Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Pure Desire Network
  • 4.9 (38)
  • Christianity
  • Updated Weekly

Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.

  1. 2d ago

    106 - Understanding My Sexual Struggles

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: After 16 years of recovery from sex addiction, I’m realizing how deeply my relationship with my mother still shapes my emotional triggers around criticism, guilt, and performance. While our relationship has improved and I truly believe I’ve forgiven her, I still find myself reacting, trying to change or educate her, and questioning whether lingering pain means forgiveness is incomplete. Can healing from a mother’s wounds continue even after genuine forgiveness has taken place? I struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors and confusion around same-sex attraction. I often feel shame and uncertainty about what my experiences mean, especially when I’m trying to live with integrity. How do I understand my patterns, reduce compulsive behavior, and begin healing without self-condemnation? After my divorce, I’ve found myself sexually acting out in ways that leave me feeling empty and ashamed. I want to understand why this is happening and how to stop repeating it. How do I begin real healing and rebuild self-control after divorce-related pain and loneliness? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources: Mother Hunger Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    21 min

  2. Jun 16

    105 - Dying Marriage, Secondary Betrayal, and Triggers

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I resonated with your thoughts on marriage stagnation from episode #95. My husband stopped relapsing but isn’t actively pursuing healing, and I feel stuck, discouraged, and worn down. After years of little growth, I’m unsure what I believe about biblical grounds for divorce. In this kind of gray space, where change feels stalled, would divorce be biblically justified? When my church, once a safe home, responded to my betrayal trauma by focusing on my reactions instead of my spouse’s accountability, it felt like a second betrayal. I’m struggling to know what’s healthy moving forward. When is it time to leave, and how do I grieve losing my spiritual community while still healing from betrayal? Can you talk about wet dreams? My husband and I are currently sexually abstinent with each other in our marriage. He reported a wet dream to me and it was triggering. To be honest, I know wet dreams are normal but part of me wonders if he’s acting out as a part of it. I don’t like how this situation makes me feel but I also don’t know what reasonable responses are. If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources: The Emotionally Destructive MarriageGood Boundaries & GoodbyesThe Life Saving Divorce Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    22 min

  3. Jun 9

    104 - Sex, Safety, and the Aftermath

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband and I are 2½ years into recovery, and our marriage is stronger than ever. As I enter my third trimester, we want to plan for sex and intimacy postpartum, especially after a difficult recovery with our first child. How can we approach this season in a healthy, connected way that supports both healing and intimacy? I’m experiencing betrayal trauma in my marriage, and I’m trying to rebuild safety and trust after what’s happened. My spouse seems to believe that sex will bring us closer and help heal the relationship, but it actually feels triggering and disconnecting for me right now. Why is it so hard for them to understand that sex alone won’t repair betrayal or create emotional safety? After divorcing my spouse due to addiction, he still continues to blame me for what happened and the breakdown of our relationship. I’m trying to heal and move forward, but the ongoing blame feels confusing and painful. How do you respond when someone keeps assigning you responsibility even after the relationship has ended? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources: The Betrayal Bind Cliff & Joyce's Books The Life Saving Divorce Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    15 min

  4. Jun 2

    103 - Distinguishing the Difference Between Worth, Attention, & Identity

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’m a woman in ministry and I’ve noticed a pattern where I seek validation through flirting and attention from men, even when I don’t intend harm. I want to break this cycle and grow in healthier boundaries and identity. What kind of help, support, or practices would actually help me change these patterns in a lasting way? I desire deep connection, but I also fear abandonment, which affects how I show up in relationships. How do fear of abandonment and attachment wounds shape relational behavior, and how can women begin to heal this? I sometimes feel shame around my relational or sexual patterns and don’t know how to talk about it without feeling “broken.” How can women bring these struggles into the light in a way that leads to healing instead of shame? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources: The Fantasy Fallacy Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    19 min

