Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine

Eileen Devine
  • 5.0 (72)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Biweekly

The Brain First Parenting podcast supports parents who are raising children, teens or young adults with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms. We are a safe space for parents who have historically felt like there isn't a place for them in the parenting advice world. At Brain First Parenting, we see each child as a unique individual with a unique brain, who deserves accommodations to thrive in a world that is frequently not set up for people with neurobehavioral challenges. We prioritize supporting the parents of these kids and teens so that they can, in turn, feel hope and confidence and joy in their parenting experience.

  1. 2d ago

    Ep. 44 | The Tween/Teen Expectation Gap: Why Everything Suddenly Feels So Much Harder

    SUMMARY - Many parents of neurodivergent tweens and teens describe a shift that feels difficult to explain: things were already challenging, but suddenly the stakes feel higher, the behaviors feel bigger, and the future feels much more uncertain. In this episode, I introduce what I call the Tween/Teen Expectation Gap—the widening gap between age-based expectations and a child's developmental trajectory—and explore why this period can feel so disorienting, grief-filled, and overwhelming for parents. TAKEAWAYS: The tween and teen years often bring a significant increase in societal, academic, social, and emotional expectations.Neurodivergent children continue to develop and mature, but often on a different timeline and trajectory than their peers.The Tween/Teen Expectation Gap emerges when age-based expectations begin to outpace a child's ability to consistently meet them.Differences that may have been easier to accommodate in childhood often become more visible and consequential during adolescence.Parents frequently experience increased fear, grief, dread, shame, and uncertainty during this stage.Intensifying behaviors are often a reflection of increased stress, overwhelm, and nervous system dysregulation.Viewing this period through a Brain First lens helps parents understand what is happening beneath the behavior and respond more effectively. RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting™ Framework Parent Coaching with Eileen Devine ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    27 min

  2. Jun 1

    Ep. 43 | Interrupting Those Exhausting Escalation Cycles

    SUMMARY - Why do the same power struggles keep happening over and over again between parents and children? In this episode, Eileen explores the “coercive cycle,” a pattern first identified by researcher Gerald Patterson and his colleagues after decades of observing parent-child interactions. Through a Brain First lens, she explains why these escalating moments are often rooted not in defiance, but in lagging skills, nervous system dysregulation, and patterns both parents and children can unintentionally get stuck inside. TAKEAWAYS: What the parent-child “coercive cycle” is and how it developsWhy escalation often reinforces the cycle for both parents and childrenHow traditional behavioral interpretations can keep families stuckThe role nervous system dysregulation and lagging skills play in conflictWhy “won’t” is often actually “can’t”How parent triggers, beliefs, exhaustion, and burnout can intensify interactionsQuestions to ask yourself before engaging with your childWhy using fewer words and disengaging early can help interrupt escalationHow a Brain First lens shifts the goal from control to regulation and connection RESOURCES: The Resilience Room Membership Community ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    17 min

  3. May 18

    Ep. 42 | 8 Essential Mind Shifts for More Connected Parenting

    SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen shares 8 essential mind shifts that help parents move from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens when parenting children with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors. These shifts can help you better understand your child’s nervous system, reduce conflict, strengthen connection, and parent with more clarity, flexibility, and confidence. TAKEAWAYS: Why “My child would do better if they could” is one of the most transformative parenting shiftsHow challenging behaviors are often signs of distress, overwhelm, and lagging skillsWhy behavior-focused parenting approaches often miss the root causesHow adjusting expectations around development can reduce frustration for both you and your childThe importance of meeting cognitive rigidity with flexibility and empathyWhy the goal of parenting is not compliance, but connection, regulation, and skill-buildingHow to trust your own understanding of your child, even when others don’t understand your approachWhy caring for yourself is an essential part of supporting your child’s well-being RESOURCES: Free downloadable infographic: 8 Essential Mind Shifts for More Connected Parenting Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    19 min

  4. May 4

    Ep. 41 | Rethinking "I'm a Bad Parent."

    SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen reflects on a common theme that comes up again and again in sessions with parents: the belief that “I’m failing” or “I should be better at this by now.” When you’re parenting a child with intense, relentless behaviors, it’s easy for self-blame to take hold, but these thoughts often point to something deeper. This episode explores what may be underneath this narrative and how to shift toward more compassionate, supportive self-reflection. TAKEAWAYS: Feeling like you’re “failing” is a common experience for parents of children with brain-based differences and intense behaviorsThese thoughts are often signals of deeper emotion, not objective truthIrritability and reactivity can be protective layers masking fear, grief, and resentmentFear may show up as worries about your child’s future or long-term functioningGrief can stem from the gap between what you expected parenting to be and your lived realityResentment may be connected to the intensity of the demands and lack of adequate supportSelf-reflection is important, but it needs to be paired with self-compassion, not harsh criticismYour willingness to question yourself reflects how deeply you care, not that you are failing RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 29: When You Feel Stretched Thin: Expanding Your Window of Tolerance Blog post: Three Things Your Irritability Might Be Masking ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    15 min

  5. Apr 20

    Ep. 40 | When Your Child’s Behavior Feels Personal: Understanding Relational Cognitive Skills

