Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

Shana James
  • 5.0 (11)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Love between humans is not easy, and most of us never had great examples or education about emotions, communication, sex, or what keeps love alive. When you add the challenges of aging to the mix, love becomes even more complicated. Many people end up settling, or giving up on what they want most. But you don't have to! Dating and relationships become easier when you hear people share vulnerably about their struggles, and how they've created more connection and excitement. I bring my 20 years of experience, coaching thousands of people, to help you see what's possible, and how the practice of love makes it possible to have the best love and sex of your life! Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! https://shanajamescoaching.com/goodies

  1. 1d ago

    #68: Why Do Couples Misunderstand Each Other? When Good Intentions Don't Create the Impact You Want

    Have you ever said something with good intentions, only to have your partner hear it completely differently than you meant it? Maybe you were trying to help, but they felt criticized. You were trying to explain yourself, but they experienced you as defensive. Or you were protecting yourself, but they felt shut out. So what do you do? Too often, people get stuck arguing about what they meant instead of becoming curious about the impact they had. In this episode of Practicing Love, I talk with Allison Brenner, executive coach and founder of InnerVue, about the often surprising gap between our intentions and how other people actually experience us. Allison has spent three decades working in leadership and human development, and she brings that perspective into relationships in a powerful way: self-awareness isn't only about knowing ourselves. It's also about becoming aware of how we affect other people. We talk about why good intentions can sometimes become a shield against curiosity, how "you took it wrong" can turn a misunderstanding into a blame game, and how our automatic defensive reactions can have an impact we never intended. Rather than taking someone's experience of us as a verdict about who we are, we can become curious about our patterns: What happens in our tone when we're stressed? What do we do when we feel criticized? And does the way we show up actually create the impact we want? We also talk about reflecting on "what would it be like to be in a relationship with me?" and building trust and safety so that when something goes wrong, both people have more capacity to repair. Having good intentions matters. But if we want deeper connection, we also have to care about the impact we're having. In this episode, we explore: Why couples can misunderstand each other even when both people have good intentions How good intentions can sometimes stop us from being curious about our impact How to receive feedback without experiencing it as a verdict about who you are The question: What is it like to be in a relationship with me? Why a great relationship includes self-awareness and awareness of how others experience us How to check your intention before a difficult conversation What to do when the impact you're having isn't the impact you intended Connect with Allison Learn more about Allison and her work with InnerVue Use Discount code: PRACTICINGLOVE20 to get 20% off Connect with Shana Visit Shana's website if you are struggling with love, sex, dating, or relationships in midlife   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: WGWRQANBJDWAVVM6

  2. Sep 24

    #67: The Sex You Actually Want: Beyond Scripts, Shame and Expectations

    How to have the sex you actually want: More Pleasure and Connection Beyond Scripts, Shame and Expectations Having great sex is not about knowing the "right" things to do. It's about discovering what actually feels good and meaningful to you. The best question to ask yourself is: Are you having the sex you actually want? In this episode of Practicing Love, I talk with Deborah Kat, relationship and sex expert, Tantra teacher, host of The Better Sex Podcast, and former professional Dominatrix. We get into what actually makes sex great, and why so many of us aren't satisfied with the script we were given about what sex is "supposed to look like." Deborah talks about the importance of aliveness over performance, and why great sex isn't about reaching a particular outcome. It can change, evolve, surprise you, and be completely different from one time to the next. We talk about: What actually makes sex great How to ask for what you want without making your partner feel pressured or criticized Why a particular fantasy doesn't necessarily need to become reality and how to discover the motivation beneath a fantasy The different ways people are wired for sex and pleasure How Tantra and kink could support your sex life  Why sex in long-term relationships naturally goes through cycles How to find more pleasure and freedom  What to do when your partner wants something you're unsure about How to bring up sexual desires without all the charge, disappointment, or baggage Many of my clients actually know what they want to say, but they're afraid to say it. One of my favorite themes in this conversation is that revealing more of yourself creates more intimacy, even though it feels risky. You don't have to say the "right thing." It's more about the vulnerable thing.  The more honestly we discover what we want, communicate it, stay curious, and create safety for each other, the more room there is for pleasure, connection and surprise. Better sex isn't about becoming better at performing sex. It's about being truly yourself while you're having it, so you can receive and enjoy it more.  Find Deborah Kat: Deborah Kat's website The Better Sex Podcast Deborah Kat on Instagram Deborah Kat on Substack Find Shana James: Quiz: What keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life? https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-sex/ Rekindle Desire: 20 reasons your wife may not want t have sex   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: OHMHFXBSHHFV307Z