  5. May 26

    102 - What To Do When Recovery Stalls Out

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: My husband and I have been together since childhood, married for 7 years, and six months ago I discovered his long-term porn addiction. It feels like a deep betrayal, and I’m struggling to heal and trust again. Even though he’s in recovery and doing the right things, I still feel stuck. How do I move forward when our story feels broken? My husband’s mindset seems to be keeping him from engaging in recovery. He often becomes entitled and shifts blame onto me, and he sees boundaries as rejection. I know you’ve addressed similar dynamics before, but how can a spouse respond when these patterns are blocking accountability and making real healing difficult? From an addict spouse: I’ve struggled with porn throughout my 14 year marriage and am now in recovery. As my wife and I enter formal disclosure, I’ll hear the impact of my betrayal, and I want to respond well without becoming defensive. How can I stay present, process her pain, and grow through this disclosure process in a way that supports her healing? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    18 min

  6. May 19

    101 - Dealing With Rage as a Betrayal Trauma Response

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - I’m walking through betrayal after discovering my boyfriend’s porn use and past behaviors, and what’s been most overwhelming isn’t just the pain, it’s the rage. At times, I feel completely overtaken by anger, even acting in ways that scare me and leave me feeling ashamed. It feels deeper than anger, like a full-body trauma response. Is this kind of rage normal in betrayal trauma, and what’s actually happening inside me? - As I navigate betrayal trauma, one of the hardest parts is how my partner responds. When I express pain or anger, he dismisses it or calls me “crazy,” which only intensifies everything I’m feeling. It makes me feel unseen and alone in the trauma. How can partners better understand and respond to betrayal trauma, especially intense emotions like rage, in a way that brings safety instead of more harm? - I’ve been learning that betrayal trauma affects the brain and body in real ways, but it doesn’t seem like this is widely understood, especially by those who caused the hurt. It feels like there’s a gap in recovery when it comes to helping men understand their partner’s trauma responses. How can we better educate betrayers on what’s happening neurologically and emotionally so they can respond with empathy and support healing? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!   Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    19 min

  7. May 12

    100 - When Chemistry Feels Like Connection

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: - I’m single, in a healthy community, and feel ready for a relationship, but I tend to quickly imagine men as “the one” before truly knowing them. I find myself dreaming about a future instead of seeing who they really are. Why is this so hard to stop, and how can I approach men with more clarity and grounded perspective? - I often confuse emotional intensity with true intimacy. How can I tell the difference between chemistry, attachment, and genuine relational safety? - I’ve noticed that porn use is often talked about as a “man’s issue,” but I know women also struggle with it. I’m curious why this perception exists and what might be missing in how we talk about it. Why do you think porn addiction is so often framed as a male problem, even though it clearly affects women too? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources: Register For The 2026 Summit Now! Crystal Renaud Day's Website Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    16 min

  8. May 5

    099 - Understanding Sexual Fantasies and Unmet Needs

    Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On today’s episode, we answer the following questions: I’ve found myself using sexual fantasy or porn-like material to cope with stress or loneliness. I’ve heard that these behaviors can be a sign of unmet needs rather than simply a sin issue. How do I figure out what need I’m trying to meet and what could a healthy coping strategy look like? I keep having recurring fantasies, not always sexual, but often about self-attention that feel uncontrollable and unhealthy. Group work has helped me become more aware, but I want to understand the deeper roots of this pattern. Is there a way to fully overcome these intrusive fantasies and break free from this cycle for good? My sexual struggles make me feel “less holy” or unfit for intimacy, love, or even God’s grace. This internal conflict has created tension between my desire for healing and my fear of judgment from others. How can I integrate spiritual healing with sexual healing? If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you! Resources: Cleaning Up The Mental Mess Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos   GET STARTED Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation Join A Pure Desire Online Group   SOCIALS Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Instagram Follow us on X (Twitter) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    18 min
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4.9
out of 5
38 Ratings

About

Since 2016, Ashley Jameson and Heather Kolb have supported, educated, and equipped women to experience sexual health, healing from betrayal trauma, and success in relationships. We know what it’s like to be in crisis—searching for answers—and continually hearing the churchy answer. Each week, you’ll hear real talk about sex and relationships from a biblical and clinical perspective.

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