Real Over Ideal

Vanessa Gorelkin
  • 5.0 (8)
  • Mental Health

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

  1. 3d ago

    The Anxiety of ‘What If’

    Overcoming the "What-Ifery": How to Tame Your Brain's Catastrophic Thinking In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the fascinating phenomenon of "what-ifery" — the mental habit of imagining every potential disaster. She explores how this is a natural but often unhelpful part of human cognition and offers practical, science-backed tools to build resilience against anxiety caused by relentless hypothetical fears. Main Topics: The neurological basis of "what-ifery" and intolerance of uncertaintyHow catastrophic thinking amplifies anxiety and shrinks your worldFive effective techniques grounded in cognitive science for managing worry and uncertaintyPractical tools like labeling thoughts, shrinking timelines, and body anchoringHow to shift from prediction to capability to foster confidence in decision-making  Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  2. Jul 9

    Summertime Blues- Remastered

    Here's a great episode published a little over a year ago that always matters in the summertime. If you're a person who knows the summertime blues or have a loved one who feels this way-- help is on the way in this updated episode. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  3. Jul 2

    Your Emotional "HOA"

    Uncover and Rewrite Your Emotional Homeowners Association Rules In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores how subconscious "rules"—much like HOA bylaws—govern our emotions and behaviors, often causing stress and guilt. She offers practical strategies to identify outdated or unhelpful rules and update them to better serve our current lives. Key Topics: The metaphor of emotional HOAs and how they enforce internal rulesHow childhood and cultural messages embed rules we aren't aware ofThe impact of outdated rules on our mental health and well-beingTechniques to identify, question, and revise limiting internal rulesThe importance of values-based behavior over rigid rule enforcement Recognizing conditioned responses, like feeling guilty about bedmakingPractical tips for practicing self-compassion and updating internal standards The connection between self-regulation, self-schema, and guiltHow to shift from punishment to flexible, realistic standards Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  4. Jun 25

    Imposter Syndrome

    Embracing Imposter Syndrome: A Personal Reflection with Vanessa Gorelkin In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin openly shares her recent struggles with procrastination and imposter syndrome, providing a candid behind-the-scenes look at confronting self-doubt. It’s a relatable deep dive into understanding and managing imposter feelings, especially for high-achievers and those navigating new challenges.Key Topics   The personal battle with imposter syndrome and how it can delay progressThe prevalence and scientific basis of imposter syndrome, affecting up to 62% of peopleCharacteristics of those prone to imposter feelings: conscientious, high-achieving, sensitive Imposter syndrome as a cognitive distortion: a mismatch between perceived and actual competenceEnvironment factors that amplify imposter feelings: underrepresented groups, ambiguous rolesNeuroscience insights: the brain’s threat detection system versus confidence-buildingPractical tips to recognize and confront imposter syndrome, including labeling feelings and perspective shiftingThe importance of growth mindset: replacing "I don’t know" with "I’m learning"Standard post-graduation doubts and how they are natural steps into professional identityReassurance that feeling like an imposter signals growth, not incompetenceEncouragement to "do it anyway" despite doubts and high standards  Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  5. Jun 18

    Ariana Grande & (Energy) Receipts like Phone Numbers

    Understanding the Bounce Back Tax: Why High-Functioning Days Leave You Drained Ever had a day where everything seems to go perfectly, only to crash the next morning? This episode breaks down the concept of the "bounce back tax" — the invisible toll your body and brain pay after high-energy days — and offers practical strategies to manage it without guilt or burnout. Main Topics Covered:  The science behind effort costs and energy expenditure How high-functioning days deplete cognitive resources and cause physical fatigueThe role of ego depletion, allostatic load, and dopamine dips in post-productivity crashesSocial science insights into social regulation fatigue and emotional laborPractical strategies: The 80% day, reset window, and minimum effort floorsReframing rest as productive recovery rather than non-functional  Remember, your high-energy days cost something — honoring that helps you build sustainable productivity and kindness to yourself. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  6. Jun 11

    Relapse and Recovery

    Understanding and Navigating Mental Health Relapses with Vanessa Gorelkin. In this episode, your host, Vanessa Gorelkin, a licensed occupational therapist with 30 years of experience, discusses the often misunderstood nature of mental health relapses. She shares her personal journey with depression, explains why relapse is a common part of recovery, and provides practical strategies to cope and prevent shame during setbacks. Main Topics: The reality of mental health relapses as a natural, predictable part of recoveryThe importance of accepting medication and continuous care for chronic mental health conditionsHow shame and silence can worsen mental health setbacks and why honesty is vitalPractical steps: honesty, consistency, and compassion during relapseStories of resilience, including Kaylee's experience with depression and relapse managementThe significance of support systems and open communication with loved onesMyths about linear recovery and embracing a lifelong management approach Remember, relapse is a chapter, not the entire story. With honesty, support, and self-compassion, you can navigate setbacks and continue your journey towards mental wellness. Hey listeners! From the heart-- this episode was emotional--  I cried while I recorded it (admittedly, I'm a pretty easy crier!) because talking about relapse is painful but I truly hope this episode helpful someone today. Sending love your way. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  7. Jun 4

    Life Skills Toolbox: Body Doubling

    Struggling with household tasks due to overwhelm or ADHD? Vanessa Gorelkin shares a compassionate, step-by-step body doubling approach to help you initiate and complete chores with less stress. This episode offers practical exercises to tackle cleaning, laundry, and dishes in manageable blocks, emphasizing progress over perfection. Key Topics: The concept of body doubling and its benefits for neurodivergent brainsWhy tasks pile up: breaking down complex chores into simple, achievable stepsHow co-presence reduces cognitive load and increases task initiationThe importance of micro-movements and focusing on one item at a timeGuided routines for cleaning a room, doing laundry, and washing dishesStrategies for managing overwhelm, including silence and pacing techniquesEncouragement to view progress as meaningful, not perfectWe hope you enjoy this body doubling experiential episode! Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

  8. May 28

    Fear of being Perceived

    Embracing Visibility: Overcoming Fear of Being Perceived What is the fear of being perceived? Discover practical ways to navigate the universal fear of being perceived in a world obsessed with visibility.  Vanessa Gorelkin explores this fear and why it intensifies, especially in the digital age and post-pandemic, and offers actionable strategies to build confidence and authenticity. Main Topics: The emotional experience behind the fear of being perceivedHow hyper-visibility impacts mental health and behaviorPractical exercises to gradually increase comfort with visibility In this episode: Why the fear of being perceived isn’t about literal watching but interpretationThe rise of hyper-visibility and self-surveillance in modern cultureCommon behavioral responses: shrinking, masking, disappearing The importance of 'being seen' as a fundamental human needThree practical experiments to reduce fear: micro-visibility, separating perception from judgment, letting others be wrongHow the pandemic has heightened self-consciousness and self-observationAccepting imperfection and building resilience against misinterpretation Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

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About

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

Information

  • Creator
    Vanessa Gorelkin
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    65
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Real Over Ideal
  • Show Website
    Real Over Ideal

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