Been There Got Out Podcast

Chris & Lisa
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Chris and Lisa of BeenThereGotOut.com both survived toxic marriages with narcissistic partners and the legal and co-parenting nightmares that go hand-in-hand with all of that.If you are struggling in a high-conflict relationship, divorce, custody battle, or co-parenting hell which requires PERSONALIZED attention, let us HOLD YOUR HAND along the way, while providing EXPERT, STRATEGIC guidance based on one's years of success (representing myself in court!), coupled with the other's High Conflict Divorce Coach certification.Our podcast features interviews with lawyers, therapists, co-parenting coordinators, guardians ad litem, and other subject matter experts, as well as other content, all with one goal in mind: Let us teach you how to HELP YOURSELF!

  1. FEB 20

    Protecting Your Children: What Every Parent Should Know About Sexual Abuse & Trauma

    Sara Vandenburg brings a perspective you won't find anywhere else: she's both a highly credentialed therapist specializing in childhood sexual abuse AND a survivor who has done the deep healing work to talk about her own experience "like the weather." In this profoundly important conversation with Lisa Johnson, Sara shares insights that could literally save children's lives and transform families. Why Sara's voice matters: As someone who experienced incest by both biological parents over an eight-year period and has trained extensively in trauma therapy (LCSW Supervisor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Brain Spotting certified), Sara understands both the clinical realities and the lived experience of familial sexual abuse. Her ability to discuss her own trauma with complete peace demonstrates what's possible with proper therapeutic support. This interview offers guidance no other resource provides - the intersection of professional expertise, personal recovery, and practical strategies for parents navigating the most difficult situations imaginable in high-conflict custody cases. What You'll Learn: ✅ How one in three girls and one in ten boys experience childhood sexual abuse ✅ Why incest may occur in one in ten households (and why it's severely underreported) ✅ The critical difference between sexual abuse by anyone vs. abuse within families ✅ Sara's concept of the "elephant in the room" - why untreated trauma affects your children ✅ How family secrets travel through generations even when children don't know the details ✅ The neuroscience behind why stored trauma in your body creates vulnerability in your kids ✅ A powerful story of three-generational disclosure and healing ✅ How to create an environment where children feel safe telling you anything ✅ Why your reaction to small disclosures determines whether children will share bigger concerns ✅ What brain spotting therapy is and how it releases stored trauma from the body ✅ How brain spotting differs from EMDR (both use bilateral brain stimulation) ✅ The importance of finding therapists who understand your trauma doesn't define you ✅ Age-appropriate language for teaching body safety to children as young as 4-5 ✅ Why pornography exposure at ages 8-9 means earlier conversations are essential ✅ Documentation strategies when you notice behavioral changes in your child ✅ How to distinguish between patterns and isolated incidents ✅ Understanding healthy shame (humanity, humility, responsibility) ✅ Understanding healthy guilt (values and amends) ✅ What complete healing looks like - being able to discuss trauma matter-of-factly ✅ Why waiting until children are 25+ is often best for certain disclosures About Sara Vandenburg, LCSW-S: Sara Vandenburg is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor in Texas and Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Hawaii with specialized training in treating familial sexual abuse and trauma. Her credentials include: - Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor (Texas) - Licensed Clinical Social Worker (Hawaii) - Certified Sex Addiction Therapist - Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor - Certified in Brain Spotting (advanced somatic therapy) Sara's micro-niche is familial sexual abuse, and she offers counseling, coaching, and energy healing services through her practice. Her forthcoming book, "Choosing to Love Again: Overcoming the Kind of Betrayal That Nobody Talks About," provides 60% personal memoir and 40% clinical guidance with experiential exercises for healing from profound betrayal. 📚 RESOURCES & CONTACT INFORMATION: Sara Vandenburg: Website: tonalliservices.com Services offered: Counseling, coaching, energy healing Book a free complimentary conversation to explore working together Upcoming book: "Choosing to Love Again: Overcoming the Kind of Betrayal

