Do As We Say, Not As They Did

Harris O'Malley Liz Powell
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Biweekly

An unfiltered dating podcast all about love, sex, relationships, and all the ways humans are sometimes really bad at them. Dr. NerdLove and Dr. Liz Powell break down what not do, and what actually works.

  1. Sep 16

    Has The Internet Made Dating Worse?

    Women told men to stop approaching them, but now they're upset that men aren't taking charge? So what are men even supposed to do?! 🫩 In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley dig into a post from r/DatingOver30 titled, "I Feel Gaslit by Modern Dating. Am I Completely Wrong?" And, yes... he kind of is. First things first, women changing their dating preferences isn't what gaslighting is. Secondly, this sounds less like modern dating suddenly changed the rules and more like someone heard "don't approach women like that" and decided it meant "never approach women again." So how do you know when it's okay to approach someone? How can you actually flirt without being creepy? It turns out the answer has much less to do with memorizing dating rules and a lot more to do with having people skills. And maybe stop taking your dating advice from the algorithm. 🤷   Highlights of the episode: A reminder that women aren't a monolith, especially in dating Why learning to read the room will get you farther than any dating rulebook ever will Are there good and bad people, or are we all messy combinations of both? Signs you may need to take a break from the internet  If your feed is suddenly showing you 20 videos a day about how women hate being approached (or hate NOT being approached), it doesn't mean you've discovered the secret thoughts of all women. It might just mean you need to put away the screen and go talk to real people. 😉 Time Stamps 00:00 – Welcome to Do As We Say 01:07 – r/DatingOver30: "I Feel Gaslit by Modern Dating" 08:10 – The problem with the "cold approach" 12:39 – Where is it okay to flirt? 14:03 – What's your goal for approaching someone? 19:13 – What women mean when they want men to "take the lead" 21:12 – There is no one right way to flirt 23:40 – Fascination is a flirting superpower 25:23 – Everybody has something cool about them 28:36 – Your desire might be making you forget the person in front of you 29:38 –  Stop asking "how do I get them to like me?" 35:28 – Dating doesn't need a special set of rules 38:35 – Two places you really shouldn't hit on someone 40:32 – What charisma actually looks like 44:57 – What are you afraid will happen?  51:50 – Women aren't a monolith 55:03 – "I'd love it if women hit on me constantly!" Would you, though? 01:03:09 – Bean soup theory and dating advice 01:05:29 – It might be time to get off the internet 01:12:31 – Just treat women like people 01:13:03 – Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: https://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  2. Sep 9

    Are Men Actually Lonelier than Women?

    Is the male loneliness epidemic a real thing, or just something the internet won't stop talking about?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are getting right to the point: men are definitely lonely…but research suggests that they aren't uniquely lonely. If women are just as likely to be lonely as men are, what's the real predictor of loneliness?   Money.   Now that doesn't mean there isn't a gendered aspect to the problem. Along with ranting about the evils of capitalism, Dr. Liz and Harris talk about the way men are taught to handle emotions, what they think they should expect from a partner, and how their lack of strong support systems is an absolutely terrible treatment plan for loneliness.   Highlights of the episode: Why money matters more to loneliness than gender Why making lasting friendships is a marathon How being nice is the baseline and how to find out what you can bring to a relationship Why you can't think your way into being a good partner   Everyone is lonely, but if we keep acting like it's only a man problem, we're never going to find the right solution. Tune in to hear why it's easier than ever before to socially isolate yourself, and how to break the ice and actually meet other people.   Check us out on Nymph: https://www.nymph.so/non-monogamy-hub/podcasts   Check Out the Nuclear Fusion App: https://www.nuclearfusionapp.com/ Time Stamps 00:00 – Does the "male loneliness epidemic" truly exist? 03:04 – What predicts loneliness more than money? 04:23 – Third spaces, public transit, and the cost of having friends 11:25 – Education and social class 16:47 – Male suicide, mental health, and masculinity 20:09 – Why getting a girlfriend won't fix your feelings 23:54 – Loneliness is a people problem 24:43 – Why making friends as an adult is so hard 30:45 – How Burning Man and raves speedrun friendship building 33:13 – How lonely men became a business model 40:26 – Men's mental health vs Pride 43:36 – Why can't men just be close friends? 47:28 – Your partner can't be your everything 52:04 – What do you bring to the relationship? 56:37 – Love should be a verb 01:01:46 – Want a village? Be a villager. 01:03:56 – What helps with loneliness 01:04:20 – Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz   Stay Connected 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  3. Sep 2

