The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering Divorce

Britta Jo
  • 4.6 (185)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Stay or Go is the bold, no-BS space where women on the edge of divorce find clarity, courage, and the unapologetic power to choose their future. stayorgogocoaching.com

  1. 1d ago ·  Video

    Leaving a "Good Guy" with Deep Wounds: Why Love Alone Can’t Save the Relationship

    Episode 117: Why Love Alone Can’t Save Your Marriage (And Leaving a "Good Guy" with Deep Wounds) Hi there, love. Place a hand on your heart and take a deep breath with me. 🤍 In today’s deeply personal episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on a recent, heavy experience that brought up a truth many women in our community struggle with: Why love alone cannot save a relationship, especially when you are considering divorcing a "good guy" who carries deep, unhealed wounds. 💔 After learning about the tragic passing of an ex-partner, I found myself revisiting the old scabs of a relationship filled with profound love, chemistry, and connection—but one where we were ultimately both drowning. 🌊 If you’ve ever found yourself wishing he would just cheat or do something terrible so you’d have a "clear line" to leave, I want you to know: You are not alone, and you are not crazy. Often, your empathy becomes the very cage that keeps you trapped in self-abandonment. In this episode, we unpack: 🕊️ The "Healing Fantasy": How childhood attachment wounds make us fall in love with potential instead of staying grounded in current reality.🧮 The "Compatibility Math": A neutral, shame-free framework to evaluate variables like childhood trauma, addiction, neurodiversity, and capacity.⚓ Drowning vs. Anchoring: Why two codependent, insecurely attached partners can’t pull each other to safety without a life raft.✨ Hope for Secure Attachment: How choosing yourself isn't selfish—it's the gateway to true, securely attached love (and why it's waiting for you on the other side).Loving someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your mental health, your peace, or your life purpose to keep them afloat. Let’s talk about how to look at the "math" of your relationship with radically honest, loving eyes. 🌿 Ready to Get Clarity on Your Next Step? 🕊️ Book a 90-Minute Clarity Drop-In Session: A focused, ground-level deep dive to map out your history, your relationship dynamic, and your immediate roadmap forward.✨ Apply for 1:1 Deep Dive Coaching (3 Months): High-touch, intimate support for women navigating the entire process of deciding whether to stay or go.Show Notes: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson  Episode 113 Apple: Why You Don't Trust Yourself When It Comes to Divorce (Exploring Mother Hunger & implicit memory)  Episode 113 Spotify: Why You Don't Trust Yourself When It Comes to Divorce (Exploring Mother Hunger & implicit memory)  Episode 12 Apple: Attachment Theory & Its Hidden Impacts on Your Marriage Episode 12 Spotify: Attachment Theory & Its Hidden Impacts on Your Marriage If this episode touched your heart, please pass it along to a sister who needs to hear it today. Sending you so much love! 💖 Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Leaving a "Good Guy" with Deep Wounds: Why Love Alone Can’t Save the Relationship

  2. Jul 21 ·  Video

    Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? Meet Your Alter Ego With Quinn Otrera

