Real Over Ideal

Vanessa Gorelkin
  • 5.0 (5)
  • MENTAL HEALTH

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

  1. 1D AGO

    ADHD Toolkit: The Default Mode Network

    Summary In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the Default Mode Network (DMN) of the brain, its role in neurodivergence, and how it influences rumination and creativity. She discusses the importance of understanding the DMN as a feature rather than a flaw, especially in the context of ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions. Vanessa offers practical strategies for managing rumination and building a healthier relationship with one's internal narrative, emphasizing the need for mindfulness and self-reflection. Takeaways The default mode network (DMN) is active during internal thought. ADHD can cause the DMN to pull attention inward at inappropriate times. Mind wandering is not inherently negative; it can foster creativity. Therapy can help shift maladaptive DMN activity to more flexible processing. Deliberate mind wandering can help manage ruminative thoughts. Grounding techniques can help redirect focus from the DMN. Labeling thoughts can interrupt rumination loops. The DMN serves as both a wise narrator and a critic. Understanding the DMN can improve mental health management. Your brain's default mode is a meaning-making machine. Chapters 00:00 Understanding the Default Mode Network 06:31 Navigating Neurodivergence and Rumination 09:28 Strategies for Managing the Default Mode Network Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

  2. FEB 5

    The Secret Sabotage of Perfection

    In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the subtle ways perfectionism sabotages our efforts and shares practical strategies to shift from perfection-driven habits to more flexible, compassionate approaches. Learn how to recognize these patterns and build sustainable progress without the trap of perfection. Key Topics The difference between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionismHow perfectionism quietly undermines goal-setting and motivationRecognizing patterns like procrastination, guilt, and all-or-nothing thinkingThe importance of self-compassion and psychological flexibilitySmall actionable steps to practice imperfection intentionallyThe role of curiosity and growth-driven motivation over fear-based standardsTips for naming and neutralizing perfectionistic inner criticsHow to set flexible standards that allow for human variabilityThanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

  3. JAN 29

    Taboos: Coping with Pet Grief with Diana Magallon Romero

    Vanessa and Diana share a frank discussion of pet grief, with a few laughs because life allows us a range of emotions.  Diana and Vanessa delve into the complex emotions surrounding pet grief and the broader topic of loss. They discuss the unique bond between humans and their pets, the societal perceptions of pet grief, and the personal experiences that shape how individuals process loss. The conversation also touches on the therapeutic aspects of grief, the concept of shadow work, and the importance of embracing both light and shadow in life. Diana shares insights from her counseling practice, emphasizing the individuality of grief and the journey towards acceptance and accommodation. Takeaways Grief is a deeply personal experience and varies from person to person.Pet grief is often underestimated but can be as profound as losing a human loved one.The bond with pets is unique due to their unconditional love and companionship.Grief involves both light and shadow, requiring acceptance of both to heal.Therapy can help individuals navigate the complexities of grief and loss.Shadow work involves exploring hidden aspects of oneself to foster healing.Grief is not linear; it doesn't follow a set pattern or timeline.Embracing vulnerability and courage is essential in the grieving process.The loss of a pet can trigger reflections on mortality and personal growth.Grief can transform over time, becoming less sharp but always present.Reach Diana here: https://www.luxumbracounselling.com/ Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    20 min

  4. JAN 22

    Yin and Yang: Balance for Neurodivergents and Normals

    In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concepts of yin and yang as they relate to self-care, balance, and personal growth. She discusses the importance of recognizing one's tendencies towards action (yang) or receptivity (yin) and offers practical suggestions for achieving a harmonious balance in daily life. The episode also addresses a listener's question about work-life balance, providing evidence-based strategies for creating boundaries and transitions between work and personal time. Ultimately, Vanessa emphasizes that balance is a journey of awareness and self-compassion, rather than a destination of perfection. Takeaways The tension between doing and being is something a lot of us wrestle with. Balance between yin and yang produces harmony. Neurodivergent individuals often feel these tensions more intensely. Identifying your own tendencies is the first step to balance. Small shifts can create ripples of balance over time. Saying no is an act of self-care. You do not need neurosurgery, just awareness and intention. Balance doesn't mean every day is perfectly equal. The journey itself can be comforting and exciting. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Yin and Yang in Life 02:58 The Balance of Doing and Being 07:14 Identifying Personal Tendencies 07:58 Practical Suggestions for Balance 11:14 Listener Question: Achieving Work-Life Balance Link to Severed Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/severed-the-ultimate-severance-podcast/id1660658805 14:21 Embracing the Journey of Balance Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    14 min

