The Powerful Man Show

Tim Matthews & Doug Holt

The Powerful Man is a show for married businessmen looking to improve their relationships, their health, their businesses, and themselves. Your hosts, Doug Holt and Tim Matthews have decades of experience helping married businessmen step into their power, live up to their potential, and live a life they love. The Powerful Man Show tackles conversations and topics designed to help men become better fathers, lovers, husbands, and leaders in their communities. If this sounds like you, we encourage you to subscribe and also head over to thepowerfulman.com for more information.

  1. 2d ago

    Breaking the Cycle: Reconnecting in Marriage

    Episode #1207 Why do so many men wait until their wife has already checked out before they do anything about their marriage? In this episode of The Powerful Man Show, Doug Holt sits down with his wife Erin Holt to talk about the quiet drift that ends marriages: the husband who buries his head in work and survives on hope, and the wife who contorts herself until she disappears. If you have ever thought "it will be better after Christmas," or "the kids will be older, then we can reconnect," this conversation is the one you have been avoiding. Doug names the pattern he hears from almost every man who comes through TPM: I saw what was happening and I decided to wait a little longer. Sometimes the waiting costs him the marriage, because by the time he moves, she has not just made up her mind, she has closed the door on reconciliation. Erin brings the other side of it. She explains what a gray marriage looks like from a woman's chair, why so many wives go quiet instead of loud, and what is actually happening when a woman reaches the point of "I cannot live like this anymore." She also gives the simplest first move she uses with her own clients, and it takes five minutes. Inside this episode: why men chase significance at work when they cannot find it at home, how resentment builds on both sides when nobody is talking, what a leader actually does when the marriage is stuck, how to slow a wife down without managing her, and the one question that breaks a woman out of all-or-nothing thinking. Doug's line for the men listening: you are a hopium addict, and the antidote to the addiction is action. Common questions this episode answers: What is a gray marriage? Why does my wife seem emotionally checked out? Why do I keep waiting to fix my marriage? How do I reconnect with my wife without a big conversation? What should a husband do when his wife says she is done? Episode Chapters 00:00 Why couples keep waiting to reconnect 00:27 Why some people want to blow up their marriage and start over 01:05 Is this really all there is? 02:21 Why men bury themselves in work 03:00 How businessmen get their needs met outside the home 04:00 The danger of surviving on "hopium" 05:01 Why waiting can cost you your marriage 06:48 What a disconnected "gray marriage" looks like 07:10 How women lose themselves trying to keep everything together 07:41 Free Book 08:34 When giving more turns into exhaustion and loneliness 09:34 How resentment builds on both sides 11:00 Someone has to go first 12:54 Taking responsibility for your part of the relationship 14:25 Healing the parts of yourself you've outgrown 15:19 When blowing everything up feels like the only option 17:08 Reconnecting with yourself before reconnecting with your spouse 19:28 How slowing down can help women reconnect with themselves 20:16 Creating intentional space without filling it 22:49 How a husband can support his wife in slowing down 24:18 Finding the "sacred third" instead of choosing between two extremes 25:45 Stop waiting for your spouse to change first 26:16 The antidote to "hopium" is action 29:44 Take action before it's too late f your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug's A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It provides an action-focused place to begin: Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-eOBEf1q0KA The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical relationship skills, self-leadership, coaching, and a brotherhood focused on building stronger marriages and families.

  2. 4d ago

    The Power of Emotional Safety: Transform Your Relationship [Revisit]

