Reclaiming Me: Heal Your Childhood Attachment Wounds, People Pleasing, and Complex PTSD for Women

Cindy Payne
  • 5.0 (10)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

  1. 1d ago

    E138: Forgiving vs. Reconciling: Why You Don't Have to Do Both and What to Do When the Apology Never Comes

    Forgiving and reconciling are not the same thing. And for many trauma survivors, understanding the difference between them is what finally makes it possible to pursue one without being pressured into the other. This episode goes deep into that distinction, and into what to do when the apology you deserve never comes. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode includes personal reflection on family betrayal, the compounded injury of people who should have shown up choosing the other side, and the ongoing work of forgiving yourself when you couldn't protect someone you love. You'll leave with a clearer sense of what your own forgiveness work actually requires, what it doesn't require, and practical tools for living with unresolved pain when the apology you deserved never arrived. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  2. 6d ago

    E137: Forgiveness in Percentages: Letting Go of the All-or-Nothing Pressure to Forgive

    What if forgiveness didn't have to be all or nothing? What if you could release some of the weight without releasing all of the truth? This midweek reframe introduces Harriet Lerner's concept of forgiveness in percentages and gives you a reflective practice for finding where you actually are without pressure to be further along than you are. Drawing from Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner, this episode offers a gentler, more honest framework for thinking about forgiveness that honors the complexity of what you've been through without shaming you for not being at a hundred percent. You'll leave with a reflective practice you can use today to map where you actually are with a specific forgiveness situation and what, if anything, you want to do about it. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  3. Jul 27

    E136: What Forgiveness Is Not: Dismantling the Myths That Keep Trauma Survivors Stuck

    Have you ever been told that you need to forgive in order to heal? That holding onto anger is making you sick? That forgiving someone who hurt you is something you owe them, or yourself, or God? This episode is going to challenge all of that. Directly. With clinical backing. And a lot of personal honesty. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's Why Won't You Apologize and a complex trauma and attachment lens, we dismantle the most pervasive and damaging myths about forgiveness, including the idea that it's required, that it's what good people do, and that withholding it is what's keeping you from healing. This episode includes personal reflection on a situation from ten years ago that made forgiveness one of the most complicated and slippery topics in my own life. By the end of this episode you'll have a completely different framework for thinking about forgiveness, one that centers your autonomy, your pain, and your actual healing rather than the comfort of the person who hurt you. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • Why Won't You Apologize by Harriet Lerner • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  4. Jul 22

    E135: Are You the Overfunctioner or the Underfunctioner? How to Identify Your Role and Change Your First Move

    Do you find yourself doing more, managing more, worrying more, planning more, while someone else in your life seems to do less? Or are you the one who steps back while someone else picks up the slack? Either way, you're in a dance. And this midweek reframe gives you the first practical step toward changing it. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's framework of overfunctioning and underfunctioning in The Dance of Anger, this episode helps you identify which role you're playing in your most significant relationships and what your specific first move looks like depending on which one you are. You'll leave with a clear picture of your relational role and one concrete action you can take this week to begin shifting the pattern, without blowing up the relationship in the process. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  5. Jul 20

    E134: Changing Your Steps in the Dance of Anger: Why the People Around You Push Back

    Have you ever tried to change how you handle conflict, set a boundary, or stop doing the thing you always do, only to have everyone around you act like you've lost your mind? There's a reason for that. And it's not you. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, this episode unpacks why changing your steps in a relational dance is one of the hardest and most important things you will ever do. This episode includes personal reflection on 25 years of marriage, the invisible load of primary parenting, overfunctioning and underfunctioning, and what happens when the anger you've been absorbing finally has nowhere left to go. You'll leave this episode with a clearer understanding of why your relationships react the way they do when you start to grow, and what to do when the pushback feels like too much. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  6. Jul 15

    E133: Anger as a Signal Not a Symptom: A Skill for Decoding What Your Anger Is Telling You

    Monday we talked about anger as information. Today we're getting practical. This midweek reframe gives you a concrete skill for slowing down and actually hearing what your anger is trying to say before you react or suppress. Using a simple somatic and reflective practice rooted in complex trauma and attachment theory, we walk through exactly how to pause with anger and decode it in real time. By the end of this ten minutes you'll have a tool you can use today, this week, the next time anger shows up. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and revie wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • Follow Cindy on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  7. Jul 13

    E132: What Your Anger Is Really Trying to Tell You: Anger, Trauma, and Attachment

    Are you someone who was told your anger was too much? Or maybe you learned early on to swallow it completely? In this episode we're cracking open what anger actually is, where it comes from, and why for those of us with complex trauma histories, it's one of the most misunderstood and mismanaged emotions we carry. Drawing from Harriet Lerner's groundbreaking work in The Dance of Anger and a complex trauma and attachment lens, we explore why anger isn't the problem. It's the signal. And learning to read that signal changes everything. This episode includes personal reflection on how anger has shown up in 25 years of marriage, motherhood, and healing as a CPTSD survivor. By the end of this episode you'll have a completely different relationship with your anger, and maybe a little more compassion for the parts of you that learned to either explode or disappear. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to rate and review Reclaiming Me wherever you listen. It genuinely helps more people find this content. And if you have a question you'd like answered, I am taking listener questions for one more month for a two-part Ask Me Anything episode on complex PTSD. All the ways to reach me are in the show notes. I would love to hear from you. RESOURCES MENTIONED • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner • The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk • Submit your CPTSD question: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  8. Jul 8

    E131: The Inner Critic Started as Someone Else's Voice: Reclaiming Your Own

    Someone said something critical — maybe recently, maybe years ago, maybe decades ago — and it landed like a verdict. Not just feedback. Not just one person's opinion. A verdict. On your worth, your competence, your enoughness. And the truly painful part? You didn't need them to keep saying it. You learned to say it to yourself. In this midweek reframe, Cindy explores the pattern she knows intimately — criticism from a parent or family member that became so internalized it started to feel like her own voice. She connects this to what we know about CPTSD, the inner critic, and why trauma survivors are especially vulnerable to letting other people's opinions become the operating system they run on. And she offers one reframe and one practice to begin the slow work of unhooking. You don't have to silence the inner critic overnight. You don't have to stop caring what people think entirely. You just have to begin to notice when the voice you're hearing isn't actually yours — and practice, one moment at a time, choosing a different one. 🎙️ Go back and listen to Monday's full episode first — this reframe is the natural next step after that conversation 💬 Submit your CPTSD question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes 🔔 Carry this into your week: Whose voice is the criticism I'm hearing right now — and is it actually mine? Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, inner critic, people pleasing, attachment, criticism, self-worth, shame, parental criticism, complex trauma recovery Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

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About

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

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