Better Than Perfect | A Relationship Podcast

Nicole and John Sonmez
  • 4.4 (24)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Each week, we show how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

  1. 1d ago

    Dating After a Breakup: Are You Really Ready? [Ep 136]

    Dating After a Breakup: Are You Really Ready? Dating after a breakup can feel exciting, lonely, messy, and way too easy to rush. John and Echo talk about how to know if you have actually processed your last relationship, why rebounds can wreck something good, and what needs to change before you bring old baggage into a new love. This episode gets real about no contact, loneliness, defensiveness, resentment, attachment patterns, relationship rules, and the uncomfortable self-reflection most people skip. They also break down why there is no perfect timeline for moving on, but there are clear signs you are not ready yet. In This EpisodeThere is no one-size-fits-all timeline after a breakupYou need time to process the relationship before dating againRebounds can create chaos and ruin a good connectionNo contact helps you fully close the emotional doorLoneliness can push you into the wrong relationshipOld resentment will get projected onto someone newRelationship rules and boundaries should start earlyGrowth mindset matters if you want love to actually work Timestamps0:00 — When Is It Too Soon To Move On? 4:13 — The Chaos Of Jumping In Too Fast 7:35 — What Has To Be Healed First 11:07 — Owning Your Part And Setting New Standards 15:31 — Growth You Can Only Do In A Relationship 20:05 — Why No Contact Matters 24:46 — Building A New Normal Alone 27:15 — What To Examine After A Breakup 32:04 — Forgiveness, Resentment, And Projection 35:03 — Standards Before Exclusivity 39:48 — How To Know You're Ready Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast 📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice About the ShowBetter Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.

    43 min

  2. Jun 26

    Men Giving Up On Dating: Why It Backfires [Ep 135]

    Men Giving Up on Dating: Why It Backfires Men giving up on dating is everywhere right now, from red pill spaces to dating apps to chronically online fights about men and women. John and Echo get into why some men are checking out, why online dating makes everyone feel worse, and why blaming women will not get men the relationship they actually want. This episode breaks down dating apps, looksmaxing, the “man vs bear” conversation, women raising their standards, men losing confidence, and why real-life experience matters more than internet doom spirals. John brings the direct reality check for men who say they have tried everything, while Echo explains what women are actually looking for when they want safety, confidence, and a man who respects himself. In This EpisodeWhy more men are opting out of dating and relationshipsHow dating apps and social media distort attraction and standardsWhy “looksmaxing” can make men seem less attractive, not moreThe difference between real-life dating and online dating narrativesWhy blaming women keeps men stuck in a victim mindsetHow confidence, effort, and self-respect change the dating gameWhy good men may have more opportunity than ever right nowWhat women mean when they want a man who feels safe and solid Timestamps0:00 — Men Opting Out Of Dating 3:00 — Red Pill Culture Goes Mainstream 6:21 — The Man Versus Bear Debate 10:23 — Viral Dating Content Distorts Reality 15:56 — The Top 20% Solution 20:37 — Why Looksmaxing Can Backfire 23:01 — Take Dating Offline 27:21 — Have You Actually Tried? 30:48 — Set Realistic Expectations 33:19 — Why Women Need To Feel Safe 36:24 — The Opportunity For Good Men 43:52 — Trusting Your Intuition Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast 📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice About the ShowBetter Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.

    47 min

  3. Jun 19

    Decentering Men: The Advice Women Get Wrong [Ep 134]

    Decentering Men: The Advice Women Get Wrong Decentering men can be useful advice when it really means stop chasing male validation and start building a life you actually like. But when it turns into hating men, shaming women for loving their partners, or pretending relationships should not matter, it becomes a problem. John and Echo break down the difference between centering yourself in a healthy way and using “decenter men” as a loaded, bitter slogan. They talk about dating anxiety, male validation, self-care, femininity, relationships, and why women should not feel embarrassed for loving or prioritizing a good man. In This EpisodeDecentering men often becomes vague advice instead of real guidance“Center yourself” is usually better advice than “decenter men”Chasing male validation can lead to desperation and bad dating choicesLoving and prioritizing a good partner is not something to be ashamed ofHating men while wanting a relationship with one creates the wrong energySelf-care is not selfish when it helps you show up better for othersConfidence and validation-seeking can look similar, but come from different placesSay the actual problem instead of hiding behind trendy relationship language Timestamps0:00 — Decentering Men And What It Really Means 3:32 — Healthy Self-Focus Versus Men-Bashing 6:05 — Better Advice Than A Loaded Buzzword 10:33 — Supporting Single Women Without Shaming Them 14:34 — Why Women Need To Center Themselves Too 19:24 — Self-Care, Sacrifice, And Giving From A Full Cup 23:05 — Neediness Versus Asking For What You Want 25:38 — Why Relationships Should Be Mutually Centered 29:03 — How Anti-Men Messaging Pushes Love Away 34:22 — Looking For Good Men Instead Of Bad Patterns 38:57 — Male Validation, Confidence, And Attraction 53:56 — Weekly Check-In And Relationship Lessons Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast 📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice About the ShowBetter Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.

