Plan Be Stephanie Olegario

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148171118

Contact Stephanie here: hello@stephanieolegario.com

Summary:
Why is feeling worthy a problem? What happens as w result? What to do to feel more self-worth?

Highlights:
00:08:12

And it's just how could I allow the good stuff to come if I haven't done enough?

 

00:08:26

Am I seen as worthy? Do I seem to be seen as valuable so as a child if a 99 wasn't good enough. That means I wasn't worthy or deserving of praise or celebration.

 

00:09:25

You feel guilty when you start to feel like you have high self worth like.

 

00:10:00

Somebody is coming in and going, oh, I am worthy of, you know the universal abundance, riches and wealth and freedom, and all these things, and then people are like. Are you sure you are? I mean, there's so many people suffering in the world. Who are you? Who are you to say that? Right? So then you start to feel guilty for wanting more to allow good stuff to happen

 

00:11:13

Because we have to repay the debts of our parents. We have to give back to them. We're not deserving of their love because they've done more than we could ever ask them for to come here, and we have that in the back of our mind, right? So we will feel guilty if we start to give ourselves something good.

 

00:11:52

We feel guilty to have that opportunity because things have been handed to us a bit easier

 

00:12:57

So it's just who am I to receive this good thing when other people can't.

 

00:13:44

He would always want to remind me how lucky I was to have someone like him to stick around with a person like me.

 

00:14:48

Those toxic relationships really damage a person's self-esteem. Because if you're fortunate enough to get out of that toxic relationship. You're gonna come out broken. so battered, broken down. And then you're gonna look in that lens and be like, no, no one's gonna want me. And then we hold on to those toxic relationships because you start to believe it, because your self-worth is so low.

 

00:15:47

A parental figure making you feel like you're not deserving of love or not worthy of being a part of their life like you were a mistake.

 

00:16:18

I'm 6 years old. My mom and dad don't love me. They wish they never had me. How could a child recover from that?

 

00:18:44

I am very well reminded about all the things that people want to put on me. My labels.

 

00:21:11

I'm from Canada. I was born here, but, like just from my like, my ethnicity, my ancestry. I'm invisible.

 

00:22:46

How could a woman feel themselves as being worthy at an organization or a workplace. if they're not even regarded as equal

 

00:23:36

You're looking at me as if the woman is the best part to save money for your organization.

 

00:24:53

But like I've had some shit happen to me in all my workplaces because of my sexual orientation. It's no wonder I was always jumping in and out of the closet all the time, or just didn't feel like it was relevant for people to know and not standing around waving a flag, being very proud

 

00:26:04

How can a woman. you know, like a fem lesbian woman person of color, right? Feel some sort of self-worth when you're constantly bombarded with all of this. It's hard enough to be strong already given, you know, an upbringing that wasn't so great. But literally we're on a battlefield every day just trying to be. How could I even feel myself as being deserving of all these other things when it's so hard with, you know the childhood upbringing, feeling guilty for wanting more. You know, toxic relationships that just kick you to the curb and make you feel like shit. And then you have these societal influences of of people just treating you these ways because of all these labels.

 

00:28:01

What happens to you is that you really don't trust anything like you know that saying it's like, if it's too good to be true, it probably isn't. That's like literally yo

Contact Stephanie here: hello@stephanieolegario.com

Summary:
Understanding Hustle CultureProductivity ShamingCycle BreakersPep-Talk

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Does this resonate with you? Let me know.

Please email me with any episode topics that you would like to hear about or feedback at hello@stephanieolegario.com 

 

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148090703 

Join the free Meetup - Harmony Collective: https://www.meetup.com/the-harmony-collective/

Contact Stephanie here: hello@stephanieolegario.com

 

Summary:
Why are people feeling lonely How can we be more connected How to cope with feeling lonely Join our community – Harmony Collective

Highlights:
00:01:07

Loneliness is an epidemic.

00:01:49We are connected digitally more than ever, in a way that we could be more responsive by the second. And yet we're so separate. We're so separate…

00:02:17We're talking about really serious disconnection. But we're craving connection. So that's why today's episode's really important. We're going to go over. This whole idea about loneliness is an epidemic right now. A lot of people are experiencing it silently suffering.

00:05:40But it's that longing for that human connection. We love that feeling and anyone can say that they're like, I don't need this…we still do. Why else are we still looking around for something that feels that way?

00:15:09Nothing is ever static. The only thing that's consistent in life is change.

00:18:35But people start to feel lonely when they feel like they don't belong, and they can't have people who vibe with them.

00:19:08Sometimes relationships have a time and place. And there's lessons to be learned during that time and place, but it also has a time to end or it could be outgrown.

00:20:33If change and transitions are part of life, so is loneliness. We're always going to be in pursuit of that sense of belonging: that sense of feeling seen and heard and understood by others. And once you acknowledge that we're always gonna have this in her life. There's going to be times in transition periods where we're going to have to find it new people.

00:22:40Sometimes we expect people to fill that void of loneliness in ourselves. 

00:24:51It starts with us to fill that void of loneliness. 

00:25:54if I have that void within myself, and feeling that loneliness within. Will anybody ever be good enough for me to fill it?

00:26:35Loneliness is a serious epidemic right now. A lot of people are going through it.