    Episode #1206 What happens when every disagreement with your wife turns into defending yourself, explaining your intentions, or reacting emotionally? And what do you do when she shuts down after an argument or tells you she needs space? In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen return to three listener questions about emotional safety, conflict, stonewalling, and what a husband can do when his wife seems to be pulling away. Doug starts by breaking down DEER mode: Defend, Explain, Excuse, React. When a man automatically falls into this pattern, a disagreement can quickly escalate. Instead, Doug discusses becoming more grounded, recognizing what TPM calls safety tests, and learning to respond without allowing every complaint to control your emotional state. They also discuss what happens after a fight when your wife shuts down and refuses to talk. Rather than chasing her or leaving the conflict unresolved indefinitely, Doug explains how to take responsibility for your side, communicate what you actually want for the relationship, and close the loop by agreeing on when you'll reconnect. Finally, they tackle one of the most concerning things a husband can hear: "I need space to find myself." Doug explains why giving her space and fighting for the marriage don't necessarily have to be opposites. The key is understanding what "space" actually means while also taking action on yourself. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why emotional safety changes how your wife responds 00:42 Listener Q&A on marriage and relationships 00:58 How to stop falling into DEER mode during arguments 01:28 DEER versus WOLF 02:00 Emotional safety and relationship safety tests 04:31 How your response can change the relationship 06:20 Why safety tests don't simply disappear 07:00 Staying grounded instead of reacting 08:30 Why certain comments trigger you 10:22 Why healthy relationships still have conflict 10:43 Cleaning up your mistakes quickly 11:30 What to do when your wife stonewalls after a fight 12:07 Taking ownership without becoming needy 12:49 Helping your wife feel like you're on the same team 15:00 How to close the loop after an argument 16:44 Free Book 17:36 What does "I need space" really mean? 17:55 Give her space or fight for the marriage? 19:00 Defining what space actually looks like 21:10 When your wife's request for space becomes a call to action 21:43 "I love you, but I'm not in love with this version of you" 22:30 Why men delay taking action 24:12 How fear keeps men stuck 25:41 Admitting when you're scared 27:49 Why you deserve more than an average marriage 29:29 Taking action and submitting questions to TPM If your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug's A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It gives you an action-focused place to start: Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xQ7ETaNe3Lw The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, self-leadership, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to create stronger marriages and families. emotional safety in marriage, wife needs space, wife stonewalling husband, DEER mode, marriage conflict, how to stop being defensive with your wife, relationship safety tests, wife says she needs space, rebuilding connection with your wife, marriage advice for men

  3. Oct 24

    Living with Urgency: What If Today Was Your Last Day?

    Episode #1205 What would you do differently if you knew today was your last day alive? Would you spend more time working, scrolling your phone, or worrying about what other people think? Or would you put the distractions aside, spend time with the people you love, say what needs to be said, and become fully present? In this episode of The TPM Show, Tim Matthews sits down with Stephen to explore how creating an intentional sense of urgency can change the way you approach your marriage, family, business, and life. They discuss why people often wait for urgency to be imposed on them. Divorce papers arrive. A health problem appears. A business reaches a crisis point. Suddenly, the things that have been avoided for months or years need attention immediately. But what if you didn't wait for the crisis? Tim and Stephen explore the idea of asking, "What if I only had 24 hours?" as a way to cut through procrastination, distraction, fear, and the stories that prevent you from taking meaningful action. For a man struggling in his marriage, that could mean asking a more specific question: What if I had 24 hours to save my marriage? The point isn't to frantically do everything. It's to identify what actually matters and show up with greater presence, honesty, gratitude, appreciation, love, and action. Episode Chapters 00:00 What would you do if today was your last day? 00:39 Living with greater urgency and intention 01:15 What actually matters on your final day? 02:09 Presence, family, and putting away distractions 03:06 Why connection becomes more important when time is limited 04:11 Creating urgency around what matters 04:30 Scales Free Training 05:33 Stop assuming there will always be another day 06:03 Looking for connection in the wrong places 06:35 How urgency brings your priorities into focus 07:17 Vulnerability when you have nothing to lose 08:05 Letting go of the stories holding you back 09:10 How having more time can create complacency 10:27 Stop sweating the small stuff 11:06 What meaningful family connection actually looks like 12:21 Bringing the last-24-hours mindset into everyday life 13:13 Choosing connection over rigid routines 14:48 Don't wait for divorce papers to create urgency 15:26 Imposing urgency on yourself before a crisis does 17:23 Performing when your back is against the wall 18:38 Using urgency to take massive action 19:38 Stop searching for connection through distractions 21:16 Compressing time through action 24:04 Using urgency to overcome procrastination 25:30 Challenging the stories that keep you stuck 26:41 What if you had 24 hours to save your marriage? 27:19 Leave it all on the field 28:27 Making the most of the life you have now If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, the Scales Free Training can help you identify what's missing and understand practical steps for rebuilding it. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/17TkeuSvsj8 The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the self-leadership, relationship skills, and brotherhood needed to build stronger marriages and more meaningful lives.

