Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

The Language of Love
  • 4.7 (166)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Language of Love is a podcast about love and intimacy in all its forms and the relationships that shape our lives. Hosted by renowned relationship therapist and bestselling author Dr. Laura Berman, the show explores romantic partnership, family, friendship, desire, healing, grief, and self-connection through a mind, body, and spiritual lens. Featuring expert conversations, listener Q&A, and real-life coaching moments, Language of love offers, honest insight, and practical wisdom for navigating modern relationship relationships with greater presence, clarity, and intention.

  1. 13h ago

    Are You Choosing Them… or Waiting to Be Chosen? Laura Berman

    There’s a subtle moment in dating when everything can start to change. At first, you’re paying attention to them. Do I like this person? Do I feel good around them? Are they kind? Interesting? Emotionally available? Do I want to see them again? Then you start to really like them, and suddenly the focus flips. Do they like me? Now you’re checking your phone. Analyzing texts. Wondering why they took three hours to respond. Replaying the date and looking for clues. And without even realizing it, you’ve stopped deciding whether you want them and started trying to figure out how to make sure they want you. That shift matters. Because once being chosen becomes the goal, it’s incredibly easy to abandon your own experience. You can overlook how anxious you feel around someone, make excuses for behavior you don’t actually like, or become so focused on whether you’re enough for them that you forget to ask whether they’re enough for you. And this doesn’t only happen while we’re dating. It’s one of the reasons rejection and breakups can hurt so much. Sometimes we’re grieving the person. But sometimes we’re also grieving the fact that they didn’t choose us, and those are two very different wounds. In this Language of Love Bite, I’m talking about why we can become so consumed with being wanted, what attachment and old relationship wounds have to do with it, and the question I often ask people after a breakup that can completely change the way they see what they’ve lost. Because yes, you deserve to be chosen. But you’re doing some choosing, too. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to recognize when you’ve shifted from getting to know someone to auditioning for their approval Why uncertainty can make you obsess over texts, conversations, and tiny changes in someone’s behavior The difference between actually wanting someone and wanting the validation of being wanted by them Why rejection can hurt even when the relationship itself wasn’t right for you The question I ask after a breakup that can change the story you’re telling yourself How to notice what your own experience is telling you about a relationship How to date without abandoning yourself in the process Whether you have experienced dating anxiety yourself or love someone who has, this episode will help you understand what is really happening beneath the surface and offer practical, compassionate tools to move forward with confidence. If this hits home, follow The Language of Love wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. If someone came to mind while you were listening, make sure to share this episode with them. You can also email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com or leave a voicemail at languageoflovepod.com to have your own question answered in a future session. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Are You Choosing Them… or Waiting to Be Chosen? Laura Berman

  2. 5d ago

    What Women Were Never Told About Sex, Hormones & Menopause with Maria Sophocles

    What if some of what you’ve been told about your sexual body, especially as you get older, is wrong? For decades, women have gone to doctors with questions about disappearing desire, painful sex, orgasm, hormones, and changes they barely recognize in their own bodies. And too often, they’ve left without real answers. Part of the problem is startling: many of their doctors were never adequately trained in female sexual health either. My guest on this episode of Language of Love, Dr. Maria Sophocles, is a board-certified gynecologist, menopause specialist, sexual medicine expert, TED speaker, and author of The Bedroom Gap. She has spent more than 30 years caring for women and challenging a medical system that has historically treated female pleasure as an afterthought. And there is a LOT we need to talk about. Maria takes us inside the medical blind spots that have shaped women’s sex lives for generations, from the anatomy lessons that barely acknowledged the clitoris to the flawed hormone study that frightened millions of women away from treatment. We talk about why Viagra may have inadvertently widened the “bedroom gap,” what women should understand about testosterone, and why painful sex and loss of desire should never simply be dismissed as the price of getting older. We also get into something I wish more women heard: your sexual life does not come with an expiration date. Maria shares why some women are having the best sex of their lives in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, and tells the remarkable story of an 82-year-old patient who finally revealed a desire she had kept secret for six decades. If you’ve ever wondered, What happened to my desire? Why does sex feel different now? Is this just aging? Why didn’t my doctor tell me any of this? This conversation is for you. In this episode, we get into: What “The Bedroom Gap” really is and why it affects far more than libido Why so many doctors receive surprisingly little training in female sexual pleasure How one deeply flawed study changed the conversation about hormone therapy for a generation The unexpected way Viagra widened the sexual divide between men and women What happens to estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone as women age What women need to know about testosterone and why access remains so complicated Why painful sex, low desire, and changes in orgasm deserve medical attention Why so many women fake orgasms and what that can do to their relationships and sexual satisfaction The surgery Maria refuses to perform and the pressure women feel to “fix” perfectly normal bodies Why masturbation can be an important part of sexual health and self-care How to talk to your doctor when you aren’t getting the answers you need Why your best sex may still be ahead of you The unforgettable 82-year-old patient who finally permitted herself to ask for what she wanted This conversation is a reminder that women deserve more than being told to tolerate the changes in their bodies. We deserve information, options, pleasure, and the freedom to keep discovering our sexuality at every age. To learn more about Dr. Sophocles and her work, visit her website and pick up a copy of The Bedroom Gap. She's also available on Audible, and she recommends buying an extra copy, one for yourself, and one for your doctor. If something in this conversation sparked something in you, don't stop here. My website offers more content, tools, and upcoming events to keep the conversation alive. And if a reflection comes up, or you simply want to reach out, I'd love to hear from you. Find me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com. This episode is for anyone who's ever wondered if it's too late to rediscover themselves and discovered the answer is no. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    What Women Were Never Told About Sex, Hormones & Menopause with Maria Sophocles

