Attuned Spectrum: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Autism Tips

Chantal Hewitt - PDA Autism Support & Low Demand Parenting
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Is your home a constant battlefield of power struggles and emotional burnout? Welcome to Attuned Spectrum, the podcast for parents navigating the complex reality of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and neurodivergent life. Hosted by Chantal Hewitt, we move beyond "behavior management" to focus on nervous system safety. If you are searching for support with Pathological Demand Avoidance in children, you know that traditional parenting tools don’t work—but a low-demand parenting and lifestyle does. We dive deep into the strategies that actually create peace at home: declarative language, co-regulation, and building autonomy. Whether you’re dealing with school refusal, autism meltdowns, or sensory overload, this show provides the neuroaffirming wraparound support you’ve been looking for. Move from crisis to connection.  Subscribe & Follow to join a community that understands the PDA profile and the beautiful, complex reality of raising PDA children.

  1. 3D AGO

    PDA Autism Parenting: Co-Regulation Explained with Low-Demand Parenting and Nervous-System Safety

    If you’ve tried “autism parenting” tips that aren’t moving the needle, this episode brings you back to your own nervous system as the missing piece. I share real examples of how to co-regulate through meltdowns and a four-step co-regulation framework—Pause, Observe, Connect, Support—that helps PDA and PDA autistic children move through meltdowns with safety and autonomy. Learn why nervous-system safety and low-demand parenting are the keys to long-term wellbeing. What you’ll hear in this episode Your nervous system as your child’s most powerful co-regulator: why the parent’s regulation matters above all elseMirror neurons and wellbeing: how your child’s nervous system mirrors yours and what that means for daily momentsThe four-step framework to shift from trigger to co-regulator: Pause → Observe → Connect → SupportWhat lies beneath the behavior: moving from behavior-focused ideas to understanding the nervous system and safetyPractical links to low-demand parenting, nervous-system safety, and caregiver regulation to support PDA-autistic childrenKey takeaways You are the primary environment your PDA-autistic child experiences; your nervous system safety is foundational to their wellbeing.Co-regulation is a practice you embody, not something you “switch on” in the moment.The four-step framework (Pause, Observe, Connect, Support) provides a simple, sustainable path through meltdowns and shutdowns.Focus on what’s happening beneath behavior (autonomy, safety, and nervous-system safety) to reduce power struggles and build trust.Mirror neurons connect caregiver and child; when you regulate, your child’s regulation follows.Episode structure (highlights) Opening: why traditional strategies often fail for PDA and why focusing on the parent’s nervous system changes the gameSegment 1: The best tool you have is your own nervous system and nervous-system regulationSegment 2: Mirror neurons and long-term wellbeingSegment 3: The four-step roadmap to co-regulation (Pause, Observe, Connect, Support)Segment 4: Conversations that matter—what lies beneath behavior and how to talk about itClosing: practical tips for everyday use and where to get the starter tools🔗 RESOURCES MENTIONED: My 4-Step Approach (simplified!) Special Co-regulation gift! x Explore these topics on your favorite player: Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    21 min

  2. JAN 27

    PDA Parenting on the Autism Spectrum: Why Traditional Advice Fails and What Works Instead

    Stop traditional methods. Learn how Low Demand Parenting on the Autism Spectrum creates safety through a PDA Autism Parenting lens that actually works. If you’ve tried the rewards, the consequences, and the firm boundaries only to find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed, this episode is for you. We are throwing out the traditional rulebook and rebuilding your understanding of Pathological Demand Avoidance around the nervous system. In this episode, we dive into: Why behavior-focused advice is often harmful to Autistic children.The transition to a safety-led, Low Demand Parenting framework.How to prioritize Nervous System Regulation over compliance.Practical PDA Strategies for reducing household distress and burnout.Explore these topics on your favorite player: ⚡ Regulation & Safety: Understand why PDA is a Nervous System Response here.🗣️ PDA Foundations: Master the shift to Declarative Language & Safety here.🏫 Education & Advocacy: Navigating masking and School Refusal here.🧭 New to the Spectrum? Check out our latest episodes on the Autism Spectrum to find your path forward.You are not failing, and your child is not broken. If you're ready to establish deeper foundations around burnout and sustainability, visit chantalhewitt.com for more resources and 1:1 support. Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    16 min