    42 min

  2. FEB 17

    Fear vs. Intuition: How to Know Your Gut is Right After Gaslighting

    Making critical decisions in high-conflict divorce when you can barely trust your own judgment? This interview is essential viewing.   After experiencing gaslighting, manipulation, and betrayal in a toxic relationship, many people struggle to trust their instincts—especially when the stakes are highest. Should you push for a custody evaluation? Is your ex really alienating the kids, or are you being paranoid? How do you read the Guardian ad Litem? What if you're wrong about everything?  Strategic intuition expert Jock Brocas—who used intuitive intelligence to stay alive in military operations and high-risk security situations—shares practical techniques for cutting through fear and confusion to make sound decisions when everything is on the line.  This conversation goes far beyond typical "trust your gut" advice. You'll learn pattern recognition techniques, box breathing for high-stakes court situations, and how to distinguish between fear-based panic and genuine intuitive warning signs. These are military-grade tools adapted for family court survival.  Perfect for anyone facing custody evaluations, court hearings, mediation with a difficult ex, or any high-conflict situation where you need clarity but fear is clouding your judgment.  WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: ✓ Strategic intuitive intelligence: Combining your experiences, training, and natural intuition ✓ Why fear gives you the wrong signals exactly when you need accuracy most ✓ Pattern recognition for identifying your ex's manipulation tactics ✓ How to tell if it's genuine intuition or just anxiety/ego ✓ Box breathing: Military technique for staying calm in court or evaluations ✓ The power of "the pause" before responding to provocations ✓ Simple practices that train your mind to recognize signals vs. noise ✓ Why going silent is your superpower in high-conflict situations   ABOUT JOCK BROCAS: Jock Brocas brings a unique combination of military intelligence, high-risk security experience, and spiritual research to the question of how we make critical decisions under pressure. With 25+ years as a professional medium and extensive work in executive protection and undercover operations, Jock now works with lawyers, scientists, and professionals on strategic intuition. He's completing a master's in psychology (PhD starting October) and founded Help4Lawyer to support legal professionals in high-stakes cases. Author of "Powers of the Sixth Sense."   LIKE this video if it helped you see your situation more clearly. SUBSCRIBE for weekly expert guidance on high-conflict divorce. COMMENT: What decision are you facing right now where you need better intuition?   #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyEvaluation #FamilyCourt #StrategicIntuition #DivorceStrategy #ToxicCoParent #CourtPreparation #GuardianAdLitem #CustodyBattle #IntuitiveIntelligence

    39 min

  3. FEB 13

    Healing From Betrayal Trauma: Research-Backed Recovery Stages

    "I'll never trust again." That's what Lisa thought after discovering the truth about her nearly 20-year marriage—the serial affairs, the unprotected sex that put her health at risk, the father-in-law who helped finance the betrayals while smiling at Sunday family dinners. For two years, she told only three friends, consumed by shame and terrified that if others knew the truth, she'd never have the chance to "fix" her family. Maybe you've thought those same words. Maybe you're living that same silence right now. In this deeply personal conversation, Lisa opens up about her own betrayal trauma journey while Dr. Debi Silber—who conducted a PhD study specifically on betrayal after experiencing it twice herself—explains why betrayal destroys us differently than any other loss, and more importantly, how to actually heal. If you're stuck in hypervigilance, unable to trust your own judgment, or wondering if you'll ever feel safe again, this conversation offers both validation and a clear roadmap forward. IN THIS CONVERSATION: - Why betrayal feels intentional in ways other trauma doesn't—and why that matters for your healing - The "Window of Willingness" that reveals instantly whether your partner is truly remorseful or just protecting themselves - The five stages everyone moves through after betrayal (and why being "fine" might actually mean you're stuck in Stage 3) - Why you can't trust others until you rebuild trust with yourself first—and exactly how to do that - How Lisa went from "I'll never trust again" to an 11-year relationship built on genuine safety - The critical difference between a betrayer who has potential to change and one who's just buying time YOU'LL RELATE TO THIS IF: - You discovered your partner's affair and your entire reality feels like a lie - You're stuck replaying moments, wondering "how did I miss the signs?" - You've been told you're "too sensitive" or need to "just get over it" - You're covering for your ex because explaining the truth feels too shameful - You don't know who to trust anymore—including yourself - You're "fine" on the outside but completely numb on the inside - You're co-parenting with the person who betrayed you and it's destroying you DR. DEBI SILBER'S THREE GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERIES: Discovery #1: Betrayal is fundamentally different from all other trauma because it shatters every aspect of self—your identity, your judgment, your ability to trust reality itself. Traditional grief models don't work because you're not just mourning a loss; you're rebuilding who you are from scratch. Discovery #2: Everyone moves through five predictable stages after betrayal, but most people get stuck in Stage 3—a deceptive phase that looks like healing but is actually just survival mode. This is why therapy often fails: therapists see you're "functioning" and think you're healed, but you're actually trapped behind walls of protection. Discovery #3: You cannot rebuild trust with others until you first rebuild three specific types of trust within yourself: trust in your judgment, trust in your perception of reality, and trust in your ability to make decisions. This is why "just trust again" advice fails—it's asking you to build the roof before you've laid the foundation. ABOUT DR. DEBI SILBER: Dr. Debi Silber is the founder and CEO of The Post Betrayal Transformation Institute. After experiencing betrayal first from her family and then from her husband, she enrolled in a PhD program to study betrayal—even though she "could barely breathe" at the time. Her research led to the three discoveries shared in this video and has transformed how thousands of people understand and heal from betrayal trauma. Her upcoming book "Unstuck" (launching March 22) helps practitioners better support clients dealing with betrayal. RESOURCES:

    34 min

  4. FEB 11

    Does My Child Need Therapy During Our Divorce? Play Therapist Answers

    Is your child struggling with your separation or divorce? Wondering if they need professional help? Licensed play therapist Jenny Hornby joins Lisa to discuss the critical signs that children need therapeutic support during high-conflict divorce - and why getting help for yourself might be even more important. In this essential conversation, you'll discover when therapy becomes necessary, what different therapeutic approaches can offer, and how to find the right mental health professional for your family's specific situation. Jenny shares expert insights on play therapy, EMDR for trauma processing, and why the "oxygen mask principle" applies to parents navigating custody battles. Whether you're just starting separation proceedings or deep into a custody battle, this conversation provides the guidance you need to support your child's emotional wellbeing while taking care of yourself too. 🎯 WHO THIS IS FOR: Parents navigating high-conflict divorce or custody disputes who want to protect their children's mental health and get practical guidance on therapeutic support options. 💡 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: 00:00 - Introduction: Helping kids through parental conflict 00:27 - How common is post-separation parental conflict? 01:25 - Signs your child is experiencing trauma from divorce 01:59 - Why "reorganization" matters for children 02:54 - Should every child in divorce see a therapist? 04:30 - What to look for: When professional help becomes necessary 05:42 - Why parents need therapy as much as kids do 07:23 - The airplane oxygen mask principle explained 08:45 - How your emotional state impacts your children 10:12 - Why kids can "see" more than you think 11:48 - Your child's heightened sensitivity during conflict 13:16 - What parentification means in divorce situations 15:03 - How children fill emotional voids 16:42 - Warning signs your child is becoming your support system 18:28 - Why kids blame themselves for parental struggles 20:15 - The danger of children taking on adult roles 22:07 - Play therapy explained: What happens in sessions 24:33 - Age-appropriate therapeutic approaches 26:18 - Why play is the "language" of childhood 28:45 - EMDR therapy for processing divorce trauma 31:22 - How EMDR works: The science behind bilateral stimulation 33:58 - Different EMDR techniques (eye movement, tapping, music) 36:14 - When EMDR is most effective for children 38:42 - How to locate qualified play therapists and EMDR specialists 40:17 - The EMDRIA directory resource 41:53 - Psychology Today as a search tool 43:28 - The importance of therapeutic "fit" 45:06 - The "three session rule" before making a decision 47:22 - What to do when therapy isn't working after months 49:11 - Lauren Barnett's therapist matchmaking approach 51:38 - The "favorite teacher" technique for finding the right match 53:55 - Why personality compatibility matters more than credentials alone 55:42 - Jenny's children's book: "Made for This" 57:18 - Using stories to start difficult conversations 58:50 - Final advice: It really does start with you 60:05 - Wrap-up and how to connect with Jenny 📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED: EMDRIA (EMDR International Association) directory: emdria.org Psychology Today therapist finder Jenny Hornby's book "Made for This" (children's book about facing fears) Instagram: @MissJennyBooks Website: MissJennyBooks.com 👥 ABOUT JENNY HORNBY: Jenny Hornby is a licensed counselor in Virginia, clinical supervisor, and specialist in both play therapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). She works with children ages 4 and up, providing individual therapy, family counseling, and parenting support. Jenny is also a children's book author, using narratives to help kids process difficult emotions and experiences.