    The Internet Has Broken Your Dating Standards

    Are gold diggers actually lurking around every corner, just waiting to drain your bank account…or has dating advice on the internet convinced a whole bunch of men to fear a problem they most likely don't have? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley read through a Reddit post on r/DatingAdvice that 100% violates the community guidelines and promises men "how to avoid gold diggers." And the real kicker? The post is supposedly written by a woman… Between repetitive advice, rampant fatphobia, a judgemental attitude toward Slavic women, and a bunch of misogyny, the post opens up a much larger discussion about how toxic masculinity can impact both men and women in the dating world, and how social media has warped people's definitions of beauty. Grab your popcorn and get ready for: A very serious discussion about a Beauty and the Beast x Heated Rivalry crossover The "plague" of gold diggers You can't say your role as a man is to provide and get mad when women expect that The difference between wanting a partner and wanting other people to envy your partner You need to stop looking at Instagram and look at people in the real world You might want the Instagram model, but what could you even offer her? Whether your pockets are full of gold or pretty empty, Harris and Liz are here to remind you that love and attraction means a lot more than physical attraction and your net worth. And if you're determined to date an Instagram model while living a decidedly non-Instagram-model lifestyle, then maybe the problem isn't women.   Time Stamps 00:00 – Do you truly need a Lambo? 00:31 – Welcome & a brief AO3 tangent 05:41 – r/DatingAdvice: "A Guide for Men on How to Avoid Gold Diggers (From a Woman)" 07:06 – Instagram models & Dubai girls 13:15 – How social media impacts who you find attractive 15:53 – Dating for yourself vs for other men 17:12 – The podcast test for spotting a gold digger 21:03 – The fatphobia behind "maybe you can only afford a fat woman" 24:04 – Surprise! A brief capitalism rant 26:43 – You will never be skinny enough for the internet 29:28 – W-2 knowledge is somehow dating advice now 35:47 – Should you date a woman who works a trade? 37:41 – Most couples don't look like IG models 45:12 – Why low-stakes first dates can be great 48:22 – "All women are naturally expensive" & other internet BS 51:43 – Beauty and choice feminism 53:44 – How toxic masculinity creates the gold digger problem 56:23 – If you're not rich, you probably don't have a gold digger problem 59:58 – Where to find Dr. Liz & Harris   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  4. Aug 26

    Why Do All Dating Apps Suck Now?

