On Today's Show: Sextastic Tuesday returns in full force with vintage filth, hotline weirdos, and Tim immediately brainstorming a game where players guess whether an extreme close-up of a butthole belongs to a man or a woman. Ungod.ly gets floated as the future home of the proposed Great American Rectum Gender Challenge, because apparently that domain was destined for greatness and not, say, anything useful. A listener name in the Discord somehow launches a full development pitch involving leaderboards, head-to-head ass battles, and user-submitted butthole photos. Innovation is alive and deeply unclean. Episode Highlights Miss Princess AZ inspires a trip to the party lines, where one gentleman introduces himself as Alexander the Foot Daddy and proudly announces his open-minded commitment to sniffing feet, licking feet, and sucking toes. LimpBiscuitLover420 delivers what may be the crown jewel of modern erotica: Mummy Rumpus by Dex Daniels, a Craigslist-sold piece of “ebonica” smut involving museum sex, a horny mummy, and a sentence-by-sentence descent into absolute garbage brilliance. The mummy story somehow escalates from pointed Egyptian t**s to a woman riding a petrified pharaoh while encouraging a guy named Dex to face-f**k the mummy’s corpse mouth, and yes, it ends with Taco Bell. Ongoing Freaks and Internet Damage Pasta Boy Zero, the bisexual autistic street terror, returns with more public-harassment footage, including him screaming “You touched my penis!” at strangers and calling random people pedophiles, rapists, and worse while following them around. The guy somehow manages to ask someone to be his friend, then immediately threatens to kill him, proving once again that social bonding is not his strongest skill set. Daniel Larson update: everyone’s favorite deranged goblin has reportedly accepted a plea deal, with one count surviving and the rest set to be dismissed after sentencing. There is now at least a chance he may someday re-enter society, which feels less like news and more like a threat. ️ Demonology and Sleep Deprivation Tim talks about sleeping at his mom’s place, where nighttime includes walker noises, grunting, bathroom trips, lights flicking on, and a full one-woman soundscape of old-lady unrest. A Christian internet nutjob claims rain sounds are satanic, demonic, and spiritually dangerous because Lucifer is apparently now being credited as heaven’s former music director. The theory is that sleep playlists, storms, and ambient rain are inviting darkness into your bedroom, which is a lot to pin on what is basically white noise for exhausted people. ️ Distorted News Germany: a prisoner wins the right to send semen-covered love letters to his fiancée after arguing that banning the jizz-mail interfered with his sexual fantasies and personal development. The court agreed, because Germany remains committed to freedom in all its slippery forms. Dollar Tree gooner crimes: a lawsuit is shining a light on an online subculture where porn-rotted creeps allegedly film themselves masturbating in discount stores and ejaculating on unsuspecting women for internet clout. Russia: a wife allegedly discovered an erotic message on her husband’s phone, sharpened her teeth in advance, lured him into bed, and bit off his penis during oral sex. Doctors tried to reattach it. That did not work. Listener Interaction and Voicemails Unicorn Hamster checks in from a rough week, talks about old friends turning into addicts and disasters, and briefly reminds everyone that having a TurboGrafx-16 once made you royalty in the neighborhood.
