Elephant Graveyard

Abuda
  • 4.3 (6)
  • Drama

According to legend, the elephant knows when the end is near. Rather than trying to stick with the herd and potentially slowing them down, the elephant heads for the elephant graveyard. Here he can not only die in peace, but his descendants can easily locate him and visit his remains in the future. Abuda is an old elephant, the human kind, who has retreated to his sacred place. Each episode, he reflects on life as he prepares for his death. "They say that somewhere in Africa the elephants have a secret grave where they go to lie down, unburden their wrinkled gray bodies, and soar away, light spirits at the end." Robert R. McCammon

Episodes

  1. 2d ago

    S02 Episode 5 - The Death Sentence

    Overview Abuda reflects on the psychological weight of medical uncertainty while awaiting a neurological diagnosis. ## Medical Journey Abuda describes his recent efforts to seek medical certainty regarding debilitating physical symptoms. After experiencing significant pain and neurological issues, he underwent various exams in Italy, including spinal taps and electroshock therapy.  An MRI was not possible due to a steel screw in his shoulder from 1982 of unknown material. A neurologist identified a disconnect in his neurological system, suggesting potential Multiple Sclerosis, but definitive results are pending. Will the tests confirm a specific diagnosis, or will the results remain inconclusive? ## Psychological Impact Abuda draws parallels between his situation and the experience of a death row inmate named Robert Sullivan, noting that uncertainty is more taxing than the reality of a sentence. He discusses the internal struggle between self-doubt and the validation provided by his former partner and medical professionals. Abuda expresses a desire to provide his daughters with certainty so they can process his condition rather than living with unresolved doubt. He notes a tendency to reframe trauma as stories, though he acknowledges the difficulty of managing acute pain, such as a recent injury to his sciatic nerve. ## Philosophical Reflections The narrative concludes with reflections on the universality of mortality and the pursuit of truth. Abuda views the eventual diagnosis as a way to allow his family to address attachments and say what needs to be said. He compares his wait to a jury's deliberation, seeking an "accredited" truth to end the period of denial and uncertainty for himself and his loved ones. He hopes that, like Robert Sullivan, he might eventually find the peace that comes with knowing the truth.

    S02 Episode 5 - The Death Sentence

  2. Mar 7

    S02 Episode 4 - Dying one piece at a time

    Abuda reflects on his adventurous life, highlighting a significant experience climbing Mount Fuji in 1996. Despite numerous accomplishments, the climb taught him profound lessons about Japan's culture and the interconnectedness of nature and society. He also discusses his chronic pain, likening it to "dying one piece at a time," and shares his struggle with managing pain and the emotional toll it takes. Abuda's reflections on death, influenced by his near-death experience at birth, emphasize the importance of understanding and accepting the process of dying, drawing parallels to his mother's experience with chronic pain. Transcript https://otter.ai/u/VKLK9fNPR5F5_-nWY9FJk2yfgR4

    S02 Episode 4 - Dying one piece at a time

  3. 12/23/2025

    S02 Episode 3 - Living Fully for Chronic Pain

    In this episode, Abuda discusses his experience with chronic pain, which began at 17 after a car accident that fractured his facial bones. He details the various types of chronic pain he endures, including migraines and daily headaches, and the strategies he uses to manage them, such as ibuprofen, yoga, and mindfulness meditation. A buda emphasizes the importance of acceptance and adaptation, sharing how he integrates preventative measures into his daily life to mitigate pain. He also highlights the role of living fully and engaging in activities as a form of distraction and coping mechanism, ultimately finding value in his experiences despite the ongoing pain. Transcript https://otter.ai/u/K-2uUC4QZ8Xs1WL5BbxAUCqBnqg

    S02 Episode 3 - Living Fully for Chronic Pain

  4. 10/14/2025

    S02 Episode 2- The Retreat

    s2e2 the retreat Ever wondered what happens at a mindfulness retreat? So did Abuda. In the special episode, Abuda, the host of "The Elephant's Graveyard," shares his experiences at a mindful cooking retreat at Plum Village in France. He discusses his long-standing admiration for Thich Nhat Han and his anxiety about attending the retreat, which he attributes to post-traumatic retreat syndrome. He details daily activities, including meditation, exercise, and cooking, and reflects on the emotional and spiritual growth he experiences. He highlights the importance of community, the impact of the nuns, and the transformative power of the retreat environment. concludes by expressing gratitude for the connections made and the profound impact of the retreat on his life.

    S02 Episode 2- The Retreat

  5. 04/30/2025

    S02 Episode 1 - Where I am Death is Not

    In the second season of his podcast, "The Elephant's Graveyard," host Abuda reflects on his life and the podcast's initial focus on death, which stemmed from a catastrophic incident that left him bedridden for six months. He now realizes that the "Elephant's Graveyard" is not a place to prepare for death but to live alone, free from the influence of others for the first time in his life. At 63, Abuda is experiencing a newfound freedom to make choices without considering others, a stark contrast to his past filled with interpersonal relationships. He plans to explore this new phase of living alone in his mind and decisions.

    S02 Episode 1 - Where I am Death is Not

  6. 08/22/2024

    S01 Episode 6 - Deathlines

    "Today, I received notice that a friend of mine from high school died, died of a stroke. It was somebody who I had known early in life, but until something happened, we didn't really have a connection. In 1979 my senior year in high school, six of my friends in 1979 my senior year in high school, six of my friends and classmates died. Now that might not mean much in a large city school, but in my school, that was over 6% of the class of the senior class. It had a huge impact on us, because they didn't die at once. They actually died over a series of events. The first one expected a girl with a terminal disease, the second one shocking suicide by a young freshman who had everything to live for. Then two friends who fell mountain climbing, then another who died in a fire in his house. And with each death, we became more aware of so many things and of our fragility, but it bonded us together. At the same time, it created a bond, an attachment, a connection, which continues to date. Every time I hear the first three notes of the song Free Bird by Leonard Skinner, I start to cry. I disappear. I am in that song. I am 16 years old, I am standing by a casket while one of my classmates plays that song on the guitar, the song that has become the anthem to our year. "If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?" Abuda

    S01 Episode 6 - Deathlines

  7. 04/03/2024

    S01 Episode 5 - Surprise you are a monk!