  5. JAN 15

    To Mask or Not to Mask: that is the question (for neurodivergent people)

    Summary In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the complex topic of masking neurodivergent traits. She discusses the pros and cons of masking, its impact on mental health, and the importance of context and safety in deciding when to mask.  Vanessa emphasizes that masking is not inherently good or bad but should be a choice rather than a necessity. The episode also includes practical strategies for managing masking and unmasking in various environments. Takeaways Masking is a tool, not inherently good or bad.Chronic masking can lead to mental health issues.Masking should be a choice, not a necessity.Context and safety are crucial in masking decisions.Unmasking should be intentional and safe.Masking can protect against discrimination.Unmasking everywhere is not always advisable.Healthy masking is flexible and temporary.Unhealthy masking feels like hypervigilance.Grief about masking deserves respect.Chapters 00:00:00 Introduction to Masking00:03:00 Defining Masking00:06:00 Pros and Cons of Masking00:09:00 Impact on Mental Health00:12:00 Practical Strategies for MaskingThanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    15 min

  6. JAN 8

    Taboos: Bringing Grief into the conversation with Diana Magallón Romero

    In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin and guest, Diana Magallon Romero, Licensed Clinical Counselor, delve into the complex topic of grief, exploring its many facets and surprise- grief goes way beyond the loss of life.  Vanessa and Diana discuss how grief is a response to change, whether it's losing a loved one, a friend, a job, or even a way of life. Diana shares her insights as a clinical counselor, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and processing grief to find meaning and healing. The conversation also touches on the role of psychedelics in therapy and how they can aid in redefining one's mental map after a significant loss. If you'd like to explore working with Diana, her website is: https://www.luxumbracounselling.com/ Please subscribe and leave us a 5 start review if you are enjoying the show! Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    16 min

  7. JAN 1

    The Comfort and Danger of Denial

    In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of denial as a psychological defense mechanism. She discusses how denial can provide temporary comfort but ultimately leads to greater issues if not confronted. Through personal anecdotes and societal examples, she illustrates the dangers of denial and offers strategies for facing difficult truths. The episode also addresses health anxiety and the importance of acknowledging one's fears regarding medical visits. Listeners are encouraged to take small steps towards confronting their own truths. Takeaways Denial can protect us but also cause harm. Ignoring symptoms doesn't make them vanish. Denial delays confrontation of scary truths. Denial can isolate us from support and healing. Societal denial can lead to catastrophic consequences. Psychological experiments show how denial operates in groups. Gradual exposure can help face difficult truths. Externalizing problems reduces emotional pressure. Curiosity can help in recognizing denial. Noticing patterns of denial is a step towards growth. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Denial: A Double-Edged Sword 09:53 Facing Difficult Truths: Strategies for Confrontation 15:01 Navigating Health Anxiety: A Personal Journey Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    15 min

  8. 12/25/2025

    Loneliness- A self care guide

    It's the holiday season, and it's a time when people feel many things. Sometimes it's not all cheer or all good. This time of year can be hard on people because of stress, loneliness or real life pressure. The intensity of everything being "joyous" can feel like a heavy weight. We want to lighten things up with some real talk about lonely feelings-- and to suggest a few solutions. This episode is for you if you need a little boost and don't feel quite like whooping it up at the celebration. We've got you. Don't forget to share this podcast - maybe that's your first opportunity to reach out! Thanks for listening! Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review. If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us: realoveridealpod@gmail.com Vanessa is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here: https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6ab If you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

    11 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

Function, not perfection. Hosted by occupational therapist and executive coach Vanessa Gorelkin, Real over Ideal cuts through the noise to bring you practical strategies for life in a stressful world.

Information

  • Creator
    Vanessa Gorelkin
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    43
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Real Over Ideal
  • Show Website
    Real Over Ideal

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