  3. JAN 20

    PDA Parenting Strategies: Shifting from Power Struggles to Relational Safety

    If you’ve tried every strategy, consequence, or reward and nothing seems to help your child, the problem isn't that you haven't found the right technique. In this episode, we explore why traditional parenting fails for the Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile and how shifting to a safety-led, low-demand approach changes everything. Episode Summary:  Join Chantal Hewitt—AuDHD PDAer and parent—as she unpacks the essential move from "managing behavior" to "prioritizing the nervous system." We dive deep into the power of declarative language and why "safety-led parenting" is the opposite of being permissive. If you are navigating school refusal, autism meltdowns, or extreme demand avoidance, this episode offers the grounded, practical reframes you need to move toward connection. In this episode, we cover: The Problem with Compliance: Why traditional rewards and consequences often trigger a "threat response" in PDA children.Safety vs. Permissiveness: Debunking the myth that low-demand parenting is "lazy" parenting.Declarative Language 101: How simple shifts in how you speak can reduce pressure and invite collaboration.The 24-Hour Child: Understanding that your child's needs don't stop when they leave the house or the classroom.Co-Regulation as a Tool: Moving away from "fixing" behavior and toward being a steady anchor for your child.Resources & Links ✨ Join the Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for a special discount when we open again in March 2026! ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: Download the Low-Demand Language Guide — This walks you through the exact shifts mentioned in today's episode. ✨ 1:1 Support: Enquire about my limited-space 8-week coaching programme HERE. ✨ Connect with me: * YouTube: @chantal.hewitt Email: hello@chantalhewitt.comIf this episode helped you, please rate the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—it helps more PDA families find this support! Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    23 min

  4. JAN 13

    Why PDA Autistic Children Cope at School and Fall Apart at Home

    If your PDA autistic child copes at school but falls apart at home, this isn’t a failure — it’s a sign they finally feel safe. In this episode, I explore how masking in PDA and autistic children allows them to “hold it together” all day — and why that comes at such a high cost to their nervous system and wellbeing. If you’ve ever been told your child is “fine” at school while you’re holding the emotional aftermath at home, this conversation is for you. I unpack why many PDA autistic children cope in structured, neurotypical environments, only to unravel once they’re with the person they feel safest with. We talk about what masking really is, why PDA children are often high maskers, and how behaviour-based frameworks in schools can completely miss a child’s internal experience. What looks like resilience or good behaviour from the outside is often survival — and it can lead to anxiety, burnout, and emotional overload. I also explore why home becomes the place where everything spills out, why this isn’t caused by “bad behaviour” or poor parenting, and why advocacy becomes unavoidable for parents of PDA autistic children — even when we’re exhausted. This episode invites a gentle shift away from “Why does my child behave worse with me?” and towards “What have they been holding in all day?” — and why nervous-system-led, autonomy-supportive approaches matter for long-term wellbeing. Key takeaways / shifts Masking is a nervous system survival response — not a choicePDA children often cope all day, then collapse where they feel safestBehavioural frameworks miss what’s happening internallyAdvocacy is not optional when systems don’t understand PDAIncreased autonomy and reduced demand support real wellbeingIf this episode supported you, I’d love you to follow along and leave a rating — it helps other parents find this support. You’re also warmly invited to share your experience in the comments or connect with other parents walking this path. If this resonates, you’re not alone — and calmer, more connected homes are possible. And head to chantalhewitt.com/pda to download your FREE PDA Language Guide x Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    16 min

