Real Over Ideal

Vanessa Gorelkin

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

  1. 12H AGO

    Is Internal Family Systems Bullsh*t ?

    Click here to send us a message Title: Unpacking Internal Family Systems: Benefits, Critiques, and Practical InsightsIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the therapeutic model of Internal Family Systems (IFS), sharing her personal experiences, scientific findings, common critiques, anda practical exercise. Whether you're a practitioner, client, or simply curious about this approach, you'll find valuable insights into how IFS can support healing and self-understanding.Key Topics: The principles behind Internal Family Systems: parts, self, and internal leadershipVanessa's personal experiences and how IFS fosters breakthroughsThe controversy: critiques around research, metaphor reliance, and trauma oversimplificationScientific evidence supporting IFS: PTSD reduction, emotional regulation, and empowermentThe response to critiques: research limitations, the role of imagery, and trauma complexityPractical demonstration: a safe, simple IFS exercise for self-awarenessHow to assess a therapist's use of IFS and avoid potential misuse The importance of applying IFS within a broader, trauma-informed contextThe potential for transformation when used ethically and skillfully Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    17 min
  2. APR 30

    How to Handle a Panic Attack like a boss

    Click here to send us a message How to Truly Handle a Panic Attack-- Practical Neuroscience-Based Strategies In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin debunks common misconceptions about panic attacks and anxiety, sharing evidence-based techniques rooted in neuroscience. If you've struggled with ineffective calming methods online, this guide provides clear, practical advice for interrupting and managing panic in the real world. Key Topics: The fundamental difference between panic attacks and anxiety, including neurocircuitry distinctionsWhy traditional methods like deep breathing and talking it out often fail during panic attacksThe role of the amygdala and hippocampus in panic, and how their interaction fuels the crisisTop down versus bottom up intervention strategies: why body-focused techniques are fasterPractical protocols for physiological interruption, including grounding, cold water, humming, and moreWhy meditation is counterproductive during panic and best used preventivelyWhy many well-meaning mental health professionals mismanage panic and how to recognize effective practices  Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    12 min
  3. APR 23

    The Chihuaha Effect

    Click here to send us a message The Tiny Moments That Make a Big Difference: The Chihuahua Effect In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores how simple acts of kindness and moments of silliness can create ripple effects of joy and connection. She shares personal stories, emphasizes the importance of small gestures, and offers practical ways to spread positivity daily. It's a reminder that sometimes, the tiniest actions have the most profound impact on both others and ourselves. Key Topics: The power of small, spontaneous moments of joyHow sharing a laugh or being silly can regulate your nervous systemThe concept of the Chihuahua Effect: tiny moments with big emotional impactThe role of everyday kindness as emotional probioticsPractical ways to pay forward positivity, even in small gesturesThe importance of connecting and softening with others during tough timesWhy joy is a practice, not a personality traitHow to start creating more joyful moments, regardless of moodThanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    11 min
  4. APR 16

    The Self-Esteem Episode

    Click here to send us a message Embracing Good Enough: Redefining Self-Worth and Self-Compassion In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the pervasive pressure to be perfect and the transformative power of embracing "good enough." She shares insights from scientific research, stories of iconic figures like Whitney Houston, and practical strategies to cultivate self-compassion and resilience. Key Topics: The cultural myth of perfection and the quest for unachievable standardsThe story of Whitney Houston and the trap of feeling never good enough despite extraordinary successHow self-esteem is built through actions, not beliefs or achievementsThe science behind self-criticism and the neural impact of harsh self-talkPractical techniques to counteract negative self-talk and foster self-compassionThe importance of self-acceptance for long-term wellbeingHow childhood experiences shape our self-view and the path to healingStrategies for facing mistakes with integrity and moving forwardThe concept of "adaptive self-evaluation" to build resilience Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    10 min
  5. APR 9