    58 min

  4. Jun 12

    Relationship Compatibility Test: Are You Actually Compatible? [Ep 133]

    Relationship Compatibility Test: Are You Actually Compatible? Relationship compatibility is the topic of the day as John and Echo take a 40-question compatibility quiz live on the show to find out if they should "get a divorce" — or keep going. They break down everything from shared hobbies and core values to conflict resolution, household chores, and sexual satisfaction, scoring each answer one to ten and debating the results in real time. Along the way, the conversation turns into a deep dive on boundaries (and what actually makes a boundary valid vs. a manipulation tactic), why traditional masculine and feminine roles eliminate so many common relationship conflicts, and whether compatibility is something you're born with or something you can build. Plus: a debate about co-ed run clubs, separate social circles, and a go-with-the-flow t-shirt idea that may or may not make millions. In This EpisodeCompatibility isn't fixed — you can grow and improve it over timeA valid boundary must be objective and clear to both people, not based on your opinion or a moving targetBoundaries should be a last resort — overusing them creates distance and battlegrounds in your relationshipHousehold chores cause major conflict, but a traditional setup (or being willing to do ANY chore) eliminates itIf you won't help with chores, then provide so your partner doesn't have to work — pick a laneCompeting careers and separate social circles fuel conflict; one primary provider clears that upMasculine/feminine roles "freebie" your way through most compatibility questionsCompletely separate co-ed social circles your partner is never part of are a red flag Timestamps0:00 — Intro: Are We Compatible? 2:08 — Shared Values and Moral Compass 6:08 — Sexual Intimacy and Communication 9:39 — Handling Obstacles and Social Circles 12:00 — Decoding the Confusing Quiz Scoring 14:48 — The Boundaries Debate 20:25 — When Boundaries Hurt a Relationship 27:05 — What Compatibility Really Means 29:54 — Traditional Roles Solve Conflict 33:50 — Co-Ed Hobbies and Separate Social Lives 37:01 — Masculine and Feminine Energy 40:30 — The T-Shirt Challenge and Wrap-Up Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast 📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice About the ShowBetter Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.

    44 min

  5. Jun 5

    How To Know You Found The One: Why You Just Know [Ep 132]

    How to Know You Found the One: Why You Just Know How to know you found the one is the question everyone asks before getting married, and John and Echo break down what that feeling actually means. They tackle why clichés like "when you know, you know" and "it happens when you least expect it" are annoyingly true, and how full acceptance, comfort, and contrast help you recognize your person. From meeting on a dating app 2,000 miles apart with zero expectations to moving in together fast, John and Echo share their messy, real love story. They dig into why you need options to make a real choice, why finding the one is only 10% (the other 90% is building the relationship), how to tell toxicity from chemistry, and why your subconscious "tells" reveal what you actually feel about someone. In This EpisodeThe clichés are true — "when you know, you know" is frustrating but real, and you'll feel it differently than anything beforeYou need options and contrast to make a real choice; one-itis means you never actually choseHave zero expectations on dates — pressure makes you twist someone into being "the one" when they're notFinding the one is only 10% — the other 90% is the relationship you build, and you can absolutely screw up the right personWatch your subconscious tells — if small habits (like contacts left everywhere) actively turn you off, that's misalignment, not nitpickingDon't confuse toxicity for chemistry — anxious-avoidant patterns can feel like a pull, but that's the dysfunction drawing you inYou can't find the one if you're not living up to what you're looking for — work on yourself firstHonesty, full acceptance, and feeling like "one unit" through life's chaos are how you know Timestamps0:00 — The Subconscious Tells That Reveal the Truth 2:46 — Comfort, Familiarity, and the Signs You See in Hindsight 5:00 — John's Perspective: Choosing Against All Odds 8:36 — Dating With No Expectations 12:13 — Full Acceptance and Moving in Together 14:30 — Why You Need Options to Make a Real Choice 17:55 — If You're Married, Make Them the One 22:58 — You Can't Find the One Until You Work on Yourself 27:44 — Being Open, Honest, and Becoming One Unit 33:38 — Detecting When It's Not the One: Toxicity and Attraction 38:37 — Synchronicities and Guideposts on the Right Path 41:39 — You Can't Mess It Up: The Spiritual Side of Finding the One 46:43 — Unconditional Love and Matching Weirdnesses Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast 📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice About the ShowBetter Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.

