Stillness in the Storms

Steven Webb

This is a podcast for anyone going through something hard. No quick fixes. No everything happens for a reason. No advice from a man who has never had a bad week. I am Steven Webb. In 1991, aged 18, I dived into a swimming pool in Truro and broke my neck. I have been paralysed from the chest down ever since. That is not the hard part of the story. It took another twenty two years, a bankruptcy, a spell homeless and a dark night at forty before I found anything that actually helped. What helped was Zen. Not the serene kind with the robes and the incense. The kind you do at three in the morning when your head will not shut up and there is nobody to ring. Every week I sit down and talk honestly about one thing. Anger, grief, pain, the mind that will not be quiet, the exhausting business of pretending you are fine. Sometimes there is an answer. Often there is just company, which turns out to be most of what people needed anyway. Around sixteen minutes an episode. Nothing to sign up for. Steven Webb is a meditation teacher, a Cornwall councillor and the former Mayor of Truro. He teaches from the mess, not from the mountaintop.

  1. 1d ago

    Gates, Not Thorns: Are Your Boundaries a Prison?

    Support Steven's work. Treat him to a coffee stevenwebb.uk Are your boundaries keeping you safe, or keeping you stuck? I have never liked the word. This week a reader called Katherine gave me a better one: gates, not thorns. I have carers in my life 24 hours a day, so I could not build walls even if I wanted to. I had to grow the strength to let the world in instead, and that is where I stand on boundaries. A red line between two people is healthy. It is an agreement, not a wall. A rulebook the whole world has to obey is not, and the old Buddhist texts do not even have a word for it. What they have is sila, your own conduct. Rules for you, and nobody else. A boundary that never comes down was never protection. It becomes a prison. One thing to try: Next time you go to defend something, ask one question. Is this a gate or a thorn? Protecting something tender until it is stronger is fine. Refusing the world is not. In this episode(0:32) Katherine's email: a garden, not thorny bushes(1:44) Come, even if you have broken your vow a thousand times(3:35) Carers in my life 24 hours a day(6:16) If you want to learn calm, spend time with your family(7:11) A healthy boundary: not my best today, so I close the gate(8:13) Red lines between two people are different(12:00) The Buddhists had no word for boundaries. They had sila(15:26) Life will not honour your bubble(16:21) A boundary that never comes down becomes a prison(17:44) Where in your life has a wall quietly become a prison? With gratitude toCheryl, Susan, Jane, Ankita, Dan, Cassie, Melanie, Joan and Reishin Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk Thank you for listening. Steven Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work. Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

  2. Aug 22

    There Is No Steven in Here: What I Learned at the Bottom of a Swimming Pool

    Who are you, really, behind all the roles? Sit properly with that question and no answer comes. That is the answer. Open me up and there is no Steven in there. In deep sleep there is no Steven either. We wake up and we come online and we boot the roles: dad, councillor, host, meditator. Each one needs a different set of skills, and you can only run one at a time. So who is watching the breath when you meditate? Ask whether you are aware of your left toe and you were not, and then you were. In that gap before the answer, there is nobody home, and that is not terrifying. It is the most freeing thing I know. One thing to try: Ask yourself, are you aware? Then notice the moment before you answer. In this episode(2:33) I always wanted to be somebody, and should have been specific(4:19) Every role needs a different set of skills(5:30) In deep sleep there is no Steven(7:55) You cannot run two roles at once(9:12) Who is doing the relaxing(11:41) Are you aware of your left toe(13:05) No fixed little statue of you sits inside(15:31) Do it with excitement and curiosity(16:54) My daughter found it terrifying. It is not With gratitude toYuva, Karin, Sue, HJ, Anita, Lorraine, Brandy, Jane, Sergio and Irma Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk Thank you for listening. Steven Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work. Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

    There Is No Steven in Here: What I Learned at the Bottom of a Swimming Pool
  3. Aug 2

    Happily Never After

    What if the thing you keep chasing is the exact reason you cannot catch it? There is no happily ever after, and that is good news. Picture the ox with a carrot on a stick fixed above its own head. Every step forward moves the carrot forward. That is happiness as most of us run it. And it is not a design fault, it is evolutionary genius, because if you settled the moment you got something you would never go further. The man who loses everything is miserable on day one and fine two years later. Happiness is an emotion. It arrives and it leaves, like all the others. It was never going to move in. One thing to try: Catch yourself saying I will be happy when. Pause there and notice how much of life you just skipped. In this episode(4:10) The ox, the stick and the carrot above its own head(5:19) Stop chasing and you see what you already have(6:28) Why this is evolutionary genius, not a fault(7:47) We would never run faster or try again(9:07) Halfway up, turn around and look at the valley(10:13) Everything becomes normal in the end(11:16) The man on the park bench, day one and two years on(12:54) Happiness arrives and leaves, like every other emotion(16:27) I will be happy when, and what it costs you Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk Thank you for listening. Steven Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work. Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

