The UNcivilized Podcast with Traver Boehm

Traver Boehm
  • 4.9 (180)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

For people who see through the veil of the civilized paradigm.

  1. 10h ago

    EP 440 A Giraffe Named Feelings | Dr. Jeremy Goldberg

    Jeremy Goldberg is back on the podcast with a book he spent five years trying not to write. A Giraffe Named Feelings is a memoir about the parts of his life he spent years avoiding, numbing, or simply not knowing how to talk about. We get into his parents’ divorce, his mom’s alcoholism, his own relationship with alcohol and drugs, getting cheated on, sobriety, and what happened when he finally let his parents read the stories he had written about them. We also talk about writing from the wound versus writing from the scar, why abstinence became easier than moderation, and what betrayal actually takes from you beyond the relationship itself. And we end with one of my favorite stories in the book: Jeremy returning to his childhood home decades later and finding his six-year-old handprint still pressed into the concrete. Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation Get A Giraffe Named Feelings: https://substack.com/home/post/p-192337555 CHAPTERS: 00:00 Jeremy Goldberg Returns 02:45 A Giraffe Named Feelings 08:38 The Book He Tried Not to Write 11:56 The Story Behind A Giraffe Named Feelings 16:39 What His Parents’ Divorce Meant at Six 22:14 Letting His Parents Read the Book 27:14 Do You Have the Right to Tell Your Story? 30:05 Why He Couldn’t Ignore the Book 37:54 Writing From the Wound vs. the Scar 42:37 Confronting His Own Substance Use 47:29 When Drinking Is Just What Everyone Does 48:14 Awareness, Acceptance, and Action 53:34 Traver on Quitting Alcohol 58:31 What Being Cheated On Does to a Man 01:02:51 What He Wishes Someone Had Told Him 01:06:07 Heartbreak as an Opportunity 01:08:54 The Grief of Losing a Future Together 01:10:28 Returning to His Childhood Home

  2. Sep 7

    EP 439 What Women Actually Remember About Great Sex | Coral Osborne

    A woman can feel when your words and your motive don’t match. And according to sexologist Coral Osborne, that disconnect matters far more than whether you know the right positions, techniques, or lines to say. Coral joins me for a conversation about sexual honesty, desire, boundaries, aftercare, and one of the most important skills I didn’t learn until much later in life: attunement. We talk about what Coral calls the “clean taker,” why hiding your sexual desire can actually make you feel less safe to a woman, and why great sex has far more to do with presence, communication, curiosity, and being able to handle the answer “no” than most men have been taught. We also break down the RBDSMA framework, what aftercare actually looks like, why men need sexual boundaries too, and the difference between being sexually aggressive and being a grounded man who knows what he wants. Better sex is part of the conversation. But this is really about becoming a man who can tell the truth, pay attention, own his desires, respect someone else’s, and stay grounded regardless of the answer. Want to train this with Coral and me? 36th Chamber Intensives: https://traverboehm.com/36-intensive 36th Chamber Year-Long Program: https://traverboehm.com/36 Chapters 00:00 Meet Coral Osborne 02:55 Why Traver Came Back to Sexuality 06:08 The Freedom on the Other Side of Shame 09:44 Sex Is More Than Sex 13:34 What Women Say They’re Missing 18:32 Being Safe AND Wild 23:20 When Your Words Don’t Match Your Motive 26:54 What Is a “Clean Taker”? 31:31 The RBDSMA Framework 35:37 Why Aftercare Matters 45:06 What Attunement Actually Means 49:54 What Great Sex Is Really Made Of 53:38 Men Need Boundaries Too

