The Best Friend Project

Rachel Joy Swardson

Have you ever wondered why friendship seems so easy for some women, but so hard for others? Replayed a conversation over and over in your mind, wishing you had handled it differently? Or found yourself missing someone you once loved as a friend, but convinced too much time had passed to reach out? After a friendship that meant the world to me ended, I realized I knew very little about actual friendship. Which sounds strange to say out loud, but it's true. I had books on marriage, pregnancy, parenting, divorce, co-parenting, and step-parenting to help me become a better wife and mother. But I had never once stopped to ask what made someone a good friend, or why some women seem to form deep, lasting friendships while others struggle with loneliness, friendship loss, or friendship breakups. I wanted answers. So I started The Best Friend Project. Armed with postcards and a simple survey, I began taping invitations inside women's bathroom stalls across the country, asking women to tell me the truth about friendship. Hundreds responded with stories about best friends, betrayal, conflict, loneliness, grief, forgiveness, and the friendships that changed their lives. What followed became one of the largest independent investigations into women's friendships. I'm Rachel Joy Swardson, former television journalist, licensed private investigator, and founder of The Best Friend Project. Each week, I sit down with real women to explore how friendships begin, why they endure, what breaks them apart, and how to find, make, and keep meaningful friendships throughout adulthood. Every episode combines original friendship research, powerful personal stories, and practical insights about female friendship, connection, belonging, and the platonic relationships that shape our lives. Because every woman has a story about friendship. What's yours? New episodes every Tuesday. Short reflections every Saturday. Take the friendship survey at TheBestFriendProject.co.

Episodes

  1. 2 hrs ago

    Ep 6: 20 Years of Best Friendship and the Sticky-Note Rule That Made It Last | The Best Friend Project Podcast

    A silly video of two friends singing into spatulas made Rachel cry, and made her question everything about her own friendships. This is the conversation that followed. Scrolling Instagram one night, Rachel Joy Swardson stopped on a video of two women in long coats and sunglasses, belting Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us" into wooden spoons, with a caption that read: "When you realize every love song is actually about your friendship." It made her laugh. Then it made her cry. Then it left her with a wave of regret, envy, and longing she never saw coming. So she did what The Best Friend Project does best and she invited those two friends on the show to help her understand it. In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Rachel sits down with Melanie Curtis and Shannon Lee, best friends of more than 20 years whose bond is equal parts deep and ridiculous. Melanie is a keynote speaker, world-record skydiver, and peak-performance coach; Shannon is a spiritual ambassador and master plant-medicine facilitator. Together they trace their friendship all the way back to a "love at first sight" moment on a skydiving packing mat in 2005 — and the two decades of high-integrity follow-through that made it last. In This Episode:  A "love at first sight" friendship tells how Melanie and Shannon recognized each other instantly on a skydiving mat in 2005, and the 20 years of follow-through that proved it realMelanie on why being ridiculous together is actually an act of service and connectionNature taught Shannon that honesty is the default, and one of the greatest gifts we can give is to stop trying to change the people we loveBoundaries inside unconditional love and how to accept a flaky or difficult friend without abandoning your own limitsThe friendship "template”, or the sticky-note mantra that has guided Melanie and Shannon's bond for two decadesConnect with Melanie and Shannon: @melaniecurtis11 MelanieCurtis.com @luacheialuminosa  @greatspiritfarm About The Best Friend Podcast The Best Friend Podcast is where original friendship research meets real-life stories. Host Rachel Joy Swardson, founder of The Best Friend Project, investigates how women find, make, lose, and keep the platonic loves of their lives through original data, personal experience, and candid conversations. Learn more, take the survey, and share your friendship story at TheBestFriendProject.co. Chapters:  0:00 Love, Hilarity & Becoming Toxic: A Preview 1:00 Do Friendships Last Forever — or Grow Apart? 2:00 The Instagram Video That Stopped Me Cold 3:00 When Every Love Song Is About Your Friendship 3:40 The Regret, Envy & Joy I Didn't See Coming 4:30 Meet Melanie Curtis & Shannon Lee 6:20 Love at First Sight — With a Friend 8:00 20 Years of High-Integrity Follow-Through 8:40 Love and Hilarity: The Two Most Important Things 10:00 Why This Video Hit Different 11:00 Divorce, the Recession & No Time to Be Silly 12:40 What It Means to Truly See a Friend 14:00 Untapped Potential & Refusing the Corporate Box 16:00 Recovering People Pleasers & the Power of Rebellion 19:00 What Nature Taught Shannon About Honesty 20:00 Loving People As They Are — Without Losing Boundaries 22:00 The Friendship "Template" on a Sticky Note 24:00 How I Got Unconditional Love Wrong 25:00 When Resentment Poisons the Well 26:00 Coming Up in Part 2 #TheBestFriendProject #WomensFriendships #FemaleFriendship #BestFriends #AdultFriendships #FriendshipGoals #UnconditionalLove #ToxicFriendship #PeoplePleaser #FriendshipAdvice #WomenSupportingWomen #Skydiving #PlantMedicine #PersonalGrowth #Boundaries #Vulnerability #IntentionalLiving #Friendship #FriendshipPodcast #podcast

