Feel Better

Charlotte Cummings
  • 5.0 (12)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED DAILY

A podcast focused on building better mental and emotional health, with New Zealand counsellor Charlotte Cummings.

  1. You Can't Hate Yourself Into Change

    20 HRS AGO

    You Can't Hate Yourself Into Change

    Many of us believe that being tough on ourselves is the way to change. We think that if we criticise ourselves enough, push harder, or feel bad enough about our behaviour, we’ll finally become the person we want to be. But in my experience as a counsellor, the opposite is true. In this episode of the Feel Better Podcast, I’m talking about self-criticism and why it actually makes lasting change harder, not easier. I explain what happens in your brain when you shame or blame yourself and why that activates your threat response rather than the parts of your brain responsible for reflection, emotional regulation and problem solving. Over the years I’ve worked with many people who try to beat themselves into change. They set goals, fall off track, and then pile on the self-criticism. But this pattern rarely leads to the kind of sustainable change people are hoping for. Instead, I talk about a different approach. One that is grounded in self-acceptance, values and kinder self-talk, which research shows is far more effective for long-term behaviour change. In this episode I’ll share: • Why self-criticism activates your brain’s threat system• Why shame and blame undermine lasting change• The neuroscience behind self-compassion and motivation• Three practical tools to interrupt self-critical thinking• How to move toward change through your values• How to tell yourself the kind but accurate story If you’re stuck in the cycle of setting goals, falling off track and beating yourself up, this episode will help you understand why that happens and what to do differently. Because real change doesn’t come from attacking yourself.It comes from learning to work with yourself instead. If you’d like support making meaningful changes in your life, you can find out more about Change Therapy, my new coaching-based approach to working with clients, at: www.charlottecummings.nz You can also connect with me on Instagram:@charlottethecounsellor

    29 min

  2. 8 MAR

    The Women's Health Chat You Need

    I'm kind of sick of the doom and gloom chat's about perimenopause, so I decided I'd find someone I could ask this question of: "What is good about perimenopause?" Enter Amelia Stafford - an amazing women's health expert who knows her stuff when it comes to hormones and nutrition and the realities of making our health a priority in our busy lives. This is such a refreshing chat! We talk about: - What she eats (the question I just so often wish people cut to with health gurus!) - What she's enjoying about her 40s - Perimenopause - Vaginal health - Periods - Kids - Busy life Amelia is an absolute treat - I hope you love this episode. It's the right mix of realistic and inspiring!

    58 min

  3. 1 MAR

    How to Stop Overthinking

    If you struggle with overthinking, this episode is for you. Maybe your brain replays conversations on a loop.Maybe you catastrophise about the future.Maybe decision-making feels exhausting because you’ve already run 47 scenarios in your head. Overthinking is incredibly common. Research suggests up to 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% are repetitive. That means most of us are swimming in the same mental loops on repeat. In this episode, I break down: • What overthinking actually is (and how it’s different from healthy reflection)• The two main types: rumination and worry• Why overthinking feels productive but actually reduces control• The cognitive distortions driving it, including catastrophising, mind-reading, black and white thinking, and perfectionism• Why overthinking is often about avoiding an “unbearable” feeling• The nervous system patterns behind it And most importantly, I give you practical strategies you can use immediately: • The powerful question: “What now?”• How to give your brain a container• Why getting back into your body is essential• How to use cognitive defusion from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy• Making good enough decisions instead of perfect ones• Treating life like an experiment• Building tolerance for uncertainty• Replacing self-criticism with compassionate self-talk If you’re tired of living in your head, if your thoughts feel loud and relentless, or if overthinking is impacting your sleep, relationships, or confidence, this episode will give you tools to interrupt the cycle. You are bigger than your thoughts.They don’t get to run the show. For more resources, visit charlottecummings.nzCome and connect with me on Instagram @charlottethecounsellor If this episode helped you, please follow the podcast and share it with someone who needs it.

    27 min
  4. How to Set Better Work Boundaries

    22 FEB

    How to Set Better Work Boundaries

    If you’re someone who keeps saying “I’m just bad at boundaries” or “I’m the kind of person who overworks” this episode is for you. In this Ask Charlotte episode, I’m answering a listener question about how to maintain work boundaries differently, especially when you’re high-functioning, committed, and genuinely care about doing a good job. We unpack why willpower isn’t the answer, and why the stories you tell yourself about who you are might actually be keeping you stuck. In this episode, I cover: • Why fixed identity stories like “I’m just bad at boundaries” block change • How to pre-decide work limits so you’re not relying on motivation at the end of a long day • Practical ways to contain work overflow without letting it take over your life • How to prepare pushbacks so boundaries don’t feel awkward or personal • When overwork is actually a resourcing problem, not a you problem • Why holding boundaries often feels uncomfortable and why that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong • The confronting question of whether your personal life is inviting enough to pull you away from work • How workaholism can be a trauma response and what to do if this pattern keeps repeating If you’re burnt out, exhausted, or quietly worried that your work life is crowding out everything else, this episode will help you think differently and start doing things differently. This is about building boundaries that are sustainable, realistic, and protective of the life you actually want to live. Listen now on the Feel Better Podcast.