  3. Aug 31

    EP 438 Eat. Pray. Sub. | Julieta Chiara

    About a year ago, I typed “Shibari” into Spotify because I needed something better to tie people to than my liked songs — which are basically 80s music, Metallica, and the Little Drummer Boy. A playlist called Chiara Shibari popped up. I used it for the next year with absolutely no idea Chiara was an actual human being. Then I found Julieta Chiara on Substack and had the very mature realization: Oh shit. It’s her. Julieta is a submissive mentor and Shibari master who’s been in the kink lifestyle for ten years. We get into what kink changed for her outside the bedroom, why being sexually met is very different from simply having good sex, and why dominance can be an incredibly vulnerable thing for men to explore. We also talk about shame, submission, consent, power, rope, what it means to feel fully accepted by another person, and why Julieta sees kink less as something broken people do and more as a way to play with parts of ourselves we don’t usually get to explore. Then we get into containment — what it actually means to be with someone who can handle all of you — and why Julieta’s experiences in kink have become one of the closest things she has to spirituality. And then, naturally, we end up talking about God. If you’ve ever had a desire you couldn’t explain, judged yourself for wanting, or tried to make smaller so somebody else would be more comfortable — this one’s for you. —— 👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation —— Connect with Julieta: Website: https://www.julietachiara.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julietachiara/ Substack: https://substack.com/@julietachiara Connect with Traver: Website: https://www.manuncivilized.com Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com Instagram: @traverboehm Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books CHAPTERS: 00:00 How Traver Found Julieta Through a Shibari Playlist 02:34 Meet Julieta: The Sub Who Ties 05:25 How Julieta Found Kink 10:58 “My Soul Is Kinky”: What Changes Outside the Bedroom 17:31 Kink Is Play 22:07 The Sub Who Tops 28:06 Intimacy Without Sex 32:18 What It Means to Be Sexually Met 36:54 The Grief of Finally Getting What You Want 43:22 Why Dominance Can Be Vulnerable for Men 46:55 Consent, Collaboration, and Learning to Lead 51:24 What Containment Actually Means 56:35 Sex, Power, and Spirituality

  4. Aug 25

    EP 437 How to be okay with being okay | Brea Segger

    Most of us say we want peace. Then the second we actually touch it, some part of us starts looking for a problem. Brea Segger and I talk about why real transformation doesn’t always need a breakdown, a breakthrough, or a giant emotional release. We get into the exhaustion that comes from trying to be someone you’re not, why loneliness can exist even when you’re surrounded by people, and what happens when you stop looking outside yourself for somebody to fix you. We also talk about alcohol and distraction, our relationship with nature, the differences Brea sees in how men and women process change, and why twenty minutes of doing absolutely nothing might tell you more about yourself than another year of searching for answers. Brea and I are leading Deep Waters together in Nosara, Costa Rica this November. Learn more: https://www.traverboehm.com/deepwaters —— 👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation —— Connect with Brea: Website: https://www.breasegger.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/breasegger/ Connect with Traver: Website: https://www.manuncivilized.com Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/ Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books Chapters 00:00 Who Is Brea Segger? 03:29 Brea’s Childhood and Feeling Like Something Was Wrong 06:48 When the Outside World Doesn’t Match What You Feel Inside 10:41 Why Brea Doesn’t Call Herself a Mystic 14:14 Alcohol as Distraction and Avoidance 20:55 Why Being Okay Can Feel Unsafe 26:15 Does Transformation Need a Big Breakthrough? 29:18 What Actually Happens When Brea Works With Someone 33:05 Why We’re So Exhausted 36:23 Why So Many People Feel Lonely 39:31 What Does “Soul” Mean? 41:34 How Men and Women Process Change Differently 44:17 Stop Looking Outside Yourself for Answers 45:57 Can You Do Nothing for 20 Minutes? 48:20 What Five Days Alone Taught Traver 50:56 Deep Waters and Closing

  5. Aug 18

    EP 436 When Success Still Feels Like Survival | Tanya Dubé

    At twelve years old, Tanya Marie Dubé left home with $18. For the next several years, she moved between friends' houses, church bathrooms, cars, closets, and the street while trying to finish school. She learned how to read a room, anticipate danger, handle everything herself, and do whatever needed to be done to get through to the next day. Those skills helped her survive. The problem is that survival strategies don't always disappear when the danger does. In this episode, Tanya and I get into what she calls the five survival identities — the hyper-independent, the performer, the pleaser, the caretaker, and the invisible one — and how the versions of ourselves that once kept us safe can eventually become the same versions keeping us stuck. We also get into something I see all the time with high achievers: checking every damn box and still wondering why success doesn't feel like enough. What happens when slowing down feels more dangerous than working harder? Can you actually feel satisfied without losing your ambition? And how do you tell the difference between genuinely trying to survive and continuing to live like you still have to? This one's about the identities we build to survive, what happens when they outlive their usefulness, and what it takes to stop dragging them into the rest of our lives. —— 👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation: https://www.manuncivilized.com/thenation —— Tanya's 5-Day Identity Challenge: https://identity-collapse-challenge.com/ Connect with Tanya: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanyamariedubeofficial/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tanyamariedube/ Connect with Traver: Website: https://www.manuncivilized.com Substack: https://traverboehm.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/ Get my books: https://www.manuncivilized.com/books CHAPTERS 00:00 Tanya's Return to Acting 02:06 What Is a Survival Identity? 08:27 Leaving Home at 12 With $18 13:42 How Survival Becomes an Identity 18:16 The Five Survival Identities 20:22 Do Men and Women Have Different Survival Identities? 23:18 Step One: Notice What's Not Working 27:57 Why Success Still Doesn't Feel Like Enough 35:15 Can You Be Driven and Still Be Satisfied? 41:26 What If You're Actually Just Trying to Survive? 51:07 Tanya's 5-Day Identity Challenge 53:28 What Does "Soul-Led" Actually Mean?