    The Motivation Secret

    Click here to send us a message Rethinking Motivation: How to Make Change Without Waiting for Feelings to Align In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Garelkin challenges the myth that motivation is the secret to lasting change. Instead, she provides practical strategies rooted in behavioral science for acting without feeling motivated, emphasizing that structure, habits, and environment are the real drivers of progress. Main insights include:   Motivation is not a personality trait but a complex system involving emotion, desire, and energy.  Famous figures like Edison and J.  K. Rowling succeeded not because they waited for motivation but because they built resilience and persistence.   Self-criticism and fear are motivation killers; they activate shame and threat responses that hinder progress.  The middle phase of change is the hardest, often mistaken for failure—most quit because of boredom or impatience, not incapacity.  Success relies on acting despite not feeling motivated, through structured habits and environmental adjustments.  Practical strategies such as lowering effort barriers, leveraging the 90-second rule, pairing tasks with appealing rewards, and shaping your environment can ignite action.  Building consistency in small, manageable steps fosters mastery and diminishes reliance on fleeting motivation.  Family dynamics and societal roles often constrain self-perception; redefining your identity starts with small, intentional actions.  Motivation is fleeting, but habits and structured systems create lasting change.  Timestamps:00:00 - Motivation: The myth and the reality Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min
  6. MAR 26

    Texts to a Therapist: Volume I

    Click here to send us a message The Power of Reaching Out: Why Support in Moments of Need Matters In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the importance of reaching out for support between therapy sessions, debunking common fears and highlighting research-backed benefits. Whether you’re hesitant to bother your therapist or unsure when to seek help, this episode offers reassurance and practical insights to normalize support-seeking as a vital part of mental health and taking care of yourself in a holistic way. Please let us know if you'd like more 'texts to a therapist'-- there are loads of examples and if it's helpful to see how common your questions might be-- glad to help! Main Topics Covered: The human tendency to minimize the need for support and the myths around being "too much"How social support impacts physical and mental health, from lowering stress to reducing illness risksCommon text messages clients send and what they reveal about universal emotional themesPractical strategies for managing intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and boundary-settingThe value of reaching out in real time, before a crisis developsEncouragement to reframe support-seeking as a sign of strength, not weakness Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    16 min
  7. MAR 19

    ADHD Tool Kit: The Nightwatchman Hypothesis

    Click here to send us a message Exploring the Night Watchman Hypothesis and Human Sleep Patterns In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa delves into the intriguing science behind why some people naturally wake at night and how this ancient survival strategy shapes our sleep today.  Discover how understanding the Night Watchman Hypothesis  (also known as the Sentinel Hypothesis) can help you embrace your sleep style and foster better relationships. Topics covered include: The evolutionary roots of staggered sleep and the Night Watchman HypothesisHow ancient humans and other species distributed vigilance across group members The science behind nighttime awakenings and their universality across culturesThe mismatch between modern life and our innate sleep patternsHow circadian rhythms influence individual sleep preferences and societal perceptionsPractical ways to understand and respect different sleep chronotypesThe importance of communication and flexibility in shared sleeping arrangementsTimestamps: 00:00 - Introduction to the nocturnal brain and the Night Watchman Hypothesis 00:40 - The evolutionary importance of staggered sleep and vigilance 02:08 - How sleep has been historically unsafe and group-based 03:11 - Evidence from hunter-gatherer tribes and species like desert birds 04:06 - Variability in sleep patterns as an inherited survival trait 05:01 - Cross-cultural research showing universal nighttime awakenings 06:16 - The natural diversity in human sleep types and their roles 07:06 - The societal bias against night owls and circadian rhythm misconceptions 08:01 - Reflecting on individual sleep preferences and neurological differences 09:20 - Practical experiment: Surveying your community about natural sleep habits 10:20 - Navigating opposite sleep rhythms in relationships through communication 11:45 - Embracing diverse circadian rhythms within households Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

Trailer

5
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8 Ratings

About

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

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