Real Over Ideal

Vanessa Gorelkin
  • 5.0 (8)
  • Mental Health

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

  1. 3d ago

    Fear of being Perceived

    Embracing Visibility: Overcoming Fear of Being Perceived What is the fear of being perceived? Discover practical ways to navigate the universal fear of being perceived in a world obsessed with visibility.  Vanessa Gorelkin explores this fear and why it intensifies, especially in the digital age and post-pandemic, and offers actionable strategies to build confidence and authenticity. Main Topics: The emotional experience behind the fear of being perceivedHow hyper-visibility impacts mental health and behaviorPractical exercises to gradually increase comfort with visibility In this episode: Why the fear of being perceived isn’t about literal watching but interpretationThe rise of hyper-visibility and self-surveillance in modern cultureCommon behavioral responses: shrinking, masking, disappearing The importance of 'being seen' as a fundamental human needThree practical experiments to reduce fear: micro-visibility, separating perception from judgment, letting others be wrongHow the pandemic has heightened self-consciousness and self-observationAccepting imperfection and building resilience against misinterpretation Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    13 min

  2. May 21

    The Second Wind Phenomenon

    In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin dives into the science behind the second wind phenomenon and how understanding your circadian rhythms can help you harness your natural energy peaks. Learn practical strategies to create earlier moments of safety and unclench your nervous system for increased daytime productivity. The biological basis of the second wind and circadian rhythmsHow and why your brain experiences a surge of energy late at nightPractical techniques to shift renewal moments earlier in your day Understanding safety cues that help your nervous system relaxCreating micro moments of calm to optimize daytime alertnessHow to balance evening energy surges with next-day productivityIn this episode: What the second wind phenomenon is and the science behind itWhy your brain feels alert and clear in late hours without external demandsThe hidden cost of late-night energy and how it affects tomorrow’s energyTechniques for inducing an earlier "unclench" moment to improve daytime focusHow to recreate quiet, demand-free environments earlier in the day The importance of safety signals like exhaling longer, small wins, and routinesReal-world advice for those experiencing peak energy at unconventional timesThe mental shift from blame to understanding your natural rhythms    Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    13 min

  3. May 14

    Doubt as a super power: Motivational Interviewing

    In this episode, host Vanessa Gorelkin describes how doubt can be harnessed to create a powerful path towards reaching our most important goals. As a follow up to the Motivation episode: learn about a technique that is used to help people with addiction, weight management, exercise goals and much more, called Motivational Interviewing. This episode provides some starting instruction in this powerful process so that you can experience the power of turning ambivalence into action.  Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    15 min

  4. May 7

    Is Internal Family Systems Bullsh*t ?

    Title: Unpacking Internal Family Systems: Benefits, Critiques, and Practical InsightsIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the therapeutic model of Internal Family Systems (IFS), sharing her personal experiences, scientific findings, common critiques, anda practical exercise. Whether you're a practitioner, client, or simply curious about this approach, you'll find valuable insights into how IFS can support healing and self-understanding.Key Topics: The principles behind Internal Family Systems: parts, self, and internal leadershipVanessa's personal experiences and how IFS fosters breakthroughsThe controversy: critiques around research, metaphor reliance, and trauma oversimplificationScientific evidence supporting IFS: PTSD reduction, emotional regulation, and empowermentThe response to critiques: research limitations, the role of imagery, and trauma complexityPractical demonstration: a safe, simple IFS exercise for self-awarenessHow to assess a therapist's use of IFS and avoid potential misuse The importance of applying IFS within a broader, trauma-informed contextThe potential for transformation when used ethically and skillfully Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    17 min

  5. Apr 30

    How to Handle a Panic Attack like a boss

    How to Truly Handle a Panic Attack-- Practical Neuroscience-Based Strategies In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin debunks common misconceptions about panic attacks and anxiety, sharing evidence-based techniques rooted in neuroscience. If you've struggled with ineffective calming methods online, this guide provides clear, practical advice for interrupting and managing panic in the real world. Key Topics: The fundamental difference between panic attacks and anxiety, including neurocircuitry distinctionsWhy traditional methods like deep breathing and talking it out often fail during panic attacksThe role of the amygdala and hippocampus in panic, and how their interaction fuels the crisisTop down versus bottom up intervention strategies: why body-focused techniques are fasterPractical protocols for physiological interruption, including grounding, cold water, humming, and moreWhy meditation is counterproductive during panic and best used preventivelyWhy many well-meaning mental health professionals mismanage panic and how to recognize effective practices  Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    12 min

  6. Apr 23

    The Chihuaha Effect

    The Tiny Moments That Make a Big Difference: The Chihuahua Effect In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores how simple acts of kindness and moments of silliness can create ripple effects of joy and connection. She shares personal stories, emphasizes the importance of small gestures, and offers practical ways to spread positivity daily. It's a reminder that sometimes, the tiniest actions have the most profound impact on both others and ourselves. Key Topics: The power of small, spontaneous moments of joyHow sharing a laugh or being silly can regulate your nervous systemThe concept of the Chihuahua Effect: tiny moments with big emotional impactThe role of everyday kindness as emotional probioticsPractical ways to pay forward positivity, even in small gesturesThe importance of connecting and softening with others during tough timesWhy joy is a practice, not a personality traitHow to start creating more joyful moments, regardless of moodClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    11 min

  7. Apr 16

    The Self-Esteem Episode

    Embracing Good Enough: Redefining Self-Worth and Self-Compassion In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the pervasive pressure to be perfect and the transformative power of embracing "good enough." She shares insights from scientific research, stories of iconic figures like Whitney Houston, and practical strategies to cultivate self-compassion and resilience. Key Topics: The cultural myth of perfection and the quest for unachievable standardsThe story of Whitney Houston and the trap of feeling never good enough despite extraordinary successHow self-esteem is built through actions, not beliefs or achievementsThe science behind self-criticism and the neural impact of harsh self-talkPractical techniques to counteract negative self-talk and foster self-compassionThe importance of self-acceptance for long-term wellbeingHow childhood experiences shape our self-view and the path to healingStrategies for facing mistakes with integrity and moving forwardThe concept of "adaptive self-evaluation" to build resilience Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    10 min

  8. Apr 9

    The Motivation Secret

    Rethinking Motivation: How to Make Change Without Waiting for Feelings to Align In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Garelkin challenges the myth that motivation is the secret to lasting change. Instead, she provides practical strategies rooted in behavioral science for acting without feeling motivated, emphasizing that structure, habits, and environment are the real drivers of progress. Main insights include:   Motivation is not a personality trait but a complex system involving emotion, desire, and energy.  Famous figures like Edison and J.  K. Rowling succeeded not because they waited for motivation but because they built resilience and persistence.   Self-criticism and fear are motivation killers; they activate shame and threat responses that hinder progress.  The middle phase of change is the hardest, often mistaken for failure—most quit because of boredom or impatience, not incapacity.  Success relies on acting despite not feeling motivated, through structured habits and environmental adjustments.  Practical strategies such as lowering effort barriers, leveraging the 90-second rule, pairing tasks with appealing rewards, and shaping your environment can ignite action.  Building consistency in small, manageable steps fosters mastery and diminishes reliance on fleeting motivation.  Family dynamics and societal roles often constrain self-perception; redefining your identity starts with small, intentional actions.  Motivation is fleeting, but habits and structured systems create lasting change.  Timestamps:00:00 - Motivation: The myth and the reality Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min
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Trailer

5
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8 Ratings

About

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

Information

  • Creator
    Vanessa Gorelkin
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    58
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Real Over Ideal
  • Show Website
    Real Over Ideal

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