Divorce Dialogues

Katherine Miller

Divorce Dialogues helps people navigate divorce with dignity, clarity, and perspective. Through thoughtful conversations with experts and practitioners, the show explores the emotional, financial, legal, and relational realities of divorce, so listeners can make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and move forward with greater confidence. Because divorce is more than a legal transaction, it’s a deeply human transition.

  1. 3d ago

    The Mortgage Mistake That Traps Divorcing Spouses | Jody Bruns

    Most people going through divorce ask, "How do I keep the house?" But what if that's the wrong question entirely? Katherine sits down with Jody Bruns, founder and president of the Divorce Lending Association and author of A House Divided: A Guide to Mortgage Financing and Divorce, to unpack the emotional and financial complexities of housing decisions during divorce. Jody explains why treating the house as a purely financial asset misses the point, and why feasibility today doesn't guarantee sustainability tomorrow. She and Katherine dig into the hidden costs people overlook, from insurance and title risk to the tax trade-offs of holding onto a low mortgage rate, and why "can I qualify" is a very different question than "can I actually afford my life." Get insights about separating the emotional pull of the family home from the numbers, and why real stability might mean letting go. In this conversation, you'll learn: Why the mortgage math is only part of the equation, and what "feasible, affordable, and sustainable" really means;The hidden risks in insurance and title that most divorcing homeowners never see coming;Why refinancing hesitancy over a low interest rate can cost you more than it saves; andHow reframing "how do I keep the house" as "how do I create a stable future" changes the decision entirely Highlights:(00:00) Meet Jody Bruns(00:58) Why the house is so hard to let go of(03:16) Why the house sits at the intersection of finances and identity(05:01) The Colorado mom and the baseball tournament story(07:40) Why "treat it like a business deal" is bad advice(09:13) Home, security, and identity(10:31) The onboarding process and building a Plan B(13:06) The stories people tell themselves about affording the house(20:17) Legal vs. mortgage pitfalls, and the "netting effect"(23:35) Insurance and title risks after divorce(25:53) What helps people make thoughtful housing decisions(26:44) The better question to ask instead of "how do I keep the house" About our guest, Jody BrunsLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jodylbruns/Divorce Lending Association: https://www.divorcelendingassociation.com/ About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    The Mortgage Mistake That Traps Divorcing Spouses | Jody Bruns
  2. Sep 3

    Your Custody Battle Is Hurting Your Kid More Than Your Divorce | Michael Saini

    When a child says “I don’t want to go,” the most important question may be: why? In this episode, Michael Saini, professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Law and Social Work at the University of Toronto, breaks down how courts, lawyers, and parents can separate genuine safety concerns from the noise of custody conflict. Drawing on nearly two decades of research and parenting plan evaluations, Michael explores why labels like alienation or abuse can miss the complexity of a child’s experience, why a quiet child may still be struggling, and what helps protect children through separation. Tune in to learn why conflict, not divorce itself, is what actually harms kids, and how one competent parent can be enough to help a child come through separation okay. In this episode, you'll learn: How to tell the difference between alienating behavior and a genuine safety concern;Why professionals shouldn't assume a quiet or agreeable child is doing fine;How to reframe anger toward a co-parent into identifying the real underlying worry; andWhy "good enough" parenting, not perfect parenting, is what protects kids through divorce.Highlights: (00:00) Meet Michael Saini (03:14) What splitting looks like and why kids get caught in the middle (05:10) Why it's so hard to separate real risk from conflict fallout (06:40) Alienation, denigration, and the umbrella of parent-child contact problems (08:52) The research-backed assumptions professionals get wrong (11:48) The conflict-driven custody narrative and how it takes shape (15:18) Winnicott's "good enough" parenting and why it protects kids (22:17) What to do when a safety concern is genuine (24:10) The one reframe that changes how you handle co-parent anger (25:10) Why exposure to conflict, not divorce itself, is what harms kids About our guest, Michael SainiLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-a-saini-5693044a/University of Toronto, Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work: https://socialwork.utoronto.ca/profiles/michael-saini/ About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    Your Custody Battle Is Hurting Your Kid More Than Your Divorce | Michael Saini
  3. Aug 27

