Do As We Say, Not As They Did

Harris O'Malley Liz Powell
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Sexuality
  • Biweekly

An unfiltered dating podcast all about love, sex, relationships, and all the ways humans are sometimes really bad at them. Dr. NerdLove and Dr. Liz Powell break down what not do, and what actually works.

  1. 6d ago

    The ADHD Relationship Guide That Nobody Gave Us

    Is it love at first sight, or did your ADHD brain just find its latest hyperfixation? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are getting personal about their experiences with ADHD, from being diagnosed as adults to recognizing how it shaped their relationships long before they had a name for it. They're talking about the difference between love and limerence, why new relationship energy (NRE) can make forever feel like a fantastic idea (for three weeks), and how rejection-sensitive dysphoria can turn a perfectly ordinary interaction into an emotional disaster.   Highlights of the episode: Dr. Liz's 11-page relationship manual How ADHD can impact dating, attraction, communication, and emotional connection Why sensory overload and executive dysfunction can look like disinterest (and how to navigate it) The difference between asking for emotional support and making someone else responsible for your feelings And because this wouldn't be an episode of Do As We Say without ADHD-fueled tangents, tune in for the dating discourse AND detours involving broken bones, attractive doctors, caffeine experiments, and the questionable decisions of their younger selves.   Time Stamps 00:00 – Dr. Liz's broken wrist adventure 16:10 – Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult 21:54 – Why dating with ADHD can be so distracting 26:14 – All the ADHD red flags they missed growing up 33:22 – When a new crush becomes your latest hyperfixation 35:01 – Rejection sensitivity and the fear of making a move 39:40 – Dating and hookups before smartphones 45:06 – What happens when NRE wears off? 47:49 – ADHD and the appeal of novelty 50:39 – Why changing plans can feel like an attack 58:35 – Dr. Liz's 11-page dating manual 01:04:45 – Are you high maintenance or high information? 01:08:44 – Why men struggle to talk about their emotional needs 01:20:00 – When loneliness leads men to the wrong communities 01:27:16 – ADHD and the guilt of being a bad friend 01:33:40 – Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris   Stay Connected ☕️ Support Us On Ko-Fi: ko-fi.com/doaswesaypod 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: https://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  2. Oct 14

    Online Dating Is Weird. This Baby-Making Site Is Weirder.

    Have you ever noticed how much online dating advice focuses less on solving real problems and more on inventing solutions to problems that don't exist? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell jump right into terrible dating advice with questionable statistics that make it sound like men shouldn't even try to date, and a dating/sugar-baby/baby-making website that seems like it could only appeal to Elon Musk or Nick Cannon. First, they're setting the record straight on online dating. Because, and this may come as a surprise, dating apps aren't real life. Some of the problems you think are keeping you from finding love might be solved by showing genuine interest in another person. Then, things take a turn for the stranger as they look at Knockr, a website where wealthy men can connect with women to have a baby and pay child support. Yeah, they're scratching their heads, too. Highlights of the episode: You're not owed a woman. Period. Your dating app opener needs more than "Hey" Getting 400 matches isn't actually a good thing The "dating" service made for Elon Musk and Nick Cannon Join us as we sort through bad dating advice, bizarre matching schemes, and the problems people keep insisting are everywhere. Because sometimes the biggest threat to your dating life isn't the competition or picky prospects…it's believing everything you read on Reddit. Time Stamps 00:00 – Doctor Who, Dr. Liz, and Dr. Nerdlove introductions 03:36 – r/DatingAdviceForMen: "She's looking at 400, you're looking at 20" 07:23 – Are dating apps only for attractive men? 09:00 – More matches don't equal more dating options 11:17 – Dr. Liz's hot tips for dating apps 17:21 – How to turn a match into a date 22:43 – Attraction doesn't always create compatibility 25:52 – The REAL competition men are facing in dating 35:52 – Aella and her pronatalist matchmaking website: Knockr 39:15 – Wealthy donors and fertile women??? 43:09 – What is the purpose of Knockr? 50:48 – Custody concerns with billionaire baby daddies 59:25 – What Knockr gets wrong about online dating safety 01:02:57 – Birth control and reproductive healthcare 01:05:22 – Final thoughts and where to find Harris and Dr. Liz Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  3. Oct 7