  4. Oct 22

    From Courtroom Battles to Family Balance: Expert Insights on Divorce

    Episode #1204 Successful businessmen are used to making decisions, solving problems, and staying in control. But what happens when that same approach enters family court? In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt sits down with family law attorney April Jones to discuss why CEOs, founders, and high-performing men can struggle when divorce moves from the boardroom into the courtroom. April brings more than 35 years of legal experience to the conversation. She is the founder and CEO of Jones Law Firm, which she built in 2000, and her firm has handled thousands of complex family law and divorce cases. She is a multi-year Super Lawyers honoree, was named an Outstanding Woman in Business by the Denver Business Journal, and serves in leadership roles connected to judicial selection in Colorado. Doug and April discuss why the financial settlement is only one part of divorce. There is also the emotional impact, disruption to business performance, parenting time, and the reality that another person may eventually become part of your children's lives. April explains why getting legal information early doesn't necessarily mean you've decided to divorce. Understanding what divorce could actually look like may help someone make better decisions while reconciliation is still possible. They also address one of the biggest mistakes business owners can make: trying to hide or move assets. April explains how this can increase litigation costs, damage trust, and create additional problems in court. The conversation ultimately returns to something men can control even before divorce becomes inevitable: changing how they show up in their marriage. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why successful businessmen can struggle in family court 00:37 From the boardroom to the courtroom 01:00 April Jones' family law experience and credentials 03:21 Why CEOs can struggle with losing control 05:38 When charm and persuasion stop working 08:16 The hidden costs of divorce 09:13 Parenting, business, and the emotional cost of separation 11:06 How men sedate themselves during divorce 12:20 When should you speak with a family lawyer? 14:30 Why hiding assets can backfire 15:13 Free Book 16:06 The financial and emotional cost of moving money 17:01 Why successful men need expert guidance 19:00 Infidelity, intimacy, and warning signs in marriage 21:08 Resentment and sexless marriages 22:33 What happens during a family law intake 24:01 Privacy and revealing difficult information 24:38 Why your attorney needs to know the skeletons 26:51 Preparing strategically for difficult issues 27:37 Divorce, workaholism, and losing connection with your children 31:19 Gray divorce later in life 32:21 How changing your behavior changes the relationship 34:01 Self-leadership when your marriage is on the edge If your marriage is struggling and you've lost some of the love, admiration, or respect you once had, Doug offers A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It as a practical action plan. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DrbubtX3yTI The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, self-leadership, and relationship tools designed to build stronger marriages and families.

  5. Oct 20

    Be More Interesting Than Instagram: Modern Relationship Solutions [Revisit]

    Episode #1203 What do you do when you've tried marriage counseling but feel like you keep revisiting the same problems? What if your wife seems more interested in her phone than connecting with you? And how do you handle sexual rejection without becoming needy, resentful, or afraid to initiate again? In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen return to a practical Q&A covering three situations men commonly face when their marriage feels disconnected. The first question comes from a man who has already tried marriage counseling and wants to know how TPM's approach differs. Doug shares his own experience with counseling and explains why the TPM approach focuses on acknowledging what happened, cleaning it up, and then moving forward through action. The conversation then turns to a husband whose wife is constantly on her phone and hides the screen when he enters the room. Doug's advice is not to compete with the phone directly. Instead, become more engaged, curious, decisive, and interesting in the relationship. His simple reminder is: be more interesting than Instagram. Finally, Doug and Chris address sexual rejection. Doug discusses trust, emotional safety, polarity, keeping your word, and why repeatedly trying to keep the peace can sometimes create the opposite of the connection a man wants. Throughout the episode, the focus stays on what a man can actually control: his actions, integrity, leadership, curiosity, and how he shows up in the relationship. Episode Chapters 00:00 Stop driving forward while looking in the rearview mirror 00:41 Marriage coaching versus marriage counseling 01:32 Doug's experience with marriage counseling 03:00 Why constantly revisiting the past can create disconnection 04:00 The Clean Slate Method and Marriage 2.0 05:00 Creating change through action 06:00 Emotional safety and helping your wife feel seen, heard, and desired 07:00 Rebuilding confidence and masculine energy 09:15 Understanding the "why" versus creating change 09:25 Scales Free Training 10:26 Why understanding the past may not be enough 11:17 What to do when your wife is always on her phone 11:50 Be more interesting than Instagram 13:15 Your wife has changed, and so have you 14:00 Why dinner alone isn't necessarily a date 16:25 How to handle sexual rejection from your wife 16:59 Trust, emotional safety, and polarity 18:00 How broken promises affect attraction 19:00 Nice guy behavior and keeping the peace 21:24 Taking action on what you've learned If your relationship is missing the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, Doug's Scales Free Training walks through how you got here and gives you a methodology for beginning to rebuild it. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/UuIbkgzy7h4 The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to help men create stronger marriages and families.

