The Autistic VOICE Project

The Autistic VOICE Project
  • 5.0 (22)
  • SOCIAL SCIENCES
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

VOICE stands for Validating Our Identity, Culture, and Experience. This is a show led by Autistic professionals who talk about Autistic experiences and how to live happier and healthier Autistic lives. We'll be joined by Autistic people from different walks of life in search of finding ways to live more authentically Autistic! Want to reach us? Please email podcast@autisticvoiceproject.com

  1. 2D AGO

    Episode 35: PDA, Breadsticks, and the Persistent Drive for Autonomy

    Matt and Erin flip the script this week — Erin takes the lead, and Matt talks about living as a PDAer. It’s direct. It’s personal. And yes, there are breadsticks. We’re talking about what PDA actually is (and isn’t), why “pathological demand avoidance” misses the point, and what changes when we reframe it as a persistent drive for autonomy. Highlights from this episode: Why “pathological” says more about the system than the person — and why autonomy isn’t a disorder What PDA feels like on the inside: the spike, the interruption, the hierarchy aversion, and the need for safety Low-demand parenting in real life — negotiating poop schedules, air fryer independence, and yes-and dinner planning The difference between situational demand avoidance and the constant push-pull many PDAers live with Why trust changes everything — and how offering real choices (not fake ones) builds flexibility Boundaries still matter. No hitting. No harm. But how we approach limits makes all the difference Respect over compliance. Personhood over productivity. Humans over resources We also cover: Gmail login meltdowns, silent phones, corgis in human suits, community mental health productivity bonuses, black roses, Johnny Cash train sets, and why sometimes the fastest way to connection is an Olive Garden breadstick. Side note: If you’ve ever wondered, “Isn’t a low-demand approach just enabling?” — we talk about that. Directly. Safety isn’t indulgence. It’s oxygen. And when PDAers feel safe and respected, they can do hard things. Not because they were forced. Because they chose to. We are not defiant. We are not mean. We are wired for autonomy and safety. And when trust is real, flexibility grows.

    41 min

  2. FEB 20

    Episode 34: Safety, Spark, and the Autistic Refusal to Shrink

    Matt, Erin, and returning guest Kate McNulty are back — and this one moves from burnout to shame to safety, with stops at birds, clocks, and emotional support cheese. We’re talking about what happens when your spark goes out… and how to find it again without shaming yourself into motion. We cover:• How to rebuild momentum in burnout — from “skip a step” strategies to using curiosity as fuel• What shame actually is, how it forms in dysregulated relationships, and why it disconnects us from safety• Fawning, appeasement, and nervous system survival — and why victims aren’t “choosing” compliance• Why reclaiming autistic joy, collections, and special interests is resistance — not selfishness There’s honest conversation here about re-parenting yourself while raising autistic kids, being shamed for what you love, and why honoring your natural cycles matters more than burning out in glory. If you’re feeling stuck, flat, or ashamed of the very things that light you up, this one’s for you. And yes — we still want to see the cats in cosplay.

    44 min

  3. FEB 13

    Episode 33: Rain Man, Cornflakes, and the Regulation Nobody Talks About

    Matt and Erin are joined this week by Kate McNulty, LCSW — therapist, teacher, late-identified Autistic human, and one of our own. We start with “special interests”… and end up square dancing, grinding coffee beans, and dismantling white supremacy. So. You know. A normal episode.We talk about: Kate’s late diagnosis at 60, the “lost generation,” and how stereotypes shaped by Rain Man left many of us masking for survivalWhat a “special interest” actually is: intensity, flow state, intrinsic motivation — and why these passions regulate our nervous systems and anchor our purposeHow engaging our interests (from pouring water to vibe coding to repairing clocks) can be acts of agency and even justice in overwhelming political timesWhy movement, pleasure, humor, and connection aren’t trivial — they interrupt freeze, restore hope, and help us stay human when systems are designed to make us feel helplessSide note: Yes, we talk about cornflakes. Yes, we talk about masturbation. Yes, we connect it back to dopamine and regulation. This is what happens when Autistic therapists follow their associative thinking all the way down.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, immobilized, or disconnected from the things that used to light you up — you’re not broken. You might be disregulated. There’s a difference.Come back next week. We’ll pick up the thread we almost started.

    41 min

  4. FEB 9

    Episode 32: Discipline, Dysregulation, and Why Punishment Doesn’t Work

    This week is a mailbag episode, and Erin and Matt take on two common questions from allistic listeners that come up constantly in real life. Both questions sound simple. Neither one is. Episode highlights: If ABA is harmful, does that mean all discipline or behaviorism is bad — and what discipline is actually forWhy punishment fails to teach, and how it damages trust, learning, and regulationThe difference between misbehavior driven by dysregulation vs. misunderstandingWhy discipline should mean teaching, modeling, and guiding — not control or complianceWhy Autistic people can be deeply literal and deeply sarcastic (aka snarkolepsy), and why that confuses people so muchAlso: this episode includes refrigerator magnets, cuckoo clocks, air fryers, AIC buttons for dogs, Amelia Bedelia logic, Hannah Gadsby wondering how she a box, and a penguin are related, Back to the Future, and a very firm rejection of authoritarian parenting. Matt and Erin don’t get to the rest of the mailbag — including PDA — because these two questions needed the space they took. And honestly, that’s kind of the point. Note from Erin: If you're interested in getting started on AIC buttons with your animals, I highly recommend checking out Fluent.pet and HungerForWords.com. They have lots of great info and free resources, even if you don't buy their buttons. Some of my favorite button-pushers to watch: Elsie at Elsie wants... (Human: Mary Robinette Kowal who is an incredible human all-around, but also happens to be a Hugo Award-winning author, celebrated narrator, and professional puppeteer) Twiggy, Odin and Freya at Twiggy and her Cat Cat Friends (Human: Janine Marie Skunk, talking about how she got started here) Bunny at What About Bunny (Human: Alexis Devine, who is also one of our Autistic neurokin! She tells her story and Bunny's in the book, I Am Bunny) And, we can't forget the O.G. of interspecies button learning - Stella at Hunger4Words (Human: Christina Hunger, the speech and language pathologist who first noticed the similarities between her puppy and the pre-language toddlers she was working with. You can learn more about Stella's learning process in the book How Stella Learned to Talk)

