Pondoff's Anonymous

Pondoff’s Anonymous is the unfiltered recovery podcast that says the quiet part out loud. Hosted by Chris Pondoff, Jeff Allen, and Zoë Mendenall, it’s real talk about addiction, recovery, and everything between. Each episode dives into relapse, trauma, shame, and the hard f*cking work of getting better. Honest, raw, and laced with gallows humor, because sometimes the only way through pain is to laugh at it.

  1. Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice with Tiffany Foster

    3D AGO

    Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice with Tiffany Foster

    Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice Tiffany Foster's son Zack was 13 when he died from fentanyl poisoning at a friend's sleepover. He wasn't an addict. It was his first time. Eight days after his birthday, he was gone. Tiffany shares Zack's story -- his childhood, the night of August 28th, four years of legal battles, and the advocacy work she does now. If you're a parent, someone in recovery, or anyone who loves a young person, this one is for you. Fentanyl doesn't discriminate. Two milligrams -- the tip of a pencil -- is lethal. Zack had 44. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 -- Introduction to the Journey03:36 -- The Impact of Loss and Grief12:29 -- Understanding Zack's Childhood and Development24:32 -- Navigating Adolescence and Early Experimentation36:00 -- The Tragic Night and Its Consequences38:48 -- Navigating Parental Concerns42:05 -- The Night of the Incident44:28 -- The Shocking News51:50 -- Understanding the Overdose54:24 -- The Aftermath and Legal Proceedings01:01:32 -- The Trials and Sentencing01:19:12 -- Judicial System Insights and Parole Eligibility01:22:28 -- Navigating Grief and the Impact of Trials01:26:05 -- The Verdict: A Moment of Relief01:30:21 -- Joining the Fight Against Addiction01:33:08 -- Early Prevention and Education on Substance Use01:41:43 -- Hidden in Plain View: Raising Awareness01:48:11 -- Knowledge is Power: Engaging Parents in Prevention01:50:15 -- Creating Awareness Through Personal Stories01:52:53 -- The Importance of Authenticity in Communication01:56:05 -- Navigating Grief and Addiction02:01:40 -- The Journey of Recovery and Support02:05:51 -- The Role of Community in Healing02:10:37 -- Continuing the Conversation on Addiction ABOUT ZACK Born August 21, 2008. Outgoing, loving, never met a stranger. He loved horror movies, video games, soccer, and Halloween, and had a personality big enough to fill any room. He was eight days past his 13th birthday when he died. His toxicology came back with 44 milligrams of fentanyl -- a lethal dose is 2 to 5 milligrams, an amount that fits on the tip of a pencil. THE LEGAL OUTCOME Three adults were charged. Andrew Amalong: convicted, 40 years concurrent. Thomas Noonan -- whose biological daughter had died from fentanyl three weeks before Zack -- convicted, 45 years consecutive with a repeat offender enhancement. Jury deliberations: 90 minutes and 30 minutes respectively. Final sentencing: August 2025. WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO HEAR Fentanyl is in marijuana, counterfeit pills, and things no one expects. Two milligrams is lethal.Zack was not an addict. This was his first time. One try can be fatal now.Talk to your kids early -- the fear that the conversation invites experimentation is wrong.Know where your kids sleep. Vet the household, not just whether a parent is home.Fentanyl poisoning does not care about grades, zip codes, or family stability.ADDICTION IS REAL Tiffany is a board member of Addiction Is Real, a St. Louis nonprofit focused on early substance use prevention and education. Their Hidden in Plain View program is a bedroom display with 70+ warning signs and stash items parents wouldn't recognize. They're building permanent mobile trailer displays -- needed by April 2026. Free parent toolkit at addictionisreal.org. SPONSORS Light Source PsychotherapyMcKelvey Insurance Group | 618-623-0080 CONNECT pondoffsanonymous.com Pondoff's Anonymous | Chris Pandoff, Zoe Mendenall, Jeff Allen | Illinois Recovery Center | Music: McCall -- "Anti-Hero"

