Real Over Ideal

Vanessa Gorelkin
  • 5.0 (8)
  • MENTAL HEALTH

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

  1. 14H AGO

    The Motivation Secret

    Click here to send us a message Rethinking Motivation: How to Make Change Without Waiting for Feelings to Align In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Garelkin challenges the myth that motivation is the secret to lasting change. Instead, she provides practical strategies rooted in behavioral science for acting without feeling motivated, emphasizing that structure, habits, and environment are the real drivers of progress. Main insights include:   Motivation is not a personality trait but a complex system involving emotion, desire, and energy.  Famous figures like Edison and J.  K. Rowling succeeded not because they waited for motivation but because they built resilience and persistence.   Self-criticism and fear are motivation killers; they activate shame and threat responses that hinder progress.  The middle phase of change is the hardest, often mistaken for failure—most quit because of boredom or impatience, not incapacity.  Success relies on acting despite not feeling motivated, through structured habits and environmental adjustments.  Practical strategies such as lowering effort barriers, leveraging the 90-second rule, pairing tasks with appealing rewards, and shaping your environment can ignite action.  Building consistency in small, manageable steps fosters mastery and diminishes reliance on fleeting motivation.  Family dynamics and societal roles often constrain self-perception; redefining your identity starts with small, intentional actions.  Motivation is fleeting, but habits and structured systems create lasting change.  Timestamps:00:00 - Motivation: The myth and the reality Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

  2. APR 2

    Body positivity or dangerous trend? Part 2 with Pam Moore

    Click here to send us a message Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    28 min

  3. MAR 26

    Texts to a Therapist: Volume I

    Click here to send us a message The Power of Reaching Out: Why Support in Moments of Need Matters In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the importance of reaching out for support between therapy sessions, debunking common fears and highlighting research-backed benefits. Whether you’re hesitant to bother your therapist or unsure when to seek help, this episode offers reassurance and practical insights to normalize support-seeking as a vital part of mental health and taking care of yourself in a holistic way. Please let us know if you'd like more 'texts to a therapist'-- there are loads of examples and if it's helpful to see how common your questions might be-- glad to help! Main Topics Covered: The human tendency to minimize the need for support and the myths around being "too much"How social support impacts physical and mental health, from lowering stress to reducing illness risksCommon text messages clients send and what they reveal about universal emotional themesPractical strategies for managing intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and boundary-settingThe value of reaching out in real time, before a crisis developsEncouragement to reframe support-seeking as a sign of strength, not weakness Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    16 min

  4. MAR 19

    ADHD Tool Kit: The Nightwatchman Hypothesis

    Click here to send us a message Exploring the Night Watchman Hypothesis and Human Sleep Patterns In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa delves into the intriguing science behind why some people naturally wake at night and how this ancient survival strategy shapes our sleep today.  Discover how understanding the Night Watchman Hypothesis  (also known as the Sentinel Hypothesis) can help you embrace your sleep style and foster better relationships. Topics covered include: The evolutionary roots of staggered sleep and the Night Watchman HypothesisHow ancient humans and other species distributed vigilance across group members The science behind nighttime awakenings and their universality across culturesThe mismatch between modern life and our innate sleep patternsHow circadian rhythms influence individual sleep preferences and societal perceptionsPractical ways to understand and respect different sleep chronotypesThe importance of communication and flexibility in shared sleeping arrangementsTimestamps: 00:00 - Introduction to the nocturnal brain and the Night Watchman Hypothesis 00:40 - The evolutionary importance of staggered sleep and vigilance 02:08 - How sleep has been historically unsafe and group-based 03:11 - Evidence from hunter-gatherer tribes and species like desert birds 04:06 - Variability in sleep patterns as an inherited survival trait 05:01 - Cross-cultural research showing universal nighttime awakenings 06:16 - The natural diversity in human sleep types and their roles 07:06 - The societal bias against night owls and circadian rhythm misconceptions 08:01 - Reflecting on individual sleep preferences and neurological differences 09:20 - Practical experiment: Surveying your community about natural sleep habits 10:20 - Navigating opposite sleep rhythms in relationships through communication 11:45 - Embracing diverse circadian rhythms within households Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