  6. Oct 17

    Making the Holidays Magical: Strengthening Marriages

    Episode #1202 The holidays are supposed to bring families together, but for many couples, they create stress, resentment, arguments, and disconnection. In this episode of The TPM Show, Doug and Erin Holt talk about how husbands and wives can approach the holiday season differently. Instead of waiting until schedules, gifts, family expectations, business pressures, and traditions collide, they encourage couples to plan for the experience they actually want to create. For business owners and executives, the end of the year can already carry enormous pressure. Add family gatherings, travel, gifts, children, traditions, and expectations at home, and it's easy for a man to become disconnected or grumpy while his wife feels like she's carrying the entire holiday mental load. Doug and Erin explain why simply asking, "What can I do?" isn't always enough. Sometimes that creates another task for your wife because she still has to identify, assign, and manage what needs to happen. Instead, Doug encourages men to become proactive: see what needs to be done and do it. They also share how their different childhood experiences shaped what Christmas meant to each of them. Those differences created conflict until they learned to communicate about what mattered, make concessions, and intentionally decide what they wanted the holidays to look and feel like for their family. The goal isn't a perfect holiday. It's creating connection, meaningful traditions, and memories your family actually wants to remember. Episode Chapters 00:00 Why the holidays can create marriage problems 02:17 Why relationship problems can intensify after the holidays 03:05 Why husbands become grumpy during the holiday season 03:29 Year-end pressure for business owners 04:18 Feeling disconnected from your family 06:00 What to do when you're struggling emotionally 07:09 Why your wife wants partnership during the holidays 07:49 Stop waiting until the last minute 09:25 Different family traditions and expectations 09:43 Free Book 10:36 Creating holiday magic for your family 12:15 When spouses have very different holiday experiences 13:56 Communicating before the holidays arrive 15:00 Deciding how you want the holidays to feel 16:31 Reducing holiday stress to prioritize connection 18:03 Planning your holiday season like you plan your business 19:32 Why asking "What can I do?" isn't always helpful 20:15 See it, do it 21:07 Learning from previous holiday seasons 22:00 Identifying habits that create holiday stress 23:07 Being proactive instead of reactive 23:33 Grief, loss, and difficult emotions during the holidays 24:20 Creating memories your children will remember 25:08 Make the holidays magical 25:36 Create your vision for the holiday season If your marriage has lost some of the love, admiration, respect, or intimacy it once had, Doug offers A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It as a practical action plan you can begin applying. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/jXXLIPUP_ps The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the relationship and leadership skills needed to create stronger marriages and families.

  7. Oct 15

    Mastering Meaningful Connection: Tips for Engaging Date Nights

    Episode #1201 When was the last time you went on a date with your wife and showed up with the same curiosity, energy, and intention you had when you first met? In this episode of The TPM Show, Tim Matthews sits down with Stephen, a longtime member of The Powerful Man movement, to talk about bringing "first date energy" back into a long-term marriage. After nearly 11 years of marriage, Stephen realized that even regular date nights can become routine. You go to dinner, see a movie, and spend most of the evening talking about the kids, schedules, work, or everyday logistics. You're technically on a date, but the energy that made dating exciting has disappeared. Stephen shares what changed when he intentionally approached a day out with his wife, Jane, differently. He became curious about who she is today, put away his phone, avoided default conversations about logistics, made an effort with his appearance, took more initiative, and went into the experience without expectations. Tim and Stephen break this approach into three practical elements: Preparation, Presentation, and Practice. Preparation means creating space to transition out of work mode, thinking about meaningful conversations, and intentionally setting yourself up to be present. Presentation is how you actually arrive. Your energy, grooming, clothing, presence, and attitude all communicate whether this date matters to you. Practice means staying curious, letting go of expectations, taking the lead without becoming rigid, and remembering that the entire point is to have fun together. Episode Chapters 00:00 Bringing curiosity back into your marriage 00:27 Preparation, presentation, and practice 00:43 Stephen's journey with The Powerful Man 02:41 What "first date energy" means in a long-term marriage 03:58 Scales Free Training 05:01 Bringing first date energy to your wife 07:12 Why curiosity is essential on date night 07:27 Putting away your phone and being fully present 08:05 Stop assuming you already know your wife 09:13 Why genuine interest creates connection 10:37 Preparing yourself before date night 11:10 Stop making every conversation about kids and logistics 12:29 Questions that create meaningful conversations 13:07 Looking good and feeling good for yourself 15:07 Decompressing before your date 15:29 Taking the lead and making decisions 17:29 Creating anticipation and mystery 19:14 How your energy affects your wife's experience 21:08 Preparation, presentation, and practice 23:22 Don't forget to have fun If your marriage is missing some of the love, respect, admiration, or intimacy it once had, Doug's Scales Free Training can help you understand what may be happening and give you a methodology for beginning to rebuild the relationship. Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/UPyotqQ7_mc The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders through practical coaching, brotherhood, and relationship tools designed to create stronger marriages and families.