    48 min
  6. Anxious Attachment: Why You're Pushing Love Away [Ep 131]

    May 29

    Anxious Attachment: Why You're Pushing Love Away [Ep 131]

    Anxious Attachment: Why You're Pushing Love Away Anxious attachment keeps you stuck in a cycle of fear, control, and self-sabotage — and most people don't even realize they're doing it. John and Echo break down exactly how anxious attachment shows up in real relationships, why it develops in the first place, and what it actually costs you to keep living this way. If you've ever needed constant reassurance, spiraled over unanswered texts, or exploded after holding everything in — this episode is for you. They dig into the real mechanics of anxious attachment: how childhood wounds and past relationship trauma wire you to see love as something that can be taken away, why anxious people are weirdly good at reading emotions but terrible at reading situations, and the uncomfortable truth about how chasing control pushes people toward the exact outcome you're terrified of. John and Echo also flip the script — talking about how to *actually* influence your relationship in the right direction, how to handle a partner who's anxiously attached without making things worse, and why giving reassurance without boundaries is just feeding the cycle. In This EpisodeAnxious attachment usually forms from unpredictable parenting or past relationship trauma — not a personal flawAnxious people detect emotions quickly but jump to wrong conclusions, which accelerates the spiralTrying to control outcomes is the *formula* for anxiety — letting go of control is the cureCalling 15 times or asking "do you still love me?" soothes you for five minutes and makes the problem worse long-termInstead of nagging from fear, reinforce the positive traits you want — it pulls people toward being that personIf you don't address issues as they come up, you *will* become anxiously attached — avoidance creates itReassurance without boundaries teaches your partner that their anxiety controls you — set the limit kindly but clearlyAnxious attachment looks different in men vs. women: men tend to control overtly, women tend to control covertly Timestamps0:00 — What Makes Someone Anxiously Attached? 3:15 — How Past Relationships Shape Your Attachment Style 5:35 — Anxious People Read Emotions But Jump to Conclusions 9:39 — Why Anxious People Try to Control Outcomes 15:13 — Can Worrying About Cheating Actually Cause It? 22:28 — Letting Go of Control Is the Formula for Less Anxiety 31:40 — Why Women Are Naturally More Anxious in Relationships 38:14 — How Anxious Attachment Shows Up in Men 47:04 — Positive Influence vs. Negative Spiraling 59:06 — How to Handle an Anxiously Attached Partner Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast 📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice About the ShowBetter Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.

    1h 7m

  7. May 22

    Women Approaching Men: Why It Usually Backfires [Ep 130]

    Women Approaching Men: Why It Usually Backfires Should women approach men? John and Nicole break down why women making the first move almost always kills attraction — even when the guy would have pursued her anyway. This is the raw, unfiltered truth about pursuing, chasing, and why men are wired the way they are whether they admit it or not. From nightclub stories to dorm room disasters, John gets uncomfortably honest about women who pursued him hard — and how it instantly killed his attraction. Nicole shares her own experiences shooting her shot, what actually worked, and the subtle moves women can make instead that signal interest without scaring a guy off or handing over all the power. In This EpisodeMen are natural pursuers — even if they complain about it, taking away the chase kills attractionWomen approaching men can work, but it's the exception, not the ruleSubtle signals like eye contact, proximity, and positioning are far more effective than direct approachesWhat makes something creepy isn't your looks — it's insulating yourself from rejectionBold action is always hotter than covert, low-risk moves, especially for menIf women approach too aggressively, they risk setting a masculine-feminine dynamic they don't actually wantWomen should make themselves approachable, not do the approachingMen need to stop letting fear of rejection paralyze them — just go talk to her Timestamps0:00 — Kissing Strangers in Nightclubs Cold Open 4:19 — Nicole's Experience Approaching Guys 8:03 — What Women Should Do Instead of Approaching 10:05 — The Difference Between Creepy and Bold 14:01 — Navigating Groups and Breaking Away From Friends 17:05 — What Makes an Approach Creepy vs. Confident 20:03 — The Art of the Bold Move 25:43 — Masculine vs. Feminine Energy in Dating Dynamics 31:03 — Why Men Need to Be Pushed to Step Up 36:46 — Don't Go On Dates You're Not Ready For 39:41 — The Becky Story: When Women Come On Too Strong 43:13 — Final Advice and Wrap-Up Connect🎙 Full show notes & resources 📺 YouTube 📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast

    44 min

  8. May 15

    Green Flags, No Spark: Why "Perfect" Feels So Wrong [Ep 129]

    Green flags in dating don’t always mean a green light — and this episode gets into exactly why someone can check every box and still leave you cold. John and Nicole break down the viral Reddit question: should you stay with someone who’s a walking green flag even when the spark just isn’t there? In This EpisodeA green flag person who feels boring usually isn’t — if you’re calling them boring, you’re addicted to toxic highs and lowsMen are responsible for creating the spark — confidence, game, and leading with intentionThe no-spark problem often comes down to caring too much what people thinkChasing red flag partners traces back to childhood chaos feeling like homeConfidence is the real game-changer — scarcity mindset turns green flag guys into people-pleasers nobody wants to marry Timestamps0:00 — Men Want Peace, Women Want Emotion 2:06 — Should You Stay With Perfect On Paper? 5:05 — Trusting Intuition vs. Settling Down 9:44 — What The Spark Really Means 14:19 — Red Flags vs. Green Flags Over Time 17:04 — The Soulmate Debate 22:27 — Why Women Crave Emotional Range 27:01 — Chasing Red Flags From Childhood Wounds 33:58 — The Four Types Of Men Matrix 43:48 — Biology and Parental Investment 50:59 — Creating The Spark

    56 min
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4.4
out of 5
24 Ratings

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Each week, we show how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

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