    2h 19m
  2. “We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullen

    MAR 2

    “We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullen

    “We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullenPondoff’s Anonymous Ryan Canaday and Karie McMullen from FREE Recovery Community in Denver join us for a raw, thoughtful conversation about addiction, faith, grief, and the power of community. This episode explores what happens when recovery shifts from isolation to connection. We talk about shame, anger at God, burnout in ministry spaces, losing people to addiction, and the kind of spiritual community that makes room for doubt instead of punishing it. At the center of this episode is one simple but powerful idea: “we” is stronger than “me.” About FREE Recovery Community FREE Recovery Community (Denver, CO) https://www.freerecoverycommunity.com A spiritually grounded recovery community focused on connection, belonging, and breaking shame through honest conversation. Time Stamps 00:00 – Introduction to the journey 03:12 – Transformative moments in recovery 08:55 – Faith, community, and what actually helps people heal 12:54 – Doubt, anger at God, and staying spiritually honest 17:47 – Addiction and family systems 22:48 – Desperation, surrender, and what finally shifts 30:32 – “We” is stronger than “me” 35:03 – The illusion of anonymity and the power of shame 59:53 – How FREE Recovery Community started 01:05:56 – Grief, funerals, and the urgency of the work 01:30:31 – Representation and belonging in spiritual spaces 02:00:56 – Baptism and redemptionConnect with Pondoff’s Anonymous https://www.pondoffsanonymous.com Sponsors McKelvey Insurance Group https://www.mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy (Belleville, IL) https://www.findyourlightsource.com

    2h 11m
  3. Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth with Theresa Solsten

    FEB 23

    Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth with Theresa Solsten

    🔥 Pondoff’s Anonymous – Show Notes 🎙️ Episode Title: Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth 🎧 Guest: Theresa Solsten Who this episode is for: - Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol - Families grieving someone lost to overdose — or what we’re calling it now: poisoning - Anyone carrying shame in silence - Men who’ve never been told they’re allowed to feel - Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life - Phish fans and the Phish-curious --- Theresa is back. And this one goes deep. Eight years ago, her sister Michelle died from fentanyl poisoning. Not a moral failure. Not a statistic. A poisoning. We talk about why language matters. Why “overdose” carries stigma. Why “poisoning” tells the truth. Most people who die from fentanyl never intended to die. They thought they were buying something else. They were wrong — and it cost them everything. Theresa shares: - Discovering her sister was using - Taking her to her first meeting - Clean time that ended quietly - The secrecy addicts build out of fear - The isolation of grieving someone society still judges “People choose isolation because they’re trying to feel safe.” That line hits. Addiction isn’t just self-destruction. It’s fear. Shame. Survival wiring that stopped working. We also talk about: - Therapy as preventative maintenance - Why support systems matter before crisis hits - Why men need emotional safe spaces - The “doorknob confession” phenomenon - How to challenge the thoughts that keep you stuck And yes — we talk about Phish. Because grief and joy coexist. You can carry loss and still debate your favorite live jam. You can mourn your sister and still show up to the show. Somewhere between cutting hair and holding space for clients unloading their lives, Theresa feels a pull toward something bigger in the recovery space. Behavioral health was her first love. Grief made it personal. Michelle’s story didn’t end when she died. It lives on every time it’s told. If you’ve ever: - Loved an addict - Been the addict - Lost someone and struggled to say it out loud - Sat in your car before work trying to steady yourself This episode is for you. Full transcript here: :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0} Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).

    2h 4m
  4. When Addiction Stops Being Fun | Cocaine, Meth, Prison & Recovery with Triple X

