Love Shack Live: Helping Couples Rescue Their Relationships

Staci Bartley, Relationship Expert
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Relationships are complex. They are filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And sometimes, it can feel like you're struggling just to keep your head above water. If you're feeling like this, then it's important to reach out for help. That's where Tom and Staci Bartley come in. As relationship experts, they have helped countless couples overcome the challenges that they're facing. And now, they're here to help you. The Love Shack Live Show is filled with advice and tips that will help you get your relationship back on track. So if you're struggling in your relationship, make sure to tune in, it could be the best decision you ever make.

  1. 2d ago

    #285: How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Fighting For?

    Ask Us A Question One night, you’re absolutely done. You’ve had the entire conversation in your head. You know what you’re going to say in the morning. You may even feel strangely calm because, finally, you’ve made a decision. Then morning comes. They hand you your coffee without being asked. They do something small that reminds you of who they used to be. Maybe you laugh together for the first time in weeks. And suddenly… Maybe I’m overreacting.Maybe it’s not as bad as I think.Maybe we could actually fix this.Welcome to the Land of Maybe. It’s the place between staying and leaving where the evidence seems to change every day. One terrible night convinces you it’s over. One good morning makes you question everything. And people can live here for years. So how do you know when what you’re experiencing is something worth fighting through… and when you’re holding onto something that simply isn’t working anymore? That’s the conversation we’re having in this episode. We’re sharing stories from couples who came frighteningly close to ending their relationships, including one who had already filed for divorce, and what became visible once they stopped trying to answer the stay-or-go question first. We’re also talking about some of the things that make the Land of Maybe so difficult to escape. The fear that too much has happened. The things other people are telling you about your relationship. The question of whether you’ll ever be able to let go of what happened. And the resistance that can keep you stuck even when part of you desperately wants something to change. There’s also a very personal story from our own marriage that we haven’t talked much about, including a moment when Tom genuinely wasn’t sure whether we were going to make it. And before the episode ends, we boil this entire conversation down to three questions. They’re not “Do you still love each other?” And they’re not “Are you happy?” They’re the three questions we’ve learned to listen for when someone comes to us saying: “I don’t know if this relationship is worth fighting for anymore.” Your answers may tell you something very different than you expect. Resources & Links The Better Love Quiz: If you’re stuck wondering whether this is a rough patch or something more, start here. 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. → https://www.betterlovequiz.com/ Is My Marriage Dead? + The Crisis Communication Scripts: Created for the place where you know something needs to change but you’re not yet sure what that means for your relationship. → https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead A Quick Note This is the final episode we brought back while we were away, and I saved this one for last on purpose. We’re home from Tuscany now, which means brand-new Love Shack Live episodes begin next week. ❤️ Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today.

  2. Sep 12

    #284: Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

    Ask Us A Question You know the words by now: anxious and avoidant. Maybe you’ve taken the quizzes, watched the videos, and gotten pretty good at spotting the pattern in your own relationship. And you’re still having the same fight. So what are you actually supposed to do with any of this? In this episode, we’re talking about how attachment styles can help us understand a relationship without turning into permanent labels for ourselves or our partners. We’ll look at why anxious and avoidant people are often drawn to each other in the first place, what actually happens when one person starts reaching and the other starts pulling away, and why knowing your “style” is only the beginning. Tom and I are also sharing a story about a season in our own marriage when he pulled away, I chased, and space became a very real conversation between us. We’re answering your questions about breadcrumbing, meeting an avoidant partner in the middle, and why it can feel like all the responsibility gets handed to the anxious person. And near the end, I’ll give you four sentences you can use when someone you love has gone quiet on you. The words are simple. What you do after you say them is the harder part. A Quick Note We’re almost at the end of this run of your most-requested and most-downloaded episodes, brought back with new opens and closes. Brand-new Love Shack Live episodes are right around the corner. Resources & Links Attachment Style Questionnaire (ECR-R): The original attachment questionnaire we reference in this episode. → https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/ECR.php Is My Marriage Dead? + The Crisis Communication Scripts: Two new resources to help you get clearer on what’s happening in your relationship and have the conversations that feel hardest. → https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead/ The Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. Get clearer on whether you’re experiencing a rough patch or real trouble. → https://www.betterlovequiz.com/ Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

