Think Act Be Podcast Seth J. Gillihan

My guest this week is psychologist Dr. Beth Kurland, author of the new book, You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything: Six Ways to Shift Your Vantage Point, Stop Striving for Happy, and Find True Well-Being (affiliate link). We begin with a calming guided meditation that Beth led.
Topics we discussed included:
The assumption that not feeling at ease is a personal failure Being with our distress without being swallowed up by it Cultivating well-being in the absence of happiness The role of self-compassion in well-being Recognizing and connecting with a deeper part of ourselves, whether we call is Self, spirit, or soul Seeing the world from our Wise Self Living from our head vs. being more connected to and aware of the body Contraction vs. expansion in the area around the heart Why we don’t habitually run toward our body and wise Self as refuges A simple practice for coming back into one’s body Proper breathing for calming the nervous system Beth Kurland, PhD, is a clinical psychologist with three decades of experience.
She is also a TEDx and public speaker, a mind-body coach, and an author of three award-winning books: Dancing on The Tightrope; The Transformative Power of Ten Minutes; and Gifts of the Rain Puddle. 
Beth blogs for Psychology Today and is the creator of the Well-Being Toolkit online program. She lives in the Boston area.
For more, visit her website.
 

My guest this week is Dr. Peter Levine, who is well-known for being the developer of Somatic Experiencing. He’s also the author of a new book: An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey (affiliate link), which we focused on in this very enjoyable and meaningful discussion.
Peter shared about how his own wounds from early in life were a big part of what led him into the field of trauma therapy. We explored how the healing continues, even now in Peter’s ninth decade.
Topics we discussed included:
What Peter means when he describes himself as a modern “Chiron” Using our own wounds in life as we’re working to help others Getting to trauma memories and healing through embodiment in somatic experiencing The horrific trauma Peter experienced early in his life The dream that led Peter to share this book rather than writing it only for his own healing The significance of dreams for waking life Learning to attend to the promptings of the unconscious mind The relation between somatic experiencing and an approach like cognitive behavioral therapy The role of the vagus nerve in the trauma response and in healing Using the body to encounter our traumas in a healing way Why a union of the body and mind tends to reduce anxiety The disconnection we so often experience between our minds and bodies Peter’s reaction to a meditation workshop several decades ago The idea of “living your dying” Connections between death and the divine The promises and pitfalls of psychedelics Peter Levine, PhD, is the renowned developer of Somatic Experiencing.
He holds a doctorate in medical and biological Physics from the University of California at Berkeley and a doctorate in psychology from International University.
The recipient of four lifetime achievement awards, he is the author of several books, including Waking the Tiger, which has now been printed in 33 countries and has sold over a million copies.
Learn more about:
Peter Levine Somatic Experiencing An Autobiography of Trauma

My guest this week for part 4 of our series on midlife is Dr. Tim Windsor. Tim has done many research studies on adult development and how we change in midlife and older age. I took so much from this conversation as Tim described what we know about how to have a great second half of life.
Things we discussed included:
My guest’s research in lifespan developmental psychology Optimizing one’s potential to live well in later adulthood How Tim came to this area of research The challenges and opportunities that come with an aging population The U-shaped curve in happiness across adulthood The struggles we often face in midlife The socio-emotional selectivity theory of Laura Carstensen at Stanford The downturn in happiness that’s typical of oldest old age Variability in the slopes of well-being across adulthood Organizing our lives in ways that maximize well-being in the second half of life Developing psychological immunity in older age Emotion regulation in older age The benefits of using “positive reappraisal” to rethink one’s perspective The goodness-of-fit between situation and emotion regulation strategy The average increases in mindfulness with older age and the research of Leeann Mahlo Coping through accommodation or assimilation Using momentary ecological assessment to measure how mindful acceptance affects one’s reactions to daily hassles Awareness of losses and gains in older age How my guest’s research influences his behavior as he looks toward older age Tim Windsor, PhD, is a Professor in Psychology and Deputy Director of the Flinders Institute of Mental Health and Wellbeing at Flinders University.
His research focuses on examining social and psychological resources that promote well-being in older adulthood, links between views on aging, health and well-being, and developing interventions to promote engagement with life.
He is Director of the Generations Research Initiative at Flinders and is a Distinguished Member the Australian Association of Gerontology, and a Fellow of the Gerontological Society of America.
Learn more about Tim and his research at his faculty website.

