Love Shack Live: Helping Couples Rescue Their Relationships

Staci Bartley, Relationship Expert
  • 4.9 (51)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Relationships are complex. They are filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And sometimes, it can feel like you're struggling just to keep your head above water. If you're feeling like this, then it's important to reach out for help. That's where Tom and Staci Bartley come in. As relationship experts, they have helped countless couples overcome the challenges that they're facing. And now, they're here to help you. The Love Shack Live Show is filled with advice and tips that will help you get your relationship back on track. So if you're struggling in your relationship, make sure to tune in, it could be the best decision you ever make.

  1. 2d ago

    #272: Are You an Asker or an Assumer?

    Send us Fan Mail Most of us think we're asking for what we need. We're not. We're hinting, complaining, dropping signals, getting quiet, hoping our partner figures it out. And when they don't, we add another tally to the list of reasons we feel alone in our own relationship. This episode started with a question Brooke saw go viral on TikTok: are you an asker or an assumer? Staci, Tom, and Brooke do a gut check around the table, then unpack why so many of us stopped asking, what it's quietly costing us, and the three sentences that make asking feel possible again. If you've ever swallowed a need because asking for it felt like too much, this one's for you. In This Episode Why anticipating someone's needs sometimes backfires (and creates more anxiety than help).The fear underneath assuming: too much, too needy, too selfish, too weak.How you stop knowing yourself when you stop voicing what you need.The power of saying no and why honest no's protect honest yes's.How complaining, blaming, and hinting feel like asking from the inside but never land that way.Staci's three-sentence framework for asking without the dread.Take the Better Love Quiz Wondering where your own relationship actually stands right now? The Better Love Quiz is a free, few-minute assessment that walks you through the real skills that keep love steady: knowing yourself, staying grounded when triggered, holding boundaries, communicating clearly, and repairing after conflict. When you finish, it shows you where you're already strong, where the strain is coming from, and what kind of support would help you most. Take the quiz: betterlovequiz.com Timestamps: 02:47 Hinting Isn’t Asking 03:18 The Trap of Anticipating 08:15 Emotional Safety Basics 09:32 Recovering Assumers 11:33 Teach Me How to Love You 14:40 Saying Yes, Meaning No 15:28 TikTok and the Lost Village 19:00 Neighbor Saints and Community 23:41 Fear Behind Assuming 26:17 Fear Of Needing 26:57 Losing Your Voice 28:48 Talking To Understand 30:09 Optimizing Joy Away 32:34 Performance Trap 35:06 Complaints And Guilt 36:00 Power Of No 39:15 Rebuilding The Village 40:34 Simple Asking Script 43:10 Specificity Builds Love 45:10 Practice And Play 48:21 Quiz And Farewell

    52 min

  2. May 23

    #271: Feeling Like Roommates? How to Rebuild Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

    Send us Fan Mail There's a particular kind of loneliness that happens inside a relationship, not outside of it. You still share a home, a bed, a life. But somewhere along the way, you stopped really talking. Not the logistics, those still happen. The real things. The thoughts you used to share without thinking twice now get held back. You measure your words. You wait for a better moment that never quite comes. If that feels familiar, this episode is for you. In this fan-favorite replay, Staci, Tom, and Brooke unpack emotional safety, what it actually is, how it quietly erodes, and why its absence is so often mistaken for the end of love. You'll learn why no amount of begging or pushing can pull honesty out of someone who doesn't feel safe, what's really happening when a couple drifts into feeling like roommates, and how emotional safety can be rebuilt, slowly, and on purpose. Staci shares the simple balloon metaphor that reframes every hard conversation, the role of permission in healthy communication, and an honest, vulnerable story from Brooke's first marriage about what can dismantle emotional safety in an instant. Whether your relationship is thriving, strained, or somewhere in emotional limbo, this conversation will help you see your silence, your conflict, and your distance in a completely new way. What You'll Learn What emotional safety is, and why it's the foundation beneath every healthy relationshipThe small, often invisible ways emotional safety erodes over timeWhy begging, pushing, or prodding a partner to "just talk" almost always backfiresThe two survival responses: shutting down (collapse) and attacking (control)What it really means when a couple starts to feel like roommatesHow to rebuild emotional safety through permission, practice, and small repeated winsWhy we tend to hurt the people we love the most, and how to interrupt that patterTake the Better Love Quiz Wondering where your own relationship actually stands right now? The Better Love Quiz is a free, few-minute assessment that walks you through the real skills that keep love steady: knowing yourself, staying grounded when triggered, holding boundaries, communicating clearly, and repairing after conflict. When you finish, it shows you where you're already strong, where the strain is coming from, and what kind of support would help you most. Take the quiz: betterlovequiz.com Timestamps: 04:13 Emotional Safety Explained 05:25 How Safety Erodes 07:44 Punishing Honesty 09:37 The Mess Metaphor 11:35 Safety First Principle 14:26 Building Safety Over Time 18:53 Dating Shows We Know 21:29 When Safety Is Gone 22:38 Rebuilding Is Possible 24:51 Balloon Metaphor 26:54 Catching the Leak 28:36 Permission Over Defensiveness 30:34 Emotional Pushups Practice 31:42 Hard Truths Example 35:58 Fragile and Sacred Safety 37:29 Investing in Love Daily 49:00 Quiz and Farewell

