100 episodes

Radically empathic advice

Dear Sugars The New York Times

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.5, 4.5K Ratings

Radically empathic advice

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4.5 out of 5
4.5K Ratings

4.5K Ratings

thankfully bonnie ,

Loving your abuser

My heart goes out to that young woman because I was once in her shoes and it's not easy but I have something to share that might help her. I too left my ex three times the third being the final. He offered to get martial therapy the first time which meant to him it was my fault too. The second he went to specific abusive counseling and again I was in therapy but this time we were not together. I was learning why I picked him he was resolving the issues that caused him to become violent physically. emotionally, and verbally. In those sessions the counselor suggested prozac for him. It worked. it wasn't perfect but it was a workable relationship and we had many good days. Then he decided that he didn't want to take the medication. Without him telling me, I saw the change in his behavior. I told him and he got back on it. He did that again and I ended the relationship. I loved him when I walked away. I loved him for many years after, but I was broken. All the love in the world could not remove the pain I was living with as a former abusive partner. After 20 years being gone, I still have nightmares regading the abuse.

I do not love him anymore because he is not even alive to me but the nightmares still come. I am still getting therapy, probably for the rest of my life to cope with my PTSD.

The thing is, I could forgive but I could never trust him. Becuase in my dreams he's always sorry and I've gone back to him knowing it will happen again. Though it's a dream it is my inner self telling me that you have to be able to trust him and he cannot be trusted. Maybe he found someone else and I hope for his sake he is happy or sought help but regardless if he changed I could never be faithful to myself and trust him. He destroyed trust and trust is vital to a relationship.

Those dangerous secrets to protect their crime is a bottomless pit. I hope you move on and learn from your experience and share as I have because you are your only protection.

Bonnie J. Smith

jomopembo ,

“If you ‘re heart broken you are doing it right”

Somehow I subscribed to this podcast, several weeks ago, and finally dove into it.
I really appreciate the hosts diving into these meaningful topics frankly and compassionately. Carry on.

Sassyfreckle ,


These people who are giving advice are clueless. Perhaps they should consult a therapist before dispensing advice.

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