    Happily Never After
  4. Jul 26

    Part of You Doesn't Want the Pain to Stop: Here's Why

    Why does part of you not want the pain to stop? Pain is inevitable. Suffering is the second arrow, and you fire that one. The first arrow lands and it hurts. Then we load the bow ourselves. Every replay in your head, every post, every phone call to a friend, is another arrow into the same wound. And here is the uncomfortable bit. The suffering loop feeds us, because it makes us the hero of our own story. Nobody wants to hear about the good day and the view over the ocean. Everybody leans in for the battle. I have been the victim hero for the last few weeks and I know exactly how it works. One thing to try: When a painful thought comes back, ask one question. Is this taking me anywhere? If not, it is the second arrow. In this episode(1:42) The council motion, and the word I actually said(2:49) I think you meant albatross(5:23) Thinking about them with other people(6:37) Every replay loads the bow again(7:51) Pain does not mean your practice is failing(9:12) Life will still dish it up to you(11:17) Why the suffering loop feeds us(13:01) Nobody leans in for the good day(16:28) Is this the second arrow With gratitude toAdam, Alison, Anna, Diana, Dominique, Dova, Ellen, Fran, Jenna and Mia, Jennifer, Jude, Kellee, Kylin, Marcie, Rita, Simon, Stefan, Steven and Sue Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk Thank you for listening. Steven Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work. Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

    Part of You Doesn't Want the Pain to Stop: Here's Why
  5. Jun 28

    What Your Anger Is Really Saying

    What is your anger actually saying? My teacher Jun Po told me he has never known an angry person who did not care. Sit with that one. Anger is the bodyguard. It steps in to put something right, to stop it happening again, to defend what matters. Throw the hammer away and you have thrown away an emotion that evolution spent a very long time building. A child is furious about a red T-shirt when they wanted green, and to them the world just ended. When you are in a life where things go wrong fast, the gap between the spark and the fire shrinks. But it is a gap, and it can be widened. One thing to try: Instead of arguing, say six words. I see you care deeply. Why? In this episode(4:07) Throw away the hammer and you throw away the tool(5:20) A red T-shirt when they wanted green(7:49) Anger is the bodyguard that steps in(9:22) Do you really believe that, Steven(10:11) When there is no time between spark and reaction(11:29) There is a gap, and it does not have to become a fire(14:09) I see you care deeply. Tell me why(15:40) Sitting down with people I disagree with over a cup of tea(18:59) Anger does not need banishing. It needs hearing With gratitude toAlice, Kim in the Yukon, Maya, Ken, Linda and Michael, the regulars Laura and Stuart, and new monthly supporters Sue, Jude, Jenna and Mia, and Rita Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk Thank you for listening. Steven Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work. Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

    What Your Anger Is Really Saying
  6. Jun 18

    The Mind That Will Not Be Quiet

    Why does your mind pick 3am? You have thirty to forty thoughts a minute and you asked for none of them. The mistake is deciding the goal is a blank, silent mind. Set that as the target and the trains keep coming and you feel like you are failing at it. You are not. Here is the whole thing in one sentence. You are not the thought, you are the one listening to it. Because if you can hear it, you cannot only be it. There is a tiny space between the thought and the reaction, usually too small to notice, and that gap is the thing that changes everything. One thing to try: Let one train in tonight and stay on the bench. You never had to empty the station. In this episode(0:00) Thirty to forty thoughts a minute, and 3am(2:23) The mind does not care that you are tired. It has a list(3:33) The whole episode in one sentence(4:11) If you can hear the thought, you cannot only be the thought(5:25) A thought pulls in, and you do not have to get on it(7:17) At twenty he will still hand you the green sweet(9:03) The tiny space, so small we do not know it is there(13:09) You are the quiet one on the bench who watched every one With gratitude toAddie, Darren, Alice, Caroline and My Herb. And Sin, Annie, Laura, Adam, Dominique and Senga. A special thank you to Stuart, two years a monthly supporter. The companion meditation: A Meditation to Quiet an Overthinking Mind Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk Thank you for listening. Steven Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work. Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.ukSteven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

    The Mind That Will Not Be Quiet
5
out of 5
77 Ratings

About

This is a podcast for anyone going through something hard. No quick fixes. No everything happens for a reason. No advice from a man who has never had a bad week. I am Steven Webb. In 1991, aged 18, I dived into a swimming pool in Truro and broke my neck. I have been paralysed from the chest down ever since. That is not the hard part of the story. It took another twenty two years, a bankruptcy, a spell homeless and a dark night at forty before I found anything that actually helped. What helped was Zen. Not the serene kind with the robes and the incense. The kind you do at three in the morning when your head will not shut up and there is nobody to ring. Every week I sit down and talk honestly about one thing. Anger, grief, pain, the mind that will not be quiet, the exhausting business of pretending you are fine. Sometimes there is an answer. Often there is just company, which turns out to be most of what people needed anyway. Around sixteen minutes an episode. Nothing to sign up for. Steven Webb is a meditation teacher, a Cornwall councillor and the former Mayor of Truro. He teaches from the mess, not from the mountaintop.

You Might Also Like