    52 min

  3. May 15

    #270: Why Love Isn't Enough to Save Your Marriage (And What Actually Is)

    Send us Fan Mail You love them. And still, you’re exhausted. The same argument keeps coming back. The same silence shows up after the fight. The same emotional distance keeps growing, even though somewhere underneath all of it, you still care deeply. That’s the part that can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. If the love is still there, why is this so hard? In this episode of Love Shack Live, Staci, Tom, and Brooke revisit one of the most important questions in relationships: is love alone enough to make a relationship last? You’ll learn: ✓ Why “all you need is love” can quietly set couples up to fail  ✓ Why love is a beautiful foundation, but not the whole house  ✓ The relationship skills most of us were never taught  ✓ Why emotional regulation, communication, self-awareness, repair, and asking for what you need matter so much  ✓ How blaming yourself or your partner keeps you stuck  ✓ Why “skilling up” can help you see your partner with more humanity  ✓ How one person learning new skills can begin to change the dynamic  ✓ Why struggling doesn’t mean you’re broken, doomed, or with the wrong person Whether you’re married, partnered, separated, rebuilding, dating, single, or trying not to repeat old patterns, this episode will help you rethink what’s really missing when love still exists but the relationship feels hard. Because most relationships don’t struggle from a lack of love. They struggle from a lack of skills. And skills can be learned. 🎯 Take the free Better Love Skills Quiz at betterlovequiz.com and get your personalized Better Love Blueprint in under 10 minutes, including your Better Love Score, where you’re already strong, where you’re getting stuck, and where to focus first. Timestamps:  04:59 The Love Foundation Metaphor 06:32 Self Blame After Failure 08:40 Why Relationships Still Break 10:37 Skills Over Checklists 12:57 Myths That Trap Us 16:42 Asking and Listening Skills 20:11 Quick Fixes vs Skill Up 24:03 Stop Diagnosing Your Partner 26:44 Reclaim Your Power 30:40 Pressure Kills Connection 32:23 Resentment and Perfectionism 34:10 No Villains Here 35:37 It’s a Skill Issue 37:27 Why Love Isn’t Enough 39:57 Messiness and Coping 42:01 Skills We Never Learn 44:02 Stories We Make Up 47:42 Research and Real Stakes 49:17 Love as Firepower 52:40 Learn Skills Now 53:22 Better Love Quiz