    44 min

  5. FEB 6

    What Custody Evaluators Actually Look For (From an Attorney Who Does Them)

    🎯 "What does a custody evaluator actually look for?" If you're terrified of your upcoming custody evaluation, attorney Tracy Galloway has the answer—and it might not be what you think. Tracy has been a Massachusetts child custody and divorce attorney for over 30 years. She started at the Department of Children and Families working child welfare and abuse/neglect cases before transitioning to private practice in 1998. And here's what makes her perspective unique: Tracy does custody evaluations herself. "I need to see that the person in front of me is being proportionate about their experience, but also able to hold in their mind at the same time that a judge needs facts and what's going to be best for a child," Tracy explains. "That's a lot of plates to hold at the same time." This conversation demystifies the custody evaluation process, explains the different types of GALs and what they're actually looking for, and provides practical strategies for presenting yourself credibly—even when discussing domestic violence. What You'll Learn: ✅ What custody evaluations are and when they're ordered ✅ Category E GALs (clinicians) vs. Category F GALs (attorneys)—and why the difference matters ✅ Does it matter who pays the GAL? (No—and here's why) ✅ Substituted judgment GALs: When child's therapy privilege is at issue ✅ How to talk about domestic violence: "It's not the what, it's the how" ✅ What "proportionate communication" means to evaluators ✅ Why credibility matters more than having all the answers ✅ Does confirmation bias exist? (Should you meet the GAL first?) ✅ What evaluators want to see: openness, cooperation, child-focus ✅ The two things to do TODAY if evaluation is coming ✅ How to prepare: Brief, informative, factual email ✅ Why anger management and exercise are critical ✅ "You met that person, you made a baby with that person—this is what you have to work with" ✅ Tracy's passionate, direct approach to helping clients take responsibility About Tracy Galloway: Attorney Tracy Galloway has been practicing Massachusetts child custody and divorce law for over 30 years. Her roots are in litigation for the Department of Children and Families, handling child welfare, abuse, and neglect cases. Since transitioning to private practice in 1998, she's honed her focus specifically to divorce—"Because it's a very, it's its own model and it ends up with the happy result at the end of a divorce." Tracy also conducts custody evaluations herself, giving her unique dual perspective as both advocate and evaluator. She's the founder of Divorce Bootcamp, an online coaching business born from frustration that there isn't more accessible information available in multiple formats (video, not just text) for people navigating divorce. She offers free and low-cost resources, coaching, and "fresh talk" to anyone who needs it—literally giving her cell phone number and offering 5 free minutes to anyone who texts. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Demystifying custody evaluations 02:10 - What is a custody evaluation and when is it ordered? 03:58 - Category E (clinician) vs. Category F (attorney) GALs 05:47 - Tracy's background: DCF to private practice to Divorce Bootcamp 07:06 - How to talk about domestic violence to evaluators 07:58 - Proportionate communication: Holding multiple plates at once 09:45 - Credibility is everything: They need to believe you 12:30 - Does it matter who pays the GAL? (Bias concerns) 15:20 - Substituted judgment: Child therapy privilege evaluation 18:40 - Does confirmation bias exist in custody evaluations? 21:15 - What evaluators look for: Openness, cooperation, child-focus 24:50 - Documentation: When and how to provide materials 28:35 - Preparing for home visits and child observations 32:20 - The importance of routine and sta

    53 min

  6. JAN 27

    Why You Should Try Mediation with a Narcissist (Even When Everyone Says Don't)