    27 min
  2. Jun 30

    Ep 5: The Funny Friend Gets Sad: A New Jersey Comic's Take on Adult Friendship | Noelle Rhodes

    Rachel Joy Swardson first discovered Noelle Rhodes through a hilarious social media post about why everyone needs a friend from New Jersey. The post made Rachel laugh. It also made her wonder, is it easier to make friends in some parts of the country than others? In this conversation, Rachel sits down with New Jersey comedian Noelle Rhodes to talk about friendship, loyalty, conflict, and the surprising ways geography shapes how we connect with one another. They also discuss a painful moment inside Noelle's friend group that could have ended very differently. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, Noelle stepped away, gave herself time to think, and returned with something unexpected: empathy.  It's a conversation about friendship rifts, second chances, becoming a comedian later in life, and what happens when the person everyone relies on for a laugh is the one having a hard day. Funny, thoughtful, and unexpectedly moving, this episode might just change the way you think about the roles we play within our friendship group. In This Episode: • Why Noelle believes everyone needs a friend from New Jersey• Friendship differences between the East Coast, West Coast, and Midwest• The friendship conflict that almost changed everything• How a walk around the block prevented a friendship blowup• The hidden challenge of being "the funny friend"• Starting a comedy career later in life• How personal growth can affect friendships• Why empathy is often more powerful than being right Connect with Noelle Rhodes: @noellerhodescomedy Coming Next Week: One jumps out of airplanes. The other is immersed in the world of natural healing. Rachel Joy Swardson talks with Melanie and Shannon about their unique friendship, relentless silliness, and shared credo that has kept them connected for more than 20 years. About The Best Friend Podcast The Best Friend Podcast is where original friendship research meets real-life stories. Host Rachel Joy Swardson, founder of The Best Friend Project, investigates how women find, make, lose, and keep the platonic loves of their lives through original data, personal experience, and candid conversations. Learn more, take the survey, and share your friendship story at TheBestFriendProject.co. Chapters:  0:00 Cold Open: Conflict Is a Friendship Sifter 0:40 Welcome to The Best Friend Project 1:25 Meet Noelle Rhodes, Clean Comedian 2:00 How They Connected & the Viral Jersey Reel 3:00 Jersey Honesty & the "You Need Bangs" Story 5:00 Friendship Sounds Different in Every Region 8:00 When Friends React to Your New Career 9:50 Hiding Behind Humor: "You're So Funny" 12:00 When the Funny Friend Breaks Down 13:00 The Long Walk & the Cast of Friends 17:00 The Funny Friend Can Be Hurt Too 21:00 Learning to "Self-Friend" 21:30 Northern Ireland & the Chocolate Party 24:00 Crying Under the Duvet: Loneliness Hits 25:00 Making Friends in Your 30s 27:00 Conflict as an Invitation to Go Deeper 29:00 Dialing It Back vs. Blowing It Up 30:30 Our Mothers' Friendships Looked Different 32:00 Time Is the Currency of Trust 34:30 No Shortcut: Friendship & Stand-Up 35:00 "I Don't Like People" & Other Green Flags 36:00 Where to Find & Book Noelle 38:00 Rachel's Reflection: The Funny Friend & Loneliness 41:00 Next Week: Melanie & Shannon #TheBestFriendProject #FemaleFriendship #Friendship #MakingFriendsAsAnAdult #AdultFriendship #Loneliness #FriendshipPodcast #WomenSupportingWomen #MidlifeFriendship #FriendshipAdvice #CleanComedy #NoelleRhodes #TheFunnyFriend #SelfFriendship #ConflictResolution #FriendshipBreakup #PodcastForWomen #WomenAndFriendship #Vulnerability #Connection #NewJersey #Comedian #PodcastClips #RealStories #FindMakeKeep