  3. Aug 19

    Why your partner's porn use hurts so much with Laura Berman

    Few discoveries can shake your confidence quite like finding out your partner watches pornography. Suddenly, it's easy to wonder if you're enough. You start comparing yourself to people on a screen, questioning your body, your desirability, and even your relationship. Even if your partner insists it has nothing to do with you, the hurt can feel very real. But what if the greatest threat to your relationship isn't pornography itself? What if it's the story your mind begins telling you the moment you discover it? In this Language of Love Session, I answer a question from Priya, who recently learned that her partner watches porn and doesn't know what to do next. She doesn't want to control his behavior, but she also can't ignore the insecurity, resentment, and self-doubt that have crept into their relationship and into their sex life. Together, we'll explore why our brains are so quick to compare ourselves to impossible standards, what pornography does and doesn't necessarily mean in a relationship, and how to rebuild your sense of confidence regardless of your partner's choices. We'll also talk about when porn is relatively benign, when it may signal a larger issue, and how to have an honest conversation without shame, blame, or ultimatums. You'll learn: Why discovering porn use can trigger such intense feelings of insecurity The stories we tell ourselves that make the pain even worse When pornography is relatively harmless and when it becomes a relationship concern How comparison quietly erodes intimacy and self-confidence What actually creates lasting sexual attraction in a long-term relationship How to talk with your partner about porn without attacking or shutting down Practical ways to rebuild your erotic confidence and feel desirable again If this episode brings up a question of your own, email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com or leave a voicemail at languageoflovepod.com. Your question could be featured in a future episode. And if you're ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start building a more secure, connected relationship, check out my book Sex Magic, take a look at Quantum Love, as well as my Quantum Sex Course available on my website. It's designed to help you break free from old patterns, strengthen intimacy, and create the kind of connection that doesn't depend on comparison or self-doubt. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Why your partner's porn use hurts so much with Laura Berman

  4. Aug 17

    Why Trying Harder Makes Erections Harder (to Achieve) with Laura Berman

    You're with someone you're attracted to. Things are going well. You want to have sex. And then your body doesn't respond the way you expected. Within seconds, your mind starts racing. What's wrong with me? Why is this happening? What is my partner thinking? For many men, the erection )and whether it works or not) isn't the biggest problem. It's what happens next. The self-doubt. The panic. The pressure. The fear that it will happen again. Ironically, those thoughts are often what keep the cycle going. The truth is, erection difficulties are rarely just about attraction, masculinity, or even desire. More often, they're about what's happening in your nervous system. When your brain shifts from pleasure to performance, your body has a much harder time responding naturally. And if you're the partner of someone who's experienced this, it's easy to assume they're no longer attracted to you. In reality, the opposite is often true. Performance anxiety can happen even in deeply loving, highly desirable relationships. In this Language of Love Bite, I explain what's really happening in the brain and body during erection difficulties, why shame and pressure make the problem worse, and what you can do instead. I also share practical ways partners can help create safety, reduce anxiety, and strengthen intimacy, along with a simple practice you can begin using tonight to feel calmer, more connected, and more confident in the bedroom. In this episode, you'll learn: Why erection difficulties often have nothing to do with masculinity, attraction, or desire How performance anxiety activates your stress response and interferes with arousal What happens when your brain slips into "monitoring mode" Why trying to force an erection usually backfires The connection between chronic stress, nervous system overload, and sexual performance How overstimulation can disconnect you from natural arousal Why slowing down can improve intimacy and sexual response What partners can do to reduce pressure and create emotional safety A simple breathwork exercise to calm your nervous system in the moment Practical strategies to rebuild confidence, trust, and connection without shame Whether you've experienced erection challenges yourself or love someone who has, this episode will help you understand what's really happening beneath the surface and offer practical, compassionate tools to move forward with confidence. If you're ready to go deeper, Sex Magic  explores how to work with the body's energy in ways most people never learn, and my Quantum Sex course  is built to help you create lasting confidence and connection, not just fix a moment. For more tools, guidance, and support, visit healwithlaura.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    Why Trying Harder Makes Erections Harder (to Achieve) with Laura Berman

