Distorted View on Apple Podcasts

2D AGO • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Grandpa’s Volcano Dick + The 14-Inch Ass Disaster - SIDESHOW

Distorted View Daily – Tuesday, December 23, 2025 Sideshow Exclusive | Christmas Eve Eve Chaos Edition It’s the final new episode of Distorted View Daily before Christmas, and Tim Henson sends Sideshow members into the holidays the only way he knows how: with green ooze, stuck dildos, deranged pastors, and AI on drugs. 🎄 On Today’s Episode: A Festivus-style airing of grievances fueled by listener sponsorship wars involving Unicorn Hamster, his haters, and several deeply regrettable PayPal usernames A spectacularly unhinged debate over how you’re allowed to say “Merry Christmas” without offending literally everyone Pastor Manning (AI-generated) declares Trump voters, Unicorn Hamster, and basically humanity itself eternally damned A grim but darkly fascinating Soft White Underbelly story involving childhood trauma, incest, STDs, and a grandfather whose penis resembled a volcano Sextastic Tuesday delivers a porn scene where a 14-inch double-sided dildo becomes permanently lodged, ending in a trip to the emergency room and possible surgery Indian schoolchildren hold an English-language debate that rapidly devolves into “bloody fuck you” chaos A Swedish startup sells “drug modules” for ChatGPT, letting users get their chatbot high on ketamine, cocaine, or weed A major data breach allegedly exposes Pornhub Premium user activity, meaning someone may now have your entire wank history tied to your email address 🤖 Distorted News Highlights: AI on Drugs: A Stockholm-based company claims its software can make ChatGPT behave as if it’s intoxicated, raising questions about creativity, ethics, and whether AI really needs cocaine Pornhub Data Leak: Hackers say they’ve obtained analytics tied to millions of paying users, including search terms, video titles, and timestamps—your credit card may be safe, but your dignity is not 📞 Voicemails & Listener Content: Road-trip planning at 6 a.m. Ingrown pubic hair medical advice nobody asked for DV merch praise, including “Ass Play Is for Everyone” Kitchen remodel warnings involving old houses, asbestos fears, and Lord Douche 🛒 DV Business & Reminders: Use promo code AIDS for 20% off orders of $50+ at shop.distortedview.com Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal: show@distortedview.com Join the Sideshow at patreon.com/distortedview for bonus content and priority voicemails 🎅 Programming Notes: Christmas Eve: Best-of episode on the public feed Christmas Day: No new episode Friday: Mini Sideshow episode returns Spend the holidays wisely. Avoid emergency rooms, large dildos, and religious prophets with AI superpowers. Merry Christmas. Or else.

2d ago

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52 min

DEC 18 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Road Rage Diarrhea Justice - SIDESHOW

Distorted View Daily – Sideshow Exclusive Thursday, December 18, 2025 Hosted by Tim Henson On today’s Sideshow-exclusive episode of Distorted View Daily, Tim Henson unloads on internet harassment, political trolling, road-rage diarrhea justice, and a truly brutal parade of failed comedy. The episode kicks off with commentary on viral videos targeting retail workers, as Tim breaks down a heated confrontation at Target involving a political T-shirt, an elderly employee, and a customer determined to turn minimum-wage labor into rage-bait content. The fallout includes national media coverage, crowdfunding insanity, and Tim’s take on why harassing workers—no matter your politics—makes you an irredeemable asshole. From there, Tim provides a long-awaited update on the Henson household kitchen renovation, including countertop indecision, recycled glass debates, microplastic paranoia, and Lord Douche’s unparalleled ability to delay progress through obsessive online research. The chaos escalates into a gift-giving nightmare involving multiple iPad returns, buyer’s remorse, and full-blown analysis paralysis. The show then dives headfirst into bad comedy hell, featuring aspiring stand-ups workshopping incest jokes, Trump material, sports metaphors, and paper-shuffling eight-minute sets that die in real time. Tim dissects why these routines fail and why some people should never touch a microphone again. Later, Tim explores VR proximity chat chaos, highlighting verbal sparring, slur debates, monotone trolling tactics, and the strange authenticity of virtual bar fights. Is it comedy, harassment, or just content farming? Probably all three. In the news segment, Tim covers President Trump’s latest White House spectacle—installing grievance-filled plaques beneath portraits of former presidents—turning official displays into partisan roast material. The lack of dignity is noted. He also revisits the infamous Pennsylvania road-rage pooping incident, where the “Delco Pooper” avoids trial by entering a diversion program after defecating on another driver’s car in broad daylight. The episode wraps up with listener voicemails, name-stealing drama, podcast app confusion, philosophical questions about sex terminology, and Tim’s usual housekeeping reminders. Today’s 12 Deals of Distorted View: 🎁 20% off ALL pillows in the DV Store Use promo code SOFT at shop.distortedview.com Support the Show: • Become a Sideshow member • Sponsor an episode for $25 • Patreon access at patreon.com/distortedview Distorted View Daily is a long-running, award-winning comedy podcast featuring bizarre news, listener calls, and Tim Henson’s signature off-color commentary. Spread the distortion.