    Would you pay over $60,000 to find a date?  In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell skip the Reddit disasters and get right to the source of modern dating…and why it sucks so much. Reading articles from The Cut, Wired, and the New York Times, they explore the problem with dating apps, why people are leaving them in droves, and how poor dating prospects are even affecting high-status, wealthy people. The only difference is that they're turning to 5 and 6 figure matchmakers instead of Tinder and Hinge.   Highlights of the episode: Grindr's gayborhood rebrand and their selection of GLP-1s Discussions of what makes someone "worthy" of a relationship Hinge thought Harris was a lesbian (and made it hard to get dates) Liz and Harris mourn the loss of OG OKCupid A breakdown of what Mrs. Doubtfire was actually about… An open call for any freaky rich people to fund a freaky dating app   When capitalism impacts literally every aspect of our lives, inducing romance, how are we actually supposed to date in 2026? Well, Liz and Harris come in clutch with the ways you can actually connect with someone instead of endlessly swiping right.   Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the episode! 01:34 - Bumble changed the one thing that made it stand out 03:05 - Why dating apps all feel the same now 04:12 - Feeld's vanilla invitation & Grindr's GLP-1s 08:37 - Remember when OKCupid was actually good? 10:03 - Why people are abandoning dating apps 16:03 - What happens when niche dating apps go mainstream? 18:43 - Rose jail and paywalls on apps 19:59 - The "good man shortage" and 6 figure matchmakers 24:35 - Why are high-earning women hiring matchmakers? 27:29 - How money and gender roles affect relationships 34:04 - How are matchmakers finding eligible men? 40:59 - Hundreds of first dates (but still single) 42:43 - Do your first dates look more like job interviews? 44:47 - Questions worth asking on a first date 51:46 - The strangest dating checklist we've ever heard 52:42 - You probably don't know what you want 54:34 - What actually makes people compatible? 56:54 - Dating apps, capitalism, and the death of third spaces 58:30 - Dating apps are designed to frustrate you into paying 01:01:17 - Sometimes the problem in dating is you 01:03:38 - Why dinner can be a terrible first date 01:08:12 - First date ideas that are actually fun! 01:08:12 - In defense of the "low-effort" first date 01:15:24 - Use dating apps as a supplement to meeting people 01:17:19 - Where to find Harris & Dr. Liz   Stay Connected 🌐 Website: http://www.doaswesaypod.com 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  5. Aug 19

    Are You Missing These Relationship Red Flags?

    If your partner starts talking to you in a different language the first time you get in bed together, what would your reaction be? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley get back to their Reddit-y roots with two stories that seem wildly different, but both boil down to the same thing: communication. First, they hear from a woman whose first time with her boyfriend did not go how she expected. They both speak Spanish, but he suddenly burst into English and moved her from position to position. Then (prepare yourself for this one), a woman's boyfriend refuses to help her with normal tasks, but gets angry at her when she finds another way to accomplish them. Highlights of the episode:  Why you should look at adult films in the same way you watch Fast & Furious How to ask for what you want without killing the mood What looks good on camera doesn't always feel good The truth about the "friend zone" (men, you're doing it too) Is your partner helping you succeed or setting you up to fail?   If you're not entirely satisfied with what's happening in the bedroom, you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, or you're somewhere in between, this episode has resources, practical tips, and plenty of strong opinions about building relationships that feel good to be in.   Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the episode 01:10 - Reddit story #1: "First time with boyfriend felt more like a performance" 04:41 - The difference between connection and performance 05:31 - It's okay to slow down! 06:35 - Fast & Furious is not educational, and neither are adult films 08:21 - Some positions are made for cameras instead of pleasure 13:37 - Take the time to learn what your partner likes 18:05 - Safewords are for everyone 20:22 - Why couples should have more conversations about intimacy 23:02 - Great books and resources to read 25:19 - The climax gap 27:45 - You don't have to know everything the first time 29:37 - How you talk about pleasure doesn't have to be clinical 31:14 - Embrace the awkward 34:43 - There are so many ways to give your partner pleasure 36:41 - If your partner doesn't care how you feel, LEAVE THEM! 39:35 - Reddit Story #2: "Boyfriend doesn't help me, but gets mad when I find other solutions" 42:24 - One person doesn't get to decide how everything gets done 45:38 - Weaponized bad moods 47:47 - Coercive control doesn't always mean physical violence 49:29 - If you're always walking on eggshells, that's a warning sign 52:06 - Plot twist: Looking at OP's Reddit post history 54:16 - Compulsory heterosexuality 55:45 - Butterflies might be signaling danger, not excitement 57:57 - Trauma and splitting emotional intimacy from desire 59:59 - Physical closeness can feel easier than emotional vulnerability 01:05:09 - The truth about the "friend zone" 01:05:31 - Your partner should want you to succeed 01:08:43 - Relationship red flags worth learning 01:11:09 - Where to find Harris and Dr.Liz   Episode Resources Men's Weaponized Bad Moods Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski She Comes First by Ian Kerner Fair Play by Eve Rodsky Why Does He Do That by Landy Bancroft Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  6. Aug 12