  3. Sep 10

    #283: Why We Wait Too Long to Get Help With Our Marriage

    Ask Us A Question There's a conversation you and your partner need to have, and it's been sitting under the grocery list and the kids' appointments for a few years now. Not because it doesn't matter. Because you figure they'll be there no matter what, and everything else has a deadline. So here's what we're after today. How come our marriage is the one thing we're ashamed to get help for? You'd hire somebody for the business. You'd find a specialist for your knee. You'd tell your friends about both over dinner. There's a phrase in here I want you listening for. Emotional gas. It explains almost everything about why you can't get traction right now no matter how hard you're trying, and it explains what somebody is actually telling you when they say "I just can't do this anymore." It isn't what you think. Brooke asks the question I get more than any other, what to do when you know you need help and your partner is dead set against it, and she gives you the words. Two sentences. Then she tells the story of her and Jack, which she's never told on this show. She was 18. What she found out at 30 about why he really ended it is the part I wasn't prepared for. And the thing we've been sitting on for months. Both books are out. Is My Marriage Dead? is for the person who can't tell whether this is a rough stretch or the real thing. I was a divorce mediator for thirteen years, and there's a pattern in there I have never seen anybody else name. The Crisis Communication Scripts is the other half, because changing a pattern takes two parts and most of us only ever get handed the first one. If you've been telling yourself you'll deal with this once things settle down, listen to this now rather than later. Later is the whole problem. Resources & Links The books are out. Is My Marriage Dead? A Divorce Mediator's Guide to Finding Out What's True, and What to Do About It The Crisis Communication Scripts: Exact Words for Our Most Challenging Moments: https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead/ Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. An honest answer to whether this is a rough patch or real trouble. https://betterlovequiz.com Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

  4. Aug 29

    #282: Six Steps to an Apology Your Partner Can Actually Hear

    Ask Us A Question You already said you were sorry. You meant every word of it. And they're still sitting there closed up like you never opened your mouth. I get this question constantly. I've made a mess, it's my fault, and I can't get my person to turn around and hear me. So today I'm not answering how to apologize, or even how to apologize better. You already know how to say I'm sorry. What I want to answer is why it doesn't land, and the reason is specific. Most of us apologize for the wrong thing entirely. Not the wrong words. The wrong thing. I'll walk you through the six steps I take my private clients through, the same ones Tom and I use on each other. I snapped at him in the car over nothing and we had it cleaned up in about 20 seconds. In my previous marriage that same moment would have cost us the whole weekend. Tom tells on himself in here too, about a dinner he said he'd come to and didn't. Two things to listen for. There's one sentence that opens the door before you apologize at all, and it ends with a one-word question that decides whether they can even hear the rest. And there's a last step almost everybody skips, the one that takes an apology from finished to actually over. If you've heard this episode before, that's the part to stay for. Press play before the next round of that same fight. A Quick Note We're a few weeks into bringing back the episodes you've downloaded the most while we're in Tuscany, Italy, leading our very first international relationship retreat. Brand-new episodes are back mid-September. Resources & Links Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about 5 minutes, free and completely private. Find out which skill is missing. https://betterlovequiz.com Private session with Staci: real help cleaning up a mess that's bigger than a car ride. https://stacibartley.com/private-sessions Clarity call: not sure where to start? The average couple waits six years to get help. Don't do that. https://stacibartley.com/apply Enjoying Love Shack Live? Please leave a review and share this episode with someone you care about. Love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today. Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

  5. Aug 22

    #281: How Defensiveness Breaks a Relationship Down, Piece by Piece

    Ask Us A Question Your partner finally tells you that something you do hurts them. And before they even finish, you're already explaining. "That's not what happened." "That's not what I meant." "I never meant it that way." "Well, you do it too." That's defensiveness. But, it never feels like defensiveness from the inside. It feels like telling the truth, which is why it can chew through a relationship for years before anyone catches it. And nobody gets a hall pass here. Staci does it. Tom does it. Brooke does it. You do too, probably in a way you'd never think to call defensive. So here's what we're after today: if defensiveness is supposed to protect us from getting hurt, how come everybody who leans on it ends up hurting more? We get into how fast this stuff moves. Staci says the emotional safety in your relationship doesn't wear down over years, it's gone in a nanosecond, and there's a balloon analogy in here you won't be able to unsee. Also why "that was never my intent" might be the most defensive thing you can say, even when it's true. And the part we'd stay for: there's one sentence that gets you out. Three words. It works mid-argument, it works when you're wrong, and it works when you're dead certain you're not. Not spoiling it here. Brooke tells the story of what her partner said to her about six years ago, the thing that rattled her more than anything else in their relationship. Including the part where she still couldn't admit he was right for months after. She's not the hero of that one and she tells it anyway. Fair warning: you might get a little defensive listening to a whole episode about defensiveness. Happens all the time. That's usually the good part. Press play before the next round of that same fight. A Quick Note: For the next several weeks we're bringing back the episodes you've asked for and downloaded the most. Our family is heads down on two things we can't wait to share with you: two brand-new resources we're putting the finishing touches on, and our very first international retreat in Tuscany, Italy. Brand-new episodes are back mid-September. Take the Better Love Quiz: If you can feel that something is off and you can't tell how serious it is, this is where to start. 22 questions, about five minutes, and you get an honest answer to the question you've been carrying around at 2:00 in the morning. You also get your skill score, so you know where to begin instead of guessing. Completely private. Only you see the results, and your partner is never contacted. betterlovequiz.com Work With Staci: If you know you need more support than a quiz right now, book a private session. This is exactly what we do with couples: helping them get better at emotional weightlifting so the same fight stops running the relationship. stacibartley.com/private-sessions Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

