Infinite Devotion

Andrew & Dawn - infinitedevotion.com

Most long-term relationships end up in the same place. Two good people who love each other, living like roommates, wondering where the fire went and whether it's ever coming back. Andrew and Dawn refused to accept that this was just what love becomes. Infinite Devotion is the podcast for people who want both. Deep intimacy and intense desire, with the same person, for a lifetime, in a way that gets better instead of fading. Not as a fantasy, but as something that is actually possible, and actually lived. Andrew draws from more than fifteen years of marriage to Dawn, years that started out intense and spicy, went all the way down into a dead bedroom and codependent silence, and all the way back to something even better. This is everything they walked through together to come out the other side into something neither of them knew was available. The lessons learned in that process have nothing to do with techniques or strategies. They have everything to do with who you actually are underneath all of the performing, what masculine and feminine energy actually are and why they matter, and what becomes possible when two people stop hiding and start showing up as themselves. Dawn joins the conversation when she has something to say. Between the two of them, you get both sides of what this actually looks like from the inside of a conscious, fully alive marriage. Each episode goes deep into the real causes of why love loses its heat, what it takes to bring it back, and what a relationship built on genuine polarity, embodiment, and devotion can become over a lifetime. This is not relationship advice. This is what happens when two people refuse to settle.

  1. 14h ago

    Marriage in 320 Square Feet | Infinite Devotion Episode 154

    Dawn and I have lived full-time in our RV for almost two years. We live together, work together, travel together, and do all of it in a house with four rooms, thin walls, and a garden hose for plumbing. When a man heard about this recently, he looked at me and said, "You must be really good people."   We like each other, which helps. Mostly, we've gotten good at navigating discomfort. In this episode Dawn and I talk about what close quarters actually do to a marriage: the space you can't get from each other, the noise you can't control, and what this life has taught both of us about meeting our own needs without making the other person the problem. Then we stick around for a game of "who's more likely to," which gets a little spicy.   In this episode we get into: Dawn crying through a wave of grief five feet from me making breakfast, and why she didn't ask me to stop Why the biggest challenge of a small space is emotional room, more than physical room What happens to a marriage when the eight hours apart disappear The weekenders, a 10 PM golf cart parade, and recording content with a remote control car outside the bedroom wall Three nights of storms, a 300-mile tow, and the dent in the truck that reminds me not to drive exhausted Hard water, Dawn's hair, and the real logistics of plumbing a house with a garden hose The laundromat saga in Michigan's Upper Peninsula Enforced minimalism, and why we still dress up in a campground Dawn's one-word answer when strangers ask what we do for work Who's more likely to: forget things, wake the other up, get sappy, speed, laugh at a funeral, and forget how thin the walls are The recipe app Dawn and I built together The Infinite Devotion book launches November 10   CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS  00:00 Marriage in 320 square feet 04:00 Why this episode, and the game coming at the end 05:14 The biggest challenge: room for your own energy and emotions 08:13 Four rooms, one small house 09:54 The outdoors as living space 12:18 Sickness, flexibility, and being together almost constantly 14:13 Thin walls, the weekenders, and a golf cart parade 18:04 Storms, earplugs, and the dent in the truck 21:30 Thin walls and recording content 23:08 A tiny bathroom, and a month in a real house 24:38 Hard water, softeners, shower filters, and reverse osmosis 28:32 Laundry on the road 30:14 Surprising each other in a small space 31:43 Enforced minimalism and the wardrobe question 33:43 Dressing up in a campground 36:08 "So what do you do for work?" 38:28 The "who's more likely to" game 40:32 Packing, campsite frustrations, and middle-of-the-night wake-ups 44:54 Forgetfulness, letting go, and fist bumps 47:20 Sappy moments, misremembering, and laughing at the wrong time 48:02 The spicier round 51:05 Video ideas, speeding tickets, and who's the better cook 54:57 Dawn's cookbook app 57:46 The book launches November 10   Mentioned in this episode The Infinite Devotion book, out November 10. Get notified: https://infinitedevotion.com/book Our RV: Brinkley Z 3515 Hears sleep earplugs (not an affiliate) Dawn of Desire: https://dawnofdesire.com   Prefer to read? The companion essay: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/marriage-in-320-square-feet   Listen to the full episode Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w YouTube: https://youtu.be/UPqBz9WA2fw   More from Infinite Devotion Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion   Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store