    Voice Memo Guy: Consent, Coercion, and Boundaries

    Have you heard about the infamous TikTok Voice Memo Guy? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell fill you in on all the details, some questionable twists, and their thoughts on how weird it is to schedule getting laid via voice memo. A few months ago, a guy sent a voice memo to a woman he'd gone on a date with, saying that if their second date wasn't going to end with them in bed together, there was no point in going at all. His message points out a larger problem in our dating culture: we teach men to center their own pleasure over their partner's pleasure, comfort, or even safety. What initially might sound blunt and straightforward starts looking a lot more like coercion when you listen closely. Get ready for: Why wanting to get laid early in dating isn't inherently wrong (and neither is wanting to wait) How to talk about physical compatibility without pressure The FRIES model of consent Why being upfront about what you want gets you better matches Before you start sending thinly veiled demands to get laid, listen to the episode and take some notes. You'll get so much further with curiosity than entitlement.  Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome! 01:11 - TikTok's "Voice Memo Guy" 02:15 - "If I'm not getting laid, what's the point?" 04:37 - The FRIES model for consent 07:45 - You can't pre-consent to intimacy 12:05 - Wanting to get laid isn't wrong; the approach can be 13:57 - Don't dangle dating as a reward for getting laid 20:24 - Men aren't the only ones into casual hookups 23:00 - Our culture teaches men to center their own pleasure 24:30 - How to talk about physical compatibility in a healthy way 25:27 - There's a difference between boundaries and ultimatums 27:45 - If you want a casual hookup, just say that! 30:14 - Do you want a hookup or a conquest? 32:20 - How "boundaries" can turn into manipulation 36:02 - A twist! Was the voice memo guy using a script? 43:49 - Physical safety and communication is hot 47:45 - Can you keep flirting after someone says no? 50:56 - Curiosity vs entitlement 54:34 - How to talk about wanting a physical relationship 01:02:08 - It's okay to be upfront about what you want 01:05:03 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  7. Aug 5

    Hard Truths About Male Loneliness

    How do you react when people tell you things you wish you'd never heard? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by Evita Sawyers for a conversation about emotional responsibility, connection, desire, and what happens when people treat others like solutions instead of human beings. First, they wade through a toxic mess where a man learns that his married father is considering buying a house with a woman he's only been seeing for four months. Then, they chat about a post from r/Relationships, where a woman's best friend confesses he's been in love with her for years… even though she's a lesbian. Highlights of the episode: Why the patriarchy harms men, too The line between ethical polyamory and cheating The solution to the male loneliness epidemic Emotional intelligence and good communication aren't things we're born knowing. They take self-awareness, practice, and a willingness to grow. If you're ready to build healthier relationships, this episode is full of practical insights (and maybe an open call to make the Golden Girls for men). Who Is Evita Sawyers and How to Connect Evita "Lavitaloca" Sawyers is a black, queer, femme, ethical non-monogamy coach, speaker, educator, and author. She is the creator of "Today's Polyamory Reminder," which has inspired over 60,000 followers. She is the author of "A Polyamory Devotional-365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous". Evita is also the subject of the groundbreaking polyamorous documentary "Poly-Love". Website: https://www.evitasawyers.com/ Threads: https://www.threads.com/@lavitaloca34 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lavitaloca34 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LavitalocaSawyers Substack: https://lavitalocasawyers.substack.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lavitalocasawyers/  Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome & introducing guest, Evita Sawyers 02:32 - Rebuilding life in your 40s 05:41 - Finding gratitude and joy even when it's hard 09:36 - Optimistic nihilism and what we should expect from each other 14:24 - Wanting a "$1 experience for 15 cents" 16:00 - Modern dating advice, emotional intelligence, and healthy masculinity 18:37 - Patriarchy fails men, too 23:23 - Reddit story #1: r/TrueOffMyChest: "Are my parents in an open relationship?" 28:34 - Ethical non-monogamy vs cheating 34:53 - Self-abandonment and the myth of the midlife crisis 46:38 - Opening a relationship isn't always the answer 51:15 - We're all going to age 54:06 - Men, make friends 01:02:53 - Reddit story #2: r/Relationships: "My male best friend confessed his love, but I'm a lesbian" 01:07:19 - Nice Guy thinking and hidden agendas in friendship 01:13:34 - Unrequited love is yours to grieve 01:18:04 - Can this friendship be saved? 01:26:04 - Stop reading the teal leaves 01:27:25 - "I am worthy of unambiguous desire" 01:31:27 - You don't need to earn love 01:33:38 - Your feelings are your responsibility 01:37:32 - If it isn't a clear yes, it's a no 01:39:43 - Final thoughts: Human beings just want connection 01:43:14 - Where to find Evita, Dr. Liz, and Harris Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  8. Jul 29

