Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery

Allen Berger & Thom Rutledge
  • 4.4 (61)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety.   Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and best-selling authors Thom Rutledge and Dr. Allen Berger, who have taken up the mantle of exploring Bill Wilson's new frontier. Welcome to Emotional Sobriety.

  1. 3d ago

    Can We Be Actively Indifferent?

    Thom’s Nutshell: The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. Seeking truth through withholding judgment. What makes it difficult to keep our mouths shut. The Odyssey, grades in school, “won’t” drink versus “can’t” drink. What is the suffering that breaks us open and makes us susceptible to change? Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Coming to Alcoholics: The Next Step in Recovery(00:01:03) - Can We Ever Come Home?(00:02:11) - Alcoholics on the Recovery Process(00:06:04) - Tom Rutledge: The Key to Life(00:08:55) - The Value of Listening(00:14:38) - Tom and Alan on Their Most Toxic Relationship(00:17:36) - Non-Judgmental Musings for 12 Step Life(00:23:43) - Know the Meaning of Your Life(00:24:53) - Should We Suspend Our Judgment of Trump?(00:30:29) - Open Minds on the Divorce(00:34:43) - Can I Be Active Azealously?

    Can We Be Actively Indifferent?

  2. Jul 21

    Demands Versus Preferences

    Thom’s Nutshell: If you measure your well being according to how others treat you, you are choosing a life over which you have no control. This is voluntary victimization. Allen brings in his study of a “reflective sense of self” as we discuss the ways our difficulties with emotional sobriety impact those we love. Thom and Joe re-explore stoicism through the lens of emotional dependency. Our fear of life is really a fear of emotions.  Patrick reads a passage from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Emotional Recovery: The Next Step in Recovery(00:02:33) - This Reflective Sense of Self(00:06:57) - Dr. Matt Ramon on(00:12:13) - The Stochics on Emotions(00:15:30) - How Emotional Inebriation Affects Their Adult Lives(00:21:31) - "Tell Me What You Need"(00:22:05) - How to Realize Your Potential in Emotional Sobriety

    Demands Versus Preferences

  3. Jul 6

    Positive Opportunism & Benevolent Manipulation

    Thom’s Nutshell: Look for the benefit in all situations - practice positive opportunism. In another passage from Joe C.’s Beyond Belief, Allen ties our daily reflection to Emotional Sobriety and the importance of dislodging our false self in pursuit of an emboldened authentic one. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Alan Berger on Getting Back to the Future(00:04:06) - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous(00:08:27) - Don't Say AA '(00:11:41) - Thomas Had Enough of the False Self(00:16:00) - Living With Your Value System(00:21:52) - In the Simpsons Episode 8,(00:24:57) - Happy Hour: Positive Opportunism and Emotional Sobriety(00:26:24) - How to Control Your Thoughts(00:30:34) - Positive Opportunism in Life(00:34:09) - Alan on Bad Mouth and AA

    Positive Opportunism & Benevolent Manipulation

  4. Jun 29

    Out of the Hurt Locker

    Thom’s Nutshell: We all have opinions. We all prefer certain outcomes. But attaching expectations to them is a choice. Disappointed? Upset? Devastated? Check your expectations. Why do we avoid going towards our pain? Because we don’t have faith in our ability to cope with it. In emotional sobriety we work on our self-esteem, which is part of that perpetual engine moving us towards wholeness. From James Redford. The Struggle: “If it were any easier, it would be meaningless. If it were any harder, it would be impossible.” More from James Redford: https://www.amazon.com/stores/James-Redford/author/B0B6QG81CK?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true&ccs_id=fc6b511e-c7e0-4483-9773-b2a68db7ade9 Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Emotional Sobriety: The Hurt Locker(00:07:45) - In the Elevator With Real People(00:09:15) - It Doesn't Even Matter If It's Good(00:11:44) - Living With an Addiction: Step 12(00:16:18) - Alan on Emotional Sobriety(00:20:57) - Emotional Sobriety and Relationships(00:25:18) - Part 8: Cooperation and Integrity(00:27:40) - I Want to Be Seen(00:32:01) - Poem for the Soul: James Redfern

    Out of the Hurt Locker

  5. Jun 23

    Let It Be (With Joe C.)

