Mike's back, and this one covers so much ground. If you're interested in learning more about Parts Work, have any questions for Mike, or are potentially interested in having Mike support you through your own parts work as your coach, he offers a complimentary call. You can reach him at mwight2@gmail.com. We recorded this one in real time, the way we always do. This time we start with the obsession with personal and spiritual development itself, why so many of us turn healing into another achievement to chase, before moving into people pleasing, boundaries and what it actually looks like to choose yourself. This episode is for you if: You've noticed yourself turning spirituality or personal growth into another thing you need to be the best atYou use podcasts, books or constant learning to avoid silence and your own companyYou people please and call it kindness, but underneath it you're avoiding discomfortYou find it hard to say no, especially to the people closest to youYou want practical language for setting a boundary without it feeling brutal or coldYou're learning to hold multiple feelings (grief and peace, sadness and joy) at the same time In this episode, we cover: ✨ Why turning healing into an achievement is the same pattern as chasing money or status, just wearing different clothes ✨ The part that wants to "get to healing" and the agenda hiding underneath it ✨ The difference between doing inner work in order to feel better and simply being with what is ✨ Victoria's experience of needing constant podcasts and audio input, even brushing her teeth with her phone to her ear, and what that was really avoiding ✨ The difference between distraction from boredom and distraction from a deeper discomfort ✨ Why peace feels different to happiness, and why happiness alone is a losing goal ✨ Grief and peace existing in the body at the same time, and why that paradox is actually the healing ✨ Letting go explained properly: it doesn't mean something disappears, it means you stop pushing and pulling against it ✨ Why trust is the real foundation of parts work, and how parts learn (slowly) that it's safe to stop protecting you ✨ The hidden selfishness in people pleasing, and why it's often more about avoiding our own discomfort than genuine kindness ✨ Why resentment builds when you people please and never ask for what you actually want ✨ A practical phrase to use when you need to say no and don't know how to start ✨ Victoria's real coaching example: setting a boundary with a client over voice note length, and what happened when she did ✨ Why the people who truly care about you will usually respond with respect, not anger, when you set a boundary ✨ Why choosing yourself is never simply one thing or the other, it can hold grief and relief at the same time Powerful quotes from the episode: 💬 "There's usually an agenda, and the agenda is rooted in I'm not good enough and I'll only be good enough once this happens, rather than a realisation of enoughness now." 💬 "Letting go doesn't mean something goes away. It means you stop trying to control it." 💬 "People pleasing feels like niceness, but there's a manipulation and a selfishness inherent to it. You're managing how someone feels about you so that you feel good." 💬 "If I were in their shoes, I would want them to say no if they meant no. So why do I think they'd want anything different from me?" 💬 "As long as I move through the world with genuine love and kindness and authenticity, if people get upset along the way, that's their journey, not mine to fix." 💬 "It's never one or the other. I lost something by letting that go, and I gained something too. Both of those things are true at once." 💙 Join my FREE support group: https://victoriakleinsman.com/free-support-group 💙 Free trial in The Freedom Collective: https://victoriakleinsman.com/coaching 💙 Work with me 1:1: https://victoriakleinsman.com/1-1-coaching 💙 Become a coach: https://victoriakleinsman.com/become-a-coach