    The Truth About Jealousy in Polyamory

    Have you ever set yourself up to get hurt, but you just couldn't help yourself? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by the brilliant Jessica Daylover. Polyamorous since 2013, co-author of "Polyamory & Parenthood," and founder of Remodeled Love and the Nuclear Fusion Network, Jessica brings all the insightful commentary on two poly relationship stories that…let's just say aren't exactly set up for success. First up, they hear from a woman devastated to learn her husband called his girlfriend his best lover…which she only found out by going through his phone. Then they get into the weeds of age-gap relationships when they read a post from a 25-year-old whose 49-year-old partner is struggling with jealousy over her 34-year-old partner.  Buckle up for: How the Nuclear Fusion app is helping people learn how to build community A painful reminder that you should never go through your partner's phone, even if you have an "open phone" agreement Building self-worth instead of centering yourself around your partner's relationships How jealousy can get quieter when you get yourself some business  If you're a professional self-saboteur, or you find that the things you're intellectually okay with don't always match up with what your nervous system says, grab a snack, get comfy, and listen up.    Who Is Jessica Daylover and How to Connect Jessica Daylover is an educator, producer, entertainer, mystic, and mother who practices Relationship Anarchy in every area of her life. An entrepreneur since 2008, she is the founder of Remodeled Love, an online platform that helps polyamorous and poly-curious people build relationships that feel safe, sustainable, and free; and Nuclear Fusion Network, a community-building app dedicated to helping people create real, local, interdependent communities rooted in care, courage, and accountability. Jessica's work is rooted in expanding the cultural narrative on love, family, and parenthood—an expression of her Sagittarius Sun paired with a Cancer Moon and Ascendant, and a deep belief that connection is the true elixir of life. Website: https://www.remodeledlove.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/remodeledlove Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remodeledlove/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/jeswiith1s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemodeledLove TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@remodeledlove   Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome & introducing Jessica Daylover (Remodeled Love) 04:06 - Nuclear Fusion: an app for building community online 10:28 - The importance of learning how to be part of a village 14:19 - Mental health, nervous systems, and emotional regulation 21:39 - Building community 36:30 - Reddit story #1: "My husband said his girlfriend is his best lover" 39:57 - Best lover doesn't automatically mean best partner 41:52 - Setting yourself up for pain in a relationship 54:45 - How different partners can meet different needs 56:41 - Emotional Aikido 01:00:27 - Reddit story #2: "My 49-year-old partner is jealous of my 34-year-old partner" 01:06:34 - First impression: red flag or not? 01:10:04 - Why age gaps aren't always bad, but they can create problems 01:16:37 - When your values support polyamory, but your nervous system doesn't 01:22:02 - Parallel polyamory vs kitchen table polyamory 01:23:48 - You don't need to be perfect 01:27:53 - Taking accountability as the older person in age-gap relationships 01:36:30 - Where to find Jessica Daylover and Remodeled Love 01:39:07 - Where to find Harris and Liz   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod

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An unfiltered dating podcast all about love, sex, relationships, and all the ways humans are sometimes really bad at them. Dr. NerdLove and Dr. Liz Powell break down what not do, and what actually works.

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