  2. Oct 12

    Why She Doesn’t Feel Safe With You (Even Though You’d Never Hurt Her) | Infinite Devotion Episode 153

    Why She Doesn’t Feel Safe With You (Even Though You’d Never Hurt Her) | Infinite Devotion Episode 153   Ask most men if their woman feels safe with them and the answer comes fast: of course she does, I’d never hurt her. That’s the floor.   Underneath it is a layer of safety almost no man accounts for, and it decides whether she ever truly lets go in his presence: whether she can tell him the truth.   People will lie to you unless they feel safe enough not to. In this episode I get into why hiding is the human default, why comfort and safety are two different things, and why the only man a woman can fully trust is one who tells her the truth when it costs him something.   In this episode we get into: Martha Beck’s year without a single lie, and why losing her marriage, career, and home felt like “safety, safety, safety” Why everyone you love has edited themselves for you, probably today The layer of fear most women carry that most men never see Comfort as the absence of friction, and safety as knowing where you stand The arm test from Diary of a CEO, and how Dawn and I use it to find what’s true in our bodies Why keeping the peace makes you untrustworthy, and why she can feel it even when she can’t name it Leading by going first, and the one sentence that makes saying a hard thing possible What it cost me to admit why I really started my old business Why the man who can’t say the hard thing usually can’t hear it either How the truth brings back the fire you had at the beginning Where to start: a journal, a friend, and one thing you’ve been afraid to say   Mentioned in this episode Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity: https://marthabeck.com/the-way-of-integrity/ Last week’s episode with GS Youngblood: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/powerful-at-work-powerless-at-home-how-to-lead-a-strong-woman   Listen to the full episode Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion   More from Infinite Devotion Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store       CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:   00:00 What Safety Really Means 01:19 Truth Requires Safety 02:58 Martha Beck Truth Year 06:26 Women and Deeper Fear 07:40 Body Knows the Truth 09:22 Truth Changes Your Life 11:41 Comfort Versus Safety 16:41 Lead With Hard Truths 20:12 Receive Her Truth Too 23:19 Reviving Long Relationships 24:45 Let Truth Wash Away 27:34 Practices to Tell Truth 30:38 Final Challenge and Wrap

  3. Oct 5

    Powerful at Work, Powerless at Home: Leading a Strong Woman with GS Youngblood | Infinite Devotion Episode 152

    Powerful at Work, Powerless at Home: Leading a Strong Woman with GS Youngblood | Infinite Devotion Episode 152   I haven't had a guest on this show in over a year. I decided I'd only bring someone on if I really wanted to talk to them, and it took a year to find that person. GS Youngblood is the author whose books I've bought and given away more than anyone else's, and when he talks to men about relationships, you can hear that he has lived every word.   GS spent seventeen years in the tech industry before a divorce left him feeling like a failure and sent him looking for a better way. Twenty years of study, and a thirteen-year relationship with a woman who carries both a strong feminine and a strong masculine, became the laboratory for his Masculine Blueprint: three elements that, embodied daily, put a man back in his masculine core and let his woman feel safe enough to open.   In this episode we get into: Why so many men run teams at work and fold the moment their woman gets upset Respond versus react, and why good intentions vanish the second the fight starts The little boy trying to get out of trouble, and where that "oh shit" feeling really comes from "I may or may not be the problem, but I am the solution," and how to take full responsibility without drowning in blame The trifecta of embodiment practice, therapy, and coaching How to feel deeply without becoming the "emotional flow boy," and what it means to hold your emotions and share them judiciously Logistical, emotional, and sexual leadership, and why all of it starts with inner clarity What to do when she asks you to lead and then shoots down every attempt The sentence his ex-wife said that took him years to fully understand: "I can do all this stuff. I just don't want to have to." Strong spine, big heart Holding her fire, setting a boundary without leaving connection, and the line between a hard truth and actual abuse Why everything she feels is accurate to something, even when it doesn't match the facts The fear most women carry that most men never account for   Connect with GS Youngblood Website: https://gsyoungblood.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/gsyoungbloodmir Books (on Amazon): The Masculine in Relationship and The Art of Embodiment for Men    More from Infinite Devotion Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store       CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:   00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 00:48 Why His Work Resonates 02:38 The Leadership Challenge 04:42 Origin of the Blueprint 08:04 Doing vs Embodying 11:19 Three Blueprint Elements 11:44 Respond Versus React 17:18 Nervous System Over Mindset 18:36 Responsibility Without Blame 23:43 Deescalating Conflict Fast 27:16 Feeling Emotions Like a Man 31:29 Flow Boy vs Containment 34:02 Provide Structure Leadership 35:15 Inner Clarity to Lead 37:11 Logistical Emotional Sexual Leadership 38:53 Why Leading Gets Rejected 39:30 Build Conviction and Start Small 42:24 Finding Inner Clarity 45:49 Work Mode vs Relationship Mode 53:12 Safety and Emotional Containment 56:49 Boundaries and Abuse Labels 01:05:59 Fear Empathy and Truth