    46 min

  5. JAN 30

    Episode 31: Shutdown, Overdrive, and Other Ways Autistic Bodies Say “Enough”

    This week, Matt and Erin slow things down and talk plainly about stress — what it actually does to autistic bodies, and why it hits so hard. From shutdowns and migraines to doomscrolling, snacks, and dogs who run bedtime, this is a lived-in conversation about surviving a loud world. We cover: Why autistic stress isn’t just “in your head,” including interoception, shutdown, overdrive, and burnoutHow bodies give clues when stress is too much — and how many of us were taught to ignore those signalsPractical, real-world supports: automated routines, snacks-as-care, sleep scaffolding, and letting animals (and people) helpAlso included: vestibular migraines, perimenopause realities, surprise chicken strips, revenge bedtime procrastination, vagus nerve tools, cheese as coping (with rules), Google-induced rage, and why silence + snacks is a legitimate love language.

    55 min

  6. JAN 28

    Episode 30: Threat, Trauma, and Why “Just Don’t Look” Isn’t an Option for Us

    This week’s episode is heavy. Matt and Erin slow things down to talk plainly about safety, community, and what it means to stay human when systems built on control and cruelty become more visible. This is a grounding conversation about fear, responsibility, and why autistic ways of seeing the world matter right now. We cover: What it feels like to live under threat — and why many white autistic people are only now feeling what Black and Indigenous communities have lived with for generationsWhy autistic justice sensitivity, bottom-up processing, and pattern recognition make this moment especially destabilizing (and clarifying) Balancing staying informed with protecting your nervous system — including permission to rest, dissociate, distract, and come back Community vs. rugged individualism: why survival has always been collective, not transactional Practical ways to engage that don’t require burning yourself out (calls, mutual aid, creative support, resource-sharing) Repair, accountability, and why changing your mind actually matters — but only if you do the work Also: snowstorms, go-bags, echolalia, Batman canon, Abed as an autistic icon, consensual licking (yes, really), and a reminder that you don’t have to do everything — just something, when you can. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. That’s not fluff. That’s the point.

    47 min

  7. JAN 23

    Episode 29: Belonging, Burnout, and Why Kids Need Somewhere Safe to Land

    Matt and Erin are back with returning guest Maisie Soetantyo for a deeper, wider conversation about what happens after diagnosis—inside families, across cultures, and over a lifetime. This episode shifts from systems to home, from protocol to relationship, and from “fixing” kids to protecting connection.We talk about parenting autistic kids without shame, why reward systems and compliance fall apart in real life, and how culture, gender, and family expectations shape autistic identity in ways the system rarely acknowledges. Episode highlights: How early masking is taught at school and reinforced at home—and why it sticks for lifeParenting neurodivergent kids without reward charts, coercion, or constant outsourcingThe quiet harm of being labeled “easy,” “good,” or “low maintenance” as an autistic childCultural shame, disability myths, and why many autistic people in Asian communities stay hiddenWhat actually helps autistic kids grow into regulated adults: safety, interest-based lives, and a home that feels like refugeThis is a grounded, human conversation about raising autistic people—not to perform adulthood, but to survive it with dignity. Real talk, lived experience, and tools you can actually use.

    46 min

  8. JAN 17

    Episode 28: Compliance, Regulation, and the Cost of Looking “Fine”

    Matt and Erin are joined this week by longtime colleague and friend of the show, Maisie Soetantyo—an openly autistic, multiply neurodivergent advocate with decades inside the autism service system. This episode is a slow, honest unpacking of what it means to start inside ABA, believe you’re helping, and then realize the system itself is doing harm. We talk about visible “progress,” invisible trauma, and the moment when following the protocol stops making sense—especially when you’re autistic yourself and keep asking why. This one ends on a cliffhanger, because it has to. Highlights from this episode: Maisie’s early work in ABA at UCLA, why it looked effective at first, and what those “successes” missed What happens when compliance replaces connection—and why masking is demanded from both autistic kids and therapists The long-term impact of training kids to be invisible, including burnout, shutdowns, and after-school collapse Moral injury, burnout, and why so many well-intentioned providers eventually walk away Parenting autistic kids after leaving ABA, including sensory-specific eating, regulation, and respecting a real “no” We stop here on purpose.Part two is about what comes after—what actually supports autistic people across a lifespan, and how unlearning the system is sometimes the most important work.

    39 min
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5
out of 5
22 Ratings

About

VOICE stands for Validating Our Identity, Culture, and Experience. This is a show led by Autistic professionals who talk about Autistic experiences and how to live happier and healthier Autistic lives. We'll be joined by Autistic people from different walks of life in search of finding ways to live more authentically Autistic! Want to reach us? Please email podcast@autisticvoiceproject.com

Information

  • Creator
    The Autistic VOICE Project
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    40
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © The Autistic VOICE Project
  • Show Website
    The Autistic VOICE Project

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