    FEB 9

    When Addiction Stops Being Fun | Cocaine, Meth, Prison & Recovery with Triple X

    Who this episode is for:Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol who still think they’re in controlPeople living double lives and calling it “functional”Anyone carrying childhood trauma they’ve never dealt withFamilies trying to love someone who keeps self-destructingAnyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and told themselves it was ambition This episode is not clean.It’s not polished.And it sure as hell isn’t motivational fluff. This is a full, unfiltered autopsy of addiction. Chris Pondoff and Zoe Mendenall sit down with Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate — and let him tell the whole story. Not the safe version. Not the highlight reel. The real one. From growing up poor with emotional abuse and abandonment…to chasing validation, power, money, and belonging…to cocaine, meth, large-scale dealing, paranoia, prison, relapse, and finally rebuilding a life with structure and purpose. This conversation tears apart the myth of the “functional addict” and exposes how addiction often starts as a solution — until it becomes the cage you can’t escape. Triple X walks through it all:When cocaine felt like confidence.When money felt like control.When the pager never stopped buzzing.When the helicopter light hit the apartment.When fun turned into fear.When meth changed everything.When prison became inevitable.When recovery finally demanded structure, discipline, and boundaries. There’s no glamor here.Just ego, trauma, chaos, consequences — and the long road back. You’ll hear about:Childhood emotional abuse and abandonmentTrauma as the root, not the excuseWhy structure is non-negotiable in recoveryCocaine, meth, and the escalation trapThe business side of addiction and how it growsLiving two lives and being exhausted by bothArrest, plea deals, prison, and consequencesRelapse, shame, and getting back upBuilding a new life through discipline and purpose This episode doesn’t ask for sympathy.It demands honesty. If you’re listening and thinking, “I’m not that bad,”you should probably keep listening. GUEST:Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate BOOK:Becoming the Change by Triple X SOCIAL MEDIA:TikTok: @be_the_change_recovery BUSINESS:Muther MushroomWebsite: https://muthermushroom.com/(Launching in the coming weeks) EPISODE TIMELINE:00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships05:54 Personal Stories and Connections12:03 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact22:03 Radical Inclusion in Recovery28:57 The Illusion of Control: Functional Addiction35:40 The Highs and Lows of Cocaine Use43:15 The Business of Addiction: From Small to Large Scale52:47 The Turning Point: From Fun to Fear58:35 The Introduction to Methamphetamine01:04:32 Family Dynamics and Addiction01:22:30 Turning Point: From Struggle to Success01:30:01 The Exhaustion of Dual Lives01:39:59 The Inevitable Fall: Facing Consequences01:50:00 The Arrest: A Life Unraveled02:01:10 Plea Bargaining and Sentencing02:12:23 Post-Prison Life and Business Ventures02:19:23 Relapse and Recovery Journey02:30:04 The Struggle with Addiction02:35:44 The Turning Point: A Wake-Up Call02:42:18 The Power of Positive Reinforcement02:48:32 Building a New Life: Recovery and Business Nothing about recovery is pretty.But it’s real.And it’s possible. Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).

    2h 57m
  5. Gut Instincts and Second Chances with Sam Lander

    FEB 2

    Gut Instincts and Second Chances with Sam Lander

    Who this episode is for:Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.Anyone rebuilding after wreckage—physical, emotional, legal.People whose guts are wrecked and spirits even worse.Ex-party people trying to become whole humans.Fitness freaks, trauma healers, and closet sugar junkies.Anyone who's ever made a mess of their life and needed to start over—again. Sam Lander has lived a few lifetimes in one. This episode goes hard into her journey—from synchronized swimmer and college partier to LA chaos and courtrooms to spiritual awakening and gut healing. She’s seen it all and now helps others feel better in their bodies and lives through science-backed, soul-conscious wellness work. Sam opens up about the rollercoaster of addiction, relapse, rehab, and recovery—not once, but over years of painful unraveling and healing. She talks about the pink cloud of early sobriety, how the body holds trauma, and what it really means to rebuild after everything falls apart. And she doesn’t just talk it—she lives it. Today, she runs a full-scale health and wellness practice that dives deep into gut health, hormones, and the mind-body connection. She’ll teach you how to run labs on yourself, heal your insides, and maybe even laugh while shitting in a box. Real talk. This is an episode about survival, reinvention, and finally figuring out what the hell makes you feel alive—and feel good. Work with Sam and get your gut right at:https://seefitpt.com Follow her on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/seefitliving TIME STAMPS:00:00 Navigating Distractions and Reactions05:08 Healthy Eating and Lifestyle Changes11:57 Sober Living and Its Challenges17:57 Personal Stories and Life Lessons24:05 The Impact of Substance Use30:12 Reflections on Recovery and Growth36:02 Life in Los Angeles and Career Paths42:01 Facing Consequences and Legal Issues46:28 Navigating Personal Struggles49:30 The Journey of Recovery52:23 Finding Strength in Vulnerability54:39 Life Lessons from Adversity56:42 The Impact of Relationships on Recovery01:00:50 Health and Wellness Insights01:02:19 The Role of Nutrition in Recovery01:06:33 Understanding Mental Health Challenges01:10:32 The Importance of Support Systems01:15:31 Reflections on Growth and Change Sponsored by🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.com