My guest this week is Nick Davies, back for his third time on the podcast. This time we focused on issues related to midlife, as this is part 3 of our series on that topic.
Things we discussed included:
Nick’s personal backstory and his decision to make a big change in his mid-thirties Asking the right questions that can lead us to fulfillment The danger of “normality” that doesn’t serve us well Waiting for life to open up for you vs. creating the life you want Unhelpful beliefs that can lead us to take a passive role in our own lives Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior Setting up your environment in a way that helps you flourish (e.g. life-giving relationships) Knowing when to change ourselves vs. changing the situation Returning to my clinical practice with a different mindset Nick Davies is a Tony Robbins-trained coach with over 20 years of experience in the corporate world.
Nick’s sweet spot for delivering value is working with high achieving financial advisors who want to add zero’s to their business but aren’t willing to sacrifice their health or time with family,
Growing up in England, living across 3 continents and 5 locations, Nick takes the lessons from his extensive exposure to people and business, and applies them to his life and his clients.
His focus is to get to the heart of what people really want. Nick believes most of us leave our personal and business potential on the table and settle – and is on a mission to relieve the suffering that can bring. With over 3500 hours of coaching and counting, Nick has worked with many different types of people and businesses to create massive awareness and abundance in those areas.
He believes in holding high standards for himself and his clients. That means a focus on results, but also a focus on compassion.
Find Nick online at LinkedIn.

My guest this week is Dr. Kieran Setiya, a philosophy professor at MIT and author of Midlife: A Philosophical Guide (affiliate link).
Topics we discussed included:
The extent to which midlife is a time of crisis Elliott Jaques’s coining of the term “midlife crisis” in 1965 Data showing that life satisfaction is U-shaped, with a low in middle age Common significant challenges in midlife Past, Present, and Future The feeling of having missed out on other possible lives The tremendous loss we would experience if missing out were not possible The power of philosophy in the self-help space The poetic quality of Kieran’s writing and its likely origins The overvaluing of having options for their own sake, even if it costs us in absolute satisfaction Value beyond removing problems and suffering A vision of life beyond striving for “neutral” The tension between feeling like what we do matters, and yet life feels completely pointless The profundity of hobbies as gratuitous activities that aren’t aimed at solving problems What my guest has found is worth doing beyond addressing unmet needs The distinction between telic (project) and atelic (process) activities The societal pressure and value to be project-focused Why we’re bothered by our nonexistence after death much more than our nonexistence before birth Understanding what it would really mean to be immortal How the arc of a life is different from a movie or a book Kieran Setiya, PhD, is professor and philosophy section head at MIT.
He works mainly in ethics, epistemology, and the philosophy of mind.
Kieran’s other books include Practical Knowledge, Reasons without Rationalism, Knowing Right from Wrong, and Life Is Hard, which was named one of the best books of 2022 by the Economist and the New Yorker.
Kieran has also written about stand-up comedy, HP Lovecraft, baseball, free will, and the meaning of life.
Find Kieran online at his website and on Substack.

My guest this week is Dr. James Hollis, a therapist and author of many books, including Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up (affiliate link).
Topics we discussed included:
Common struggles one tends to experience in midlife The part of our psyche (soul) that knows us better than we know ourselves The agenda of the first and second halves of an average-length life Why certain issues tend to arise at midlife and not sooner The Buddha’s experiences before and after enlightenment Missing out on the opportunity to find a different solution to unaddressed problems Asking metaphorically what the gods intend through us Living in harmony with our inevitable mortality The Self working to overthrow the ego Asking what the symptoms we’re having are pointing to or asking of us Depression as a reorienting of energies when we’re at odds with ourselves Why popular culture ideas about intimate relationships tend to lead to unhappiness The contrasting realities of “being in love with” and loving another person What it means to leave one’s family of origin for the second time The projection that is part of the origin of any relationship The growth that often comes through challenges and pain The cost to ourselves and our loved ones of denying our calling Aligning vocation with one’s work life How to successfully navigate the challenges of midlife James Hollis, PhD, is a Jungian analyst based in Washington, DC.
He is the author of many books, including his latest, A Life of Meaning (affiliate link).
Find Jim online at his website.