    Episode 116: Reinvent Yourself After Divorce: How to Build Your Alter Ego with Quinn Otrera💫 Welcome back, babes! If you’ve been feeling a little stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re experiencing an identity collapse while navigating marriage decisions or post-divorce life—this episode was made for you.  This week, I’m joined by the incredible Quinn Otrera, and she is bringing a tool to the podcast that blew my mind: The Alter Ego Effect (inspired by Todd Herman’s work!). We dig deep into what happens to our sense of self when the old roles we used to play—like "wife," "Mormon mom," or "trad wife"—no longer fit. Instead of staying stuck in fear, low-grade anxiety, or the story that you’re just a "sad single mom," Quinn shares how stepping into a future-focused alter ego can completely shift your energy, your boundaries, and your nervous system. In this episode, we talk about: ✨ What identity collapse really is—and why it’s a natural part of divorce. ✨ How famous icons (like Beyoncé and Kobe Bryant) used alter egos to break through fear. ✨ Shifting your physiology and story so you feel safe, confident, and magnetic now. ✨ Quinn’s hilarious and empowering dating stories (and how she stepped into her ultimate power stance). ✨ Practical, "tiny habit" tools to step out of the heavy slog and make rebuilding your life fun and playful again! Whether you’re considering divorce, right in the thick of it, or rebuilding on the other side, this conversation is an invitation to play, dream, and choose who you want to be next. (And P.S., I know I mention Quinn's worksheet dropping this week in the episode, but I’ve decided to slow down and pour some extra design love into making it a full mini-workbook for Substack in a couple of weeks!) 🎨✨ 👉 Bonus for Substack Subscribers: Quinn has graciously allowed us to share her custom Alter Ego Worksheet! Head over to the paid Substack subscribers area using the link above to get your hands on it as soon as it drops in a couple weeks. Let's step into our bold, vibrant selves together! Click play and let's dive in. 🎙️🔥 Links & Resources Mentioned: Substack: Grab the exclusive Alter Ego Worksheet in our paid subscriber section soon! Design Inspiration: Check out the amazing work by Jess Jaques - InstagramJess Jacques - The Passive RebelJoin the Stay or Go Community: Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to connect with us, get tarot readings with Quinn, and find your tribe. ✨Books Mentioned:  The Alter Ego Effect by Todd HermanBe Your Future Self Now by Dr. Benjamin HardyTiny Habits by BJ Fogg.Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Feeling Stuck in Your Marriage? Meet Your Alter Ego With Quinn Otrera

  3. Jul 14 ·  Video

    Navigating Mismatched Sex Drives in Marriage: When You’re the More Erotic Partner

    Episode 115: Mismatched sex drives in marriage? Let’s talk about reclaiming your erotic blueprint, shedding the shame, and owning your desire.  Welcome back, y'all! Hello, hello. Today, we are diving headfirst into one of my absolute favorite topics on the planet—one that is so often swept under the rug, especially when we’re trying to decide whether to stay or go. We are talking about sex drives, intimacy, and eroticism. 🌶️ I almost titled this episode "So You're Kinky AF, but Your Spouse Isn't—What to Do," but my marketing friends reminded me that we need to keep things SEO-friendly! But babes, that is exactly the heart of what we are unpacking today. For so many of us—especially those raised with heavy religious repression (hello, Mormonism! 👋)—sexuality is something we’ve been taught to control, hide, or ignore. But after my own divorce, diving into my eroticism became one of the richest, most beautiful landscapes for discovering who I actually am. In this episode, we are digging deep into: Your Erotic Blueprint 🗺️: Drawing wisdom from Jack Morin’s incredible book, The Erotic Mind, we explore how our unique turn-ons and turn-offs are shaped by our histories, our traumas, and our cultures.The Danger of Repression 🚪: Why shoving your desires into a dark closet actually makes you more likely to cause harm to yourself and others (and why owning your kinks makes them your bitch!).Mismatched Desires in Marriage ⚖️: How to evaluate if you and your spouse can actually build an intimate playground together using Emily Naguski’s Come Together framework.The Power of Self-Touch 💖: Why reclaiming your pleasure by yourself is the safest, most empowering place to start healing, resetting your nervous system, and stepping into your adult autonomy.Whether you feel like "too much" or you’ve completely shut down your desire to survive a sexless marriage, please hear me: Your eroticism is the very energy of life itself. You cannot cut it off without cutting off your own growth. If this episode sparks a hunger in you to dive deeper into your own marriage dynamic, I would love to hold space for you. Grab a 90-Minute Session with me, or text "Stay or Go Community" to 33777 to join our radically supportive, pleasure-positive sisterhood. 👭✨ Let's stop letting our pleasure be an afterthought, babes. You deserve to run wild. So much love,  Britta xoxo Show Notes: The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin Come Together: The Science and Art of Creating Lasting Sexual Connection by Emily Naguski Come As You Are by Emily Naguski Apple: Episode 97: Fate vs. Destiny Spotify: Episode 97: Fate vs. Destiny Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Navigating Mismatched Sex Drives in Marriage: When You’re the More Erotic Partner