    🎯 "Mediation? With a NARCISSIST? Are you crazy?" If that's your reaction, you're not alone. Most people in high-conflict divorce assume mediation is pointless when dealing with someone who has a personality disorder or active addiction. But according to Liz Merrill—who spent 20 years married to a narcissist scientist before becoming a divorce mediator herself—it's worth trying. And here's why: "A surprisingly high percentage of people who come with high conflict divorces get through the mediation process successfully without having to resort to litigation," Liz explains. "Because by the time they start mediating and working through and understanding what their options are, they kind of realize that they're not likely to get a better resolution by litigating." Even if mediation doesn't result in settlement, you gain something invaluable: information. "Keep your mouth shut and listen to what they're having to say and encourage them to talk," Liz advises for that crucial first session. "You will learn a lot about what's important to them, what they are thinking about, what their strategy might be. And that's all information that you can use in the future, even if you're not using it right now. And that's worth a lot." This conversation reveals why mediation is always worth trying, how to prepare strategically, what you can realistically expect, and why sometimes the "difficult" partner actually comes to mediation thinking they're smarter than everyone else—which creates an opportunity. What You'll Learn: ✅ Why high-conflict parties often come to mediation (thinking they can "bamboozle") ✅ The role of a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) in keeping things factual ✅ How facts, law, and math create a limited range of outcomes regardless of process ✅ Why it's "absolutely always worth trying" mediation (even if only costs a few thousand) ✅ The first session strategy: Keep your mouth shut and gather information ✅ What you can't mediate (hint: anything that happened in the past) ✅ How to prepare for mediation: agenda, goals, realistic expectations ✅ Why you shouldn't tell your mediator your "whole sad story" ✅ Strategic approach: Easy wins first to build goodwill vs. tackle hard stuff ✅ How to use what you learned in session one to inform session two ✅ Avoiding "barstool counsel" (Facebook groups, well-meaning friends) ✅ Second Saturday workshops: Free divorce education for women ✅ Why emotions are "on fire" and how professionals help manage them ✅ When Liz's daughters asked "Mom, can we get divorced?" About Liz Merrill: Liz Merrill, known as "the divorce whisperer," is a Colorado-based divorce mediator who spent 20 years in a marriage with a narcissist—a very successful research scientist considerably older than her. They had three daughters together and moved all over the world. "I thought I had to stay in this situation for my children and for my own safety and for my financial safety," Liz shares. When her daughters (all around mid-teens at the time) came to her and asked, "Mom, are we—can we get divorced? Why are we?" she realized she wasn't being brave by staying—she was scared. She filed that day. The divorce process was as horrible as she feared, requiring a loan to pay for it. She went from attorney to attorney trying to explain her situation, and "almost all of them were horrible to me. They were acting like I was the problem." This experience, combined with recognizing how badly the court system is set up for divorces (particularly for people in abusive marriages and domestic violence situations), caused her to shift careers midlife. She used her limited maintenance time to get mediation training and build her business. For seven years now, she's helped hundreds of couples navigate divorce, with her approach informed by lived experience of surviving high-conflict marriage.

    39 min

  7. JAN 24

    Trauma Bonds Explained: Why You Keep Attracting Narcissists

    "I finally got out of that toxic relationship! I'm never doing that again!" Six months later: Same person, different body. If this pattern sounds familiar, you're not alone—and according to trauma therapist Sherry Gaba, it's not your fault. But it is something you need to understand if you ever want to break free. "Love addicts are in love with love," Sherry explains. "And when they don't have a relationship, it feels like they are in the ethers of emptiness. So they will often settle for less because they feel so empty." That emptiness isn't weakness. It's not being "too needy" or "not strong enough." It's an attachment wound—often formed before you could even speak—that created a nervous system wired to associate chaos with love and safety with boredom. The good news? Once you understand how trauma bonds form, how intermittent reinforcement hijacks your dopamine system, and why your body literally becomes addicted to emotional chaos, you can finally start rewiring your patterns. What Makes This Conversation Essential: 🎯 Names the exact cycle ("same person, different body") 🎯 Explains WHY safe feels boring (nervous system conditioning) 🎯 Reveals early attachment wounds most people don't know they have 🎯 Shows how toxic partners "hook you in" from the beginning 🎯 Unpacks intermittent reinforcement = slot machine addiction 🎯 Provides daily practices for recognizing worth beyond people-pleasing 🎯 Shares Sherry's personal recovery journey (love addict → trauma therapist) 🎯 Explains different types of addiction (love vs. codependency vs. romance) 🎯 Offers specific 12-step program recommendations Perfect For: - Anyone who keeps attracting the same toxic partner - People whose ex had addiction issues or personality disorders - Those recovering from narcissistic abuse - Anyone who feels empty without a romantic relationship - People who find "stable" partners boring - Those dealing with shame about their "bad picker" - Anyone ready to understand the neuroscience of their patterns - People who need permission to choose safety over excitement - Those seeking community support that actually heals About Sherry Gaba: Sherry Gaba is living proof that understanding your patterns can transform your life. A psychotherapist and love addiction specialist, Sherry describes herself as "a love addict in recovery"—someone who experienced the emptiness, the people-pleasing, the turning herself "into a pretzel" to please unavailable partners. Her attachment wound? Being premature and spending her first three months in an incubator without maternal contact. "I was in an incubator. I did not get that first three months of attachment with my mom. So I had a lot of separation anxiety, attachment wounds." This early rupture, combined with an emotionally unavailable mother, set up lifelong patterns of seeking external validation. After being married to an alcoholic, Sherry shifted from working with addicts to working with families of addicts—recognizing her own codependency. Her specialty now encompasses love addiction, codependency, toxic relationships, and narcissistic abuse, using deep trauma therapy to help people connect internally rather than seeking external sources. Al-Anon literally changed the geography of her life—she moved from California to Florida because of connections made in recovery. Author of "Love Smacked," Sherry offers a free trauma quiz to help people understand the childhood roots of their relationship patterns. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships 01:28 - The link between domestic violence and love addiction 03:10 - Sherry's background: From addiction work to toxic relationships 04:54 - The early attachment wound: Premature birth and incubator effects 06:55 - Why you're attracted to what you know (e