  6. Aug 14

    #280: What to Do When Your Partner Says They Need Space

    Ask Us A Question Met the right person, check. Got married, check. Bought the house, check. Had the kid, got the dog, put up the picket fence out front. Check, check, check. And then years in, somebody says, "I need some space. I can't do this anymore." And the other one is standing there going, what the hell? This wasn't the deal. I thought we were doing great. I thought we were knocking it out of the park. If you're the one who just got hit with those words, hold onto this number before your mind writes the ending for you. Only 5% of divorced people said nothing could have saved their marriage. The other 95% said skills and support could have changed everything. Your panic is quoting you the wrong number. This week we're replaying the most downloaded episode we've ever made. Our family is heads down finishing two new resources and getting ready for our first international retreat in Tuscany, and new episodes return mid-September. What we get into: What your partner is actually asking for when they say they need space. It's almost never the thing you're afraid it is, and once you hear it, the last several months rearrange themselves in your head.Why it didn't come out of left field, even though it hit you like it did. I tell on myself here. I was a master at making the relationship work for the other person. Never made a fuss, never said what wasn't working for me, and the whole time I thought I was doing the kindest thing I could do. I'll tell you what it cost me, and I'll tell you honestly that I've broken hearts over it.The thing I call the cruelest thing we can do to our lovers. It isn't cheating and it isn't lying. Most people are doing it right now believing it's the generous choice.What Brooke used to do the second a partner told them they weren't happy. She says it out loud, unedited, and then explains why it made everything worse. If you're the anxious one, this part is for you.The separation rules everybody is about to hand you. Move to the other bedroom, cut them off, no sex, no talking. I have some very direct words about that advice, and I'll give you the one thing that separates giving space from being abandoned.Why the more space you give, the more conversation you get back. It feels as backwards as turning into a skid, and Tom explains why every instinct you have will fight you on it.The six places to put your energy while you wait. I call what they build love insurance, and they happen to be the same things that put you back in the 95%.Whatever you were about to do tonight, listen first. Resources from this episode: Take the free Better Love Quiz (about 5 minutes, results instantly): https://betterlovequiz.comBook a private session with Staci: https://stacibartley.com/private-sessionsSchedule a clarity call with Tom: https://stacibartley.com/applyWe're live every Monday at 1:00 PM PST / 4:00 PM EST on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. Come hang out and bring your questions. Remember: love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today. Timestamps: 02:54 Why Space Happens 04:04 The Blindside Dynamic 08:17 Losing Yourself Over Time 11:42 What Space Really Means 13:10 External Pressures Pile On 16:28 95 Percent Can Recover 18:30 Anxious Reactions to Avoid 22:28 Give Space to Get Closer 25:06 Handling Panic and Reassurance 27:25 Your Turn for Self Work 28:30 Reset the Dynamic 29:13 Self Soothe Anxiety 31:24 Emotional Gas Tank 32:55 Six Support Pillars 36:40 Space Dos and Donts 39:12 No Punishment Rules 42:07 Boundaries and Support 46:29 Avoid Dating During Space 47:00 Get Help and Resources Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

  7. Aug 8

    #279: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Navigating the Land of Maybe