    1 hr

  4. May 10

    #269: Should I Stay or Should I Go? The Answer Google Can't Give You

    Send us Fan Mail Have you noticed how quickly we reach for someone else's answers before we even slow down long enough to hear our own? We Google it. We poll our friends. We scroll for reassurance. And now, we ask AI. Quietly, underneath all of it, something deeper is happening: we are losing our relationship with our own inner wisdom. In this episode, Tom, Brooke, and I sit down to talk about what I believe is one of the greatest relationship crises of our time. When we can no longer hear and trust our own voice, we cannot deeply trust our choices, ourselves, or the people we love. The consequences are showing up everywhere. In our anxiety. In our self-doubt. In the emotional gap that keeps widening with our partners. In how easily we are manipulated by strong personalities, influencers, and fear-based narratives that promise us certainty. Here's what we explore: Why emotional overload and information overwhelm have led us into avoidance, self-doubt, and isolationHow social media, religion, self-help gurus, and now AI have become the oracles we hand our lives over toThe difference between "I don't want to do that because it's hard" and "this dismantles me" (and why discernment is the skill almost nobody is teaching)The simple two-minute practice that brings you back home to yourself, no childhood archaeology requiredWhy nuance is the real territory of life, and what black-and-white thinking is costing your relationshipThe bird and the branch metaphor that changed how I think about self-trustIf you have been feeling confused, overwhelmed, or like you have lost touch with who you actually are, this one is for you. You are not broken. You are living in a world flooded with noise, fear, and urgency, and the way back to yourself is closer and simpler than you have been led to believe. New: The Better Love Skills Assessment How are you actually showing up in your relationships right now? Take our brand new 16-question assessment to find out. You'll get a score in each of the four skills that build a thriving connection: knowing yourself, navigating your emotions, holding your limits, and communicating so others can hear you. Plus your next best step to grow from where you are. It's free, and it takes about three minutes. Take it now at betterlovequiz.com Timestamps: 06:12 Staci Origin Story 07:47 Tom Foundation Lessons 09:17 Religion And Inner Voice 13:07 AI As The New Oracle 16:34 Vulnerability And Manipulation 19:27 Discernment Versus Resistance 25:04 Couples Impact And Anxiety 28:49 How To Start Listening Inward 35:29 Skills Over Labels 37:34 Why We Avoid Ourselves 38:49 Emotions Two Choices 39:04 The Upside Of Self Work 41:31 Power Of The Pause 42:26 Recalibrating In Real Time 44:44 Clearing The Emotional Backlog 46:14 Self Esteem Through Self Knowing 48:17 Boundaries And Accountability 51:14 Discernment Defined 54:58 Nuance Over Black And White 57:54 Triggers Progress Not Perfection 01:00:11 Stop Outsourcing Your Answers 01:01:59 Three Minute Check In 01:04:04 Trust Your Own Wings 01:06:21 Better Love Skills Assessment

    1h 13m

  5. May 2

    #268: Guilt vs. Shame: The Emotion That's Secretly Running Your Relationship

    Send us Fan Mail It’s 11:30 at night. The fight ended an hour ago. Your partner is asleep, or pretending to be, and you’re lying there replaying everything. What they said.  What you said.  What you wish you hadn’t said.  What you wish they would’ve said. And then the thought shows up: “Maybe I’m the problem.” In this episode of Love Shack Live, Staci, Tom, and Brooke unpack one of the most painful emotional loops in relationships: guilt and shame. Most of us were never taught the difference between the two, so we collapse them into one heavy feeling that keeps us stuck, defensive, avoidant, or constantly beating ourselves up. But guilt is not the enemy. Guilt can be a messenger. It can show us where our behavior is out of alignment, where repair is needed, and where we have an opportunity to grow. Shame, on the other hand, turns the mistake into an identity. Instead of “I did something I don’t feel good about,” it becomes “I am the problem.” This conversation explores how guilt shows up after conflict, why shame keeps couples trapped in emotional prisons, how guilt gets weaponized in relationships, and what to do when you can’t stop replaying what happened. You’ll walk away with a simple three-step framework to turn guilt into growth instead of self-punishment. In This Episode, We Explore The difference between guilt and shameWhy guilt often shows up after the emotional storm has passedHow guilt can become a tool for repair instead of self-punishmentWhy shame turns mistakes into identityWhat happens when couples never revisit conflict after the fightWhy “never go to bed angry” can sometimes make things worseHow emotional prisons form around topics couples can no longer discussWhy defensiveness blocks repairHow guilt can be weaponized through phrases like “if you really loved me…”The role of self-trust, self-awareness, and resilience in difficult conversationsHow to pause a fight without abandoning the relationshipA practical three-step process for working with guiltJoin Us in Tuscany If this episode made you realize how long you’ve been carrying guilt, shame, or unresolved emotional weight, we want to invite you to join us at the Co-Mingle Retreat in Tuscany, September 1–6, 2026. Six days in a thousand-year-old castle. Daily relationship skill sessions, honest conversations, beautiful meals, wine from the castle vineyard, and the space to slow down, reconnect, and let go of what no longer serves you. Only three spots remain. Learn more here: https://stacibartley.com/co-mingle-retreat Timestamps:  05:02 When Guilt Becomes Shame 07:10 Backside Reflection 09:25 Small Triggers Big Storms 12:41 Get To Shore First 18:47 Pause With Reassurance 22:09 Emotional Prison Pattern 26:18 Resilience And Self Trust 29:53 Outsourced Self Worth 31:16 Guilt Versus Shame 32:24 Guilt Repairs Connection 33:27 Invite Not Accuse 36:41 Courtroom Versus Classroom 38:04 Four Functions Of Guilt 40:29 Weaponizing Guilt 45:37 Self Trust Crisis 46:48 Guilt Coded Language 48:42 When Give A Damn Breaks 48:55 Three Steps To Manage 52:40 Recap And Takeaways 53:48 Retreat And Support 54:44 Dear Me Exercise 55:49 Unwritten Song Reflection 57:16 Final Farewell