    Maybe Your Looks Aren't the Reason You're Single

    Why are people so worried about the attractiveness gap? What about the kindness gap? The "I can do chores around the house" gap? The emotional processing gap?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley read from Playboy Magazine. The article in question? "We Asked the Women of the SEC About Shrekking." And yes, SEC refers to the Southeastern Conference, not the Securities and Exchange Commission (but it's an easy mistake to make 😉).   As Liz and Harris dig into this supposed dating trend of beautiful women choosing "ugly" men, they have to look at the bigger picture: Why are we still treating physical attractiveness like the ultimate measure of someone's value as a partner? Especially when kindness, emotional availability, communication, accountability, and actually contributing to a relationship tend to matter a whole lot more once you're, you know…in one.   Highlights of the episode: Attractiveness isn't the most important thing to look for in a partner Why do men refuse to listen to women about what they want? What do YOU bring to the table? Dishes are something people who use dishes clean Sometimes the "average" or "ugly" guy just has great game   If your dating strategy is built around finding the hottest person you can "get," it might be time to leave the swamp. And if you're not sure what to focus on instead, you've come to the right place. Time Stamps 00:00 – Welcome to the podcast 02:18 – What is "Shrekking?" 03:13 – The beauty standards in Southern sororities 11:55 – Is dating someone less attractive actually "dating down"? 15:20 – The kind of dating down we SHOULD be talking about 18:30 – Treating women well might just lead to more dates 22:32 – The entitlement to wanting women you don't even like 28:05 – Performative attraction 30:03 – Maybe start with compatibility over looks 33:44 – What do women actually find attractive? 37:02 – Being hot doesn't make you a good partner 44:04 – Are you looking for a partner or trying to cast a movie? 47:01 – What are you bringing to a relationship? 55:04 – Fight Club explains why and where we are 59:-3 – Outsourcing human connection with AI 01:05:43 – Acceptance doesn't mean you have to like it 01:07:47 – So…is Shrekking a thing? 01:12:23 – Where to find Harris and Liz   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  4. Sep 30

    How Aging Changes Your Relationships w/ Wendy Strgar

    We're all going to get older, so why does our culture treat aging like one of the worst things that can happen to us and our desire?  In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love, women's health pioneer, author, and educator, for an unfiltered conversation about menopause, changing bodies, mismatched desire, and intimacy in long-term relationships.  Through stories from r/Menopause and r/MenopauseShedForMen, they hear from folks who are struggling to experience pleasure, others who have given up completely, and what happens when one partner believes they should get a say in how the other handles their needs.   Highlights of the episode: When physical affection starts feeling like pressure for more The astounding (but not surprising) lack of research into women's health Why desire doesn't always show up on its own How we can substitute connection with arguing Why curiosity might be the secret to staying connected   Wisdom may come with age, but becoming a pro at relationships and intimacy certainly doesn't. Tune in to learn the importance of staying curious even as your body changes and always communicating honestly with your partner.   About Wendy Strgar Wendy Strgar is an award-winning serial entrepreneur and founder of three women's health companies: Omnichannel consumer brand Good Clean Love, biotechnology women's health pioneer in vaginal biome science, and telemedicine platform Good Clean Clinical Care.   Under her leadership, Good Clean Love was distinguished by PETA as working for regulatory change. Her lubricants have been named in a National Institutes of Health study as among the safest in the market, and they are now the number one selling natural organic brand in the United States, with products on more than 40,000 store shelves.   She is a self-proclaimed lovologist, sexual health educator, and author of three books: Love That Works, Sex That Works, and the upcoming Life Bewildered. She was named in the 2025 Forbes 50 Over 50 list and named a visionary leader in multiple awards.   You can find her and her companies at: Good Clean Love: https://goodcleanlove.com/ Good Clean Clinical Care: https://goodcleanclinicalcare.com Substack: https://substack.com/@wendystrgar Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wendy.strgar/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wendystrgar Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Wendy-Strgar/author/B005CD92ZE   Time Stamps 00:00 – Welcome to Do As We Say, Not As They Did 01:00 – Meet today's guest: Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love 03:00 – How personal experiences inspired Good Clean Love 05:00 – The concerning ingredients in some lubricants 08:00 – How Wendy started the company in her kitchen 10:00 – How the body changes after menopause 14:00 – Mismatched desire in long-term relationships 18:00 – Using arguments as a substitute for connection 20:00 – Spontaneous vs responsive desire 30:00 – Everybody deserves pleasure 35:00 – Reddit Story #1: "I need a jackhammer" 44:00 – Aging and grieving as your body changes 50:00 – Reddit Story #2: "If I never had intimacy again, I would be content" 52:00 – Problems in the bedroom rarely start there 01:04:00 – Reddit Story #3: "Wife wants me to lower my libido" 01:08:00 – When you need to renegotiate a relationship 01:13:00 – Different ways to enjoy intimacy 01:20:00 – Supporting a menopausal partner without erasing your own needs 01:23:00 – How to navigate different desires in a relationship 01:29:00 – Where to find Wendy, Harris, and Liz   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: https://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  5. Sep 16

    Has The Internet Made Dating Worse?