  5. Aug 12

    What the Kink Community Knows About Intimacy That Most Couples Don’t with Amanda Dames

    What if some of the people we think of as having the most unconventional sex lives are actually having some of the clearest conversations about intimacy? Because kink is about a lot more than whips, handcuffs, or what happens in a dungeon. At its best, it requires people to talk openly about things many couples struggle to discuss at all: What do I want? What are my boundaries? What makes me feel safe? What am I curious about? What am I afraid to admit turns me on? And can I trust you with a part of myself I don’t show everyone else? Those are intimacy questions. And you don’t have to have any interest in kink to learn from the answers. On this episode of The Language of Love, I’m joined by Amanda Dames, known as The Kink Consultant. Amanda is a sexologist, Somatica-certified sex and relationship coach, podcast host, and former New York City dominatrix. And her story is wild. Amanda found her way into New York’s BDSM world almost by accident and eventually became a highly sought-after dominatrix working with powerful, successful men and women. People who spent their days being in charge would walk through her door desperate for something they rarely got anywhere else: permission to stop being in control. Then Amanda’s own relationship to power took an unexpected turn. She met the man who would become her husband at a kink event, and the woman who had built a career being dominant discovered that, with him, she wanted to surrender. But this conversation isn’t really about dungeons or labels. It’s about what Amanda learned inside that world that applies to the rest of us. We talk about why so many of us hide our desires from the person we love most, how shame quietly follows us into the bedroom, and why feeling safe enough to say “this is what I want” can be an incredibly intimate act. Amanda also shares practices from the kink community that I think many couples could benefit from, including negotiating desires and boundaries before sex, checking in during an experience, and having an “aftercare” conversation afterward about what felt good, what didn’t, and what you might want differently next time. And we get into something even bigger: power. Why can surrender feel so freeing for someone who carries enormous responsibility in the rest of their life? Why do some women crave the ability to soften and relinquish control while simultaneously fearing what that vulnerability requires? And what happens when you trust someone enough to show them a part of yourself you’ve been editing, hiding, or judging for years? In this episode, we explore: What “kink” actually means, and why it may be very different from what you imagine What Amanda learned about human desire while working as a New York City dominatrix Why powerful, high-achieving people can crave surrender behind closed doors How Amanda went from being the one in control to discovering her own desire to submit Why people hide fantasies and desires even in otherwise loving relationships How to tell your partner what you want without making either of you feel pressured or ashamed What the kink community gets right about consent, boundaries, communication, and trust The before-and-after conversations that could transform sex for couples who have never set foot near the kink world Why surrender and vulnerability require safety, rather than weakness How to respond when your partner tells you something sexually that surprises you What it takes to feel truly known by another person without editing yourself first You may come to this episode because you’re curious about Amanda’s years as a dominatrix. But I think you’ll stay for a much more interesting question: How much more intimate could your relationship become if you felt safe enough to tell the person you love who you really are and what you really want? To learn more about Amanda and her work, visit her website. You can find her on Instagram where she shares daily insights on kink and relationships, and listen to her podcast, The Kink Consultant Podcast, for deeper explorations of desire, communication, and intimacy. if you felt a spark from today's show, don't stop here. My website offers more content, tools, and upcoming events to keep the conversation alive. And if a reflection comes up or you simply want to reach out, I'd love to hear from you. Find me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    What the Kink Community Knows About Intimacy That Most Couples Don’t with Amanda Dames

  6. Aug 5

    When Your Marriage Starts Feeling Like a Partnership Instead of a Love Story with Laura Berman

    One day you look up and realize you're running a great household together... but you don't really feel like a couple anymore. You're getting the kids where they need to go. Managing work. Paying bills. Keeping life moving. You're a great team. But somewhere along the way, your conversations became logistics. Date nights disappeared. Affection became routine. And even though you still love each other, the closeness that once came so easily feels harder to find. The good news? It doesn't mean your marriage is broken. It means your relationship has been surviving instead of being nurtured. In this Language of Love Session, I answer Jordan's question about what happens when couples slowly drift into feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. We explore why this happens to even healthy marriages, the biggest myth about staying connected during busy seasons of life, and the simple practices that help couples find their way back to each other before the distance grows too wide. In this episode, you'll learn: Why connection doesn't happen by accident in long-term relationships The three kinds of time every couple needs and why most people only prioritize one A daily habit that takes less than a minute but can completely change the emotional tone of your relationship Why waiting until life "slows down" seldom works How to stop talking only about schedules and responsibilities and start feeling like partners again If your marriage has started to feel more practical than passionate, this episode will remind you that intimacy isn't something you find. It's something you create, one small moment at a time. If this resonates with you, email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com or leave a voicemail at languageoflovepod.com to have your question answered in a future Language of Love Session. Make sure you check out Sex Magic to learn more about how to create more passion and intimate connection.  And if you're ready to deepen your emotional and physical connection even further, check out my free Quantum Love course, available on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    When Your Marriage Starts Feeling Like a Partnership Instead of a Love Story with Laura Berman