    43 min
  3. Jun 23

    Ep 2: The Hidden Impact of Childhood Poverty on Friendship | Michelle Mackenzie & Elle James

    When Shameless Elle lost the friendship she thought would last forever, she wasn't looking for new friends. But life had other plans. In Part 2 of this conversation, Rachel Joy Swardson welcomes Michelle (@TheLifeOfAWidow) to the podcast to talk about the friendship that formed when three women found themselves navigating grief, loss, loneliness, and some of the hardest seasons of their lives at the exact same time.  Michelle shares how growing up in poverty shaped the way she approached friendship, while Elle reflects on the surprising lessons she's learned from the women who stepped into her life after her best friend breakup. Together, they talk about accepting help, showing up imperfectly, and why some of the most meaningful friendships aren't built during the best years of our lives, they're built during the hardest.  This isn't a conversation about waiting until you have life figured out before making friends. It's a conversation about finding people willing to march through the hardships with you, because they're in it too. In This Episode: • How three women found each other during seasons of grief and loss  • The impact poverty can have on friendship and self-worth  • Why asking for help is harder than it looks  • What happens when women stop trying to earn love and simply receive it  • Friendship after widowhood, divorce, and heartbreak  • The small acts of kindness that change relationships forever  • Why nobody has to march through life's hardest moments alone Connect with Our Guests: Shameless Elle  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube & Facebook: @ShamelessElle https://shamelesselle.com Michelle  Instagram: @TheLifeOfAWidow About The Best Friend Podcast The Best Friend Podcast is where original friendship research meets real-life stories. Host Rachel Joy Swardson, founder of The Best Friend Project, investigates how women find, make, lose, and keep the platonic loves of their lives through original data, personal experience, and candid conversations. Chapters:  0:00 Opening — "Without Those Friendships, You'd Be Climbing the Walls" 1:00 Welcome to The Best Friend Project + Michelle Joins the Conversation 2:00 Michelle on Showing Up for Elle Through Grief 3:00 How Elle & Stephanie Show Up for Michelle Every Friday 5:00 The Power of Letting People In When You're Struggling 6:00 How Elle, Michelle & Stephanie's Friendship Was Born Out of Necessity 8:00 "Meet People Where They're At" — What Authentic Friendship Looks Like 9:00 Rachel Reflects on Survival Mode, Male Friends & Her First Real Female Friendship 11:00 Words of Advice for Anyone Struggling with Friendship 12:00 "Humble Yourself" — Elle's Honest Take on Growing Through Friendship 13:00 How to Be a Good Friend When You Have No Time or Capacity 14:00 "It's Not Do You Have Time for Me — It's How Can I Meet You Where You Are" 15:00 Michelle Opens Up: Poverty, Shame & Learning to Let People In 17:00 Overgiving to Be Loved — "If I Do This, Then You Will Love Me" 18:00 Elle Reflects on Michelle & Stephanie's Strength and Intelligence 19:00 Where to Follow Elle (Shameless Elle) & Michelle (Life of a Widow) 20:00 The Taylor Swift Origin Story Behind Michelle's Handle 21:00 Rachel's Closing Reflections — Seeing the Right People in Your Darkest Hour 22:00 Next Week: Noelle Rhodes on the Burden of Being the Funny Friend #TheBestFriendProject #FemaleFriendship #GriefAndFriendship #WomenSupportingWomen #FriendshipAdvice #MakingFriendsAsAnAdult #VulnerabilityAndConnection