  4. Jul 7 ·  Video

    Divorce After 28 Years: Choosing the Hard Truth Over a Perfect Image With LeeAnna

    Episode 114: What happens when your life looks absolutely perfect on the outside, but on the inside, you are completely starving for a deeper, more authentic connection? This week, I am sitting down with my client turned dear friend, LeeAnna, for a deeply vulnerable, unfiltered conversation about what it actually looks like to face a divorce after 28 years of marriage while grappling with childhood trauma and insecure attachment. LeeAnna opens up about the painful reality of leaving a marriage that wasn’t inherently "bad" or abusive, but was plagued by a low-level, insidious emotional neglect. From navigating the deep shame of an affair to the heartbreak of letting go of her award-winning dream home, LeeAnna shares how she stopped hyper-functioning to avoid her pain and finally learned how to sit in the "stew" of her reality to choose herself. If you are a type-A perfectionist who has spent your life collecting quantities (years of marriage, money, status) instead of focusing on emotional quality, this episode is a permission slip to embrace the messy transition and reclaim your autonomy. In this episode, we explore: The "Gilded Cage" Dilemma: Choosing the truth of the inside over the beautiful, perfect image on the outside.Insecure Attachment & CPTSD: Recognizing emotional flashbacks and breaking the cycle of dissociation in your relationships.The Chemistry of "Parts Work": How integrating your dark, traumatized, and acting-out parts allows you to show up as a whole adult.The Reality of Leaving with Love: Why setting boundaries and choosing divorce can be the ultimate act of kindness for both partners.Life On the Other Side: How LeeAnna rapidly built a massive, authentic life—including a new home, a classical Pilates studio, a trauma-informed podcast, and a deeply attuned new partnership—in just a few short monthsShow Notes: Connect with LeeAnna: Vocavo Health (Find LeeAnna inside our community guiding Pilates sessions for our Strong Ground theme!) Law Firm Recommendation (Dallas/Texas) Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Divorce After 28 Years: Choosing the Hard Truth Over a Perfect Image With LeeAnna

  5. Jun 30 ·  Video

    Why You Don't Trust Yourself When It Comes to Divorce

    Episode 113: You don't trust yourself because you've been taught not to love yourself. 💔 If you are constantly drowning in doubt, feeling paralyzed by the decision to stay or go, and wondering why you can’t just make a choice and move forward—this deep, incredibly vulnerable episode is for you. This week, I’m pulling back the curtain on a massive piece of the puzzle that so many women considering divorce completely miss. 🧠✨ The root of your self-doubt isn’t just standard marital distress. It actually ties back to a deep-seated childhood injury: insecure attachment, or what author Kelly McDaniel beautifully calls "Mother Hunger." If you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren't okay, or where your boundaries had to be violated just to keep the peace, your body stored that fear. Now, your marriage has become a literal proxy for your childhood trauma, leaving your nervous system constantly on fire. 🔥 In this episode, I’m breaking down: The 6 eye-opening points from the book Mother Hunger that completely blew my mind. 📚Why trying to heal your attachment wounds while trapped in a toxic marriage is an absolute fantasy. 🙅‍♀️Implicit memory: How your body remembers the first two years of your life, even if your conscious brain doesn't. 🧬The Savior Complex: The lie patriarchy sells us that we can endlessly sacrifice our own boundaries to save our partners (spoiler alert: we are human, not superhumans!).The launchpad to freedom: Why finding a community of securely attached women—a true sisterhood—is the ultimate predictor of your future health and happiness. 👯‍♀️❤️Babes, I’m being so real with you today because I know this quicksand intimately. I’m sharing my own recent, raw breakdown on my therapist's couch to show you that healing is a lifelong process, but you don't have to do it alone. You deserve structural scaffolding, safety, and a launchpad out of the burning building. 🚀 👇 Ready to build your launchpad and step into deep, life-altering work? I’ve brought my deep-dive one-on-one coaching container back to the front, and for a temporary time, I'm lowering the price by 16%. Let's see if we are a fit to walk this path together: CLICK HERE to book your one-on-one Alignment & Clarity Call! Loving this episode? Come join the conversation over on Substack, drop a review, or share this with a sister who needs to hear this truth today. Till next week, sending you so much love! 🤟💗 Connect with Britta: Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Show Notes: Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal From Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance by Kelly McDaniel Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker Episode 12 Apple: Attachment Theory & It's Hidden Impacts on Your Marriage Episode 12 Spotify: Attachment Theory & It's Hidden Impacts on Your Marriage Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Why You Don't Trust Yourself When It Comes to Divorce