Dec 18

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45 min

DEC 16 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Acid Wash Dicks And Cunnilingus In The Winn Dixie Parking Lot - SIDESHOW

It’s another Sideshow-exclusive episode of Distorted View Daily, and things immediately spiral into listener feuds, public sex crimes, acid-related genital trauma, and the triumphant return of one of DV’s most confidently delusional legends. The episode kicks off with the beginning of what may become a full-blown listener sponsorship war. After a polarizing listener locks down a holiday episode sponsorship, rival freaks step in with higher bids to block him entirely—prompting Tim to consider weaponizing the situation into a full bidding war to fund his ongoing kitchen renovation. Team Unicorn Hamster vs. the Anti-Unicorn Hamster Brigade officially begins. A listener submission leads to a disturbing court document detailing graphic bestiality charges, which then dovetails into commentary on pro-bestiality musician Jonathan Nyhouse—this time with AI-assisted vocal isolation that removes the background music, making his dog-f*****g advocacy even harder to ignore. Next, longtime DV subject Rachel Gerster returns with fresh apartment drama. Rachel claims overhearing her neighbors having sex constitutes sexual abuse, despite her own ongoing issues involving indoor dog waste, bug infestations, and livestreamed moral superiority. Tim breaks down the absurdity of weaponizing victim language against normal apartment noise. There’s also an update on Baby Daddy Superstar, who announces a new relationship while openly expecting betrayal, infidelity, and eventual chaos—but still can’t resist the siren song of immediate impregnation. Personal growth… sort of. Then comes the long-awaited return of Raymond 14 (aka Raymond 20)—now styling himself as an “intellectual” tasked with saving civilization, while wearing jeweled old-lady glasses on a pearl chain. Raymond claims gang-stalking, calls his mother multiple times a day, and positions himself as humanity’s last hope. In F’d Up News, Florida once again earns its crown with a woman arrested for receiving public cunnilingus in a Winn-Dixie parking lot—with repeat offenses, spectators, and exposed g******s all around. Meanwhile, in the UK, a nurse is struck off after allegedly cleaning a paralyzed patient’s genitals with a substance described as burning “like acid.” Acid enemas, acid cock washing—acid is having a moment. The episode wraps with voicemails, including insults about Tim’s head shape (scientifically rebutted), questionable listener confessions, and a reminder to take advantage of current Distorted View store deals, including candle discounts and lifetime Sideshow upgrades. Dark, disgusting, and proudly inappropriate—this is Distorted View Sideshow doing exactly what it does best.

Dec 16

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48 min

DEC 11 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Keyboard Pubic Wig, Florida Hog Tartare & Alien Sex Experiments – SIDESHOW