    Women told men to stop approaching them, but now they're upset that men aren't taking charge? So what are men even supposed to do?! 🫩 In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley dig into a post from r/DatingOver30 titled, "I Feel Gaslit by Modern Dating. Am I Completely Wrong?" And, yes... he kind of is. First things first, women changing their dating preferences isn't what gaslighting is. Secondly, this sounds less like modern dating suddenly changed the rules and more like someone heard "don't approach women like that" and decided it meant "never approach women again." So how do you know when it's okay to approach someone? How can you actually flirt without being creepy? It turns out the answer has much less to do with memorizing dating rules and a lot more to do with having people skills. And maybe stop taking your dating advice from the algorithm. 🤷   Highlights of the episode: A reminder that women aren't a monolith, especially in dating Why learning to read the room will get you farther than any dating rulebook ever will Are there good and bad people, or are we all messy combinations of both? Signs you may need to take a break from the internet  If your feed is suddenly showing you 20 videos a day about how women hate being approached (or hate NOT being approached), it doesn't mean you've discovered the secret thoughts of all women. It might just mean you need to put away the screen and go talk to real people. 😉 Time Stamps 00:00 – Welcome to Do As We Say 01:07 – r/DatingOver30: "I Feel Gaslit by Modern Dating" 08:10 – The problem with the "cold approach" 12:39 – Where is it okay to flirt? 14:03 – What's your goal for approaching someone? 19:13 – What women mean when they want men to "take the lead" 21:12 – There is no one right way to flirt 23:40 – Fascination is a flirting superpower 25:23 – Everybody has something cool about them 28:36 – Your desire might be making you forget the person in front of you 29:38 –  Stop asking "how do I get them to like me?" 35:28 – Dating doesn't need a special set of rules 38:35 – Two places you really shouldn't hit on someone 40:32 – What charisma actually looks like 44:57 – What are you afraid will happen?  51:50 – Women aren't a monolith 55:03 – "I'd love it if women hit on me constantly!" Would you, though? 01:03:09 – Bean soup theory and dating advice 01:05:29 – It might be time to get off the internet 01:12:31 – Just treat women like people 01:13:03 – Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: https://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  6. Sep 9

    Are Men Actually Lonelier than Women?

    Is the male loneliness epidemic a real thing, or just something the internet won't stop talking about?   In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are getting right to the point: men are definitely lonely…but research suggests that they aren't uniquely lonely. If women are just as likely to be lonely as men are, what's the real predictor of loneliness?   Money.   Now that doesn't mean there isn't a gendered aspect to the problem. Along with ranting about the evils of capitalism, Dr. Liz and Harris talk about the way men are taught to handle emotions, what they think they should expect from a partner, and how their lack of strong support systems is an absolutely terrible treatment plan for loneliness.   Highlights of the episode: Why money matters more to loneliness than gender Why making lasting friendships is a marathon How being nice is the baseline and how to find out what you can bring to a relationship Why you can't think your way into being a good partner   Everyone is lonely, but if we keep acting like it's only a man problem, we're never going to find the right solution. Tune in to hear why it's easier than ever before to socially isolate yourself, and how to break the ice and actually meet other people.   Check us out on Nymph: https://www.nymph.so/non-monogamy-hub/podcasts   Check Out the Nuclear Fusion App: https://www.nuclearfusionapp.com/ Time Stamps 00:00 – Does the "male loneliness epidemic" truly exist? 03:04 – What predicts loneliness more than money? 04:23 – Third spaces, public transit, and the cost of having friends 11:25 – Education and social class 16:47 – Male suicide, mental health, and masculinity 20:09 – Why getting a girlfriend won't fix your feelings 23:54 – Loneliness is a people problem 24:43 – Why making friends as an adult is so hard 30:45 – How Burning Man and raves speedrun friendship building 33:13 – How lonely men became a business model 40:26 – Men's mental health vs Pride 43:36 – Why can't men just be close friends? 47:28 – Your partner can't be your everything 52:04 – What do you bring to the relationship? 56:37 – Love should be a verb 01:01:46 – Want a village? Be a villager. 01:03:56 – What helps with loneliness 01:04:20 – Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz   Stay Connected 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

