What if the God you were taught to fear is not the God who has been calling you all along? Many of us carry images of God shaped by fear, shame, or the pressure to get it right. But what happens when those images begin to fall away? What if the spiritual journey is less about becoming someone else and more about becoming deeply, authentically yourself? In this conversation, Britta sits down with spiritual director and contemplative teacher Colleen Thomas to explore the initiations that transformed her understanding of God, freedom, and the spiritual life. Colleen shares her journey from a rigid, fear-based religious upbringing to discovering a contemplative path rooted in love, mystery, and belonging. Together they explore the courage it takes to follow an inner call, the invitations hidden within uncertainty, and why the deepest freedom is found not in escaping ourselves, but in becoming who we truly are. If you've ever questioned your faith, wrestled with uncertainty, or sensed an invitation toward a deeper and more mature spirituality, this conversation offers a spacious and hopeful companion for the journey. A Spiritual Director and long-time practitioner of Centering Prayer, Colleen Thomas delights in companioning others on their spiritual journey, facilitating contemplative prayer groups, workshops, and retreats with a particular passion for curating contemplative spaces for younger contemplatives and the BIPOC community in the Christian tradition. She serves as the Diversity Outreach Coordinator for Contemplative Outreach Ltd., where you can also hear her in conversation about Centering Prayer and the contemplative life on their podcast Opening Minds, Opening Hearts. After graduating from Fuller Theological Seminary with a MA in Theology and Art, she worked in television in Los Angeles for 15 years before relocating back to her hometown of Washington, D.C. where she enjoys thunderstorms, free museums, and frequent travel. - - - - - - - - - Want to know which initiation stage you're in? Take the quiz and learn how to meet it with greater awareness and courage. Click here. If you liked this episode of Initiations in Love, tell your friends! Find us on iTunes, Spotify, and anywhere you listen to podcasts to rate/review/subscribe to the show. Looking to buy Britta's book Initiations in Love? Click here. Want more? Visit our WEBSITE, connect with Britta on FACEBOOK, and follow her on Instagram: @brittaeskey or @cortrainings. Thanks for listening and joining the conversation! Resources and References: Take the Quiz - What Stage of Initiation are You In? Britta's Book - Initiations in Love Opening Minds, Opening Hearts Show Notes: 1:08 - Britta welcomes spiritual director and contemplative teacher Colleen Thomas, introducing the conversation through the lens of Colleen's lifelong love story with God 3:00 - Britta frames Colleen's journey as an Initiation in Love, exploring how the spiritual life unfolds through invitation, freedom, and relationship with the Divine 4:00 - Colleen reflects on her earliest experiences of God's presence and the people who first nurtured her spiritual life 7:40 - Colleen shares how an early call to God coexisted with a fear-based religious upbringing, exploring perfectionism, shame, and the pressure to earn God's love 13:30 - Colleen recounts breaking away from the rigidity of her faith tradition after high school, discovering freedom while wrestling with the tension between the sacred and the secular 17:40 - Britta and Colleen explore the paradox that true freedom is found not apart from God, but within God, even as old images of fear continue to soften 19:55 - Colleen describes the inner call that led her to seminary, trusting divine guidance over certainty as a new chapter of her life began 28:00 - Britta reflects on how saying yes to a genuine calling can completely change the trajectory of a life, as Colleen shares why she ultimately chose not to become a pastor 31:40 - Together they explore the adventure of following God's invitations, embracing mystery over certainty, and discovering the sacred in ordinary life 35:15 - Colleen reflects on spiritual flexibility, letting go of attachments, and allowing life's invitations to stretch and transform us 38:57 - Britta and Colleen discuss how growth in love always brings us to an edge, returning to the theme that God continually invites us into greater freedom 40:41 - Colleen shares how contemplative practices, new communities, and unexpected experiences—from Centering Prayer to television production—expanded and transformed her image of God 51:00 - Colleen reflects on her years in reality television, the tension between security and deeper purpose, and how every chapter ultimately became part of her spiritual formation 59:00 - Britta and Colleen discuss the cost of ignoring the soul's deeper longings and the courage required to create space to truly listen 1:07:00 - Britta reflects on the ripple effects of following one's calling, while Colleen shares how letting go of familiar identities opened her to the next invitation 1:13:00 - Britta reflects on the cyclical nature of the spiritual journey, where each ending becomes the beginning of a deeper invitation 1:15:00 - Colleen expands on what she means when she says her deepest freedom is found in God 1:16:35 - Colleen offers final wisdom on embracing uncertainty, loosening the grip of the false self, and trusting that every authentic call invites us into greater freedom and love 1:26:40 - Britta brings the conversation to a close Production: This podcast is produced, mixed, and edited by Cardinal Studio. 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