On today’s show: Keyboard From Hell Tim finally pops the keycaps off his beloved mechanical keyboard and discovers a matted pelt of hair, skin flakes, beard dandruff, and years of filth fused into a disgusting “pubic wig.” Mechanical keyboard nostalgia: IBM Model M love letter, clicky keys, teen gooning, parents hearing the late-night typing of porn-addicted Timmy Boo. Listener Joe chimes in with a story about cocaine crumbs falling out of his nose into his keyboard and Tim wonders if “keyboard coke” ever gets re-snorted. Fake DID & The Playboy Bunny in Her Brain TikTok creator bragging about her “system” of alters, including multiple Jesuses, NPCs, a Playboy Bunny protector, a ruined inner mansion, and a “clown pit” in Headspace. Tim tears into online DID fakers who clearly don’t understand the disorder, treating it like fandom lore and loneliness cosplay instead of an actual mental illness. A second TikToker shows off their “alters with accents” – Ginger, Olga the “Russian spy,” a fairy, and Gristle – all sounding like the same bad voice acting. Public Freakouts: Trains, Cameras & Runaway Dogs Train seat meltdown: woman refuses to move her feet from a reserved seat, screams “assault” when the rightful passenger nudges her legs, and the entire train turns on her. First Amendment auditor films outside a church, only to be confronted by an old pastor-type who tries to grab his phone; the two end up shoving each other into the snow while trading insults and empty legal threats. “Bella! Grab her!”: a woman loses her dog in a busy city street, films the entire chase, berates strangers who won’t catch Bella, then still can’t grab the dog when it runs back to her. Tim questions her priorities and her dog-handling skills. Florida Man Eats Hog on a Palm Beach Sidewalk A raw-meat influencer allegedly brings a hog carcass to a Palm Beach sidewalk near the fancy clock tower and films himself slicing it open and biting into its neck. Panicked witness thinks he’s carving up a German shepherd and calls 911. Cops charge him with criminal mischief for creating a “biohazard” and making the city pay to wash down the bloody sidewalk. His NSFW Instagram “rawwildexperiment” only has a few thousand followers despite all the roadkill feasts and raw animal content, prompting Tim to rant about how hard it is to get clout now. Soft White Underbelly: Alien Sex Experiments Tim recaps a new Soft White Underbelly interview with Julius Shields, who claims glowing orbs, paralyzing visitors, and tentacled aliens sexually experimented on him as a teen. Julius believes they harvested his DNA, caused weeks of “wet dreams with no sperm,” and may have spawned hybrid alien offspring somewhere in the universe. His uncle conveniently reports similar anime-girl sex dreams at the same time. Tim is… skeptical. Freak Family, Voicemails & Kitchen Dread Voicemails about Mead Skelton’s music streams, Unicorn Hamster’s sick-day rambling, and listeners weighing in on Tim and Lord Douche’s cursed kitchen remodel. Tim worries about his daily hard-boiled egg habit and the inevitable cholesterol lecture. Today’s 12 Deals of Distorted View Daily Deal: $5 off Distorted View tote bags at the DV store. How: Add any DV tote bag to your cart at shop.distortedview.com and use promo code STUFF (S-T-U-F-F). When: Today only for Sideshow members. All this plus Tim’s ongoing war with fake disorders, old-school keyboard nostalgia, and the eternal question: is eating hog carcasses on a sidewalk really worth 3,000 Instagram followers?

Dec 11

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51 min

DEC 9 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Your Ass Still Stinks, Bro: Live From The Hygiene Town Hall - SIDESHOW