  6. Jun 23 ·  Video

    Two Questions for Self-Care While Considering Divorce

    Episode 112: Considering divorce? These two essential self-care questions will help you ground yourself when everything feels overwhelming.  Hey y'all, let’s just take a collective deep breath together. After a few heavy, deeply intellectual episodes, I felt it in my bones that we needed to slow down, vibe, and get back to the absolute basics this week. When I was in the thick of navigating my own separation and trying to decide whether to stay or go, my therapist started every single session with the same two questions. She didn’t dive into the big philosophical drama—she brought me right back to my body. In this episode, I’m asking you those same two questions: How is your sleep? And how is your eating going? 🛋️✨ We dig into why these two foundational pillars of self-care are the very first things to unravel when we’re stressed, and why skipping them makes big life decisions ten times harder. I’m opening up about my own struggles with summer schedules, my holy-grail trick for blocking out the noise (hello, neon orange earplugs! 🧡), and how a fascinating book called Mother Hunger sheds light on why so many of us restrict or overeat when our nervous systems are totally revved up. If you’ve been taught that prioritizing yourself is selfish or dangerous, let this be your gentle permission slip to remother yourself this week. You cannot resource your future if you are running on empty right now. Put the checklist down, listen in, and let’s take care of you first. Resources: Episode 12: Boundaries – The Life Coach School Podcast Episode 163: Boundaries 2.0– The Life Coach School Podcast Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniels  Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Two Questions for Self-Care While Considering Divorce

  7. Jun 16 ·  Video

    Why Men Get to Succeed and Women Get Exhausted with Quinn Otrera

    Episode 111: Hey loves! Welcome back to the podcast. Today, Quinn and I are wrapping up our two-part series on historian Gerda Lerner, and we are diving deep into her incredible book, The Creation of Feminist Consciousness. We’re unpacking exactly how women have spent the last 1,500 years fighting to break free from patriarchal programming and own their minds. 🧠✨ Before we get into the history, I have a quick but super important business update. Regular Tuesday episodes won't be posted on Substack anymore. To support the show, please switch your listening over to Apple or Spotify, hit follow, and leave a quick review or comment. It takes two seconds but helps massive amounts with the algorithm!  To my Substack babes: don't worry, this space isn't going away. It’s shifting into my exclusive hub where I'll be dropping extra goodies, values worksheets, tarot freebies, and personal essays just for you. 💖 In today's episode, Quinn and I are looking at what it means to actually "self-authorize"—to believe you have a right to your own thoughts and choices. For centuries, women were taught that our only purpose was to pour all our energy into the emotional, sexual, and professional development of a man (shoutout to f*****g Jerry! 😂). We talk about how women's history was systematically erased, forcing generations of brilliant women to reinvent the wheel in isolation like lonely Robinson Crusoes on desert islands. 🏝️ We also break down the four things women absolutely need to turn their dreams into real-world freedom: Economic independence 💰Reproductive control 🤰Equal access to education 📚Autonomous social spaces outside the family unit 👯‍♀️That fourth piece is exactly what we’ve built in our community—a space away from the male gaze where you can realize you aren't "too much," you're just brilliant. Once you see through the matrix of patriarchal thought, you can never unsee it. 🌍✨ Pop in your headphones and let’s dive in! Show Notes: Extra ✨bonus✨ material can be found on Substack for my paid subscribers. stayorgo.substack.com Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 The Creation of Feminist Consciousness - Gerda Lerner Who Cooked Adam Smith's Dinner? by Katrine Marçal  The Exceptions by Kate Zernike  Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez  The Power by Naomi Alderman  Women's War series by Jenna Glass  SUFFS on PBS / Broadway Ladies First on Netflix  Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    Why Men Get to Succeed and Women Get Exhausted with Quinn Otrera