  5. MAR 12

    Good Bodies—with Pam Moore

    Click here to send us a message Content warning: Discussions of weight loss, disordered eating, obesity (medical term vs. medical slur) and body image, body positivity narratives. The word ‘fat’ -is used as a neutral descriptor when it appears in this conversation. Navigating Body Positivity, Weight Loss, and Societal Narratives with Pam Moore This is the 1st in a 2 part series responding to the NY Times Editorial featuring former body positive 'influencer' Gabriella Loscano. In this episode, Real Over Ideal host, Vanessa Gorelkin, and friend of the podcast, Pam Moore, dissect the recent New York Times opinion piece on body positivity.  Pam and Vanessa explore the societal implications of weight bias, the nuances of intuitive eating, and media narratives around health and body size.  Key topics: The influence of media framing on societal perceptions of weight and body positivity The history & original goals of the "Health at Every Size" movement How influencer culture twisted body positivity and the importance of nuance The crux of disinformation around weight, health risks, and their correlations The role of language, such as terms "obese" and "overweight," and their societal connotations The importance of psychological flexibility and evolving self-beliefs Free NY Times Editorial with Gabriella Loscano: https://youtu.be/xXrGrsvR3wo?si=MPJDjkLE1-fV5u92 Connect with Pam Moore: https://www.pam-moore.com/  This episode encourages compassionate, nuanced conversations about health, weight, and societal narratives. Remember, evolving your beliefs and understanding is part of self-trust and growth. Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    31 min

  6. MAR 5

    Remember when the world shut down?

    Click here to send us a message In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the lasting impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic as we mark its six-year anniversary. Through a blend of personal anecdotes and expert insights, Vanessa examines the emotional and systemic challenges faced by individuals and communities worldwide. She offers a compassionate guide to understanding the profound changes in our personal and professional lives, emphasizing the importance of resilience and growth.  Listeners are invited to reflect on their own pandemic journeys with thoughtfully crafted prompts and practical strategies for processing grief and embracing a new normal. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of how we can learn from adversity, find strength in vulnerability, and foster a sense of community through shared stories and experiences. *Note: anecdotes about any of Vanessa's former employers or associates are just that--anecdotes, not claims of factual information. This is a podcast, not a court of law.  Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

  7. FEB 26

    Understanding Disappointment: Neuroscience & Resilience

    Click here to send us a message Have you ever felt the sting of a disappointment? Welcome to being a human being. In this episode of Real Over Ideal- Vanessa Gorelkin talks about the brain science of disappointment and how to manage it in your own life. She addresses a listener’s very real question and encourages listeners in their own reframe of past experiences that didn’t go as planned. Disappointment is a neurological event that affects our brain and body. In this episode, we explore how disappointment works biologically, how to reframe it, and practical strategies to recover and grow from setbacks. Key Topics The science behind disappointment: brain activity and physical painWhy disappointment is a normal biological response, not a character flawTechniques to shorten the emotional "half-life" of disappointmentPracticing emotional duality: holding two truths at onceReclaiming agency by focusing on next steps, not outcomesBuilding perspective through reflection on past recoveriesThe importance of self-respect in resilience and moving forwardIf you love practical solutions that are evidence based and delivered in language that’s down to Earth and approachable- this is the episode to try. Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    16 min

  8. FEB 19

    The Ultimate Deep Dive into Apple TV's Severance (and Plur1bus): with Allen Stare

    Click here to send us a message Exploring Severance and Beyond: A Deep Dive with Allen Stare In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin and Allen Stare, creator of the acclaimed Severed: The Ultimate Severance Podcast and host of the brand new (as of February 2026) Hello Carol: The Ultimate Plur1bus Podcast spend time exploring themes of work-life balance and corporate satire. Vanessa and Allen do some behind-the-scenes storytelling about what makes Severance such a phenomenon—plus listeners gain insights into Allen’s passion for deep analysis, storytelling, and his latest projects. Hello Carol: The Ultimate Plur1bus podcast being his newest endeavor into ultimate rewatch territory. Key Topics: The origins and creative process behind AppleTV's Severance and its thematic depthHow corporate culture and identity resonate with audiencesThe role of humor and satire in dark, heavy series like SeveranceAllen’s deep research techniques, including identifying Easter eggs and production detailsThe inspiration and influence of Office Space, Breaking Bad, and other pop culture on Allen’s podcastsPractical advice on maintaining work-life balance and finding joy in hobbies that spill over into workThe importance of detail-oriented viewing and enjoying media on a layered levelBehind the scenes stories from production, including script insights and casting detailsThe cultural commentary on employee identity and corporate control in modern workplacesHow Allen’s podcasts serve as love letters to storytelling and analytical engagementResources Hello Carol - The Ultimate Pluribus Podcast by Allen StareSevered: The Ultimate Severance Podcast by Allen StareApple TV+ Severance: https://tv.apple.com/show/severanceThe Matrix (1999):Office Space (1999)Sandy Pony Donuts: https://sandypony.com Allen Stares shares a passion for storytelling, detailed analysis, and connecting with audiences over themes of work and identity. His podcasts go beyond surface-level critique, offering a richly layered exploration of beloved series and their cultural impact. Whether you’re a Severance fan or just love deep dives into media, Allen’s work enriches understanding and sparks curiosity. Get busy taking a listen to Hello Carol: the Ultimate Plur1bus Podcast-- you won't be sorry. Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    1 hr
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About

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

Information

  • Creator
    Vanessa Gorelkin
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    51
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Real Over Ideal
  • Show Website
    Real Over Ideal

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