  6. Jul 27

    EP 435 Speak Kindly to Yourself — A Solo From Costa Rica | Traver Boehm

    I left my suitcase on an airplane, sprinted through a Houston terminal, and blew out both calves in the process. That was day one of seven weeks in Costa Rica — and it was just the beginning of the jungle trying to teach me something. In this solo episode, I'm sharing three lessons I brought back from Costa Rica — through injuries, a viral post about men's mental health, and a free diving course that scared the hell out of me. Lesson one — slow the hell down, even when everything in you wants to move at full speed. Lesson two — how you talk to yourself matters more than almost anything else, and why I made a promise to myself back in 2016 that I still keep today. Lesson three — what free diving 15 meters underwater taught me about the power of a single thought, and how fast it can change everything happening in your body. If you've ever felt like you're moving too fast to hear what's actually going on inside you — this one's for you. —— Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation —— Connect with Traver: Website Substack Instagram: @traverboehm Get my books Chapter List 00:00 Flight Chaos and Injuries in Costa Rica 06:00 Lesson One: Slow the Hell Down 07:37 Lesson Two: Speak Kindly to Yourself 11:42 Lesson Three: The Power of a Single Thought 17:12 Costa Rica Recap and What's Next

  7. Jul 20

    EP 434 Love, Truth, and What We're All Afraid to Feel | Sasha Cobra

    Sasha Cobra spent her twenties pouring drinks at a private cocktail bar in San Francisco — sober, vegan, healthy, and getting paid well to serve people poison. Then one Saturday morning in Golden Gate Park, she closed her eyes and saw herself doing something else entirely. She called her boss from a tea house that same afternoon and quit. She never went back. That decision started a twenty-year path that's led her to work with thousands of people around the world on sexuality, trauma, and healing. In this episode, she and I get into what she calls Love, Truth, and Eros — three words that sound simple until you actually try to live them. Why she believes love isn't a feeling but a regulated nervous system. Why almost nobody you've ever met actually operates from truth. And why she thinks the most repressed, most misunderstood part of being human might also be the most healing. This one goes into the body, sexuality, and trauma — and we don't tiptoe around any of it. —— 👉 Men, come train with us in The UNcivilized Nation —— Connect with Sasha:WebsiteCommunityInstagram Connect with Traver:WebsiteSubstackInstagram: @traverboehmGet my books CHAPTERS: 00:00 Love, Truth, and Eros: The Framework 06:58 Personal Truth vs. Societal Lies 16:59 Masculine and Feminine Energy 22:15 What Eros Really Means 32:35 Coming Back to the Body 34:23 Releasing Emotion Through the Body 42:39 Facing Emotional Overwhelm 45:57 Lovemaking as Medicine 51:48 Living in a Different Paradigm 58:51 Why No Teacher Has It All Figured Out 01:01:34 Sasha's Story: Quitting the Nightclub, Finding Her Path 01:12:41 Social Media: Tool or Poison 01:18:33 Building Community, Wrapping Up

  8. Jul 13

    EP 433 The Path of Poetry | Laurita Gorman

    Laurita Gorman almost never got called up to read her poem in front of the audience. She signed up for her first poetry slam and spent the whole night waiting to hear her name — the host had forgotten to add her to the list. She got up anyway. And wouldn’t you know it, placed second. That accident put her in the finals, and by the end of that year she was reading a poem about a woman named Laken Riley to a room that went completely silent. Laurita is a Canadian-born poet and therapist living in Australia. A poet from an early age, she filled journal after journal. In her twenties, she started taking those journals into therapy sessions to figure out what she'd actually been trying to say. Life eventually stopped her in her tracks and pushed her back toward performing — and within a year she was standing on the Sydney Opera House stage. We get into what it actually took to go from writing privately to reading in front of strangers. Why she stopped trying to be "nice" and started saying the true thing instead. What it felt like the night a room full of women grabbed her arm without saying a word. And why she believes a poem can do something years of talking can't. If you've ever had something true stuck in your throat you didn't know how to say — this one's for you. —— Connect with Laurita: Instagram —— Men –– Join us in The UNcivilized Nation Connect with Traver: Website Substack Instagram: @traverboehm Get my books 00:00 Introduction to Laurita Gorman 02:54 The Journey from Personal to Public Poetry 15:51 The Power of Voice and Expression 30:04 How Poetry Became Her Therapy 37:48 Connection Is Our Instinct, Not an Inconvenience 47:42 Sharing Poetry and Its Impact

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For people who see through the veil of the civilized paradigm.

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