  3. Sep 17

    #66: Sexual Healing for Men: From Performance to Intimacy, Pleasure and Connection

    What happens when men expand their sexuality to be about more than performance, orgasm, or "getting the job done"? In this episode of Man Alive, I talk with Rick Broniec, author of Power Tools for Men and a longtime leader in the ManKind Project, about sexual healing for men — and what becomes possible when men begin to experience sexuality as a pathway to deeper connection with themselves and their partners. Rick has spent decades working with men and, at 74, says he is more sexually fulfilled and having more fun and intimate sex than ever before. We talk about what it means to have the kind of sex life where you receive pleasure and love, are honest about desires and needs, and have heart connection, rather than just the physical body. Rick and I explore: Why so many men learn to think about sex as something they do rather than something they share How the "Man Box" can disconnect men from their bodies, emotions, and sexuality The impact of abuse and secrets in families Why men need to learn that they can receive love, care, touch, and pleasure How sexual wounds create shame — and why healing requires compassion and honesty Why sexuality and spirituality may be more connected than we realize Why sensual touch and affection is essential for men, even when they don't realize they're missing it How honest, loving conversations can transform sexual intimacy, and what to do when your partner isn't willing or able to have them And why even relationship and sexuality experts sometimes need help in their own relationships This is a conversation about healing, vulnerability, pleasure, honesty, and becoming more fully alive in your sexuality. There is so much healing available for men these days. Rick suggests you take a step toward it.  Find more of Rick at: www.PowerToolsForMen.org www.WisdomWindfall.com   Find more of Shana at:   Quiz: What keeps you from having the best love and sex of your life? The Guide to Honest and More Enjoyable Dating   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: 3XO0LDATK42BXEXU

  4. Aug 20

    #65: What Men and Women Don't Know About Each Other — And What it Means for Love

    How would your relationships be different if you could experience the world from the other side of the gender divide, and understand how a man or woman (whichever you are not) feels and experiences life? Would it bring more compassion for the things that irritate you? Today's guest has something very few people can offer: a real life perspective on living as both a woman and a man. Since Jason Hill transitioned he has experienced radical shifts in how people perceive him, how he's treated professionally, how much emotional vulnerability feels accessible, how his sex drive changed, and even how much physical affection is available to him. In this fascinating conversation, we explore what those experiences reveal about men, women, love, sex, emotional intelligence, and the invisible expectations we place on each other. We talk about: How Jason has been treated as more intelligent and receiving more professional opportunities as a man The pressures men can carry with the expectations to provide, earn, protect, and prove their worth Why having male privilege doesn't mean life is always easy What women usually don't  see about men's vulnerability to violence, rejection, and emotional isolation Why so many men are touch-starved, and how sex can become one of the only socially acceptable forms of affection The surprising ways we're socialized differently as men and women Why emotional intelligence can be learned How to make the goal of conversations understanding what is actually happening for another person, rather than winning the argument What greater empathy across genders could make possible in our relationships Jason's story invites us to hold multiple truths at the same time: men benefit from systems of privilege and still experience profound pain, loneliness, objectification, and pressure. Women suffer from discrimination and often have assumptions about men that can make it harder for men to feel loved and understood.  The more we're willing to get curious about those contradictions, the more possibility we have for love. Because emotional intelligence isn't about becoming better at arguing your side. It's about becoming better at seeing the person in front of you.     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: ELRUV6G8JHUP8JAW

    #65: What Men and Women Don't Know About Each Other — And What it Means for Love

  5. Aug 19

    #38: AI Matchmaking: AI Reshapes Dating for Lasting Love

    Dating feels brutal for so many relationship-ready singles, especially over 40. In this episode, Shana James talks with Adam Cohen Aslatei, CEO of Three Day Rule, about how AI is reshaping modern matchmaking and how AI makes it easier for people to date and find real, emotionally available love. They explore dating burnout, why the apps are failing people, the power of intentional dating, and how AI can even support deeper human connection. A must-listen for those who want to stop unconsciously swiping and start consciously dating and creating meaningful relationships. Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life!     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: IHVPCN3F5C1BO2Q0

