The Psychology of Relationships

Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu
  • 4.4 (67)
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Every couple has a story: the sparks, the late-night talks, the fights about nothing, and the moments that change everything. So why do some relationships thrive while others fall apart? The answer isn’t luck; it’s psychology. Join Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the hit podcast Dateable and authors of the book 'How to Be Dateable,' as they navigate this next phase of long-term committed relationships. Together with leading experts in the field, they'll explore what science really tells us about love, conflict, and connection — and translate it into tools you can actually use. 

  1. 5D AGO

    The Science of Lasting Happiness (Inside & Outside Of Relationships) w/ Dr. Laurie Santos

    We often assume that love, marriage, or having children is the key to happiness—but research tells a more complicated story. In this episode, Julie & Yue are talking with Dr. Laurie Santos, Yale professor, psychologist, and host of The Happiness Lab, to explore the science of well-being and how that relates to our relationships with others. Drawing on decades of research, Dr. Santos explains how to feel fulfilled in love without relying on someone else to make you happy, ways to shift your focus from external achievements to internal well-being, and why relationships, while important, are only part of what creates lasting joy.  In this episode, you’ll learn: • What The Arrival Fallacy Is And Why Achieving Goals Often Fails To Boost Happiness • How The U-Shaped Happiness Curve Explains Satisfaction Across Life Stages • Why Social Connection Alone Isn't Enough For Fulfillment • Research-backed Habits To Increase Personal Happiness And Emotional Resilience • How Prioritizing Your Own Well-Being Improves Dating, Relationships, and Connection To learn more about Dr. Laurie Santos, follow her @lauriesantos and visit https://www.thehappinesslab.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    46 min

  2. FEB 5

    The Truth About Relationships: What’s Confusing, Frustrating, and Totally Normal w/ Todd Baratz

    Love is supposed to feel good—so why does it so often feel confusing, activating, and emotionally exhausting? Even in the healthiest relationships, we can feel anxious, irritated, or like we’re “losing our mind,” which often leads to the quiet panic of wondering whether something is wrong with us or the relationship itself. Julie and Yue sit down with Todd Baratz, therapist and author of ‘How To Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind’ for a raw, unfiltered look at why love brings out our deepest insecurities, needs, and patterns. Todd breaks down why losing your mind in relationships is normal, how cognitive biases distort the way we evaluate partners, and why frustration doesn’t automatically mean you’re with the wrong person.  In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Even Healthy Relationships Activate Anxiety, Doubt, and Emotional Intensity • How Cognitive Biases Shape The Way You Judge Your Partner And Your Relationships • What Frustration in Love Is Really Signaling (And What It's Not) • Why 'Should I Stay or Should I Go?' Keeps People Stuck • The Question That Actually Leads to Clarity, Self-Trust, and Relational Growth To learn more about Todd, visit toddbaratz.com and follow him on Instagram @yourdiagnonsense Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    44 min

  3. JAN 29

    Finding Love at Any Age: Why It’s Never Too Late to Build the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted w/ May Lee

    What if it’s not too late for love and your timeline isn’t behind but rather right on time? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with former CNN journalist, and newly engaged May Lee to flip the cultural myth that love has an expiration date. At 57, May got engaged for the first time, proving that societal timelines are often more limiting than reality. Drawing from her own journey and the psychology of chrono-normativity—the idea that society imposes “proper timelines” for adulthood milestones—May shows how letting go of the artificial countdown clock can open space for clarity, agency, and authentic connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why “It’s Too Late for Love” Is a Cultural Myth • How Chrono-Normativity Shapes Pressure and Dating Decisions • How Letting Go of Timelines Boosts Confidence and Self-Worth • Why Future-Positive Thinking Increases Attraction and Relational Satisfaction • How Past Detours Can Create Conditions for the Right Relationship • How to Choose Partners Based on Fit, Not Deadlines • Why Age Doesn’t Limit Love—but Outdated Timelines Do To learn more about May Lee: follow @mayleeshow and visit https://www.lotusmediahouse.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    57 min

  4. JAN 22

    What Healthy Couples Need To Understand About Money In Order To Build Their Rich Life w/ Ramit Sethi

    Money has a way of sneaking into every corner of a relationship—date nights, living arrangements, future plans, even how we argue or apologize. And yet, it’s one of the conversations couples avoid the most. In this episode, Julie and Yue chat with Netflix host, bestselling author, and creator of Money For Couples, Ramit Sethi, to unpack the psychology behind financial tension that inevitably creeps into relationships. Ramit explains why money arguments aren’t really about money—they’re about values, fears, power dynamics, and the stories we carry about security, freedom, and worth. In this episode, you’ll learn: • The Four Money Types and How They Influence Relationships • How Different Earning Styles and Financial Habits Shape Dynamics • Why Money Fights Are Often About Emotion, Not Numbers • How to Communicate About Money Without Triggering Conflict • How to Build a Shared Financial Vision That Supports Your Relationship • Why Understanding Each Other’s Money Psychology Creates Trust and Intimacy • How to Build a “Rich Life” Rooted in Choice, Alignment, and Safety To learn more about Ramit Sethi: follow @ramit and visit https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    53 min

  5. JAN 15

    The Real Reason Desire Changes in Long-Term Relationships (and What To Do About It) w/ Emily Nagoski