On today’s Sideshow-exclusive episode, Tim dives headfirst into hygiene hell, alien organ-harvesting conspiracies, whisper-sung cover songs, and a racist Cinnabon meltdown that somehow turned into a six-figure payday. The show kicks off in the darkest corner of Reddit’s Hygiene subreddit, where a 21-year-old man seeks help for chronic ass and foot stench. Despite claiming “tip-top hygiene,” the comments quickly spiral into fat-shaming, racism, bad medical advice, and the timeless Reddit classic: “ha ha, stinky.” Tim breaks down the absolute insanity of crowdsourcing personal health issues online and why anonymity guarantees brutality. From there, we flash back to the pre-Reddit era of trolling with 1990s public-access prank calls, featuring motorcycle shows hijacked by callers obsessed with masturbation, testicle vibration, and shoving handlebars where they absolutely do not belong. Next up: a classic Alexis K. Tyler update, starting with a Campbell’s Soup executive controversy and accelerating straight into an extraterrestrial conspiracy involving elite families, genies, freezer farms of Black body parts, stolen organs, melanin harvesting, and aliens who apparently want the human pineal gland. Somehow HIV, CIA agents, crack whores, and undercover basketball players are also involved. As always, Alexis delivers chaos in its purest DV-approved form. We then induct a new member into the Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: a soft-spoken man whisper-singing classic hits like Eye of the Tiger and Forever Young at what can only be described as “library volume.” Tim marvels at yet another performer who appears to have never heard the original versions of the songs they’re covering. In the news, Tim covers a viral Cinnabon incident in Wisconsin where a white employee repeatedly used racial slurs against a Black Somali Muslim couple—on camera—after a dispute over a cinnamon roll. She was immediately fired, condemned by Cinnabon corporate… and rewarded by conservative crowdfunding to the tune of over $100,000, while the victims’ fundraiser barely clears a few grand. The comments on the fundraiser reveal just how far gone some people truly are. Also in distorted tech news: “humanoid robots” unveiled at an Iranian tech expo are exposed as literal humans in bodysuits covered in binary code. Tim compares the stunt to Tesla’s infamous fake robot demos and discusses why most “AI robots” still secretly require human operators watching your house through cameras. The episode wraps with voicemails, including Unicorn Hamster proudly completing the sacred trilogy of dick pic + butthole shot, gay hookup app adventures, listener praise, autism tests for Lord Douche, and the usual DV-style chaos. Support the show: • Sideshow memberships & lifetime upgrades • Patreon access & voicemail priority • Sponsor an episode • Today’s deal: Promo code BUTT — $5 off the ARG Jolly Pirate Fleece Hoodie at shop.distortedview.com Spread the distortion. STD. 💥

Dec 9

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48 min

DEC 4 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Time To Re-Apply Your Vaginal Lipstick - SIDESHOW

On Today's Show: 00:00:00 Introduction 04:15:14 New Songs On Spotify / New Merchandise! 07:46:17 Vaginal Lipstick Is A Thing 12:05:13 A Linda Finkle Hall Of Fame Nominee Takes On AC/DC 16:04:16 Meade Deletes Stream After Nazi Salute(s) 18:26:07 When You Are Enjoying A Threesome WIth Your Bro TOO Much 25:11:10 Elon Musk Animatronic Dog S***s Out NFT Photos 29:51:18 Drunk Raccoon Goes HAM In A Liquor Store 33:56:04 Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending

Dec 4

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41 min

DEC 2 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

True Crime: Baby-Talking Murderer Exposed in Court Audio - SIDESHOW

On Today’s Show: The Bisque Sink Butterbell: Tim’s “forced” kitchen reno continues as Lord Douche turns a simple sink purchase into a weeks-long nightmare. Composite vs. stainless, bisque vs. biscuit, overmount vs. undermount, 50/50 vs. 70/30 splits, “workspace” sinks you’ll never use, and why Tim is destined to buy and return five different basins. Pastor Manning’s Mayoral Meltdown: Pastor Manning spectacularly fails in his New York City mayoral bid and decides the real winner is…the “LGBTQ tranny party.” He blames bisexuals, trannies, gays, queers, and basically everyone who didn’t vote for him, declares most of NYC sexually degenerate, and fantasizes about setting queers on fire. Tim imagines the “Mohammed boys” vs. the “Dreidel Kings” as rival gangs and suggests Manning thinks half of New York is gay just to explain his own epic flop. Nick Fuentes: Tranny-Adjacent Incel Logic: A side rant about Nick Fuentes insisting it’s gay to date women, his hatred of women talking, and why Tim thinks Nick might actually thrive with a “woman with a c**k.” Tim considers putting on a dress and letting Nick blow him “just once.” Murderer Baby-Talk Hell Calls: The case of Thomas “Din” Bowman, convicted of a thrill kill, whose prison phone calls with wife Jennifer are the cringiest thing Tim’s ever played. “Bunny bunny,” “snuggle cakes,” “bunsy-wunsy,” kissy noises, and baby talk so nauseating it should’ve guaranteed a guilty verdict all by itself. Chris Hansen Still Serving Justice: A new predator sting from True Blue: a 39-year-old married “drummer” who insists he’s just looking for “a friend” while trying to bareback a 15-year-old sex worker. Endless “is this a trap?” hedging Asking for nudes while pretending to be cautious Demanding assurances she’s “not law enforcement” Chris reading back lines like “sloppy toppy,” “cum-filled,” and “bareback” while the guy plays dumb and claims it was “for his wife.” Tim delights in uncensored Chris Hansen saying filthy phrases with full Dateline gravitas. Weaponized Urination: The French HR Creep: A senior French culture ministry official allegedly drugs over 200 women with a strong diuretic during job interviews, then forces desperate, humiliating “walks” far from bathrooms. Secret “Experiments” spreadsheet, photos of legs, women pissing themselves near tunnels and in cafés, and years of trauma so this guy can get off on other people’s bladder failure. OnlyFans Pee Goblin “Kinky Kelly”: New Hampshire content creator “Kinky Kelly” (RIP OnlyFans account) admits to a multi-year piss spree: Urinating on bulk foods at a co-op (including raw walnuts and organic quinoa) Peeing on hotel blankets, curtains, A/C units, and dropping an upper decker in a toilet tank Spraying a Bible for good measure She gets six months in jail, restitution bills, a ban from the businesses, and a mandatory relationship with a therapist. Voicemails from the Freaks: Listener sends an AI-ish gif of a dog blowing a dude and wonders if the 4 Hairy C**t line takes gifs (yes… and Tim’s already received jerk-off videos and butthole pics). A nun pregnancy joke courtesy of altar boy fart science. Clarifying that the Tourette’s girl from “Teenage Tourette’s Camp” was shrieking “BAGS!” not “fags,” making it somehow even funnier. A very drunk listener professes loyalty to Tim, trashes unicorn hamsters, and talks about discovering DV via Brad Carter / Phone Losers of America. Plus: sponsor-an-episode plugs, Patreon and lifetime upgrade shilling, and Tim once again reminding you that supporting DV is way less humiliating than peeing yourself in a French job interview.

Dec 2

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51 min

12/21/2012 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Butt Fudge Subndae: ACOCKALYPSE!!! - Series Finale

Today is 12/21/12 and the End is Here. Forget the Zombie Apocalypse and the Mayans! Corey Sundae presents a very special "End of the World" episode. A mad scientist creates an erection pill, so potent that his penis transforms into a colossal killing machine. It wreaks havoc, while reaking ball sweat all over the city! Will the future of mankind be doomed? Can the beast be destroyed without killing civillians? Could the penis pills get into the wrong hands? Will someone do something do something about the ball stench?

12/21/2012

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33 min

SEP 30 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Kissing My Butt Hairs Will Cost You Extra - SIDESHOW

On Today's Show: 🎙 Cold Open: CB Walker’s Psychic Energy Chaos CB gets accused of spreading chlamydia. A caller runs down a list of insults (“stupid, ugly, I can smell your p***y”) while CB calmly transcribes it like a roast stenographer. Pure unhinged energy to set the tone. 👨🏻‍🦲 Alex “Adolf” Jones and His Hitler Stash Jones debuts a Hitler mustache and immediately spins it into a persecution narrative. Claims women were “melting” over him like he’s some Nazi sex symbol. Admits his cat Mushu “accidentally” gave him the mustache, but decides to keep it anyway. Friends warn him he looks like a pedophile, so naturally he embraces the Hitler angle. Bonus content: ranting about African overpopulation and vaccines, proving the look really matches the rhetoric. 💋 Sagittarius Shouty Hooker Diaries (Part 4,982) Shouty reviews a night of questionable clients: Client #1: obsessed with DMX, wants to cuddle and show her dog pics. Tiny dick. Regular: butt-hair kisser is back for another smooch session. Client #3 (15-minute service): waddles in stinking like “rotten beef patties,” pees with the bathroom door open, and asks for two shots in 15 minutes. Also fat-shamed for “big yitties.” Tim notes Shouty refuses nearly every service, making her the world’s most begrudging sex worker. 🏈 Are You Ready for Some Football? (No, She Isn’t) A bizarre new Sunday Night Football anthem, sung by someone half-asleep. Instead of hype, it’s Xanax-laced mumbling about Dak Prescott and Tostitos. Officially inducted into the Linda Finkel Hall of Fame. 🌭 Splinter Dogs: The Corn Dog Recall 50 million pounds of Jimmy Dean and State Fair meat-on-a-stick products recalled. Not for salmonella or listeria—wood splinters embedded in the food. Pancakes wrapped around sausages, blueberry pancake sticks, and more are on the danger list. Five reported injuries; Tim imagines throats shredded by cheap wood chips. 🦬 QAnon Shaman for President (and $40 Trillion) Jacob Chansley (aka QAnon Shaman) sues Trump, the Federal Reserve, Warner Brothers, DARPA, T-Mobile, Israel, and Michelle Rodriguez (?) for $40 trillion. Claims Warner Brothers stole The Dark Knight from his writings. Declares himself the rightful U.S. President and cites “celebrity crush catfishing” by the NSA. Negotiating tactic: sue for a gazillion and settle for less. 📞 Voicemail Freak-Outs Listener birthday shout-out (Happy Birthday, David Mintz!). More love for Beef Bone Mania and “schwee schwa.” A breakdown of the difference between hotwifing and cuckolding.