    #38: AI Matchmaking: AI Reshapes Dating for Lasting Love

  6. Aug 13

    #64: When Her Sex Drive Fades: What Most Men Don't Realize

    What happens when the woman you love stops wanting sex? For many men, a fading sex drive feels like rejection, loneliness, or even a sign that the relationship is dying. You may wonder:  Am I still attractive? Does she still want me? Did I do something wrong? After more than 20 years of coaching men and couples, I've found the answer is usually more nuanced. Women often don't stop wanting sex. They stop wanting the sex they've been having. As women move through midlife, many become less willing to settle for intimacy that feels rushed, disconnected, predictable, or focused primarily on their partner's experience. Hormones and health can certainly play a role, but there's another piece that often gets overlooked: desire is relational. In this episode, I explore a different way of understanding desire—one where it isn't something one partner has and the other needs to get back. Desire is something two people create together. I share six ways I've helped couples co-create more connection, pleasure, and passion, including becoming a student of your partner, slowing down, moving beyond one-dimensional sex, creating experiments instead of expectations, and learning not to take differences in desire personally. If your sex life has faded, I hope this episode gives you something you may not have had in a while: hope that the best intimacy of your relationship can still be ahead of you.     Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: X6DOTPWFPO5ZGZDX

    #64: When Her Sex Drive Fades: What Most Men Don't Realize

  7. Jul 30

    #63: What 20 Years of Coaching Men Taught Us About Love, Loneliness, and Lasting Relationships

    Practicing Love: Have the Best Love and Sex of Your Life After 40

    #63: What 20 Years of Coaching Men Taught Us About Love, Loneliness, and Lasting Relationships

  8. Jul 23

    #62: The Hidden Reason Even Good Relationships Drift Apart

    Have you ever looked at someone you love and wondered, What happened to us? Most people assume relationships drift apart because the spark fades, communication breaks down, or life simply gets in the way. But what if the real reason is much simpler and more hopeful? In this conversation, bestselling author and executive coach Jamie Smart shares a perspective that has transformed the lives of thousands of people he has coached.  One of my favorite moments is when Jamie talks about how he'd spent years organizing his relationships around avoiding heartbreak instead of creating true love, and what is possible since making that shift.  In this episode, we explore:  The underlying causes of relationships drifting and spark fading  How your "view" changes how your partner appears to you  The downward spiral of disconnection from trying to be "right"  How insight transforms relationships faster than trying harder  The key to make the shift from self-protection to creating true love Whether you're dating, married, healing from heartbreak, or simply wanting deeper connection, this conversation offers a fresh way of understanding what keeps love alive, and what helps us truly see each other again. And if you want a deep dive into understanding who you truly are, and what's possible in love and life once you know this, this is an episode for you.     Enjoyed this conversation? Here are a few more resources:   Jamie's Resources:  Learn more: JamieSmart.com  Listen to Jamie's podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/get-clarity-with-jamie-smart/id1173476690     Explore Jamie's books, including Clarity and Results: Think Less, Achieve More: https://www.jamiesmart.com/jamie-books/   Shana's Resources:  Discover what's keeping you from having the love and connection you want. Take the quiz: https://bestlove.scoreapp.com/  Join the Honest Dating Manual waitlist https://shanajamescoaching.com/honest-dating-manual/    Need support? Schedule a free Love Consultation: https://shanajamescoaching.com/consult   Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/prigida/burble License code: IHVPCN3F5C1BO2Q0

    #62: The Hidden Reason Even Good Relationships Drift Apart
See All (67)

5
out of 5
11 Ratings

About

Love between humans is not easy, and most of us never had great examples or education about emotions, communication, sex, or what keeps love alive. When you add the challenges of aging to the mix, love becomes even more complicated. Many people end up settling, or giving up on what they want most. But you don't have to! Dating and relationships become easier when you hear people share vulnerably about their struggles, and how they've created more connection and excitement. I bring my 20 years of experience, coaching thousands of people, to help you see what's possible, and how the practice of love makes it possible to have the best love and sex of your life! Find out how to have the best love and sex of your life! https://shanajamescoaching.com/goodies

Information

You Might Also Like