    1h 41m
  6. Velvet Nights & Coke Eyes with Shawn Vinson

    JAN 26

    Velvet Nights & Coke Eyes with Shawn Vinson

    Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever been owned by their addictionParents trying to fix what their kids won’t talk aboutBusiness bros who grind all day and snort all nightPeople trying to outrun their past (good luck)Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and called it “fun”The quietly curious — not in recovery (yet), but wondering what all the wreckage is really aboutThis week on Pondoff’s Anonymous, we go all the way in with Shawn Vinson — entrepreneur, ex-party monster, and the kind of guy who used to outdrink you, outwork you, and then take your girlfriend… all before brunch. But behind the suits and the lake house blowouts was a man chasing oblivion at full throttle. Shawn gets real about growing up with a broken relationship blueprint, drowning in validation-seeking, and building a life so externally successful it nearly killed him. We’re talking ecstasy-fueled club nights, lines in the bathroom at family events, and trying to “dad” while his soul was on fire. You’ll hear how a 12-step program flipped his rage into clarity, why prayer is now part of his survival kit, and how he’s channeling his chaos into coaching and entrepreneurship. There’s also a moment where his two-year-old daughter checks him on his cocaine eyes. If you’re not wrecked after that… you might already be. We hit everything from early insecurity and high school boozing, to the brutal come-to-Jesus moments that make recovery stick. And yeah — we go deep on what it really means to rebuild a life from the ashes when no one’s clapping and nothing’s pretty. Episode Breakdown (You Know the Drill): 00:00 – Shot of Coffee and a Side of Chaos01:28 – Meet Shawn Vinson: The Wolf of Wall Street of the Ozarks04:52 – Families: Can’t Live with ’Em, Can’t Stay Sober Without ’Em12:08 – Addiction Doesn’t Just Wreck You — It Torches the Whole Family Tree18:24 – When a Toddler Calls Out Your Cocaine Eyes24:59 – 12-Step Rage Turned 12-Step Redemption31:14 – Young, Dumb, and Looking for Love in All the Dysfunctional Places31:42 – Medicated and Proud: The Daily Ritual That Keeps Us Sane32:25 – High School: Insecurity, Hormones, and Bud Light34:17 – Booze as a Social Superpower (Until It Isn’t)37:22 – Discovering Ecstasy and the Gospel of Velvet Nightclub40:08 – Cocaine, Clubs, and the Illusion of Invincibility43:17 – New Friends, New Lows, and All the Free Drinks You Can Snort46:20 – Corporate Hustle Meets Party Animal: Shawn Joins the Family Biz51:31 – The Lake House Turns Into a Blown‑Out Frat Mansion52:28 – Consequences: The House Always Wins56:23 – Chasing the First High Straight Into Hell59:31 – Chaos, Camaraderie, and the Power of Unlikely Brotherhood01:01:47 – Why Vulnerability Feels Like Taking Your Skin Off01:03:24 – Addiction Is an Equal Opportunity Destroyer01:06:12 – Love, Lust, and Lines of Blow: Relationships in the Wreckage01:10:14 – Sobriety Isn’t a Destination — It’s a F*****g Fight01:19:30 – Owning the Fallout, One Step at a Time01:26:13 – Looking Back to Move Forward (Even When It Hurts Like Hell)01:29:36 – Early Recovery: Welcome to the Emotional Blender01:32:19 – Community, Accountability, and Not Doing This Shit Alone01:39:08 – Prayer, Presence, and Getting Intentional With Life01:47:04 – From Snorting Lines to Coaching Lives: Shawn’s Next ChapterCheck out Shawn’s coaching work at: https://xpansion.com Sponsored by: McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com/LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.com/