  7. Sep 2

    The Internet Has Broken Your Dating Standards

    Are gold diggers actually lurking around every corner, just waiting to drain your bank account…or has dating advice on the internet convinced a whole bunch of men to fear a problem they most likely don't have? In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley read through a Reddit post on r/DatingAdvice that 100% violates the community guidelines and promises men "how to avoid gold diggers." And the real kicker? The post is supposedly written by a woman… Between repetitive advice, rampant fatphobia, a judgemental attitude toward Slavic women, and a bunch of misogyny, the post opens up a much larger discussion about how toxic masculinity can impact both men and women in the dating world, and how social media has warped people's definitions of beauty. Grab your popcorn and get ready for: A very serious discussion about a Beauty and the Beast x Heated Rivalry crossover The "plague" of gold diggers You can't say your role as a man is to provide and get mad when women expect that The difference between wanting a partner and wanting other people to envy your partner You need to stop looking at Instagram and look at people in the real world You might want the Instagram model, but what could you even offer her? Whether your pockets are full of gold or pretty empty, Harris and Liz are here to remind you that love and attraction means a lot more than physical attraction and your net worth. And if you're determined to date an Instagram model while living a decidedly non-Instagram-model lifestyle, then maybe the problem isn't women.   Time Stamps 00:00 – Do you truly need a Lambo? 00:31 – Welcome & a brief AO3 tangent 05:41 – r/DatingAdvice: "A Guide for Men on How to Avoid Gold Diggers (From a Woman)" 07:06 – Instagram models & Dubai girls 13:15 – How social media impacts who you find attractive 15:53 – Dating for yourself vs for other men 17:12 – The podcast test for spotting a gold digger 21:03 – The fatphobia behind "maybe you can only afford a fat woman" 24:04 – Surprise! A brief capitalism rant 26:43 – You will never be skinny enough for the internet 29:28 – W-2 knowledge is somehow dating advice now 35:47 – Should you date a woman who works a trade? 37:41 – Most couples don't look like IG models 45:12 – Why low-stakes first dates can be great 48:22 – "All women are naturally expensive" & other internet BS 51:43 – Beauty and choice feminism 53:44 – How toxic masculinity creates the gold digger problem 56:23 – If you're not rich, you probably don't have a gold digger problem 59:58 – Where to find Dr. Liz & Harris   Stay Connected 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 🌐 Website: https://www.doaswesaypod.com/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod

  8. Aug 26

    Why Do All Dating Apps Suck Now?

    Would you pay over $60,000 to find a date?  In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell skip the Reddit disasters and get right to the source of modern dating…and why it sucks so much. Reading articles from The Cut, Wired, and the New York Times, they explore the problem with dating apps, why people are leaving them in droves, and how poor dating prospects are even affecting high-status, wealthy people. The only difference is that they're turning to 5 and 6 figure matchmakers instead of Tinder and Hinge.   Highlights of the episode: Grindr's gayborhood rebrand and their selection of GLP-1s Discussions of what makes someone "worthy" of a relationship Hinge thought Harris was a lesbian (and made it hard to get dates) Liz and Harris mourn the loss of OG OKCupid A breakdown of what Mrs. Doubtfire was actually about… An open call for any freaky rich people to fund a freaky dating app   When capitalism impacts literally every aspect of our lives, inducing romance, how are we actually supposed to date in 2026? Well, Liz and Harris come in clutch with the ways you can actually connect with someone instead of endlessly swiping right.   Time Stamps 00:00 - Welcome to the episode! 01:34 - Bumble changed the one thing that made it stand out 03:05 - Why dating apps all feel the same now 04:12 - Feeld's vanilla invitation & Grindr's GLP-1s 08:37 - Remember when OKCupid was actually good? 10:03 - Why people are abandoning dating apps 16:03 - What happens when niche dating apps go mainstream? 18:43 - Rose jail and paywalls on apps 19:59 - The "good man shortage" and 6 figure matchmakers 24:35 - Why are high-earning women hiring matchmakers? 27:29 - How money and gender roles affect relationships 34:04 - How are matchmakers finding eligible men? 40:59 - Hundreds of first dates (but still single) 42:43 - Do your first dates look more like job interviews? 44:47 - Questions worth asking on a first date 51:46 - The strangest dating checklist we've ever heard 52:42 - You probably don't know what you want 54:34 - What actually makes people compatible? 56:54 - Dating apps, capitalism, and the death of third spaces 58:30 - Dating apps are designed to frustrate you into paying 01:01:17 - Sometimes the problem in dating is you 01:03:38 - Why dinner can be a terrible first date 01:08:12 - First date ideas that are actually fun! 01:08:12 - In defense of the "low-effort" first date 01:15:24 - Use dating apps as a supplement to meeting people 01:17:19 - Where to find Harris & Dr. Liz   Stay Connected 🌐 Website: http://www.doaswesaypod.com 📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/ 💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social 🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/doaswesaypod ⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

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An unfiltered dating podcast all about love, sex, relationships, and all the ways humans are sometimes really bad at them. Dr. NerdLove and Dr. Liz Powell break down what not do, and what actually works.

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