomach, shakiness, or an "icky" feeling — when something is wrong. Empower children to act on those signals immediately.Build a safety network of 3–5 trusted adults, including at least one outside the immediate family, so children always have someone to turn to.Check in regularly, not anxiously. Monthly low-pressure check-ins ("Has anyone made you uncomfortable lately?") keep communication open without creating fear.Prevention is far easier than treatment. A child who discloses abuse and is believed experiences significantly less long-term trauma than one who cannot tell anyone.Read books together and keep the conversation going. Books give children visual anchors and open the door to ongoing dialogue — which is where the real protection lives.It takes a village. Ask your child's school and childcare center about their safety policies and background check procedures. About the GuestJayneen Sanders is an experienced educator, author, and publisher who advocates globally for Body Safety, Gender Equality, and Respectful Relationship Education. She founded Educate2Empower Publishing and has written over 100 children's books on critical topics including body safety and consent. Her first body safety book, Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept, was published 15 years ago and is now available in 7 languages. Connect with Jayneen: 🌐 Website: e2epublishing.info📸 Instagram: @jayneensandersauthor🐦 Twitter/X: @jayneensanders💼 LinkedIn: Jayneen Sanders Resources Mentioned📚 Respect Me, Respect My Boundaries by Jayneen Sanders — Shop at Educate2Empower (Jayneen's newest book, featuring a 4-step boundary-setting process)📚 Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneen Sanders — Amazon | Educate2Empower📚 Body Safety Education: A Parents' Guide by Jayneen Sanders — Amazon🏫 All Jayneen's Books & Free Resources — Educate2Empower Publishing Shop🌐 Consent Parenting (school safety checklists & resources) — consentparenting.com💬 Mr. Rogers quote referenced: "What is mentionable is manageable." Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    36 min
  6. FEB 20

    How to Deal with Our Highly Sensitive Kids | With Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings

    How to Deal with Raising a Highly Sensitive or Neurodivergent KidEpisode SummaryEli sits down with Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings, to dig into one of the most misunderstood parenting challenges: raising a child who feels everything — deeply, loudly, and fully. Together they unpack what it really means to have a "big feeler" in your home, why the goal was never to make sensitive kids less sensitive, and the three most powerful things parents can do to help these kids thrive. Key TakeawaysThere's a spectrum of sensitivity. Big feelers aren't just one type of kid — some push their feelings outward (intensity, drive), others turn them inward (overwhelm, collapse). Knowing your child's pattern matters.First step: rule out or rule in neurodivergence. Many highly sensitive kids are also autistic, have ADHD, or both. Getting clarity on how your child's brain works is one of the most powerful gifts you can give them.Believe your child. When the slide feels terrifying or the smell of salami is physically painful, validate it. Children who are believed learn to trust and advocate for themselves.Teach the Zones of Regulation. Help your child identify what zone they're in (red, yellow, green) and what they need in that state — this is more powerful than simply validating feelings.Diagnosis = understanding, not a verdict. Labels give children language, resources, and permission to stop wondering "what's wrong with me?"Your home can be the safe haven the world isn't. You may not be able to change the world for your big feeler, but you can make home a place where they don't have to mask.Resilience doesn't come from masking. It comes from authentic connection, belonging, and supported coping — not from teaching kids to suppress who they are.Let them bloom on their own timeline. Attuning to your child and meeting their nervous system where it is creates the safety from which real growth — extroversion, advocacy, friendship — can organically emerge. About the GuestKristin Gallant is a parent coach and co-founder of Big Little Feelings, one of the most trusted parenting resources on the internet. Alongside her business partner Deena Margolin (a licensed child therapist), Kristin has created research-backed, parent-approved courses used by over 500,000 families. Diagnosed with ADHD at 37, and a mom to an autistic child, Kristin brings both professional expertise and deeply personal experience to her work. Her newest course, the Big Feelers Program, was built specifically for parents of highly sensitive, ADHD, and autistic kids. 🌐 Website: https://biglittlefeelings.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/biglittlefeelings Resources Mentioned🎓 Big Feelers Program (Big Little Feelings Course) — The course built for parents of highly sensitive, ADHD, and autistic kids: https://biglittlefeelings.com/products/big-feelers📘 The Zones of Regulation by Leah Kuypers — The self-regulation curriculum referenced in this episode (red zone, yellow zone, green zone framework): https://www.zonesofregulation.com/ Also on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Zones-Regulation-Leah-Kuypers/dp/B008M7E0G8📗 Permission to Feel by Dr. Marc Brackett (Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence) — Referenced when discussing the importance of labeling emotions (mentalizing): https://www.amazon.com/Permission-Feel-Unlocking-Emotions-Ourselves/dp/1250212847 Learn more about Marc's work: https://marcbrackett.com/🏫 Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — Marc Brackett's research center on emotional intelligence: https://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/communitypartnerships/ycei/ Learn More About Secure ParentingReady to build a more secure relationship with your child? https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    41 min
  7. FEB 13