    1h 59m
  7. From Train Wreck to Captain Courage with George Hansford

    JAN 19

    From Train Wreck to Captain Courage with George Hansford

    Who this episode is for: - Bar owners who can’t stop drinking their own profits - Anyone who thinks boating and sobriety can’t mix - Those living with the secret shame of family dysfunction - People who think recovery means giving up fun - Old-school St. Louisans with a soft spot for Trainwreck Saloon - Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life If you’ve ever built a life that looked good on paper but felt like a slow-motion disaster, this one’s for you. Chris and Zoë sit down with St. Louis bar legend George Hansford—founder and owner of the iconic Trainwreck Saloon—and get real about 40+ years in the brutal bar business, alcoholism, grief, family secrets, and finally, finding hope at the end of a bottle. Literally. George opens up about growing up in Brentwood, losing both parents by age 25, and how years of unprocessed pain fueled a decades-long drinking career—until a packed suitcase and one final bender forced him to change. This episode dives deep into how trauma festers into addiction—and how it can be healed through honesty, community, and one hell of a recovery journey that took George from the landing to Key West, where he now runs Courage Charters (http://www.couragecharters.com), a name inspired by the Serenity Prayer and powered by the gift of sobriety. This dude’s not just running boats—he’s giving people hope on the water. And if that doesn’t make you cry or at least book a four-hour sandbar escape, check your pulse. Also in this episode: - Tales from Brentwood ice rink and run-ins with NHL legends - A behind-the-scenes look at the wildest nights in STL bar history - What it’s like to get sober when *you* are the bar owner - Why interventions suck—but sometimes still work - The life-changing power of “suitcase day” (aka when your wife finally packs your shit) - What recovery looks like in Key West (spoiler: it’s not all Jimmy Buffett and sunburns) Find George: Facebook – Trainwreck Saloon: http://www.facebook.com/TrainwreckSaloon Facebook – Courage Charters: http://www.facebook.com/couragecharters 🛥️ Book a charter: http://www.couragecharters.com 🍔 Grab a bison burger: http://www.trainwrecksaloon.com What’s inside (yeah, we timestamped the chaos): 0:00 – Intro & sponsor shoutout 2:59 – The legacy of Trainwreck Saloon 5:58 – Brentwood roots, bison burgers, and Blues players at the bar 9:00 – Alcoholism in the family and trying to outrun it 11:59 – Running bars, losing control, and pretending everything’s fine 15:00 – Death, denial, and what it really means to heal 18:00 – Getting sober after 30+ years of burying pain 20:48 – From the bar scene to recovery scene: how shit changed 23:56 – Fireball, slot machines, and surviving the modern bar biz 26:58 – What’s next after recovery (hint: it involves a boat) 29:00 – Drinking culture then vs. now 31:40 – Health failing, marriage breaking—rock bottom creeps in 32:35 – Suitcase day: when your wife packs your shit and saves your life 35:01 – What real support in recovery looks like 39:04 – Why relapse happens, and how George finally got honest 41:20 – Building community when you're the former drunk at your own bar 45:17 – Losing a friend, finding purpose, and becoming a f*****g captain 51:31 – Courage Charters is born: a new life on the water 56:44 – Sobriety is a gift. Period. 1:00:14 – Key West living: fishing, chillin’, and real peace 1:03:02 – Tourists vs. locals: the truth about “laid back” 1:05:58 – Recovery in paradise: meetings, connection, and keeping it simple 1:08:04 – Prayer, resentment, and doing the hard shit anyway 1:09:54 – Service work, growth, and giving back 1:10:58 – A surprise trip to Cuba 1:18:09 – Grief, love, and the long road to healing 1:19:55 – COVID, restaurants, and everything that changed Sponsored by: 🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – http://www.mckelveyins.com 🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy – http://www.findyourlightsource.com

    1h 27m
4.8
out of 5
77 Ratings

About

Pondoff’s Anonymous is the unfiltered recovery podcast that says the quiet part out loud. Hosted by Chris Pondoff, Jeff Allen, and Zoë Mendenall, it’s real talk about addiction, recovery, and everything between. Each episode dives into relapse, trauma, shame, and the hard f*cking work of getting better. Honest, raw, and laced with gallows humor, because sometimes the only way through pain is to laugh at it.

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