  8. Jun 9

    What Every Woman Deserves to Know with Quinn Otrera

    Episode 110: Hello, hello, babes! 💕 Oh my goodness, my heart is so incredibly full because the beautiful Yin to my Yang—the gorgeous, brilliant Quinn—is officially BACK! 🥰 It feels just like the good old days, vibing out together and diving straight into the deep end. For this episode, Quinn and I really took one for the team. We spent weeks digging into the meaty, mind-blowing work of historian Gerda Lerner’s The Creation of Patriarchy, and let me tell you... once you see the matrix, you cannot unsee it. 😲 If you are sitting there considering divorce, feeling psychologically exhausted, or constantly wondering, "Am I the crazy one?"—please take a deep breath right now. 😮‍💨 This episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself. We are breaking down how the world was artificially engineered by men, for men, and why we internalize these thousands-of-years-old systems as personal failures. Quinn and I are tracking the whole trajectory, from ancient Mother Goddess worship to the "Genesis hit job" that flipped the script on our power. 🐍 Here is what we are unpacking: The Neolithic Team: How early tribes relied on true mutuality, and why the "trad-wife" illusion is anything but natural. 🌾The Agricultural Shift: How shifting to farming turned the sacred female body into a commodity to be owned and controlled. 🚜The Patriarchal Bargain: How systemic hierarchies strategically divided women from each other to keep the play running. 🎭Rewriting the Divine: How men conscripted God into their own image to justify dominating half the population. 👑This isn't about doing to men what they did to us—it’s about waking up to true mutuality and stepping off the stage of a play we didn't write. 🛑 When we band together in true sisterhood and refuse to play our assigned, supportive roles, the patriarch's play finally comes to an end. 👭💥 Please send this episode to your sisters, your besties, and your moms. We need to know our history so we don't fall for the ploy again! If you are looking for your ultimate "girls' girls" community to hold you through this fog, we are waiting for you! ✨ Text "stay or go community" to 33777 to join us. Plus, Quinn is back doing her legendary tarot readings in the community this summer (jaws are dropping, babes, so don't ask what you don't want to know! 🔮). 1:1 90-minute coaching links are below. I love you, I see you, and we will see you next week! Sending so much love. 💖🛋️ Show Notes: Extra ✨bonus✨ material can be found on Substack for my paid subscribers. stayorgo.substack.com Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 YouTube Channel The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook The Creation of Patriarchy PDF - Gerda Lerner The Creation of Patriarchy  - Gerda Lerner The Creation of Feminist Consciousness - Gerda Lerner Support the show The Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching Intensive Text 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨ Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️ Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫 Stay or Go Community Instagram Facebook  YouTube Channel Subscribe to Stay or Go on Substack

    What Every Woman Deserves to Know with Quinn Otrera
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Stay or Go is the bold, no-BS space where women on the edge of divorce find clarity, courage, and the unapologetic power to choose their future. stayorgogocoaching.com

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