    1 hr

  6. Apr 25

    #267: The Granola Test: Why Most Marriages Unravel Over the Little Things

    Send us Fan Mail What if relationships don’t usually end because of one big thing? What if they end because of the little things no one talks about? In this episode of Love Shack Live, Staci revisits one of the foundational ideas behind her work as both a relationship mentor and divorce mediator: most couples don’t arrive at the edge of separation because of one dramatic moment. More often, they get there through a thousand tiny disconnections. The coffee that stopped being made.The text that stopped coming.The hand on your back that disappeared.The granola that no longer gets refilled.The orange no one offers to peel.These moments may seem small, but inside a relationship, they often carry much deeper meaning. They can become proof that we are no longer seen, valued, chosen, or cared for. And when we don’t have the skills to talk about them, we start assuming, testing, withdrawing, blaming, or silently keeping score. Staci, Tom, and Brooke explore why “preventative maintenance” in relationships matters so much, how small acts of care create emotional safety, and why turning assumptions into honest asks can change the direction of a relationship before the little things become the big things. If you’ve been feeling the quiet distance building in your relationship, this episode is for you. In This Episode, We Explore: Why relationships often unravel through small, unnamed disconnectionsWhat Staci learned from sitting with couples as a divorce mediatorWhy “preventative maintenance” is essential in loveThe emotional meaning behind small gestures like coffee, vitamins, granola, and orange peelsHow secret tests create more confusion instead of clarityWhy appreciation matters more than most couples realizeHow resentment can build when needs stay unspokenThe difference between assuming your partner doesn’t care and getting real informationHow to turn an expectation into a clear, vulnerable askWhy relationship skills need to be learned before total breakdownTry This This Week: Think of one small thing you used to do for your partner that may have quietly disappeared. Then do it again. And if you’re feeling brave, ask: “Does this still feel meaningful to you?”“What’s one small thing that makes your heart sing right now?”Join Us in Tuscany If this episode pulled on something in you, we also want to invite you to the Co-Mingle Retreat, happening September 1–6, 2026, at Castello di Potentino in Southern Italy. Six days. Sixteen people. A thousand-year-old castle. Daily relationship skill sessions, chef-prepared meals, wine from the castle’s own vineyard, foraging walks, moonlit dinners, and the kind of presence that helps you reconnect with yourself and the people you love. This is not only for couples. You can come solo, with a partner, or with a friend. There are only a few rooms left. Learn more here: https://stacibartley.com/co-mingle-retreat Timestamps:  03:23 Preventative Maintenance Mindset 06:34 Small Disconnects Become Big 07:02 Name the Little Loves 09:25 Granola and Orange Peel Test 12:25 Safety Stories and Assumptions 15:20 Appreciation and Clear Requests 17:04 Different Meanings Same Action 18:51 Fear Leads to Race Bottom 20:17 Resentment Check In 20:49 Vitamins Misread Signals 21:22 Stop the Assumptions 22:43 Fear of Being Silly 23:25 Orange Test Trap 26:43 Race to the Bottom 28:30 Choose the Conversation 30:47 Fairy Dust Positive Spiral 36:05 Co Mingle Retreat Invite