    SUMMARY - In this episode, we explore relational cognitive skills, the brain-based abilities that shape how children navigate relationships, manage emotions, and respond to others. When these skills are still developing, behaviors can feel deeply personal and even hurtful. This episode offers a powerful reframe: your child’s behavior is not a reflection of their character, but a signal of lagging skills that can be supported and strengthened over time. TAKEAWAYS: Many of the most challenging behaviors are rooted in lagging relational cognitive skills, not defiance or disrespectSkills like flexibility, frustration tolerance, perspective-taking, and emotional regulation are brain-based and develop over timeWhen these skills are underdeveloped, behaviors can feel personal, hurtful, and scary for parentsSocial awareness and interpersonal skills impact a child’s ability to read cues, understand others, and build relationshipsCognitive rigidity can make it extremely difficult for kids to shift plans, handle “no,” or consider other perspectivesEmotional outbursts often reflect difficulty regulating, expressing, and responding to emotions, not intentional misbehaviorUnder stress, a child’s thinking brain can go offline, making these skills temporarily inaccessibleShifting from a “won’t” mindset to a “can’t yet” lens can transform how you respond to your childSkills can be supported and strengthened over time with the right understanding and approach RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 3: Help Your Rigid Thinking Child Become More Flexible Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 8: Help Your Child Break the Perseveration Loop ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    22 min

  6. Apr 6

    Ep. 39 | Dismantling Restraint and Seclusion: A Conversation with Guy Stephens (Pt. 2)

    SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 2 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools. Takeaways: AASR's work is guided by 5 principles: trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, neurodiversity-affirming, collaborative, and relationship-drivenImplementing these principles into the culture of an organization and the work of the individual professional is not a "one-and-done" event. It requires on-going commitment and work. When behavior is assessed using these five principles, it is then possible to see beyond the surface behavior, through a brain and nervous system informed lens.When the root cause of behavior is accurately identified, there are other, more compassionate and effective approaches that emerge in how to support the individual who is struggling behaviorally. RESOURCES: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    33 min

  7. Mar 23

    Ep. 38 | Dismantling Restraint & Seclusion: A Conversation with Guy Stephens (Pt. 1)

    SUMMARY - Today's episode is Part 1 of a 2-part conversation with Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), a national nonprofit dedicated to ending the use of punitive, exclusionary, and dangerous discipline in schools. Driven by his own son’s traumatic experiences, Guy advocates for trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, and neurodiversity-affirming approaches in child-serving systems. Listen in on the conversation with Eileen and Guy, as they discuss a topic that is important for parents and professionals alike. TAKEAWAYS: This work is personal for Guy and he shares how he came to his advocacy work to prevent seclusion and restraint in schools and other environments as the parent of a neurodivergent child who had multiple experiences of being secluded and restrained.Guy shares details about the mission of Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR), which is to inform changes in policy and practice to reduce and eliminate the use of punitive discipline and outdated behavioral management approaches and end the school-to-prison pipeline.Guy explains the AASR's 3 areas of focus: legislation and law policy; education; and support. RESOURCES: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (AASR)YouTube: Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    34 min

  8. Mar 9

    Ep. 37 | Supporting Siblings: Practical Brain First Tools for Parents - Pt. 2

    SUMMARY - In Part 2 of this series on supporting siblings, we shift from awareness to action. Building on the themes discussed in Part 1, this episode offers practical, brain-first strategies parents can use to support siblings who are impacted by challenging behaviors at home. From conversations about how brains work differently to creating safety plans and strengthening protective factors, this episode focuses on what you can do to help siblings feel safe, seen, and supported. TAKEAWAYS: Begin ongoing, age-appropriate conversations about how brains work differently to help siblings make sense of behavior without excusing harm.Clarify that “fair doesn’t mean equal". Fairness is about meeting each child’s unique brain and nervous system needs.Explain the "why" behind different rules, responses, or accommodations to create predictability and security.Build protective factors for siblings, including consistent one-on-one time with a regulated parent or other trusted adult.Create clear safety plans so siblings know exactly what to do during escalations and do not feel responsible for managing the situation.Provide open space for siblings to express the full range of their emotions without minimizing or shaming them.Avoid creating a culture of secrecy, meaning help siblings develop language and a plan for how to talk about their family experience with others.Prioritize your own resilience and nervous system care, as your regulation is one of the most powerful supports for everyone in the home. RESOURCES: Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 19: Building Resilience in Moments a Day Concrete, manageable ways to strengthen your own nervous system and resilience over time. Blog Post on “Circling Back” Explanation of the circling back process and why addressing behaviors outside of escalated moments supports learning and safety. ======================= If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE! You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media: Facebook Instagram YouTube Pinterest

    22 min
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The Brain First Parenting podcast supports parents who are raising children, teens or young adults with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms. We are a safe space for parents who have historically felt like there isn't a place for them in the parenting advice world. At Brain First Parenting, we see each child as a unique individual with a unique brain, who deserves accommodations to thrive in a world that is frequently not set up for people with neurobehavioral challenges. We prioritize supporting the parents of these kids and teens so that they can, in turn, feel hope and confidence and joy in their parenting experience.

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