Master Your Marriage

Sharla and Robert Snow
  • 5.0 (140)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

The average couple waits 6 years to get help in their marriage. That's 6 years of pain, hurt, frustration and lost opportunity. This podcast is designed to help you NOT become a part of that statistic. Hosted by Dr. Robert and Sharla Snow — themselves married for 31 years — The Master Your Marriage show is here with straight-talking guidance on how to fill your marriage with fun, friendship and love, without it ever feeling like "hard work." No matter how long you've been struggling with your marriage, or how long it's been since you've felt that "spark," we promise you, there is hope! Your MASTERFUL marriage starts here.

  1. 5d ago

    Why Therapy Often Falls Short (Even When It’s Good Therapy)

    Many people do deep, sincere work in therapy and gain real insight into their patterns — yet they still find themselves repeating the same painful cycles in their relationships. In this episode, we explore why insight alone often fails to create lasting change and what actually helps us respond differently when we’re triggered. Drawing from the work of Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy, we unpack the three parts of ourselves that show up in moments of conflict and why building the capacity to shift between them is essential for real transformation. In This EpisodeWhy so many people feel like therapy “didn’t work,” even after doing significant personal workThe gap between knowing why we react and actually responding differently in the momentThe three parts of you: the Wise Adult, the Wounded Child, and the Adaptive ChildWhy the Adaptive Child’s survival strategies often override our best intentionsThe difference between top-down and bottom-up approaches — and why both are often neededA simple, practical practice you can start using today to build “second consciousness”A personal story that illustrates what it looks like when someone finally chooses a different response Key TakeawaysInsight is valuable, but it’s often not enough to interrupt deeply wired patterns when we’re activated.Many adults spend a large portion of their life operating from their Adaptive Child rather than their Wise Adult.Real change happens in the present moment — not while talking about the past.Recovery is active, moment-to-moment work that requires noticing when the Adaptive Child has taken over and gently inviting the Wise Adult back online.Both strengthening the Wise Adult and reducing the intensity of old trauma are important for lasting change. Practical Action StepsTry this simple practice the next time you notice yourself getting reactive: Take a slower, intentional breath (try the 4-7-8 breath: inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8).Gently ask yourself: Which part of me is running right now?Am I in my Adaptive Child, or is my Wise Adult available?What would my Wise Adult want to do differently? This week, keep a short journal and note moments when you noticed yourself in your Adaptive Child. Awareness is where choice begins. Resources MentionedWork of Terry Real and Relational Life TherapyViktor Frankl’s quote on the space between stimulus and responseThomas Hübl’s teaching: “To observe is to have choice” Get in Touch Website: MasterYourMarriage.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

    24 min

  2. Jun 18

    Don’t Run From Tension – Stephen Curry’s Marriage Wisdom

    What if the secret to a thriving marriage isn’t avoiding conflict… but learning to lean into it? In this episode, Sharla and Robert explore NBA superstar Stephen Curry’s powerful marriage advice from his recent interview with Michelle Obama: “We don’t run away from the tension on the daily.” They unpack why this simple idea is backed by decades of research from John and Julie Gottman, Terry Real, and divorce lawyers — and why so many couples still resist it. You’ll learn: Why 69% of relationship problems are perpetual (and why that’s actually good news)How the 5:1 positive-to-negative ratio works in real life — and what happens when it doesn’t over 5–10 yearsThe compounding effect of small, unaddressed negatives (and how it leads to “falling out of love slowly, then all at once”)Practical ways to reframe tension, use soft startups, get underneath gridlocked issues, and repair quickly Whether you’ve been married 5 years or 25, this episode will shift how you see conflict in your relationship. Resources & Links Mentioned: Michelle Obama’s IMO Podcast with Stephen & Ayesha Curry (full episode)Medium Article: “Stephen Curry’s Best Marriage Advice Is Backed by Psychologists and Divorce Lawyers”John & Julie Gottman – Fight RightTerry Real – Relational Life TherapyOur Repair Mini-Series (previous episodes) Challenge This Week: The next time tension rises, name it gently: “I’m noticing some tension here, and I want us to lean into it together. What’s going on for you?” Stay in the conversation, listen openly, and make a repair if needed. Research Opportunity: We’re in the early stages of developing a new marriage program and would love your input. If you’ve ever felt successful in your career but struggled to connect at home, Sharla would love to hear your story. This is purely for research — no sales pitch. Schedule a quick interview here Call to Action: If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts — it helps other couples find the show. And be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Until next time — choose each other, even in the tension.