    42 min

  7. Apr 18

    #266: How to Stop Bringing Up the Past in Every Argument

    Send us Fan Mail Why do we keep bringing up the same hurt in our relationships, even when we know it is not helping? In this episode of Love Shack Live, we're unpacking one of the most frustrating patterns couples get stuck in: revisiting the same argument, the same betrayal, the same disappointment, and somehow feeling even worse every time. If you have ever thought, “I am not going to bring this up again,” only to find yourself right back in it, this conversation is for you. This is not about being dramatic. It is not about wanting to fight. And it is not proof that you are broken or incapable of moving on. More often, it means something inside you still feels unresolved. We explain why talking about what went wrong over and over is not the same as creating emotional resolution, and why so many couples stay stuck trying to solve the past by living in the past. You will hear why hurt keeps resurfacing, how emotional memories and triggers work, and what it actually takes to move forward without ignoring what happened or pretending it did not matter. You will learn how to shift from obsessing over what happened to getting clear on what you need now. Instead of staying in the cycle of blame, rumination, and repeated arguments, this episode will help you start identifying what would actually help you feel safe, supported, heard, and able to risk connection again. If you are tired of having the same fight, carrying the same resentment, or waiting for the past to stop hurting on its own, this episode will give you a new framework for healing. In this episode, we cover: Why you keep bringing up the past in argumentsWhat it really means when something still feels unresolvedThe difference between accountability and emotional punishmentWhy “talking about it more” often makes things worseHow emotional healing actually happens in relationshipsWhy trying to control your partner will never create real safetyThe hidden emotional payoff of staying stuck in old painHow to stop solving the past from inside the pastThe shift from “don’t want” to “do want”Questions to ask yourself when you want to move forward but still feel hurtMentioned in this episode: The emotional driver behind repeated conflictFairy dust needs: being heard, acknowledged, appreciated, and reassuredThe importance of learning relationship skills, not just talking about relationship problemsIf this episode resonates: If you and your partner keep circling the same pain and you want help understanding what is actually happening underneath it, you can book a clarity call at stacibartley.com/apply. Because love is not enough. Skills are. Timestamps: 02:37 How Healing Actually Happens 06:21 Triggers And Unresolved Pain 08:54 Stop Solving With Logic 11:39 The Comfort Blanket Of The Past 12:38 Betrayal And Power Struggles 14:07 Control And Self Blame Traps 16:40 From Weaponizing To Support 20:23 When Families Pretend Its Fine 22:07 Build Self Awareness And Safety 24:25 Accountability And Moving Forward 24:59 Why We Stay Stuck 25:48 Emotional Gas Runs Out 26:43 Recreating Old Patterns 28:31 Projection In The Comments 30:47 Relationships As A Rite 34:04 Hurt Needs Digesting 36:12 Do Want Framework 37:22 Brain Wired For Threats 39:05 Questions That Create Safety 41:16 Fairy Dust Needs 43:12 Invite Not Demand 44:22 Patterns Need New Skills 45:32 Practice The Switch

    51 min

  8. Apr 4

    #265: When Your Partner Shuts Down, Pulls Away, or Sends Mixed Signals

    Send us Fan Mail Have you ever found yourself thinking: I don’t understand what is happening in my relationship. You’re trying to communicate, but every conversation turns emotional. You’re watching your partner pull away, but they won’t actually say why. Or maybe they ended the relationship… and yet they’re still showing up in ways that make it almost impossible to heal. That kind of confusion can make you question everything. And that’s what this episode is about. In this special Q&A-style episode of Love Shack Live, Brooke brings in real questions from social media comments and DMs from people who are right in the middle of heartbreak, mixed signals, emotional overwhelm, and relationship confusion. Together we're unpacking what may actually be happening underneath these painful dynamics, including: what to do when your partner gets emotional every time you bring something uphow to share insight without sounding like you’re labeling or criticizingwhat may be happening in an “avoidant reverse discard”how to make sense of a breakup where someone ends the relationship but still acts emotionally connectedwhy confusion hurts so much more when you can’t understand the patternThis episode is for the person who feels stuck in the in-between. The person trying to make sense of behavior that doesn’t add up. The person whose mind keeps filling in the blanks because no one is saying the quiet part out loud. If your relationship feels unstable, emotionally charged, or impossible to read right now, this conversation will help you slow it down, see the pattern more clearly, and understand what to do next. In this episode, we talk about: emotional reactions during hard conversationswhere your feelings end and your partner’s beginwhy some people withdraw instead of ending things directlythe confusion of mixed signals after a breakuphow to stop guessing and start getting claritywhat emotional safety actually requiresIf you heard yourself in any part of this episode and want help understanding your specific situation, you can book a clarity call here: stacibartley.com/apply Because love isn’t enough. But skills are. Timestamps: 02:31 Question One: Emotional Reactions 04:19 Boundaries And Pausing 06:50 Emotional Backlog Triggers 10:09 Manipulation Avoidance Loop 14:37 Miscommunication Cup Story 17:42 Question Two: Share Insight 20:53 Stop Speaking For Them 24:18 Question Three: Reverse Discard 26:20 When It Really Ends 27:32 Cowardice and Avoidance 29:03 Why People Ghost 30:44 Rationalizing Hard Truths 33:30 Question Four: Abrupt Breakup Mixed Signals 34:57 In Out Attachment Cycle 38:32 How to Confront the Rollercoaster 39:56 Set Boundaries and Separate

    47 min
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About

Relationships are complex. They are filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And sometimes, it can feel like you're struggling just to keep your head above water. If you're feeling like this, then it's important to reach out for help. That's where Tom and Staci Bartley come in. As relationship experts, they have helped countless couples overcome the challenges that they're facing. And now, they're here to help you. The Love Shack Live Show is filled with advice and tips that will help you get your relationship back on track. So if you're struggling in your relationship, make sure to tune in, it could be the best decision you ever make.

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