  4. Sep 28

    Why I'm Not Threatened When Other Men Want My Wife | Infinite Devotion Episode 151

    Dawn sat down with a list of questions and didn't tell me what was on it. We were both in tears within the first five minutes.   A few weeks ago I posted, "I don't want you to be mine. I want you to be free and choose to stay." On Facebook it reached over a million people, and plenty of them were angry. One said that giving a partner that much freedom will turn even the best person into a bully. Another asked if it meant Dawn was done surrendering. This episode answers both. It's also the first time I've told the story of what happened on a beach in Los Angeles seven months ago, when I asked Dawn to stand up.   We also get into why most men's ideas about leading are really about getting, what faith becomes once it stops being a way to avoid questions, and why male, man, and masculine mean three different things.   In this episode:  What we each love about ourselves and each other (it got emotional fast) The beach in LA, and why I asked Dawn to stand before offering her a new symbol of her surrender Dawn on finding her own wholeness and choosing to follow from there instead of from self-abandonment Why freedom doesn't turn your partner into a bully, and why I don't set boundaries on what Dawn can do Two sentences that make everything make sense: there are no contradictions, and check your premises Why your body sometimes has to learn to trust you again before you can fully trust it Walking out of Catholic education at 13, and what faith means to us now Male, man, and masculine, and what actually makes a male become a man Do I get a b*****b every day? (No. And the men who want one are giving themselves away.) Why other men seeing and wanting Dawn doesn't threaten me Marriage as a choice you make every single day The teachers who've shaped me most, and the one I've learned the most from by far     The book: Infinite Devotion comes out November 10. Join the email list at https://infinitedevotion.com to get notified when it's available!       More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store

  5. Sep 21

    Why I No Longer Have a Love Language (It Was Lying to Me) | Infinite Devotion Episode 150

    Everyone knows their love language. Couples quiz each other on it, therapists assign the book as homework, and it gets treated as the starting point of relational wisdom. In this episode I take the framework apart. Your love language is real, and it is telling you something true. It is a precise map of where your emptiness lives: the exact spot where your okayness depends on your partner's behavior.   I share my own story with words of affirmation, how the neediness underneath it played out with Dawn for years, and what finally filled the void that no amount of her words ever could. In this episode:   What Gary Chapman actually got right, and where the prescription built on top of it goes wrong What each of the five love languages confesses about where your self-abandonment lives Where the emptiness comes from, and why your partner can never fill it Three tests you can run tonight: joy or relief, what happens if they stop, and who you were really excited for when you found the quiz How my collapse into neediness pressed on Dawn's oldest wounds Why love from outside only ever lands on the performance Inner child work: the only substance shaped like the hole What love languages become when neither person needs anything   Read the full companion post on the blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog/why-i-no-longer-have-a-love-language-it-was-lying-to-me   Have a question about this episode? Send it through the contact page at infinitedevotion.com and I will answer it on a future Q&A. Questions for Dawn are welcome too; she will take them on in a future Ask Dawn Anything.   If this episode was valuable to you, a five star review takes fifteen seconds and helps us reach more people. It is the only thing I will ever ask of you.     More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store   CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:   00:00 Love Languages Hype 01:35 Framework vs Prescription 03:51 Love Language as Emptiness Map 07:21 Where Emptiness Comes From 16:02 Why It Turns Transactional 22:33 Relief or Joy Tests 24:30 Andrew and Dawn Story 33:06 Filling the Void Within 38:32 Love Without Strings 41:15 Use Love Language as Diagnosis 43:51 Closing and Next Steps