    31 min

  3. Jun 12

    BONUS EPISODE: Ho’oponopono Forgiveness Meditation - Release Resentment and Free Yourself

    BONUS EPISODE - FORGIVENESS MEDITATION TOOL! This guided Ho’oponopono meditation is a powerful companion to Episode 162: “When Is It Okay Not to Forgive? (And When It’s Not)” — and is especially helpful for married couples and partners working to strengthen their relationship. We strongly recommend listening to Episode 162 first. It provides essential context on what forgiveness really means in marriage, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and why this practice can be so transformative for your relationship. How to use this meditation in your marriage: Use this practice regularly — even daily — to gently release resentment and anger toward your spouse or anyone who has wronged you, whether the hurt is big or small. Save this episode so you can return to it whenever you need support. As you make forgiveness a regular part of your marriage, the benefits to your mental health, physical well-being, and connection with your partner are profound. Important Safety Note: Please do not listen while driving or doing anything that requires your full attention. Find a quiet, safe space where you can close your eyes and have at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted time. This practice is especially helpful for couples when: You’ve been hurt by your partner and need to release resentmentYou want to reconnect more deeply after a conflict or emotional ruptureYou’re processing the loss of a loved one and want to release them with peace Please note: This meditation focuses on forgiving others. A separate process for forgiving yourself may be shared in a future episode. Listen to the prerequisite episode first: Episode 162: When Is It Okay Not to Forgive? (And When It’s Not) If you and your spouse want more structured support, reach out at masteryourmarriage.us Thank you for doing this important inner work. Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your marriage. Be kind to each other. Take care of each other. Put each other first.

    17 min

  4. Jun 10

    When Is It Okay Not to Forgive? (And When It’s Not)

    In this powerful episode of Master Your Marriage, Sharla and Robert Snow explore one of the most misunderstood topics in relationships: forgiveness. They revisit the subject with fresh insights, addressing common misconceptions, the crucial difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and when it might actually be wise to move slowly on reconciliation — while still choosing internal peace. Through personal stories (including Sharla’s transformational experience with ho’oponopono), real client examples, and science-backed research, you’ll discover how forgiveness is something you do for yourself — not for the offender. Learn how to let go of resentment without losing your boundaries or compromising your safety. Whether you’re working through a small rupture or a deep wound, this episode offers clarity, hope, and practical tools to help you find freedom. Key Takeaways: Forgiveness is an internal process — it does not mean forgetting, excusing, or reconciling.You can forgive someone and still maintain strong boundaries (or even choose not to reconcile).Your peace does not have to wait for the other person to change — that’s living at cause.Unforgiveness carries real physical and mental health costs, but forgiveness offers powerful benefits. Resources Mentioned: Companion Episode: Ho’oponopono Forgiveness Meditation (available on Spotify & Apple Podcasts) and available here! Research & Further Reading: Toussaint, L. L., et al. (2016). “Forgiveness, Stress, and Health: A 5-Week Dynamic Parallel Process Study.” Annals of Behavioral Medicine. PubMed Abstract | Full Text (PMC)Toussaint, L. L., et al. (2016). “Effects of Lifetime Stress Exposure on Mental and Physical Health in Young Adulthood: How Stress Degrades and Forgiveness Protects Health.” Journal of Health Psychology. PubMed Abstract | PDFEnright’s Process Model of Forgiveness: International Forgiveness Institute Connect With Us: Website: masteryourmarriage.usSubscribe on your favorite podcast app and leave a 5-star review — it helps us reach more couples!Follow us on social media @MasterYourMarriage

    22 min

  5. Jun 3

    Making Repairs In The Moment (Conflict Strategies)

    In the final episode of our 3-part series on relationship repair, we’re focusing on one of the most practical and powerful tools for any relationship: quick, in-the-moment repairs. Even the happiest couples argue and experience moments of disconnection. What makes the difference isn’t avoiding conflict — it’s how quickly and effectively you repair those inevitable ruptures. In this episode, we explore the science behind why repairing early and often is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship success. You’ll learn: What a true “repair attempt” is (any statement or action that de-escalates negativity and moves you back toward connection)Simple, practical ways to reset in the heat of the moment instead of letting things spiral We also demonstrate real-life examples of in-the-moment repair language you can start using immediately. If you want even more tools, grab our Relationship Repair Quick Guide — packed with ready-to-use repair phrases for different situations (when you feel defensive, flooded, shut down, hurt, etc.). Instant download here: 👉 https://stan.store/masteryourmarriage/p/the-relationship-repair-quick-guide Remember: The best repairs are done early and often. Small moments of repair create massive trust and resilience over time. Get in Touch Website: MasterYourMarriage.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

    29 min

  6. May 27

    The Apology That Actually Heals

    Every conflict in your marriage gives you a choice: will you use it to deepen your connection and grow closer, or will you let it drive you further into resentment and disconnection? In this episode, we explore why genuine apologies are one of the most important repair tools in marriage. You’ll learn the science behind why apologies work, what happens when we refuse them or give fake ones, the negative feedback loop that can trap couples in disconnection, and a practical four-step apology process you can start using immediately. We discuss John Gottman’s research on repair, the difference between Masters and Disasters of relationships, Terry Real’s losing strategies, and how small, sincere repairs can build a rich “culture of repair” in your marriage. Key Resources & Studies Mentioned: Apologies in Close Relationships: A Review of Theory and Research (2015) by Jarrett T. Lewis, Gilbert R. Parra, and Robert Cohen Journal of Family Theory & Review APA PsycNet LinkRefusing to Apologize Can Have Psychological Benefits (2013) by Tyler G. Okimoto and colleagues European Journal of Social PsychologyWhy Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner AmazonThe Gottman Institute – Research on repair attempts, culture of repair, Negative Sentiment Override, and emotional availability Gottman.comTerry Real’s work on Relational Life Therapy and losing strategies (highly recommended: The New Rules of Marriage) Action Step: Try the four-step apology process the next time conflict arises. Notice how it feels and what it does for your connection. If this episode resonated with you, share it with your partner and leave a review. Let us know in the comments: What’s one apology you’re committed to making this week? Tags: Marriage Advice, Healthy Relationships, Apologies, Conflict Resolution, Gottman Method, Terry Real, Relationship Repair, Emotional Intelligence Get in Touch Website: MasterYourMarriage.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