    How to Heal After Divorce with Oona Metz

    Grief after a divorce doesn't wait for the paperwork to catch up, and it rarely leaves the same moment the case closes. In this episode, Oona Metz, LICSW, CGP, psychotherapist, and author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women, joins Katherine to map the emotional side of divorce that the legal process never touches. After running weekly divorce support groups for 16 years, Oona built a five-phase model that reflects how women actually move through loss, from the first heartbreak through the rollercoaster of conflicting emotions to finally reinvesting in a new life. She also speaks to where traditional divorce resources leave LGBTQ+ women out of the picture. Tune in to understand why healing from divorce rarely moves in a straight line, and how naming what you're feeling can lead to clearer decisions and a more dignified path forward. In this episode, you'll learn: The five phases of divorce grief, from heartbreak to moving on;Why grief resurfaces even years after a divorce is final;How to tell the difference between a partner's behavior and their character;Where traditional divorce resources fall short for LGBTQ+ women; andWhy understanding your feelings can lead to steadier, clearer decisionsHighlights:(00:00) Meet Oona Metz(06:39) Phase One: Heartbreak(10:35) Behavior versus character in a marriage(12:18) Phase Two: The Rollercoaster(13:54) Phase Three: Mending(14:33) Phase Four: Letting Go(17:06) Phase Five: Moving On(19:11) Why divorce grief doesn't move in a straight line(24:33) Where traditional divorce resources fail LGBTQ+ women(28:46) Oona's advice before you start the divorce process(29:17) Reframing grief as part of healing About our guest, Oona MetzLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/oona-metz-licsw-cgp-6a14a41b/ Website: https://www.oonametz.com/ About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/  Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/ More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    How to Heal After Divorce with Oona Metz
  4. Aug 20

    How Emotions Affect Your Divorce Decisions | Katherine Miller, The Emotionally Savvy Divorce

    Divorce can make even simple decisions feel harder. Fear, anger, guilt, and resentment can shape what you say, what you ask for, and what you agree to before you realize they are driving the process. In this episode of the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series, Katherine Miller, family lawyer and mediator at Miller Law Group, tackles the belief that good divorce decisions require setting emotions aside. Katherine shares why trying to remove emotion from divorce is neither realistic nor helpful. Instead, she explores how emotional awareness can help you respond more thoughtfully, make clearer decisions, and stay focused on the future you are trying to build. Listen in for a grounded look at how self-awareness, not emotional suppression, leads to better decisions during divorce and a stronger foundation for the life on the other side of it. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why trying to "keep emotions out of it" during divorce is a mythThe difference between reacting and responding, and why it mattersA simple framework for separating your feelings from your decisionsThree questions to ask before a difficult conversation or decision Highlights: (00:00) Meet Katherine Miller (00:50) Welcome back to the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series (01:43) Part One: The Problem — Why we think we have to ignore emotions (03:36) How emotional and rational decision-making work together (05:04) Part Two: The Trap — Reacting instead of responding (06:36) Why reacting lets your ex define you instead of yourself (08:09) Part Three: The Shift — What emotionally savvy people do differently (09:25) Separating your feelings from your decisions (10:49) Part Four: A real-life mediation that almost fell apart (14:25) Today's reframe, three questions, and closing thoughts on the series About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/  Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/ More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    How Emotions Affect Your Divorce Decisions | Katherine Miller, The Emotionally Savvy Divorce
  5. Aug 13

    Better Divorce Settlements Start With One Question | Katherine Miller, The Emotionally Savvy Divorce

    What if the thing you're fighting hardest for in your divorce isn't actually what you need? In this episode of the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series, Katherine Miller, family lawyer, mediator, and author of The Emotionally Savvy Divorce, breaks down one of the most useful distinctions in any negotiation: positions versus interests. Most people walk into divorce already certain of what they want. Katherine explains why that certainty is often standing in the way of a better outcome. Using real mediation stories, including a custody case built around a family's summer vacation home, Katherine shows how asking "why does this matter to me?" can turn a stalemate into a solution neither side saw coming. Listen in for a conversation about why letting go of a position isn't losing, and how understanding your real interests opens up possibilities that arguing over demands never will. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the thing you ask for in divorce often isn't the thing you actually needHow to tell the difference between a position and an interestThe four-prong test for identifying what really matters to youHow reframing a demand can turn a stuck negotiation into a shared problem to solveHighlights: (00:00) Meet Katherine Miller (02:07) Part One: We confuse positions with needs (03:37) What an interest actually is, and why it matters (05:16) Part Two: We become attached to one solution (06:44) Unpacking what a position, like staying in the house, is really giving you (08:40) Part Three: Discovering the interest beneath the position (10:29) The four-prong test for naming your real interest (13:11) Part Four: A real-life example, the vacation home custody case (16:35) Episode guide questions About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group Katherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/ More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    Better Divorce Settlements Start With One Question | Katherine Miller, The Emotionally Savvy Divorce
  6. Aug 6

    Why Fairness Is a Trap in Divorce | Katherine Miller on The Emotionally Savvy Divorce