  6. Sep 14

    How To Be Untriggerable | Infinite Devotion Episode 149

    How to Be Untriggerable | Infinite Devotion Episode 149   In this week’s episode Dawn and I dig into a word I've used for years, one that keeps coming back to me from listeners, especially men: untriggerable.   This episode is about what that word actually means to us, why most people go about it the wrong way, and what it's really taken for us to get to the other side of the things that used to set us off.   In This Episode Why the word "untriggerable" resonates with so many people, and why nobody wants to feel triggered in the first place Why we can't discipline our way into being untriggerable, and why effort and force actually work against us The real definition: being untriggerable means encountering the thing that used to upset us and having it not upset us anymore, not forcing ourselves to not react Why we have to let ourselves get triggered, fully and repeatedly, instead of trying to shut the reaction down The four survival responses, fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and how each one has shown up differently for each of us Why the fawn response is likely the most common one in men, and how it shows up as the "nice guy" pattern Why being untriggerable is never about the moment we're in, it's about what happens next time How resisting a trigger keeps it alive, and why trying to talk ourselves out of a feeling is the same suppression that created the pattern to begin with Gabor Maté's idea that trauma is self-inflicted, meaning the event is one thing and the ongoing suffering we build on top of it is another How single-sentence beliefs get written in childhood, before language even exists, and how life keeps handing us "evidence" for them Why it can take until your late 30s or 40s for these patterns to run out of road The different way triggers show up for men and women: women often protect the physical body, men often protect the heart, and why understanding that difference matters more than fully relating to it Why "your triggers are gifts" is true even though it hasn't felt that way to us in the moment Why this whole process isn't something we can do perfectionistically, and what it's actually felt like as it's started to change for us   Quotes Worth Sitting With "You can't discipline yourself out of a reaction." "Being untriggerable isn't about this time. Think about next time." "Every attempt to talk yourself out of feeling what you're already feeling is the whole process just keeping itself alive." "The trauma is all based in the reaction that we have to it, and the meanings that we make out of it."

  7. Sep 7

    The Kid Nobody Picked: An Open Q&A With My Men's Group | Infinite Devotion Episode 148

    The Kid Nobody Picked: An Open Q&A With My Men's Group | Infinite Devotion Episode 148   Every Wednesday morning I get on a call with the men inside Becoming a Dominant Man and answer their questions. This time I flipped it and told them to ask me anything.   They did. What came back was a mix of the light and the heavy, which is how life actually goes. My bike. My sex toys, or lack thereof. What it actually takes to prepare for a nomadic life. How you get a dog to the vet without an address. And the friend who died at 38 a few days before this call, and what that did to my thinking about power exchange, plans, and time.   The heaviest question was the one about what makes me different as a dominant man. The answer is nothing, except that I've been willing to sit down with the seven year old who got picked on all day and let him say what he never got to say. Including the part where I admitted, out loud, that I still half believe nobody likes me.   In this episode: The bike I ride and why drop bars saved my shoulders Best and worst part of RV life (same answer for both) Whether constant novelty kills novelty My two biggest challenges building a 24/7 power exchange, and why life never gets in the way of it Ten years of preparation, six months of purging, and the storage unit I now regret Why community on the road is still the problem I haven't solved Escapees mail service, Banfield, Discount Tire, and the unglamorous logistics of no fixed address Abundance as acceptance, Carl Jung, and the two year old running most men's lives Why a sailboat would be a hundred times harder than an RV The only honest answer to "where's your favorite place you've been"   More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store