    23 min
  4. Jun 23

    Ep 1: I Thought We'd Grow Old Together | Elle James & Michelle Mackenzie

    Rachel Joy Swardson thought losing her best friend was rare. Then she met content creator Shameless Elle and discovered they shared a surprisingly similar story. For nearly a decade, Elle believed she'd already found her person, the friend she'd call in a crisis, celebrate life's wins with, and grow old beside.  Then one difficult decision changed everything, and the friendship ended. In this candid conversation, Rachel and Elle talk about friendship breakups, losing the woman you thought would always be there, and the unexpected loneliness that follows when your social world is built around one person. But they also talk about what comes next. Because sometimes the friendships that change your life aren't the ones you lose. They're the ones you didn't see standing beside you all along. In This Episode: • The friendship breakup that changed the course of Elle's life  • Why losing a best friend can feel as painful as a divorce  • The danger of making one person your entire social world  • How friendship loss can shake your confidence and identity  • The surprising people who were waiting in the wings all along  • What Rachel and Elle learned after losing the friendships they thought would last forever Connect with Shameless Elle: Instagram, TikTok, YouTube & Facebook: @ShamelessElle  https://shamelesselle.com Coming Up Next: Elles best friend Michelle @lifeofawidow joins the conversation in Part 2 to share how an unlikely friendship between three women became a lifeline during some of the hardest times of their lives. About The Best Friend Podcast The Best Friend Podcast is where original friendship research meets real-life stories. Host Rachel Joy Swardson, founder of The Best Friend Project, investigates how women find, make, lose, and keep the platonic loves of their lives through original research, personal experience, and candid conversations. Learn more, take the survey, and share your friendship story at TheBestFriendProject.co. Chapters:  0:00 Opening — "I thought we'd grow old together" 1:00 Welcome to The Best Friend Project 2:00 How Rachel Found Elle (and What She Saw in That Instagram Post) 3:00 Elle's Best Friend Breakup — Nine Years, Then Silence 5:00 The Moment That Ended Everything: A Crisis and a Phone Call 7:00 What It Feels Like to Lose Your "One Person" 9:00 How Elle Started Saying Yes to Friendship Again 11:00 Reflection: Was That Friendship Even Healthy? 13:00 Hiding Your Joy to Protect Your Friend's Feelings 15:00 Grieving a Friendship While Honoring the Good in It 16:00 How Elle Met Stephanie and Michelle 17:00 Three Women, Shared Grief, and a Friendship Born of Necessity 19:00 When Friendship Hits a Threshold — And You Have to Decide 21:00 Healthier Friendships Were There All Along 22:00 "I Thought I Only Needed One Friend" — On Codependency and Letting People In 24:00 The Story of Michelle's Car — What True Friendship Looks Like 27:00 How Michelle Teaches Elle to Be a Better Friend 28:00 Michelle Joins the Conversation — Stay Tuned for Part 2 #TheBestFriendProject #FriendshipBreakup #WomenAndFriendship #FemaleFriendship #BestFriendBreakup #MakingFriendsAsAnAdult #FriendshipHealing

    29 min

About

Have you ever wondered why friendship seems so easy for some women, but so hard for others? Replayed a conversation over and over in your mind, wishing you had handled it differently? Or found yourself missing someone you once loved as a friend, but convinced too much time had passed to reach out? After a friendship that meant the world to me ended, I realized I knew very little about actual friendship. Which sounds strange to say out loud, but it's true. I had books on marriage, pregnancy, parenting, divorce, co-parenting, and step-parenting to help me become a better wife and mother. But I had never once stopped to ask what made someone a good friend, or why some women seem to form deep, lasting friendships while others struggle with loneliness, friendship loss, or friendship breakups. I wanted answers. So I started The Best Friend Project. Armed with postcards and a simple survey, I began taping invitations inside women's bathroom stalls across the country, asking women to tell me the truth about friendship. Hundreds responded with stories about best friends, betrayal, conflict, loneliness, grief, forgiveness, and the friendships that changed their lives. What followed became one of the largest independent investigations into women's friendships. I'm Rachel Joy Swardson, former television journalist, licensed private investigator, and founder of The Best Friend Project. Each week, I sit down with real women to explore how friendships begin, why they endure, what breaks them apart, and how to find, make, and keep meaningful friendships throughout adulthood. Every episode combines original friendship research, powerful personal stories, and practical insights about female friendship, connection, belonging, and the platonic relationships that shape our lives. Because every woman has a story about friendship. What's yours? New episodes every Tuesday. Short reflections every Saturday. Take the friendship survey at TheBestFriendProject.co.

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