    Abouda has spent a lifetime split between a core desire for the peace that a monk's life represents and the fullness of a family life. After spending the morning doing chores, physiotherapy and contemplating the moment, he suddenly realizes, "I am a monk!  I live in the elephant's graveyard, basically, as a monk does.  I contemplate. I spend time in the moment. I do my work. I have my projects. I make these recordings.  I am almost always completely in the moment. It's funny how it never looks like you expected it would. But in some ways this almost exceeds expectations.

    S01 Episode 5 - Surprise you are a monk!

  8. 02/22/2024

    S01 Episode 4: Cold steel in my mouth, one bullet in the chamber

    To go back to the beginning, February 15 1994 (sic) around midnight. I am in my office in downtown Hong Kong, with the cold barrel of a pistol in my mouth, one bullet in the chamber, and all intention of ending this incarnation as I was thinking at the time.  I had convinced myself that I had tried everything and that the last person I reached out to told me to just go. That I would just restart and try and get it right next time. Just as I was about to do it, I thought of the child now 18 months old and the other one in her mother's belly.  I thought and I really tried everything possible. I'd sat meditation; I had followed spiritual practice; I had done everything I thought possible; I had tried to change myself; I'd done therapy; I'd gone to the woods for six months.  Yet, every time I would walk into that same wall. Every day I would wake up thinking that today would be different, follow the exact same path and hit the exact same wall.  I was done. Reset.

    S01 Episode 4: Cold steel in my mouth, one bullet in the chamber

  9. 06/06/2023

    S01 Episode 3: On being a criminal

    I am a criminal. Moreover, I'm an international criminal. To survive, to be able to live on a small amount I have with the conditions I have: - I steal power from the sun, which apparently is the property of the electric company. - I steal water from the mountains, which is once again the property of the water company. - I live on land that is publicly owned, free. - I grow my own medicines. And all of this is illegal. All of this is not allowed any more. With my solar panels, I'm supposed to pay a fee for that power; with the water I'm supposed to pay for what I use; with the rubbish, even though I create very little because I compost almost everything, don't actually dump it in anywhere since I reuse everything, I'm supposed to pay for those services. But the one that I had to work on all weekend that truly bothers me is for my health. My leg and my back are conditions that I created. My colon and my intestines are conditions that the medical profession created.

    S01 Episode 3: On being a criminal

  10. 05/30/2023

    S01 Episode 2: On ageing in cities

    Most people believe that as you get older, the best place for you is a city, and that's just wrong. Yesterday I went out into nature for the first time in 60 days. I've been basically locked inside, with the furthest I get is onto a terrace in front of my cottage. My leg, my hip and my lower back are basically useless with excruciating pain.  But yesterday I had a good day. An old friend of mine who knows where I am passed by and saw the state I was in, threw me in her car and took me up to the top of a mountain where there's nothing but an old monastery. She let me out by a rock having brought a picnic so that we could stay up there for a while...and there I cried. It led me to think about questions that I received as I got older. How my lifestyle of nomadic traveling and expeditions seemed too difficult to other people. I kept getting these questions of how long would I be able to continue doing this? "Are you able to continue your lifestyle", I realized that most people believe that as you get older, the best place for you is a city where you have hospitals and support and family and things like that. And that's just wrong. Cities are very hard. For older people, cities are places to go and die, and suffer in between. When you're younger, it's great: there's commerce, there's social life, there's connectivity, but in the city, unless you have a huge support circle, you're alone. That loneliness and that the fact that you could die in your apartment building or die on the street, and nobody would ever notice is, it gets in your soul. And it makes people afraid: they're afraid to walk down the street, because they might trip over a sidewalk, they're afraid of cars that don't understand that they're slower, the sidewalks or cement streets are made out of other materials that are incredibly unforgiving.

    S01 Episode 2: On ageing in cities

  11. 05/16/2023

    S01 Episode 1: On dying

    I faked my death. I didn't know that my children would be able to watch me die without trauma. I didn't know that they would not try to change my mind. I didn't know whether doctors would force me to do things I don't believe in. The only way for me to control all of this was to leave, essentially to die for them. I had wanted to do it in a mutually agreed fashion, but even after 15 years of me talking about, nobody I knew could could comprehend my need.I was called selfish, ego centric, insensitive. It was the easy Is thing for them. They never would have let me have the death I required, so the entire planet thinks I'm dead. I'm not going to die in the next few weeks. I most likely have a year. I need that year. I want to live so that I can die.

    S01 Episode 1: On dying
  • 11 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

4.3
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

According to legend, the elephant knows when the end is near. Rather than trying to stick with the herd and potentially slowing them down, the elephant heads for the elephant graveyard. Here he can not only die in peace, but his descendants can easily locate him and visit his remains in the future. Abuda is an old elephant, the human kind, who has retreated to his sacred place. Each episode, he reflects on life as he prepares for his death. "They say that somewhere in Africa the elephants have a secret grave where they go to lie down, unburden their wrinkled gray bodies, and soar away, light spirits at the end." Robert R. McCammon

Information

  • Creator
    Abuda
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    11
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Elephant Graveyard

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