    How to Deal with Mom Guilt | With Jessica Tomich Sorci

    Jessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT and creator of the Mom Parts Method, shares insights on transforming mom guilt and shame using Internal Family Systems therapy. She reveals why these painful feelings aren't signs of failure, but actually pathways to healing both ourselves and our mothering. Key TakeawaysGuilt has purpose: It's a reminder when we've acted outside our values and creates opportunity for repairShame points to old wounds: Shame is a "bookmark for your unmet needs" from childhood that still need healingMotherhood activates everything: Kids are like "heat-seeking hovercrafts" for our unresolved issues, making motherhood both triggering and healingYou're mothering two kids: You're always mothering your actual child plus your inner child who still needs careParts are trying to help: Even our "worst" internal parts are actually trying to protect and help us, they just need updating About the GuestJessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT, is a pioneer in maternal mental health who created the Mom Parts method, applying Internal Family Systems therapy to motherhood. As a Level 3 Certified IFS Therapist and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional, she brings deep expertise to helping mothers transform difficult emotions into self-compassion. Connect with Jessica: Website: https://www.jessicatomichsorci.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessicatomichsorci/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-tomich-sorci-2b577056/ Resources MentionedWhen Good Moms Feel Bad - Jessica's book co-authored with Rebecca GeshuriMom Parts Community - Online community and salons for mothersMothercentered Approach Training - Professional training program for therapistsInternal Family Systems Institute - Founded by Richard Schwartz, creator of IFS therapyIntroduction to Internal Family Systems by Richard Schwartz Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program Connect with Eli: Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    30 min
  8. FEB 5

    How to Deal with Safety Without Scaring Your Kids | With Dannah Eve,

    In this powerful conversation, safety expert Dannah Eve, known as The Street Smart Blonde with over 4 million followers, combines her academic knowledge with street smarts to deliver life-saving insights. We explore practical strategies for keeping our families safe without living in constant fear. ## Key Takeaways - **Live aware, not in fear** - Dannah's motto emphasizes empowerment over paranoia - **The What If Game** - Turn safety preparation into engaging family activities - **Lying to survive** - Teaching kids when dishonesty protects their safety - **Family code words** - Essential communication tools for emergencies - **Trust your gut instinct** - Developing intuition as a safety muscle - **Connection as protection** - Being your child's safe space builds trust ## About the Guest **Dannah Eve** is a trusted safety expert and digital creator known as The Street Smart Blonde. As a former D1 athlete and Summa Cum Laude graduate in Criminology and Psychology, she combines academic knowledge with street smarts to deliver life-saving insights to her rapidly growing audience of over 4 million followers across her social media platforms. **Connect with Dannah:** - Website: [dannaheve.com](https://www.dannaheve.com/) - Instagram: [@dannah_eve](https://www.instagram.com/dannah_eve/) - YouTube: [@dannah_eve](https://www.youtube.com/@dannah_eve) - Twitter: [@dannah_eve](https://x.com/dannah_eve) - LinkedIn: [Dannah Eve](https://www.linkedin.com/in/dannah-eve-434b33193/) ## Resources Mentioned - **Street Smarts Book** by Dannah Eve - [Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Street-Smarts-Instincts-Outsmart-Danger/dp/0063438887) | [Barnes & Noble](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/street-smarts-dannah-eve/1147525519) | [Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/p/books/street-smarts-trust-your-instincts-outsmart-danger-and-stay-safe-in-a-world-that-isn-t-dannah-eve/872c84c47df982dc) --- **Learn more about secure parenting:** https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program **Connect with Eli:** - Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/ - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/ - TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd **Music by Gold Child:** https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

    49 min
5
out of 5
63 Ratings

About

How To Deal is the podcast for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy kids in a world full of messy moments. Therapist and bestselling author Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) brings you real stories, expert advice, and practical tools to build stronger relationships with your children—and yourself. Attachmentnerd.com

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