The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering Divorce

Britta Jo
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Stay or Go is the bold, no-BS space where women on the edge of divorce find clarity, courage, and the unapologetic power to choose their future. stayorgo.substack.com

  1. "Positive Disintegration": Why It Feels Like You’re Falling Apart Before You Decide to Stay or Go

    FEB 10

    "Positive Disintegration": Why It Feels Like You’re Falling Apart Before You Decide to Stay or Go

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.com Episode 94: In this episode, I start by inviting us to slow down together. I recorded this on February 8, 2026, and I could feel how loud life has been lately. Instead of showing up with a tidy bow and a perfect lesson, I let this be a real conversation between me and you. A place to breathe, to soften, and to tell the truth about what it feels like when your inner world is rearranging itself. Because today we are talking about falling apart, and why it might be the most honest thing your soul has ever done. I’m introducing you to a concept I just found this week and immediately knew I needed to bring to you: positive disintegration. The kind of breakdown that isn’t a failure, but a signal. A sign that the strategies you used to survive, the roles you learned to play, and the fantasies you clung to are no longer able to hold back what you already know in your bones. In other words, it’s not that you are breaking. It’s that your denial is breaking. And something truer is trying to come through. We talk about why our culture fears endings, grief, and death, and how that fear shows up psychologically when we’re in the crucible of change, especially when you’re considering divorce. I connect this to the life-death-life cycle, to the way nature does this without apologizing, and to the brutal tenderness of becoming. If you’ve been feeling heavy, depressed, anxious, or stuck, I want you to hear this clearly: those feelings do not automatically mean you’re doing it wrong. Sometimes they mean you’re finally doing it right. I also share one of my favorite images for this process: the butterfly becoming the goo. That disorienting, humiliating, sacred middle. The place where you cannot go back to who you were, but you cannot yet see who you’re becoming. If you’re there right now, you are not behind. You are not broken. You are in the chrysalis. And I bring in two powerful texts that help us name what we’re living: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Women Who Run with the Wolves. We talk about Skeleton Woman, Lady Death, and what it means to stop throwing the parts of ourselves we fear off the cliff. We talk about building a foundation that can hold you through the unraveling, not by rushing to fix the feelings, but by staying with yourself inside them. If you’re in that tender, terrifying season where everything you built your life on feels shaky, this episode is for you. It’s a reminder that the breakdown might not be the end of your story. It might be the beginning of your true self returning. 🤍 Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Live interview with Chandra Zas - Tuesday Feb 17th • 2pm PT, 4 pm CST, 5 pm EST (Use this link if the one above doesn’t work- https://youtube.com/live/2DiSl3ZyV3M) What happens when you stop overriding your body… and start listening instead? In this live conversation, Britta interviews Chandra on Chapter 0 of Handbook for Human Potential — a chapter that opens the doorway to body wisdom, emotional truth, and coming home to yourself. Join our book newsletter to stay in the loop: https://handbookforhumanpotential.com And buy the book if you haven’t yet! Handbook for Human Potential by Chandra Zas, Britta Jo and others https://Chandrazas.com Suggested prep for next episode: Read Chandra’s chapter 0 - “Come Home to Your Body Wisdom” Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin Doughty Considering Divorce? Understand the Life-Death-Life Cycle First Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook

    46 min
  2. When Staying Costs More Than Leaving: The Hidden Price of Indecision With Demetria Graves

    FEB 3

    When Staying Costs More Than Leaving: The Hidden Price of Indecision With Demetria Graves

    Episode 93: In this episode, I sit down with Demetria Graves, a certified family law specialist and founder of the Graves Law Firm, for a conversation I have wanted to have for a long time. Demetria has spent over two decades guiding families through divorce with clarity, integrity, and a deep respect for what this moment costs people emotionally and financially. Together, we pull back the curtain on what the legal system actually cares about and what it does not, and why so many women unknowingly pay a steep price for staying stuck in indecision. We talk candidly about the myths that keep women frozen. The belief that staying is safer. The hope that being patient or accommodating will somehow protect you. The assumption that the court will reward sacrifice or take emotional context into account. Demetria explains why none of that is true, and how time, lack of information, and emotional overwhelm can quietly work against women, especially high earners, stay at home mothers, and those who have stepped away from the workforce. This is a grounded, no nonsense look at how money, custody, support, and preparation really function behind the scenes. This episode is not about pushing anyone toward divorce. It is about telling the truth. The truth that divorce is a business process layered on top of one of the most emotional experiences of your life. The truth that clarity is power. And the truth that the longer you avoid looking at the facts, the more agency you often lose. If you are in the space of “I am not ready yet” or “I just need more time,” this conversation is an invitation to ask yourself what that time is truly costing you. 🤍 Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Legally Uncensored Podcast - Find Part 1 here When Women Run The Firm: How to successfully launch and manage your law practice with confidence - Demetria Graves Demetria’s Instagram Legally Uncensored Instagram Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

