The UNcivilized Podcast with Traver Boehm

Traver Boehm
  • 4.9 (181)
  • Self-Improvement
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For people who see through the veil of the civilized paradigm.

  1. 2d ago

    EP 1 It’s Always Ourselves We Find in the Sea | Melannie Bachman

    What happens when surviving cancer is only the beginning of the story? Five years after her cancer diagnosis, Melannie Bachman has a less than one percent chance of recurrence. But the years since treatment have brought a different kind of reckoning. The deaths of people she loves, the end of a long-term relationship, and the experience of walking alongside friends with cancer have changed how she understands death, grief, and what it means to be alive. In the first episode of Deep Waters, Traver Boehm reconnects with Melannie for an honest conversation about what happens after the crisis ends. They explore how cancer changes your relationship with your body, how a relationship can survive an illness and still come to an end, and how grief can force you to question everything you thought you knew. Melannie also shares how losing her grandmother and younger sister changed her relationship with death, why she continues to feel connected to those she's lost, and how the ocean became an anchor when the rest of her life felt uprooted. This isn't a conversation about finding a silver lining in every tragedy. It's about learning to live with what you cannot control, letting yourself be changed by what happens, and finding the places that bring you back to yourself. Because life doesn't stop throwing shit at you. The question is what you do when it comes. Connect with Melannie Bachman Website: https://melanniebachman.com Previous Episode: https://www.manuncivilized.com/blog/free-diving-into-darkness-and-dancing-with-cancer-with-melanie-bachman Chapters: 00:00 – Welcome to Deep Waters 03:51 – Melannie Bachman Returns 05:00 – Five Years After Cancer 05:59 – Loss, Grief, and a New Chapter 06:55 – Why Deep Waters Begins With Death 08:09 – Facing Loss at 35 10:03 – How Cancer Changes Your Relationship With Death 11:54 – When Loss Comes All at Once 12:58 – When a Relationship Changes After Cancer 16:08 – Love, Gratitude, and Letting Go 18:38 – Losing Her Younger Sister 20:48 – Finding Connection After Death 22:56 – Living With Grief Every Day 23:47 – How Cancer Changes Your Relationship With Your Body 25:09 – The Fear of Cancer Returning 27:25 – Learning to Live With Uncertainty 29:14 – When Life Keeps Throwing Shit at You 31:21 – OLSLAI: One Life. Soul Led. All In. 32:45 – Walking Alongside Friends With Cancer 38:05 – Making Space Beyond the Cancer Identity 40:51 – Learning to Let Go of Control 42:06 – Finding Home in the Water 45:57 – When Grief Uproots You 47:06 – How Nature Quietens the Noise 49:37 – Finding a New Direction 50:36 – What's Coming Next 51:21 – Where to Find Melannie 51:56 – A Final Reflection on Their First Conversation 53:14 – Closing

    EP 1 It’s Always Ourselves We Find in the Sea | Melannie Bachman

  2. Nov 2

    EP 446 Follow Your Own Path: The Finale Episode

    What does it mean to live a life that's actually yours? After almost eight years and hundreds of conversations, Traver Boehm is closing one chapter. This is the final episode of The UNcivilized Podcast. But he's not done podcasting. Next week, Traver launches the Deep Waters Podcast. The shift comes from a message he received during his 49-day darkness retreat: It's time to go deeper. In this episode, Traver looks back at how the podcast began, what interviewing has meant to him, and why he's choosing to follow a different path. He also shares the philosophy at the heart of UNcivilized. The message is simple, but not always easy to live: stop following the path culture has laid out for you. Stop waiting until you're ready. Stop letting fear decide what kind of life you're allowed to have. Traver reflects on grief, loss, the people who have shaped him, and the reminder that we don't have as much time as we think. He speaks about getting still, listening to your soul, finding your people, and having the courage to do the thing you're here to do. The UNcivilized Podcast may be ending, but the UNcivilized philosophy and community aren't going anywhere. This is a final thank you, a look back, and an invitation to keep going. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Chapters 00:00 - The Final Episode of The UNcivilized Podcast 02:05 - How the Podcast Began 04:35 - Why It's Time to Go Deeper 06:25 - The UNcivilized Message: Follow Your Own Path 09:10 - What It Means to Be UNcivilized 12:10 - Grief, Loss, and the Time We Have 14:50 - Living the Life Your Soul Wants 17:10 - Finding Your People 19:05 - Do the Thing You're Here to Do 21:00 - Thank You for Eight Years