    What if the thing you're fighting for in your divorce is actually keeping you stuck? In this episode of the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series, Katherine Miller, divorce attorney, mediator, and author, unpacks why "fair" might be the most dangerous word in a divorce negotiation. Katherine explains why two reasonable people can go through the same divorce and both walk away feeling wronged, and why chasing fairness often costs more in legal fees, time, and happiness than it's worth. Drawing on a real client story involving betrayal and a long, hard-won path to rebuilding, she shows what happens when someone finally lets go of being right in favor of moving forward. Tune in for a mindset shift that could change how you approach every hard conversation left in your divorce. In this episode, you'll learn: Why fairness is a personal experience, not an objective factThe difference between fighting to be right and fighting to be happyWhy the legal process can't give you emotional closureThree questions to ask yourself before your next difficult conversationHighlights:(00:00) Introducing the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series (01:35) Part one: The problem (03:05) Why fairness is personal, not objective (03:58) Part two: The trap (04:35) Would you rather be right or be happy? (05:55) The recognition trap: why both people feel wronged (06:41) Divorce as a legal process vs. an emotional one (09:09) Part three: From fair to workable (11:40) Compromise isn't failure, it's negotiation (12:52) A real story: rebuilding life after serial betrayal (16:49) Reflection: Why fairness is a trap in Divorce About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    Why Fairness Is a Trap in Divorce | Katherine Miller on The Emotionally Savvy Divorce
  7. Jul 30

    Choosing Dignity Over Winning: Katherine Miller on The Emotionally Savvy Divorce

    Divorce doesn't have to be measured by who wins. What if success meant something entirely different? In this episode, Katherine Miller, divorce attorney, mediator, and author, opens her Emotionally Savvy Divorce series by redefining what a successful divorce actually looks like — not in the courtroom, but in the life you build afterward. Most people never stop to define what winning a divorce would even mean. Katherine explains why so many clients default to protecting the house, the custody schedule, or their pride, and how those goals are really just reactions, not a definition of success. She walks through why the winner-loser framing of divorce is largely false, why chasing it can cost far more than it's worth, and how holding onto resentment rarely brings the relief people expect. Tune in for a conversation about shifting the focus from what you're fighting against to what you're actually building, and why the decisions you make today are votes for the life you want after divorce is over. In this episode, you'll learn: Why most people confuse strategy and reaction with a real definition of success;Why the winner-loser framing of divorce rarely reflects reality;How to identify what you're actually protecting — and whether your actions align with it; andThree questions to ask yourself before every major divorce decision Highlights:(00:00) Introducing the Emotionally Savvy Divorce series (03:38) Part one: The problem (03:40) Why most people never define what success means(04:59) The false assumption of winners and losers (06:06) Part two: The trap(06:08) How chasing "winning" becomes the wrong goal (07:09) Untangling your identity from your marriage (09:28) Part three: The new definition of success (09:31) Divorce as a legal, emotional, and family transition (13:13) Finding your priorities before the deal-making begins (16:28) Part four: A real life example(16:31) Marcy's story: rebuilding life after betrayal(19:19) What a successful divorce looks like(19:40) The Reframe: three questions to ask yourself About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    Choosing Dignity Over Winning: Katherine Miller on The Emotionally Savvy Divorce
  8. Jul 23

    Don't Use AI for Divorce Until You Watch This | Jamie Lima of SecureSplit

    Divorce isn't just a legal problem, it's an emotional one too—so what happens when people start bringing that problem to AI before they bring it to anyone else? In this episode, @Jamie Lima, divorce financial specialist and co-founder of SecureSplit, unpacks why so many people are turning to AI first during divorce, sometimes before they've spoken to a lawyer, therapist, or financial advisor, and what that shift actually means for their outcomes. Drawing on his own divorce and his work helping clients navigate the financial side of separation, Jamie makes the case that AI can be a genuinely useful tool for organizing thoughts, managing emotional communication, and understanding complex documents. But he's equally clear about where it becomes dangerous. Tune in for a grounded conversation about prompting AI the right way, why "trust but verify" should be the rule for anything AI tells you about your case, and why no amount of technology replaces having real people in your corner during one of the hardest transitions of your life. In this episode, you'll learn: Why people are turning to AI before they contact any divorce professional;How to prompt AI correctly so it gives you useful, accurate information instead of generic answers;Where AI can genuinely help with divorce-related emotional and financial complexity; andWhy relying on AI for legal outcomes or replacing your support system can lead to costly mistakes Highlights:(00:00) Meet Jamie Lima(03:02) How AI could have changed Jamie's own divorce(07:02) Why treating AI like Google is a big mistake(08:50) Why AI learning your voice is a double-edged sword(10:34) The emotional need AI fills, and the risk of it placating you(12:56) Always ask for citations: the case of the disbarred attorney(14:32) Where AI gets it right (17:00) Why AI creates a false sense of certainty about legal outcomes(18:27) The best way to use AI to review your lawyer's work(23:08) The Reframe: AI should not replace human professional advice(24:55) Why surrounding yourself with a real support team still matters About our guest, Jamie LimaLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamielima/  SecureSplit: https://securesplit.com/ About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law GroupKatherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

    Don't Use AI for Divorce Until You Watch This |  Jamie Lima of SecureSplit
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out of 5
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About

Divorce Dialogues helps people navigate divorce with dignity, clarity, and perspective. Through thoughtful conversations with experts and practitioners, the show explores the emotional, financial, legal, and relational realities of divorce, so listeners can make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and move forward with greater confidence. Because divorce is more than a legal transaction, it’s a deeply human transition.

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