    38 min
  3. Your Soul Knows the Way—Even If You Can’t See It Yet

    JAN 27

    Your Soul Knows the Way—Even If You Can’t See It Yet

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.com Episode 92: This week, I’m inviting you into a quieter, more intimate conversation. After a month filled with heavier topics—ADHD, misogyny, and partner violence—I found myself needing to pause. This episode emerged from that space. There’s no outline, no script—just me, speaking from the heart. In it, I explore what it means to stay grounded as a deeply sensitive person in an increasingly fractured world. I reflect on a local production of Hadestown that unexpectedly cracked something open in me, illuminating the profound choice we face between fear and trust. We follow the tragic story of Orpheus and Eurydice, and what it reveals about how easily doubt can derail us—even when we are on the cusp of something beautiful. If you are navigating the unknown, especially in the realm of divorce or deep personal change, I believe you’ll resonate with this idea: that trusting your soul’s call, even when you can’t yet see where it leads, is itself the act of creating a new world. And that turning back, out of fear or uncertainty, is something we all understand—and still, we get to begin again. This episode is both a personal check-in and a wider call to all of us doing the brave work of building something new. Whether you’re in a place of exhaustion, reflection, or decision, I hope this conversation offers you a quiet companion on the path forward. Show Notes Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Q&A with Anaïs Mitchell (writer & composer of Hadestown) and Rachel Chavkin (director of Hadestown) Hades Town Journey of Souls - Dr. Michael Newton Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook

    16 min
  4. You’re Not Alone: Misogyny, Violence, and Real-World Safety Tools

    JAN 20

    You’re Not Alone: Misogyny, Violence, and Real-World Safety Tools

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.com Episode 91: This is one of the most important—and most difficult—episodes I’ve ever recorded. In it, I speak openly and directly about intimate partner violence, including heartbreaking local and national examples of the very real dangers women face when they decide to leave. This is not a conversation many of us were raised to have. I wasn’t. But after years of coaching women who are considering divorce, I know we cannot afford to keep looking away. Together, we unpack critical statistics that are too often hidden behind passive headlines. I share a deeply personal story of a woman in my community whose life was taken after she left a partner—and how her death, and others like it, must wake us up to what is truly at stake. I also walk you through warning signs, risk factors, and the psychological patterns that too many women have been taught to minimize. And most of all, I offer you something I wish every woman had: a third way. Not the false binary of stay and survive or leave and risk everything—but a path built on information, preparation, and connection. This episode is about reclaiming our safety. About standing shoulder to shoulder in the face of rising misogyny and systemic silence. About refusing to shrink or isolate, and instead learning how to call out the realities we live in—with clarity, courage, and love. If you’re not ready for this episode today, that’s okay. But I want you to know it’s here, whenever you are. And if you listen and this lands close to home, please know: you do not have to walk this alone. Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.)24/7 free and confidential support * Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233) * Text: START to 88788 * Chat online: thehotline.org They can help you build a personalized safety plan — whether you’re still in the relationship, planning to leave, or already out and still feeling unsafe. DomesticShelters.org – Safety Planning GuideA detailed, step-by-step guide to help you prepare in a way that fits your unique situation.https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/comprehensive-guides/a-guide-to-domestic-violence-safety-planning?utm_source WomensLaw.org – Legal Safety PlanningIncludes emotional safety planning plus legal tips around custody, protection orders, and more.https://www.womenslaw.org/safety-planning?utm_source Safe Horizon – Understanding What Goes Into a Safety PlanLearn what to prepare and how to communicate your plan to trusted people.https://www.safehorizon.org/safety-plan/?utm_source https://www.southdenvertherapy.com/blog/domestic-violence-statistics?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/statistics/when-abuse-turns-deadly?utm_source=chatgpt.com YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook

    30 min
  5. When You’re the One Who’s "Hard to Love": ADHD, Labels, and Learning to See Yourself Differently

    JAN 13

    When You’re the One Who’s "Hard to Love": ADHD, Labels, and Learning to See Yourself Differently

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.com Episode 90: In this second part of the series, I take you inside what has been one of the most tender, clarifying, and ultimately empowering chapters of my life: navigating an adult ADHD diagnosis, beginning medication, and reclaiming parts of myself I didn’t know I had lost. We start with a kind of radical idea—what if knowing yourself deeply, even when it’s painful, is the path to peace? In a time when there’s growing pushback against diagnosis and therapy language, I share a different perspective. One rooted in lived experience. One that says language doesn’t confine us, it frees us. Naming what lives inside us doesn’t shrink our potential, it releases shame. I talk openly about the emotional process of receiving an ADHD diagnosis and how it allowed me to trace patterns I had never been able to name—patterns that shaped my childhood, my relationship with my mother, my marriage, my nervous system. I share honestly about the grief that surfaced, the beliefs I had to examine, and why, at first, even with a prescription in hand, I couldn’t take the medication. But then life intervened. A mental and emotional breaking point became the catalyst for finally saying yes to deeper support. I walk you through the realities of what that looked like: the side effects, the scheduling, the slow and steady shifts that began to change everything. This episode holds nothing back. I talk about what has improved and what I miss. What has steadied and what has softened. And I name the truth that felt like a revelation—this diagnosis didn’t make me feel broken. It made me feel seen. It gave me a new story to tell about myself. One filled with compassion, understanding, and even awe. I also share the ten “superpowers” I now see in myself—traits I once judged that I now hold with reverence. Empathy. Intuition. Creativity. Justice sensitivity. Risk-taking. Drive. These parts of me didn’t begin with the diagnosis, but they have deepened in how I understand and honor them. This episode is for every woman who has ever feared that the real problem is her. Who has worried that even if she leaves, the same pain will follow. Who has wondered if she is just too much, too chaotic, too emotional, too different to be fully loved. I want you to know: there is nothing wrong with you. There are just things you may not yet understand. And when you find the language, the support, and the people who see you as whole and valuable exactly as you are—everything can change. Whether or not you have ADHD, whether or not you are considering medication, this conversation is about something much bigger. It is about returning to yourself with clarity, with curiosity, and with love. It is about finally naming the truth: that the answers were never out there. They have always been within you. Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Andrea Andes - Therapist A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD - Sari Solden and Michelle Frank ADHD for Smart Ass Women - Tracy Otsuka Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook

    30 min
  6. Could Undiagnosed ADHD Be Your Missing Piece?

    JAN 6

    Could Undiagnosed ADHD Be Your Missing Piece?

    Episode 89: Welcome to 2026, my loves. I’m starting this year with one of the most personal and tender episodes I’ve ever shared. In Part One of this two-part series, I’m opening the door to my recent ADHD diagnosis—how it reframed not just the last few years, but the landscape of my entire life. This isn’t just an episode about ADHD. It’s about the slow unraveling of shame. About finally understanding why therapy, coaching, somatic work—even with all the growth they gave me—could never quite reach the black box of suffering I carried. It’s about the enormous relief that comes when you realize: the problem was never that you weren’t trying hard enough. The problem was that no one ever gave you the right map. I walk through the traits of adult ADHD that have shifted how I parent, how I relate, and how I see the intense emotional terrain I’ve spent a lifetime navigating. We’ll talk about rejection-sensitive dysphoria, overstimulation, emotional dysregulation, and the unseen labor of masking that so many women carry silently. I share how medication has begun to create space where there was none—allowing me to show up in my life with more steadiness, more self-compassion, and far less self-judgment. Whether ADHD is something you’ve long suspected in yourself or something that’s never crossed your mind, I encourage you to listen. Especially if you’re a woman navigating huge decisions like divorce. Undiagnosed ADHD can shape our self-worth, our relationships, and our emotional bandwidth in ways we don’t always see. And when we don’t know it’s there, we so often internalize the pain as personal failure. But you’re not failing. You’re just finally being seen. This episode is my offering to anyone who’s ever looked around at their life and thought, “Why is this so hard?” May it give you language, permission, and a starting point for something softer, truer, and more whole. So take a breath. Let’s begin this year not with resolutions, but with revelation. Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Miss. Diagnosis: A Systematic Review of ADHD in Adult Women - Emma A. Climie 10 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About ADHD - I Have ADHD Podcast A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD - Sari Solden and Michelle Frank ADHD for Smart Ass Women - Tracy Otsuka Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker Strong Ground - Brené Brown Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