  8. Aug 31

    Ask Dawn Anything: Your Fear Is What Drives Away What You Want | Infinite Devotion Episode 147

    We haven't done one of these in a long time, so we sat down by the fire and answered your questions. Yours, all 6,500 plus of you who follow along on email and social, and Dawn's own following too. This week is every safe for work question you sent in. The sexual ones, the kinky ones, those are coming soon to the paid platforms.   In this episode Dawn gets into: How she handles getting emotionally dysregulated without asking me to fix her, and why "help me" used to be a crutch Practicing trust and surrender when the future of your marriage feels genuinely uncertain The fear of losing this connection, and why what you're actually afraid of is never what you think it is Why "life gets in the way" is the wrong frame entirely, and what to do instead Her advice for a younger dom sub couple trying to build something that lasts How she handles public opinion, criticism, and being recognized in public Her favorite version of me that almost nobody else ever gets to see What she's had to unlearn about sex, marriage, and monogamy What she thinks couples misunderstand most about staying alive to each other over the long haul Our actual morning and evening routines, no filter How I show up for her when she's sick What to do when your partner's preferences don't match your needs, and how to tell the difference between a hard no and a freeze response The words that actually comfort her when she's struggling, and why there's no perfect sentence a man can say How she handles it when she feels like I'm dropping the ball, and why that question itself was worth taking apart And the one we get asked every single time we do one of these: when exactly did she fall from heaven   All the NSFW questions, the sexual ones, the dirty ones, the kinky ones, will be coming in the weeks ahead on Dawn's OnlyFans and inside the Infinite Devotion Community. Keep an eye out.   Dawn's OnlyFans: https://dawnofdesire.net Infinite Devotion Community: https://community.infinitedevotion.com   Listen to the full episode: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/infinite-devotion/id1703653891 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3NOiUF8kMERd52klxIrr1w YouTube: https://youtube.com/@infinitedevotion   More from Infinite Devotion: Blog: https://infinitedevotion.com/blog Free resources: https://infinitedevotion.com/free-resources Instagram: https://instagram.com/_infinitedevotion Want to go deeper? All our courses and coaching: https://infinitedevotion.com/store   CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS:   00:00 Fireside Chat Setup 02:09 Ask Dawn Anything Begins 03:08 Self Regulation and Support 06:47 Surrender in Crisis 09:57 Keeping the Dynamic Alive 15:02 Fear of Losing Connection 16:44 Advice for Engaged Couples 19:25 Handling Public Image 22:33 Containment and Desire 28:04 Favorite Side of Andrew 29:51 Unlearning Marriage Myths 31:31 Desire Keeps Love Alive 33:23 Fantasy Versus Real Kinks 33:54 Learning Self Love 36:11 Morning Night Rituals 38:33 Care When Sick 39:53 Needs Wants And No 43:54 Support Without Fixing 49:24 Sub Dom Control Trap 54:52 Closing And Heaven Joke

4.7
out of 5
70 Ratings

About

Most long-term relationships end up in the same place. Two good people who love each other, living like roommates, wondering where the fire went and whether it's ever coming back. Andrew and Dawn refused to accept that this was just what love becomes. Infinite Devotion is the podcast for people who want both. Deep intimacy and intense desire, with the same person, for a lifetime, in a way that gets better instead of fading. Not as a fantasy, but as something that is actually possible, and actually lived. Andrew draws from more than fifteen years of marriage to Dawn, years that started out intense and spicy, went all the way down into a dead bedroom and codependent silence, and all the way back to something even better. This is everything they walked through together to come out the other side into something neither of them knew was available. The lessons learned in that process have nothing to do with techniques or strategies. They have everything to do with who you actually are underneath all of the performing, what masculine and feminine energy actually are and why they matter, and what becomes possible when two people stop hiding and start showing up as themselves. Dawn joins the conversation when she has something to say. Between the two of them, you get both sides of what this actually looks like from the inside of a conscious, fully alive marriage. Each episode goes deep into the real causes of why love loses its heat, what it takes to bring it back, and what a relationship built on genuine polarity, embodiment, and devotion can become over a lifetime. This is not relationship advice. This is what happens when two people refuse to settle.

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