  3. Oct 26

    EP 445 Living with an Abusive Woman | Dr. Benjamin Bailey

    Years ago, a man told me his wife had stabbed him. He'd gone to the hospital, and when I asked if he understood that he'd been abused, he insisted it wasn't possible. She was smaller than him. That conversation has stayed with me for years, and it's one of the reasons I wanted to sit down with Dr. Benjamin Bailey for episode 445, the final guest interview of The UNcivilized Podcast. Dr. Bailey is a clinical social worker, researcher, and author of Living with an Abusive Woman: The Other Side of Domestic Violence. He's spent nearly three decades studying family violence, masculinity, and the challenges men face when they're the ones experiencing abuse. We get into why men struggle to recognize abusive relationships, the cultural expectations that keep them silent, and what happens when they finally ask for help. I also share my own experience in an abusive relationship, including the moment a roommate helped me realize that the way I was being treated wasn't normal. This is exactly the kind of conversation I started The UNcivilized Podcast to have. The ones people are uncomfortable having, even when they're necessary. And while this is my final guest interview on the show, UNcivilized isn't going anywhere. I'll be sharing more about the podcast's transition in a solo episode. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation. https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Connect with Dr. Benjamin Bailey Website: https://healthymasculinitycenter.com MaleBeing AI: https://malebeing.ai Book: Living with an Abusive Woman: The Other Side of Domestic Violence https://www.amazon.com/author/drbenjaminbailey CHAPTERS 00:00 Traver's Announcement About the Podcast 03:04 Meet Dr. Benjamin Bailey 07:55 Why Abuse Against Men Is Often Ignored 12:04 Why Mothers Are Worried About Their Sons 18:20 Living with an Abusive Woman 21:40 What Male Victims Experience 27:22 Traver Shares His Own Experience with Abuse 32:23 Why Men Struggle to Recognize Abuse 40:35 When Traver's Therapist Challenged His Thinking 48:24 A Father's Story of Abuse and Lost Time 53:34 What Men Should Know About Abuse 58:19 Where to Find Dr. Bailey

  4. Oct 19

    EP 444 Making Aliveness Your Religion | Luke McLaughlin

    What if the reason so many of us feel disconnected, exhausted, or unfulfilled has less to do with our individual lives and more to do with the culture we're living in? My guest today is Luke McLaughlin, founder of Holistic Survival School, where he teaches ancestral earth skills as a way to help people reconnect with themselves, each other, and the natural world. Luke left a promising career in education to follow a calling into the wilderness. What began as teaching survival skills eventually became something much bigger: helping people remember what it means to be human. We get into the grief of things we never received, why our old ways of coping can eventually hold us back, and how rituals, community, and time in nature can help us rebuild what's missing. We also explore what it means to follow your soul, why feeling alive isn't always about feeling good, and Luke's fascinating 400-year plan to build a culture that will outlive him. This conversation goes well beyond surviving in the woods. It's about what we're actually trying to survive in modern life. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Connect with Luke McLaughlin: https://holisticsurvivalschool.com Chapters 00:00 — Meet Luke McLaughlin and Holistic Survival School 02:38 — Why Luke Left His Old Life Behind 06:46 — Following the Call to Adventure 10:46 — Turning Grief Into Something Meaningful 12:34 — The Grief We Carry Without Knowing It 19:25 — What Is Cultural Repair? 24:04 — Creating Rituals and Ceremonies 27:44 — How Trauma Becomes an Adaptation 31:08 — What Happens When We Lose Our Culture? 37:14 — Finding Balance With Technology 39:12 — What Does It Mean to Follow Your Soul? 42:12 — Understanding Aliveness 46:41 — How Do We Bring Soul Back Into Culture? 53:09 — Luke's 400-Year Plan 54:58 — Connect With Luke McLaughlin

  5. Oct 5

    EP 443 The Embodied Masculine | Amir Khalighi

    Most men are taught to look outside themselves for purpose: a bigger paycheck, a better title, more status, more proof. Amir Khalighi sees it differently. The signal gets clearer when you stop looking out and start paying attention to what keeps calling you inward. Amir is the founder of Embodied Masculine and has worked with men for more than three decades. In this conversation, we get into what it means to know your post, why purpose has more to do with responsibility than personal success, and what happens when the life you built no longer matches the life you feel called to live. Amir also shares the experience in his late forties that changed the direction of his life. We talk about initiation, strength, the King archetype, brotherhood, the cost of secrecy and isolation, and why every man needs people he can tell the truth to. And yes, I tell the ridiculous story of how one cop, McDonald’s burritos, and a men’s group in Brooklyn somehow helped create Man UNcivilized. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Connect with Amir: Website: https://embodiedmasculine.com/ Transpersonal Facilitation Method: https://transpersonalfacilitation.com/ Instagram: @khalighi Chapters 00:00 Meet Amir Khalighi 01:09 Before the Turning Point 03:09 Self-Initiation and Learning to Be a Man 04:06 Following the Tug of the Heart 07:28 How Man UNcivilized Was Born 11:52 The Wound Beneath the Gift 14:00 Purpose Means Knowing Your Post 16:01 Stop Looking Outside Yourself 19:25 Strength, Power, and the King Archetype 23:31 Getting Out of Your Head 27:43 Going Inward Instead of Up and Out 31:18 What Purpose Looks Like in Daily Life 36:26 Men Need Men They Can Call at 3 A.M. 39:35 Why Men Lose Access to Expression 42:16 The Experience That Changed Amir’s Life 50:02 Where to Find Amir