    33 min

  8. JAN 20

    You're Not "Just Anxious." You're Validation Addicted (And Here's What to Do)

    🎯 "If I don't get validation from my partner (or - yikes - my ex), I can't function. I'm a mess unless I get that feedback, that positive reinforcement." That's validation addiction, and according to Ralph Brewer, founder of Help for Men and author of five books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide," it's an epidemic affecting far more people than you'd think. Most people assume this compulsive need for external validation is a "female thing"—the anxious, preoccupied partner always seeking reassurance. But Ralph works with thousands of men who fit this exact profile: codependent, anxiously attached, desperate for their partner's approval, and willing to tolerate almost anything as long as they get occasional positive reinforcement. This conversation reveals the attachment dynamics behind toxic relationships, why men stay way too long hoping things will change, and what happens when men finally do show vulnerability—only to be punished for it. What You'll Learn: ✅ What validation addiction actually is (and why it's different from just being "needy") ✅ Anxious vs. avoidant attachment: The relationship dance that creates misery ✅ Why most men seeking relationship help are codependent and anxiously attached ✅ The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: Why men keep saying "I'd take her back" ✅ How avoidant partners can appear almost narcissistic (but aren't quite) ✅ Why men don't seek help or open up about relationship problems ✅ The devastating pattern: Man shows vulnerability → Woman withdraws → Sex stops ✅ Sex as the "barometer" for relationship health (male perspective) ✅ What happens when a woman walks into a men's support group ✅ Why gender-specific support works when mixed groups don't ✅ The echo chamber problem: Getting validation instead of reality testing ✅ How the Brotherhood creates safe space for 1,400+ men About Ralph Brewer: Ralph Brewer is the founder of Help for Men and author of five books, including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" (which has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and brought roughly 80% of his membership) and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide." He runs a private membership community called the Brotherhood with over 1,400 men, offering discussion forums, live Zoom meetings, over 1,400 hours of audio content, coaching, courses, and in-person conferences. The organization just held its sixth annual conference and brings together men recovering from divorce, overcoming abusive relationships, and rebuilding their lives. Ralph has been creating content under the handle "Dad Starting Over" for over a decade, with some videos reaching millions of views. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 - Introduction: Validation addiction isn't just a female thing 00:55 - Ralph's background: Help for Men, the Brotherhood, five books 02:58 - Defining validation addiction: Compulsive need for external approval 04:30 - Anxious vs. avoidant attachment styles in relationships 05:59 - Why men in our community seem more hopeful than women 07:48 - The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: "I'd take her back no matter what" 09:53 - Why men don't seek help or talk about relationship problems 11:40 - Society's message to men: You're weak if you can't handle her 13:55 - The shame of being controlled by someone "so much smaller than you" 16:22 - How abusive partners weaponize children to maintain control 18:54 - "Who you gonna go get, mister?" The emasculation tactic 19:52 - What happens when a woman walks into a men's group 21:18 - Sex as the barometer for relationship health (male perspective) 22:57 - The Dead Bedroom Fix: How Ralph's book built his community 23:16 - 70% buy lifetime membership: What that says about community value 24:00 - In-person conferences: Building real friendships beyond online support 25:00 - How to find Help for Men and the Brotherhood

    27 min
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4.5
out of 5
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About

Chris and Lisa of BeenThereGotOut.com both survived toxic marriages with narcissistic partners and the legal and co-parenting nightmares that go hand-in-hand with all of that.If you are struggling in a high-conflict relationship, divorce, custody battle, or co-parenting hell which requires PERSONALIZED attention, let us HOLD YOUR HAND along the way, while providing EXPERT, STRATEGIC guidance based on one's years of success (representing myself in court!), coupled with the other's High Conflict Divorce Coach certification.Our podcast features interviews with lawyers, therapists, co-parenting coordinators, guardians ad litem, and other subject matter experts, as well as other content, all with one goal in mind: Let us teach you how to HELP YOURSELF!

Information

  • Creator
    Chris & Lisa
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    338
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 BTGO, LLC
  • Show Website
    Been There Got Out Podcast

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