  5. JAN 6

    PDA Parenting Explained: Why PDA Isn’t Behaviour, It’s a Nervous System Response

    If PDA parenting feels harder than anything you were prepared for, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not failing. In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I explain why PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance, is not a behavioural issue — it is a nervous system response. For PDA autistic children, refusal, control, and what is often called “equalising behaviour” are survival strategies used to restore safety when demands feel overwhelming. I break down why traditional parenting advice so often backfires in PDA autism parenting, especially approaches based on compliance, rewards, consequences, or reasoning in the moment. These strategies can unintentionally increase threat in a PDA child’s nervous system rather than reduce it. Using real examples from my own home, I share how even well-intended questions or suggestions can push a PDA child into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — and why autonomy and felt safety must come first. We also start to explore why many PDA children hold it together all day and then fall apart at home, and why this isn’t a sign of failure, but of trust and co-regulation. In this episode, we explore: PDA parenting through a nervous-system lensWhy PDA refusals are not choices or manipulationWhat “equalising” means in PDA autismWhy safety builds capacity over timeText me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    16 min

  6. 12/30/2025

    The Secret to Attuned Parenting: A Roadmap for PDA Success

    If parenting feels harder the more strategies you try, this episode gently explains why foundations—not fixes—are what truly support autistic and PDA children long term. This episode explores attuned parenting foundations for autistic and PDA children. In this final episode of the Attuned Parenting Foundations series, I’m not introducing anything new — instead, I’m helping you connect the dots. I walk you through why these foundations matter so deeply when you’re supporting an autistic or PDA child, and why even the most well-intentioned strategies fall apart when nervous systems don’t feel safe. As I teach it and live it daily to see success, at the heart of attuned parenting are three essential foundations: your wellbeing as the co-regulator, your child’s nervous system and burnout, and the sensory world your child lives in. When one of these is unsupported, everything else becomes harder — for your child, for you, and for your whole family. This work isn’t about perfection or stopping meltdowns forever. It’s about sustainability. It’s about creating safety, connection before compliance, and capacity over behaviour — so your relationship can grow and stabilise even in a world that isn’t built for neurodivergent children. I also speak honestly about why parents often know the “why” but struggle in the moment, and why scripts, language, and real-time support matter when you’re already stretched and in survival mode yourself. If you’re parenting an autistic or PDA child and want support that actually holds you through the hard moments — not just theory — you’re not alone here. 🌱 KEY TAKEAWAYS / SHIFTS Strategies don’t work sustainably without nervous system safetyParent regulation is foundational, not optionalSensory support is essential — not an “extra”Connection before compliance builds long-term wellbeingSupport and language matter most in the moment, not months later🤍 NEXT STEPS / RESOURCES If you’d like support putting these foundations into practice, my Attuned Parenting Foundations course is currently free, with 30 days inside the Attuned Parenting Community. You can join via the link in my bio or at chantalhewitt.com/course. Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    10 min

  7. 12/23/2025

    Why PDA Meltdowns are not "Bad Behaviour"

    A connection-first look at sensory load, nervous system safety, and how altering and being aware of our sensory environments drastically affects how we support our PDA and Autistic children.  In this episode of The Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I want to help you understand why sensory environments matter so much more than the behaviour you’re seeing — especially when you’re parenting an autistic or PDA child. This episode is Part 3 of a 4-part Attuned Parenting Foundations series, where I’m walking you through the core shifts that change everything when you move away from behaviour-based approaches and toward nervous system safety and connection. In this third part, I focus on sensory environments and why they are often the missing piece. When we focus on behaviour without understanding what a child’s nervous system is processing underneath, we end up feeling stuck, frustrated, and exhausted. Not because we’re doing anything wrong — but because we’ve been looking in the wrong place. I break down sensory input, sensory load, and sensory output, and explain how these layers quietly build throughout the day before ever showing up as a meltdown, shutdown, or explosion. I also talk about why traditional behaviour strategies don’t work for PDA children, and why PDA is not manipulation or defiance, but a nervous system disability rooted in safety and autonomy. Using everyday examples — like brushing teeth — I show how sensory experiences and demands can stack up and drain a child’s capacity long before bedtime arrives. Many of the biggest sensory stressors are invisible: background noise, lighting, transitions, masking, and internal sensory demands like hunger or tiredness. When we begin adjusting environments instead of trying to control behaviour, things start to shift. Not through compliance or power struggles, but through safety, connection, and nervous system support. If you’d like to explore your child’s sensory profile more deeply, the Attuned Parenting Foundations course is currently free and includes 30 days inside the Attuned Parenting Community. You can find the link in the show notes or visit chantalhewitt.com/course. Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    17 min