  7. Aug 3

    The Secret to Turning Her On (It's Not What You Think) with Laura Berman

    For generations, we've been told that women simply have lower desire than men. It's one of the most common assumptions about relationships, and it's one of the most misleading. The truth is that women often experience desire differently. Understanding those differences can completely change the way you approach intimacy, attraction, and emotional connection. In this episode, I unpack what actually helps women feel open to desire, why so many couples end up misunderstanding each other, and how small shifts in the way you relate can create profound changes inside and outside the bedroom. I also share one simple sentence you can use tonight that has the power to help your partner feel more emotionally connected and receptive. Whether you're a man who wants a more passionate relationship, a woman who wishes her partner better understood what helps you feel desire, or you're simply curious about the science behind attraction, this conversation will change the way you think about intimacy. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why so many people misunderstand female desire • How women's desire differs from men's and why that matters • The role stress, hormones, emotions, and relationship dynamics play in attraction • What creates the emotional safety that allows desire to flourish • Why context has such a powerful influence on female arousal • The subtle moments that build attraction long before anyone enters the bedroom • The psychological and emotional experiences that many women find deeply arousing • How to cultivate desire that feels lasting, connected, and authentic • The needs many women long for but rarely know how to express • One simple sentence that can help your partner feel more emotionally connected and open to intimacy If you're ready to deepen the connection in your relationship, I invite you to explore my book Sex Magic and my Quantum Sex course. Together, they expand on the ideas we discussed today and offer practical ways to create more passion, intimacy, and emotional closeness. You'll find links to both in the show notes.you can always visit healwithlaura.com. And if this episode sparked a question, a reflection, or simply reminded you that you're not alone,  I'd love to hear from you. Email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    The Secret to Turning Her On (It's Not What You Think) with Laura Berman

  8. Jul 29

    The Love Blocks Keeping You Stuck in the Same painful Relationship Patterns with Sanaiyah Gurnamal

    Why do so many of us keep ending up in the same relationship with a different person? You tell yourself this time will be different. You've grown. You've healed. And yet somehow you find yourself having the same arguments, chasing the same unavailable partner, or feeling the same familiar heartbreak. The truth is, it's usually not about the relationship you're in. It's about the relationship patterns your nervous system learned long before you ever started dating. In this episode of Language of Love Sessions, I sit down with relationship reinvention coach, two-time TEDx speaker, and host of the Project Loving Myself podcast, Sanaiyah Gurnamal. She says that shes  helped more than 5,000 women uncover the unconscious patterns she calls "Love Blocks," and shares why we repeat the same relationship dynamics over and over and, more importantly, how to break free from them. Together we explore why chemistry isn't always a sign of compatibility, how childhood experiences quietly shape the partners we're drawn to, why emotionally unavailable people can feel so irresistible, and what it actually takes to create healthier, more secure love. If you've ever wondered why love keeps following the same script, this conversation may help you understand the story you've been living and show you how to begin writing a different one. The five most common relationship patterns and how to recognize yours Why familiarity is often mistaken for chemistry How childhood experiences shape your adult relationships Why emotionally unavailable partners can feel so compelling How to identify your unmet needs and begin healing them The difference between managing relationship problems and healing the patterns beneath them If this conversation helped you recognize patterns you've been carrying into your relationships, you don't have to figure them out on your own. Understanding where those patterns come from is the first step toward creating healthier, more secure, and more connected relationships. To explore your own relationship patterns, take Sanaiyah's free Love Blocks Quiz. You can also learn more through her book  Project Loving Myself podcast, coaching resources, and additional tools at her website. If you'd like to continue exploring the science of secure attachment, emotional intimacy, and lasting love, check out Quantum Love. And if you have a relationship question you'd like me to answer in a future Language of Love Session, email languageoflovepod@gmail.com or leave a voice note here. We explore:Ready to understand your relationship patterns? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

    The Love Blocks Keeping You Stuck in the Same painful Relationship Patterns with Sanaiyah Gurnamal
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Language of Love is a podcast about love and intimacy in all its forms and the relationships that shape our lives. Hosted by renowned relationship therapist and bestselling author Dr. Laura Berman, the show explores romantic partnership, family, friendship, desire, healing, grief, and self-connection through a mind, body, and spiritual lens. Featuring expert conversations, listener Q&A, and real-life coaching moments, Language of love offers, honest insight, and practical wisdom for navigating modern relationship relationships with greater presence, clarity, and intention.

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