  8. Oct 13

    From Desperation to Connection: Saving Your Marriage [Revisit]

    Episode  #1120 What do you do when your marriage feels more like two roommates sharing a house than two people in love? In this revisit episode of The TPM Show, Doug Holt and Christopher Hansen answer questions from men dealing with two painful relationship situations: a marriage with no spark or passion, and hearing the words, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Doug explains why providing financially, staying faithful, helping with the kids, and working hard don't automatically create emotional connection or attraction. A man can believe he's doing everything right while his wife experiences him as needy, indecisive, disconnected, or emotionally unavailable. They explore the difference between being kind and falling into "nice guy syndrome," where a man does things hoping for validation, appreciation, affection, or sex in return. Doug shares how he fell into this pattern himself and why rebuilding attraction required more than simply doing more around the house. The conversation also gets into emotional safety, decisiveness, dating your wife again, the DEER-to-WOLF framework, and why sex works better as a celebration of connection rather than the only way a husband tries to create connection. For the man who's heard, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," Doug explains why those words need to be taken seriously, but don't necessarily mean the marriage is over. If she's still communicating how she feels, there's something to work with. The key is taking action before emotional distance becomes complete indifference. Timestamp Chapters 00:00 Nice guy syndrome, neediness, and lost attraction 00:42 Answering men's marriage questions 01:25 When your marriage feels like roommates with rings 01:57 Why providing for your family isn't enough for connection 03:18 Doing things for validation instead of genuine connection 05:21 Why neediness can damage attraction 06:01 Becoming more decisive in your marriage 06:50 The Triadic Connection and starting with a clean slate 07:43 Emotional safety and the Hidden Motives Technique 08:24 Moving from DEER to WOLF 09:50 Decision fatigue and the pressure your wife may be carrying 11:51 Why sex should be a celebration of connection 12:32 Why connection and sex can feel different for men and women 14:51 Rebuilding connection is a process 15:12 Free Book 16:14 Practicing relationship skills instead of just learning them 17:20 Emotional affairs and unmet relationship needs 18:31 Why men stop dating their wives 20:55 "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" 21:18 Can attraction come back after years of drifting apart?| 23:15 Why it's important that she's still communicating 23:38 The warning signs men often understand too late 25:19 Why personal growth can affect attraction 26:38 Don't wait until your wife has emotionally moved on 28:05 Becoming activated and taking action If your marriage has lost some of the love, admiration, respect, or connection it once had, Doug offers A Man's Guide on How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It as a practical action plan you can begin applying: Prefer to watch instead of listen? Watch this revisit episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zAAq1mDvsYw The Powerful Man helps businessmen become stronger husbands, fathers, and leaders by developing the practical relationship and leadership skills needed to create stronger marriages and families.

4.9
out of 5
138 Ratings

About

The Powerful Man is a show for married businessmen looking to improve their relationships, their health, their businesses, and themselves. Your hosts, Doug Holt and Tim Matthews have decades of experience helping married businessmen step into their power, live up to their potential, and live a life they love. The Powerful Man Show tackles conversations and topics designed to help men become better fathers, lovers, husbands, and leaders in their communities. If this sounds like you, we encourage you to subscribe and also head over to thepowerfulman.com for more information.

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