  6. Sep 28

    EP 442 Expressing Your Dark Parts Healthily

    Every man has parts of himself he may not particularly like admitting are there. Aggression. Dominance. The desire to hunt, take, compete, capture, or exert power. Recently, someone asked me how I deal with what I’d call my own inner predator or dark masculine. My answer starts here: I acknowledge that it exists. Because pretending those parts aren’t there doesn’t make them disappear. What we suppress has a way of coming out sideways. In this solo episode, I talk about what it means to actually be in relationship with those darker parts of myself and give them healthy, skillful, consensual ways to breathe. For me, that looks like jiu-jitsu. Hunting. Writing. Building a business. Getting onstage. Shibari. Kink. The specific activity isn’t really the point. The point is knowing what lives inside you and finding ways for it to exist without destroying your life or hurting the people around you. Full expression doesn’t mean acting on every impulse. It means taking responsibility for all of who you are. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Join me for the Embodied Dominant Workshop on October 11: https://www.manuncivilized.com/dominance CHAPTERS 00:00 How I Deal With My Inner Predator 00:40 Every Man Has Two Predators 02:26 Step One: Acknowledge It 04:33 Step Two: Be in Relationship With It 06:58 Healthy Ways to Express Your Dark Parts 09:24 Freedom Through Full Expression 10:13 When Power Comes Out Sideways 10:47 Three Questions to Ask Yourself

  7. Sep 21

    EP 441 How to Practice Dominance While Single | Coral Osborne

    How do you practice dominance when you’re single and don’t have a partner to practice with? The answer has a lot less to do with flirting than you might think. In this short Q&A, Coral Osborne and I break down why dominance starts with everyday interactions: creating connection, taking initiative, paying attention to how people respond, and learning how to lead without needing anything in return. You can get reps talking to the cashier at the supermarket. Meeting someone new. Starting a conversation. Holding a door. Asking one more question instead of staring at your wallet. And underneath all of that is the bigger practice: Do you lead yourself? Do you go to the gym when you say you will? Do you keep the commitments you make to yourself? Do your actions match the man you say you are? Because dominance isn’t something you suddenly switch on in the bedroom. It starts with how you carry yourself everywhere else. Want to train this with Coral and me? 36th Chamber Intensives: https://traverboehm.com/36-intensive 36th Chamber Year-Long Program: https://traverboehm.com/36 Chapter 00:00 How to Practice Dominance While Single 01:00 Practice Connection Everywhere 02:18 Get Your Reps Before the Date 03:10 Dominance Starts at Home 04:02 Start With Low-Stakes Risks 04:37 Dominance Is Also in Service 05:23 Practice Taking Initiative

  8. Sep 16

    EP 440 A Giraffe Named Feelings | Dr. Jeremy Goldberg

    Jeremy Goldberg is back on the podcast with a book he spent five years trying not to write. A Giraffe Named Feelings is a memoir about the parts of his life he spent years avoiding, numbing, or simply not knowing how to talk about. We get into his parents’ divorce, his mom’s alcoholism, his own relationship with alcohol and drugs, getting cheated on, sobriety, and what happened when he finally let his parents read the stories he had written about them. We also talk about writing from the wound versus writing from the scar, why abstinence became easier than moderation, and what betrayal actually takes from you beyond the relationship itself. And we end with one of my favorite stories in the book: Jeremy returning to his childhood home decades later and finding his six-year-old handprint still pressed into the concrete. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Get A Giraffe Named Feelings: https://substack.com/home/post/p-192337555 CHAPTERS: 00:00 Jeremy Goldberg Returns 02:45 A Giraffe Named Feelings 08:38 The Book He Tried Not to Write 11:56 The Story Behind A Giraffe Named Feelings 16:39 What His Parents’ Divorce Meant at Six 22:14 Letting His Parents Read the Book 27:14 Do You Have the Right to Tell Your Story? 30:05 Why He Couldn’t Ignore the Book 37:54 Writing From the Wound vs. the Scar 42:37 Confronting His Own Substance Use 47:29 When Drinking Is Just What Everyone Does 48:14 Awareness, Acceptance, and Action 53:34 Traver on Quitting Alcohol 58:31 What Being Cheated On Does to a Man 01:02:51 What He Wishes Someone Had Told Him 01:06:07 Heartbreak as an Opportunity 01:08:54 The Grief of Losing a Future Together 01:10:28 Returning to His Childhood Home

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For people who see through the veil of the civilized paradigm.

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