    2h 50m
  7. Holiday Boundaries & Protecting Your Peace

    12/23/2025

    Holiday Boundaries & Protecting Your Peace

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.com Episode 88: Two days before Christmas can feel especially heavy when you are quietly considering divorce. The holidays have a way of magnifying everything: the grief, the pressure to perform, the old family dynamics, and the fear of being asked questions you are not ready to answer. In this episode, I pull you in close with warmth and honesty. I share a story I had forgotten until I found it in my journals: a Christmas with my in-laws when something deeply personal about my faith journey was shared before I was ready. What followed was a long, well intentioned but deeply dysregulating family conversation that left me feeling exposed, overwhelmed, and pushed into the familiar role so many of us know well: explaining, caretaking, and managing everyone else’s emotions. That experience brings us to the core message of this episode: you do not owe anyone answers. Not about your marriage. Not about your timeline. Not about the parts of you that are still tender and unfolding. It is not your job to make your life make sense to other people, especially during the holidays when old patterns of people pleasing and codependency are at their loudest. We talk about how these patterns tend to show up this time of year: staying with family even when it makes you feel trapped, overcommitting to keep the peace, avoiding alone time, overexplaining, staying quiet to avoid conflict, and prioritizing everyone else’s comfort while your own nervous system is stretched thin. I offer language you can use when conversations turn invasive, along with permission to let others feel uncomfortable without rushing to fix it. We also spend time on nervous system support and practical ways to protect your peace, from creating small pockets of solitude to rethinking logistics like where you stay, how you travel, and how long you remain at gatherings. Most of all, this episode is a reminder that you matter during the holidays. Your peace matters. You are allowed to choose yourself, even imperfectly, even quietly, even when it disappoints others. You do not have to explain your way into being understood. You are allowed to protect what is sacred while you are still becoming. Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack The Live Awake Podcast - Sarah Blondin Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook

    20 min
  8. Inside the Divorce Process: From Considering to Finalized With Quinn Otrera

    12/16/2025

    Inside the Divorce Process: From Considering to Finalized With Quinn Otrera

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.com Episode 87: In this conversation with my dear friend Quinn, we finally do what I wish someone had done for me all those years ago. We open the black box of divorce and lay the process out in a way that is human, honest, and actually useful. Not theory, not legal jargon, but the lived reality of two women who walked very different paths through the same fire. Quinn’s journey into divorce was long and chronic, shaped by decades of Mormon conditioning and a lifetime of being told not to trust herself. Mine was sharper and more sudden, driven by depression, suicidal ideation, and the painful awakening that I wasn’t broken, the systems around me were. Together we unravel how religious, cultural, and patriarchal messaging keeps women trapped in self‑blame and confusion long past the point where something in their soul knows the truth. From there we walk step‑by‑step through the process itself. Trial separations, the moment you know, the strategy required before you tell him, the emotional whiplash of filing, and in my case, the shock of living under the same roof after the divorce was underway. We talk temporary orders, discovery, mediation, attorneys who fight for you, and the strange mix of grief and relief that comes as the legal structure finally begins to take shape. And then Quinn offers what most people never get to hear. What happens after the decree is signed. What happens when an ex refuses to follow orders. What happens when you need legal protection. What it is like to work with the courts, child protective services, school counselors, and low‑cost legal aid. What it looks like to slowly build a self so solid that you no longer bend to chaos but meet it with clarity and consequence. This episode is not about telling you whether to stay or go. It is about turning on the lights so you can stop imagining monsters and start seeing the terrain for what it truly is. If divorce has felt like a void you are terrified to step into, I want this conversation to feel like a hand on your back saying, You can do this. You can learn. You can prepare. You can choose the life that calls to you. Your life, your story, and your safety matter. And you do not have to walk this part alone. Show Notes: Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook

    30 min
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Stay or Go is the bold, no-BS space where women on the edge of divorce find clarity, courage, and the unapologetic power to choose their future. stayorgo.substack.com

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