    Ask Us A Question There's a question almost nobody says out loud. Not to their best friend, not to their sister, sometimes not even to themselves in the mirror: "I don't know if I still want to be married." We call the place where that question lives the Land of Maybe. Some days it's yes, some days it's no, and most days it's maybe. Staci calls it hell on earth, and she's not exaggerating for effect. She spent 13 years there in her second marriage. Tom lived there too, in his first, carrying it so quietly that even his brothers never knew. This is the place where you cling to the little bits of joy, the one good evening a month, while feeling like you're dying on the inside the rest of the time. This week we're replaying the episode our listeners come back to more than any other, because the Land of Maybe is not a place to live. It runs on something we call emotional gas, and when a person runs out, the relationship doesn't end with a bang. It ends with one quiet sentence: "I just can't do this anymore." We walk through how to know if you're actually in the Land of Maybe (it's not just fighting; the quiet couples are often in more danger than the loud ones), why blaming your partner or yourself feels productive and gets you nowhere, and the three moves that lead out: slow down, search, and switch it up. Staci also gives you the exact script for inviting a resistant partner to work on the relationship, and explains why the guilt-and-pressure approach you've probably already tried has never once worked on any human being. And then there's Janet and Rich. A counselor told Janet her husband was a narcissist, that there was no hope, and that she was the dysfunctional one for staying. She filed for divorce. Then she found one thing she couldn't let go of. Today those papers are torn up and they're still together. What was actually going on with Rich is the part of this episode people talk about most. If you've heard this one before, listen again. You're not the same person who heard it the first time, and you'll catch what you weren't ready to catch before. Resources from this episode: Take the rebuilt Better Love Quiz (5 minutes, free): https://betterlovequiz.comBook a private session with Staci: https://stacibartley.com/private-sessionsTuscany Retreat, September 1 through 6, 2026 (exactly one room left): https://stacibartley.com/co-mingle-retreatQuestions about the retreat? Email us: love@stacibartley.comWe're live every Monday at 1:00 PM PST / 4:00 PM EST on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. Come hang out and bring your questions. Remember: love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today. Timestamps: 03:40 Defining Maybe 06:05 Emotional Gas Warning 08:11 Janet And Rich 13:53 Co Creation Not Blame 22:04 Signs Youre There 26:35 Get Help And Practice 30:00 Resistant Partner Trap 30:40 Stop the Guilt Trip 32:49 Lead With Vulnerability 33:34 A Real Marriage Example 35:00 Words That Invite Change 37:38 Slow Down the Panic 39:30 Search and Switch It Up 41:24 When One Partner Starts 44:23 Breakdown vs Breakthrough 46:40 Follow the Fun Laughter 51:23 Song and Final Resources Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

  8. Aug 1

    #278: How to Stop a Fight Before It Escalates: The First 60 Seconds

    Ask Us A Question You'd think the loudest person in the room decides where a fight goes. It's actually the calmest. Hang with us, because that one takes some explaining. This week we're answering the question that flooded in after our last episode: "Okay, but what do I do when a fight is actually starting?" Because a fight is a lot like a lit firecracker. Once the fuse burns down, you don't have choices anymore. You've got about 2.2 seconds where you do, and nobody ever taught us what to do with them. So we break down what's really happening inside you when a fight ignites. Why emotion, not logic, is running the show. Why matching their escalation feels fair and de-escalating feels like losing, and the middle ground between punishing them and giving them a pass that most of us never see. Why your brain can go so far offline mid-fight that you honestly don't remember what you said.  Staci also names the two places nearly all of us go when emotion takes over. One of you probably spins up. One of you probably shuts down. There's a reason you found each other, and there's a third option neither of you has tried. And then, the skill. The brake pedal. The pause with a promise attached. Staci walks you through the sentence to have ready before you ever need it, and describes the moment that happens when a couple uses it for the first time and both people actually come back to the table. She's watched years of resentment fall away in that moment. It's the whole reason we do this work. If this episode felt a little too familiar, start with the free Better Love Quiz at betterlovequiz.com, or book a private session with Staci at stacibartley.com/private-sessions. Staci works with couples and individuals all over the world via Zoom, and one person can change the trajectory of a relationship. We're live every Monday at 1:00 PM PST / 4:00 PM EST on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. Come hang out and bring your questions. Remember: love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today. Timestamps: 02:35 Firecracker Fuse Window 05:33 Emotion Drives Behavior 07:29 Backlog and Body Signals 10:15 Two Extremes Spin Up or Shut Down 12:15 I Don't Do Emotion Myth 17:32 Matching Energy or Bailing 20:41 Deescalate Without Giving In 21:32 Who You Become in Payback Mode 28:58 Your Real Win in a Fight 30:10 Chaos When Nobody Listens 32:19 Emotion Hijacks Logic 33:21 Rollercoaster Brain Blackouts 34:08 Altered State After Fights 37:00 Different Emotional Expressions 38:40 Control Versus Collapse 42:22 The Fight Cycle Loop 44:57 The Third Option Neutral 49:45 Brake Pedal Power Pause 52:23 Coming Back Builds Trust 59:00 Create Your Pause Script Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know. $9 digital guide. Start reading today

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Relationships are complex. They are filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And sometimes, it can feel like you're struggling just to keep your head above water. If you're feeling like this, then it's important to reach out for help. That's where Tom and Staci Bartley come in. As relationship experts, they have helped countless couples overcome the challenges that they're facing. And now, they're here to help you. The Love Shack Live Show is filled with advice and tips that will help you get your relationship back on track. So if you're struggling in your relationship, make sure to tune in, it could be the best decision you ever make.

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