    Sex is never just physical. Our desire, frustrations, and turn-ons are shaped by how we think, how we feel, and how safe we feel—both with our partners and within ourselves. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with health educator, researcher, and New York Times bestselling author Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. to explore the psychology and neuroscience of sex beyond surface-level conversations. Drawing from her groundbreaking work in Come As You Are, Come Together and Burnout, Emily breaks down why sexual desire isn’t one-size-fits-all and how stress, context, and emotional connection influence our sexual experiences far more than we’re taught to believe. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Sexual Desire Looks Different for Everyone • The “Accelerators” and “Brakes” That Shape Arousal • How Stress, Body Image, and Emotional Safety Impact Sex • How to Navigate Mismatched Desire Without Shame or Blame • Why Desire Naturally Ebbs and Flows in Long-Term Relationships • How to Build Sexual Connection During Stressful or Transitional Seasons • Why Sexual Satisfaction Is About Safety and Understanding—Not Performance To learn more about Emily Nagoski: follow @emilynagoski and visit https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    55 min

  6. JAN 8

    The Science of Attraction: The Research Behind About Who We Fall For and Why w/ Paul Eastwick

    Why are we drawn to certain people—and why do some connections deepen while others fade? In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with UC Davis professor and director of the Attraction and Relationships Research Lab, Dr. Paul Eastwick, to explore the science behind attraction and long-term compatibility. Drawing from decades of research, Paul Eastwick explains why our “ideal partner” checklist often doesn’t match who we actually connect with, how attraction can grow over time, and what psychological mechanisms—like attachment, motivated reasoning, and predictive modeling—shape the way we evaluate potential partners. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why Initial Attraction Isn’t Always a Perfect Predictor of Long-Term Compatibility • How Our Stated Preferences Differ from Who We Actually Connect With • How Repeated Interactions and Familiarity Deepen Attraction (Mere Exposure Effect) • How Attachment and Past Experiences Shape How We Form Romantic Bonds • How Predictive Models and Motivated Reasoning Influence Partner Selection • Why Emotional Intimacy and Shared Experiences Strengthen Connection Over Time • How Attraction Evolves—Sometimes in Surprising Ways—as Relationships Develop To learn more about Paul Eastwick: follow @pauleastwick and visithttps://pauleastwick.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    54 min

  7. JAN 1

    The Equality Myth: What Healthy Couples Do Instead of Going 50/50 w/ Nate & Kaley Klemp

    What if striving for fairness is actually driving disconnection in your relationship? We’ve been sold the idea of a 50/50 partnership—that equal contribution is the key to love—but real life, stress, parenting, and ambition often make that impossible. In this episode, Julie and Yue interview husband-and-wife team Nate and Kaley Klemp, authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship, to explore a new framework for connection. Drawing from mindfulness, leadership, and high-performance coaching, they share how radical generosity—giving 80% instead of keeping score—can build a stronger, more resilient partnership. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why the 50/50 Mindset Can Erode Connection and Foster Resentment • How Radical Generosity Creates a Thriving Partnership • The Role of Equity Theory in Relationship Satisfaction • How to Navigate Key Transitions from Dating to Cohabitation and Parenthood • Why Shared Success Matters More Than Equal Input • How Couples Can Go “All-In” Together Without Burning Out • Practical Ways to Co-Create a Relationship That Grows Over Time To learn more about Nate and Kaley Klemp: follow @8080marriage and explore their work at https://8080marriage.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    51 min

  8. 12/25/2025

    Emotional Availability: The Real Foundation of Any Relationship (and Why So Many People Lack It) w/ Connor Beaton

    We talk a lot about love, commitment, and compatibility—but there’s one quieter factor that determines whether a relationship can truly thrive: emotional availability. In this episode, Julie and Yue sit down with Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks and author of Men’s Work, to explore why some people can hold space for your emotions and connect deeply, while others seem emotionally out of reach—even when they’re right next to you. Drawing from attachment theory, emotional regulation, and decades of coaching experience, Connor explains how emotional safety is built, why vulnerability falters without it, and what it takes to cultivate real intimacy in modern relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What Emotional Availability Really Is—and Why It Matters • How Attachment Patterns Shape Your Ability to Connect • Why Emotional Safety Is the Foundation for Vulnerability • How to Recognize When a Partner Is Emotionally Present—or Not • Practical Tools to Increase Your Own Emotional Availability • How Self-Leadership and Emotional Intelligence Support Deeper Relationships • Why Facing Your Shadow Can Transform How You Show Up for Love To learn more about Connor Beaton: follow @mantalks and visit https://connorbeaton.com Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

    46 min
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4.4
out of 5
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About

Every couple has a story: the sparks, the late-night talks, the fights about nothing, and the moments that change everything. So why do some relationships thrive while others fall apart? The answer isn’t luck; it’s psychology. Join Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu, hosts of the hit podcast Dateable and authors of the book 'How to Be Dateable,' as they navigate this next phase of long-term committed relationships. Together with leading experts in the field, they'll explore what science really tells us about love, conflict, and connection — and translate it into tools you can actually use. 

Information

  • Creator
    Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    16
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2024 Drank Productions LLC
  • Show Website
    The Psychology of Relationships

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