Sep 30

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43 min

NOV 20 • SUBSCRIBERS ONLY

Epstein’s Egg Dick: A Lemon Shaped Pedo Penis - SIDESHOW

Today on the show: A Nazi YouTuber gets evicted mid-stream, Mead’s “miracle weight loss” hits a snag, Jeffrey Epstein’s penis is described as “lemon-shaped,” and a drummer from The New Pornographers becomes a new kind of pornographer. Plus: racists at the Holiday Inn, Instacart meltdowns, and a man who won’t stop yelling “suck my dick!” at cops. On the Show Today: • The Nazi Streamer Who Got Grounded Riz Society—a 22-year-old unemployed racist streaming from his childhood bedroom—gets kicked out by his fed-up parents. Mom’s crying, dad’s screaming, doors are slamming, and the future Führer flees the house while whining about “preserving his people.” DV breaks down the delicious family drama. • Mead Watch 2025: The Illness Era Winds Down Mead’s weight loss streak halts as he gains a pound. With Thanksgiving approaching (and Mead unable to resist pie, desserts, or Trump), Tim predicts the imminent return of “Fat Mead Winter.” Also: demons, money troubles, mental spirals, and the looming disaster when his 100-year-old father dies. • Customer Service Apocalypse at Holiday Inn A front-desk worker tells guests to “shut up bitch,” “go back to Mexico,” and “I’m not checking your fat ass in.” It does not go well. • “Suck My Dick!” — A Sidewalk Confrontation A man harasses cops from across the street, shouting the same phrase 400 times. DV investigates this noble American hero. • Karen vs. Instacart A customer refuses to show ID for her alcohol order, calls the police, then begs the driver to complete the order only after cops arrive. Instacart says nope—everything gets refunded, everything goes back. Cue tears. • News: Epstein’s Lemon-Dong & a Pornographer Arrested New allegations detail Jeffrey Epstein’s “extremely deformed,” egg/lemon-shaped micro-penis—about two inches erect. Meanwhile, the drummer of The New Pornographers is arrested for secretly filming boys in a fast-food bathroom. The band dumps him but keeps the name. • Voicemails & Texts From the Freaks Taco Bell vomit stories, RFK Jr. calls in, Mead sex-pools, AI Mead pictures, and more listener insanity.

Nov 20

•

39 min

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Grandpa’s Volcano Dick + The 14-Inch Ass Disaster - SIDESHOW

Road Rage Diarrhea Justice - SIDESHOW

Acid Wash Dicks And Cunnilingus In The Winn Dixie Parking Lot - SIDESHOW

Keyboard Pubic Wig, Florida Hog Tartare & Alien Sex Experiments – SIDESHOW

Your Ass Still Stinks, Bro: Live From The Hygiene Town Hall - SIDESHOW

Time To Re-Apply Your Vaginal Lipstick - SIDESHOW

True Crime: Baby-Talking Murderer Exposed in Court Audio - SIDESHOW

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Kissing My Butt Hairs Will Cost You Extra - SIDESHOW

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