    13 min

  5. 15 FEB

    How to Have Hard Conversations Faster (Without Damaging Your Relationship) | Ep 114

    Hard conversations don’t ruin relationships.Avoiding them does. If you keep putting things off because you don’t want to rock the boat, this episode is for you. In How to Have Hard Conversations Faster (Without Damaging Your Relationship), I unpack why even capable, high-functioning people struggle to raise difficult topics at home and how to do it in a way that actually builds connection. Inside the episode:• Why your brain treats hard conversations like a threat• How avoidance quietly turns into resentment• What to stop doing when you finally speak up• How to raise one issue at a time without blowing things up• The skills that make hard conversations safer, faster, and more productive Being able to have difficult conversations is not a sign your relationship is failing.It’s a sign it’s healthy. 🎧 Listen to Feel Better Ep 114 now.And if this is something you want to work on together, share the episode with your partner and listen at the same time.

    30 min

  6. 8 FEB

    Self-Care That Actually Holds Up When Life Gets Busy | Ask Charlotte Ep 113

    Self-care is one of your goals this year.But when life gets busy, it’s the first thing you drop. In this episode, I answer a listener question about how to plan self-care in a way that actually holds up in a full, demanding year. If you already know this year is going to be busy with work pressure, family demands, deadlines or big goals, this episode will help you build self-care that supports you rather than disappearing when you need it most. In this episode, I talk about:• How to plan self-care for a busy schedule• Why increased pressure requires increased self-care• How to map high-pressure seasons across the year• What to add when stress rises and what to take off your plate• Why consistent, “boring” self-care works better than dramatic efforts• How routines, rituals and pre-booking protect your wellbeing• How accountability makes self-care more sustainable This episode is about practical self-care for real life. The kind that supports emotional regulation, clearer thinking and burnout prevention when life is full. If you don’t want self-care to be the thing you sacrifice in a busy year, this episode will help you create a plan that actually lasts. 🎙️ Ask Charlotte is part of the Feel Better Podcast, where I share practical tools for emotional wellbeing, resilience and living well under pressure.

    11 min

  7. 1 FEB

    Why Identity Shifts Are the Key to Real Change | Cara Calvin

    High-performing people don’t need more motivation. They need safety. In this episode, I’m joined by coach Cara Calvin to talk identity shifts, nervous system patterns, and why so many capable people freeze in the gap between where they are and where they want to be. We cover: Why rest can feel unsafe (and what to do about it) Micro-actions that build momentum when you feel stuck Lack mindset and the “I want to… but I can’t” trap Leadership, burnout, and the cost of living in hustle mode Systems that reduce chaos (shared calendars, weekly planning, morning routines) How personal growth can pressure relationships, and how to bring your partner with you If you’re a high-functioning person who looks fine on the outside but feels wired, tired, or numb on the inside, this episode will land. Subscribe for more conversations on relationships, mental health, and living well.

    55 min

  8. 25 JAN

    How to Build Your Child’s Resilience as School Goes Back | Ask Charlotte

    School goes back soon across New Zealand.And for many parents, that brings a mix of relief and worry. Will this year be easier socially?Will old struggles show up again?Will my child cope when I’m not there? In this Ask Charlotte episode, I respond to a parent asking how to set their child up for a resilient start to the school year and unpack what resilience actually looks like for children. Not toughening up.Not pushing through.Not coping quietly. Real resilience is built when children: Can name what they are feeling Know what behaviour is and is not okay Feel safe to talk about their day Learn how to ask for help early Understand which problems are adult problems, not theirs to solve alone In this episode, I cover: How to support your child’s mental health as school starts back Why emotional literacy matters How bullying can come from friends and why that matters How to help your child talk without forcing conversations Teaching help-seeking as a life skill Small parenting shifts that make a big difference across the year If your child struggled last year, feels anxious about going back to school, or you want to set this year up differently, this episode offers clear, practical ways to support them. This is not about perfect parenting. It is about helping your child feel safe, supported, and not alone when school life gets hard.

    13 min
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5
out of 5
12 Ratings

About

A podcast focused on building better mental and emotional health, with New Zealand counsellor Charlotte Cummings.

Information

  • Creator
    Charlotte Cummings
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    118
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Charlotte Cummings
  • Show Website
    Feel Better

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