00:30:06We’re setting ourselves up for more loneliness by the way that we set up our lives. What might be convenient like on demand? Quick answers, texting like rapid fire responses like getting things done that way, sending an email. There's no connection.

00:30:58We're losing that sense of connectedness with human beings.

00:34:13This is human connection, community feeling, that sense of being seen, heard, understood, a sense of belonging and feeling. Community dies when people are too self-sufficient. Communities help lift you up, make you feel good, grow, feel a sense of belonging. feel a sense of purpose like you're contributing to something.

00:35:37You're numbing out every day, because you feel so lonely watching all this TV binging on episodes, seasons of things, playing video games and just putting the headphones on and not listening, you know.Being overstimulated and finding things to keep busy keeping busy with stuff to make you busy. You're like. Oh, no, no, no, I can't go and hang out, because I'm so busy doing this stuff just to make you so feel like you're doing something. But really you're lonely inside.

00:41:05If you don't do the self-awareness work and inner work. You'll always feel lonely because you'll always continuously be adapting yourself to someone who you are not, and you will be more disconnected to not only other people, but disconnected to yourself, because you won't be able to have those meaningful relationships and have quality. When I say quality it's in your perspective of quality, social connections because they will never be true. They will be based off of some facade that isn't real.

00:46:45It's not that a lot of people who are independent want to be doing it on their own. We've been so ingrain

Full transcript available at: https://www.stephanieolegario.com/podcasts/plan-be/episodes/2148070696

Contact Stephanie here: hello@stephanieolegario.com

Summary:
Who is Stephanie? Why Plan Be and Why is it Important? What is a People Pleaser?

Highlights:
00:03:37 So growing up my whole life in terms of that part. It was hard to straddle both worlds. you know. It's like..living in between two different types of cultures, the Canadian culture…what is it like to be Canadian enough in how to navigate this society and just being here and then coming home and then juggling. What is it like to be, Filipino? What does it mean to be Filipino enough?

00:04:52 Coming in as a second generation Canadian. I was raised that hard work was the most important thing. It was so important to work hard with your grades at school, being busy doing other stuff and then eventually having multiple jobs. 00:08:15 It makes you feel inadequate, and whatever you're doing is never enough.

00:08:26 And growing up really with the pressure as a woman, as I'm trying to navigate my body image. having the pressure of being either too skinny or too fat, and nothing was good enough either. so the whole concept of not being good enough. using fear, shame, and guilt to fuel me to become the person that I was, you know, in my 20 s. And 30 s.

00:09:18 Because I was trying to feel validated by somebody because other places in my life. I didn't feel acknowledged or seen or heard, so you know, when you feel unworthy, you end up getting into toxic relationships, hoping that that person would give you that thing you actually needed.

00:10:33 And I remember some nights when I know they didn't want to go to one of the jobs. I stay up as late as I can just to hold on. You know, to that piece of freedom before I go to that place where I feel like my soul is being crushed

00:11:13 It's funny when you sit down and recall. You know exactly what you've been through, because we're so focused on thinking about the future. Maybe we dwell on the past, but we never really sit down. And look how far we've come.

00:12:43 I mean, everybody's good at putting on a face but deep within me. I couldn't feel.

00:13:20 I couldn't feel sadness and just felt numb

00:13:45 I had this deep. deep resentment…And I remember growing up. growing up and learning what resentment to other people was, and even having resentment to them when that other person was just living their life. I had to change. I've been following this plan that wasn't even mine trying to just do the right thing. work and work and work.

00:15:42 I realize that I'm addicted to work. I know, I know…even with 100 hour workweeks

00:19:17 I'm going to learn about digital marketing. Maybe this is going to be my ticket to not having to have 3 jobs ordered the wrong book, the completely wrong book

00:20:44 She was saying that she was barely surviving. She was drowning, and no one can see it. And that resonated with me so hard. Gosh! I was like so this is it? What do I need to do right now with my life and take the reins?

00:21:51 But in that moment you can see that the signs are there. the signs to where to go. what to do. how to get there unfold on its own. I've been nudged and nudged and pointed around. and then it happened without me even thinking where I could be right now. where I didn't know the days of the week, and seeing my future from that time, because it was so stuck to being able to be here now and talking to you.

00:22:40 I lost connection with myself, which is why I couldn't feel.

00:24:37 Why can't we get back to age 6, where we believe that we could do anything where we had dreams and aspirations, and felt so much emotion that we could express it freely, instead of shutting it down, swallowing it. And that's really what it is. It's reconnecting to the true essence of you. Finding who you are, because you know that you don't know who you are. you know you don't know what you like, but really, if you

What is Plan Be the podcast?

Welcome to our podcast, "Plan Be hosted by Steph Olegario." Life often takes unexpected turns. You know… that feeling when the rug is pulled from underneath you? Where you’ve been doing “some thing” and lost yourself in the process?

When Plan A doesn't work out, it's time to take another route and embrace Plan Be.

Join us on this inspiring journey as we explore stories of resilience, self-discovery, and growth from individuals who have faced life's challenges head-on and carved their own unique path.

We will dive into practical tips, expert insights, and personal lived experiences to help you navigate change, reconnect within so that you can live your life on your terms.

The show covers a range of topics that encourage listeners to challenge the status quo and embrace their true passions and purpose.

Tune in and discover how embracing Plan Be can lead to extraordinary transformations in your life. Let's learn and thrive to Just Be - together! 🎙️