    Thom’s Nutshell: Rather than praying for circumstances to change, pray for the strength and wisdom to face those circumstances. “This shouldn’t be happening!” Well, it IS happening. So how do we deal with it? Riffing on Rumi, Paul McCartney, and Kathryn Grody with superfriend Joe Chisholm. Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery(00:02:57) - Tom's Bottom Line(00:04:36) - Tom's Closet:(00:10:44) - Letting It Be(00:16:16) - How To Cope With A Codependent Partner(00:17:34) - A message from Joe in AA(00:20:56) - In the Elevator With Rumi

    Let It Be (With Joe C.)

  6. Jun 16

    The Five Points of Balance, Part Two

    Thom’s Nutshell: Ignoring our own dark potential only makes it stronger. Avoid washing dishes and there are not only more of them, they are also harder to clean. The difference between a reasonable and unreasonable expectation. From Allen: You can want from the best in you, or from the worst in you. You can want from what is healthy and solid, or what is empty and covetous. Wanting from neediness is common. Wanting from your solid, flexible self takes personal development. It takes growing up. From Thom: if any of you are afraid you’ve taken on your parents’ characteristics, relax. You have. The 5 Points of Balance: Staying clear about our values and worth in the face of criticism (not letting others edit your sense of self). Calming our anxiety and comforting our emotional bruises or trauma. Grounded responding and not overreacting or under reacting when there is tension or anxiety. Confronting ourselves for our own integrity and able to meaningfully endure discomfort for our growth and development. Unhooking self, others and reality from unreasonable expectations. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety(00:08:44) - How to Unhook the Hook From Your Relationship(00:17:02) - How to Stop Ignoring Your Own Dark Potential(00:20:55) - Your Sexual Attraction in Therapy(00:24:44) - Countertransference in the Glass Household(00:26:55) - Procrastination and Recovery(00:31:08) - How Complicated Is Writing a Letter?

    The Five Points of Balance, Part Two

  7. Jun 5

    The Five Points of Balance, Part One

    Thom’s Nutshell: “The promise of perfection is a red herring. Don't be distracted from your pursuit of learning and improving.” Patrick celebrates eight years of sobriety and the gang discusses the importance of honoring recovery milestones. The 5 Points of Balance: Staying clear about our values and worth in the face of criticism (not letting others edit your sense of self). Calming our anxiety and comforting our emotional bruises or trauma. Grounded responding and not overreacting or under reacting when there is tension or anxiety. Confronting ourselves for our own integrity and able to meaningfully endure discomfort for our growth and development. Unhooking self, others and reality from unreasonable expectations. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety(00:04:10) - Joe Sobriety on His Eight Years of Recovery(00:07:21) - Applying the Principle of Differentiation to Emotional Sobriety(00:14:27) - The Differentiation in Personal Life(00:16:16) - 5 Points of Balance: How to Calm Your Anxiety(00:20:51) - Emotional Sobriety: Being More Present(00:25:22) - Tom on His Wife's Fight

    The Five Points of Balance, Part One

  8. May 24

    It’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing Up

    Thom’s Nutshell: “Recipe for peace of mind: KNOW what you believe. KNOW what is important. KNOW what is within your control. LIVE congruently with what you believe.” Thom and Patrick discuss “the upside of addiction” (as a means of climbing out of it), emotional sobriety and relationship struggles, using during therapy, and approaching addiction as a binary choice between life and death. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety: Don't Get Married(00:03:40) - A Simple Recipe for More Happiness in Your Relationship(00:08:50) - The Importance of the Recovery Decision(00:12:34) - Patrick on Avoiding Problems(00:16:52) - Joe's Reflections on Alcoholism(00:24:02) - On the Motivation of Recovery People

    It’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing Up
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4.4
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About

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety.   Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and best-selling authors Thom Rutledge and Dr. Allen Berger, who have taken up the mantle of exploring Bill Wilson's new frontier. Welcome to Emotional Sobriety.

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