    24 min

  7. May 14

    It’s Not Conflict That Ends Relationships, It’s Lack of Repair

    Conflict isn’t the problem in relationships — it’s the hurt we cause and the lack of repair that slowly breaks them. In this first episode of our 3-part Repair Mini-Series, we’re breaking down why repair is the most important skill every couple needs. You’ll learn: Why avoiding conflict actually makes relationships more fragileHow healthy couples actually have more conflict (and why that’s a good thing)The natural rhythm of all relationships: harmony, disharmony, and repairThe powerful lesson from Ed Tronick’s Still Face ExperimentFour game-changing beliefs that will shift how you see conflict foreverWhy repair starts with YOU (even when your partner is dysregulated) Featuring insights from Dr. John Gottman and Ed Tronick, this episode will completely reframe the way you think about arguments in your relationship. If you’ve ever wondered why some couples bounce back from conflict stronger while others slowly drift apart, this episode is for you. 🔥 Next week: Repair Attempts – How to do them well 🔥 Week after: Meaningful Apologies & Forgiveness If this resonated with you, please leave a 5-star review, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Your support helps us reach more people. Thanks for listening — take care of each other this week. Get in Touch Website: MasterYourMarriage.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

    23 min

  8. May 6

    How Withdrawal Slowly Ends Marriages

    In the final episode of our 8-week series on Losing Relationship Strategies, we explore withdrawal — one of the most subtle, sneaky, and destructive patterns couples fall into. Robert and Sharla unpack how disengaging from the relationship (emotionally, physically, sexually, digitally, or even at the level of choice) slowly erodes connection and can eventually lead to living parallel lives. You’ll learn: How withdrawal shows up in both extreme and everyday forms — from stonewalling and “fine” syndrome to digital escape, martyr mode, over-investment in kids/career/hobbies, and the especially sneaky pattern of withdrawing from choosing the marriage while still physically staying in it.The dangerous “Distance and Isolation Cascade” identified by John Gottman that often leads to divorce.Why the opposite of love isn’t hate — it’s apathy.The critical difference between unhealthy withdrawal and healthy mature acceptance (including Dr. Terry Real’s powerful reckoning question and the beautiful Phyllis & Doug story).How to practice responsible distance-taking instead of stonewalling or silent check-out.The #1 rule that reveals whether you’re truly accepting something or quietly withdrawing. This episode is filled with honest self-reflection, practical tools, and hope. If you’ve ever felt like you and your partner are just coexisting instead of truly connecting, this one is for you. Key Takeaways Withdrawal is disinvesting from the relationship — usually when we’re not getting what we want.You can’t get your needs met by pulling away.The presence of resentment is the clearest sign you’re in withdrawal, not acceptance.Responsible space-taking always includes an understanding + a promise of return.Awareness of your patterns is the first step to interrupting them. Journaling Questions Which losing strategies do you favor? Where might you be withdrawing from fully choosing the relationship?Where did you learn these strategies? Who modeled them growing up?In your opinion — which losing strategies does your spouse tend to use?How might your strategies feed into your partner’s (and vice versa)?Share your observations about yourself with your partner (not about them). Resources Mentioned The New Rules of Marriage by Dr. Terry RealThe work of Drs. John & Julie GottmanThe work of Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a rating and review — it helps us reach more couples who need this message. And if you know someone who might benefit, please share this episode with them. Thank you for joining us through this entire Losing Strategies series. Be kind and take care of each other this week. It really is the small things done often that make the biggest difference. Get in Touch Website: MasterYourMarriage.us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/masteryourmarriage Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MasterYourMarriage/

    28 min
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About

The average couple waits 6 years to get help in their marriage. That's 6 years of pain, hurt, frustration and lost opportunity. This podcast is designed to help you NOT become a part of that statistic. Hosted by Dr. Robert and Sharla Snow — themselves married for 31 years — The Master Your Marriage show is here with straight-talking guidance on how to fill your marriage with fun, friendship and love, without it ever feeling like "hard work." No matter how long you've been struggling with your marriage, or how long it's been since you've felt that "spark," we promise you, there is hope! Your MASTERFUL marriage starts here.

Information

  • Creator
    Sharla and Robert Snow
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    166
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Sharla and Robert Snow
  • Show Website
    Master Your Marriage

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