  8. 12/16/2025

    Routine is the Enemy of PDA? How to Handle Sudden Changes

    What happens when life breaks routine — especially in autistic and PDA families? In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I’m sharing a care-first reflection from an unexpected hospital stay and what it highlighted for me about nervous systems, routine disruption, and why returning to the foundations matters most on hard days. I talk honestly about what it feels like when overwhelm builds, when control is lost, and when you’re holding worry for your children — especially when one or more children are already in burnout or masking. This episode is about the invisible load parents carry and how quickly things can unravel when routines shift unexpectedly. I also reflect on the impact of being listened to and accommodated in a moment of distress, and how regulating it can be to be witnessed without being fixed. It was a powerful reminder of how deeply our children need that same kind of space, understanding, and nervous-system safety. This episode brings everything back to the Attuned Parenting Foundations — not as theory, but as something we return to in real life. Key takeaways from this episode When routines break, it impacts everyone’s nervous system — not just children’sInsight and language don’t cancel overwhelm, especially during high-stress momentsParents often hold worry for multiple children at once, and that load is realBeing listened to and accommodated can be deeply regulatingFoundations matter most when life is hard, not when things are calmThe three Attuned Parenting Foundations 1. Parent well-being and regulation Supporting our children starts with supporting ourselves. Parents need to be regulated and resourced enough to co-regulate — because when a parent is overwhelmed or depleted, it becomes much harder to show up in the way their child needs. 2. Understanding your child’s nervous system When parents understand how their child’s nervous system works — including recognising burnout and stress responses — it becomes easier to respond with empathy and support regulation, rather than pushing for behaviour or compliance. 3. Supporting through environment and sensory needs Even with parent regulation and nervous-system understanding, children will continue to struggle if environments aren’t set up to support them. Adjusting environments to reduce sensory overload and meet sensory needs is essential — not optional. Foundations aren’t something we build for calm days. They’re what we come back to when life breaks routine and capacity is low. Text me and tell me- What do you want to hear for future episodes? Support the show ✨ Raising PDA Community: Join the VIP Waitlist for an exclusive discount when we open again in March 2026! (for parent coaching) Join Our Supportive Community (for mothers) If you're a neurodivergent mother, this space is for you. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Come join us in the PDA Motherhood community—a safe, supportive space where you can unmask, reconnect, and rediscover who you truly are, separate from the demands of parenting. Join us here ✨ Free PDA Language Guide: FREE GUIDE About the Show: Chantal Hewitt provides neuroaffirming strategies for Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Autism. We help families navigate autistic burnout, family wellbeing and sibling dynamics, challenging behaviour, school refusal and autism meltdowns using low-demand parenting. Watch on Youtube! 📺 @chantal.hewitt

    10 min
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Is your home a constant battlefield of power struggles and emotional burnout? Welcome to Attuned Spectrum, the podcast for parents navigating the complex reality of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and neurodivergent life. Hosted by Chantal Hewitt, we move beyond "behavior management" to focus on nervous system safety. If you are searching for support with Pathological Demand Avoidance in children, you know that traditional parenting tools don’t work—but a low-demand parenting and lifestyle does. We dive deep into the strategies that actually create peace at home: declarative language, co-regulation, and building autonomy. Whether you’re dealing with school refusal, autism meltdowns, or sensory overload, this show provides the neuroaffirming wraparound support you’ve been looking for. Move from crisis to connection.  Subscribe & Follow to join a community that understands the PDA profile and the beautiful, complex reality of raising PDA children.

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