Dear Sugars

WBUR

4.5 (5.6K)
RELATIONSHIPS
UPDATED SEMIMONTHLY

Radically empathic advice. Produced by WBUR.

1D AGO

Redux: Trust Your Body

This episode was originally released on June 11, 2018. Her doctor categorized her as overweight when she was 5 years old. Her grandmother always introduced her as the “chubby one.” As an adult, she vacillates between moderation and binge-eating, restricting food some weeks, and gorging on cake and ice cream during others. “It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.” The sinister cycle of dieting and binge-eating plagues many American women. The body positivity movement promotes fat acceptance and attempts to reverse body-shaming, no matter one’s size. But Body Negative is skeptical, writing, “I struggle with how to be body positive after years of being told it’s wrong to be my size and weight. Is there such a thing as unconditional body acceptance?” Hilary Kinavey, M.S., L.P.C., and Dana Sturtevant, M.S., R.D., the co-owners of Be Nourished, join the Sugars to offer Body Negative and women like her some hope. Ms. Kinavey and Ms. Sturtevant present new definitions of health and discuss alternatives to the “dieting mind.” Ms. Kinavey explains that before body acceptance is achievable, “most of us who have experienced a lot of body shame … and weight stigma have healing work to do.”

42 min
MAR 15

Redux: Sex & Aging

This episode was originally released on May 25th, 2018. When two women in their sixties start losing interest in sex, their sex-starved partners become increasingly frustrated. Both women blame old age for their waning libidos. But is their diminished sex drive because of age or something else? The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive? Dr. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and has written more than 25 books on love and sexuality. She’s also an on-air expert for Lifetime TV’s “Married at First Sight.” The Sugars Recommend “Our Souls at Night,” by Kent Haruf “Scary Old Sex,” by Arlene Heyman

37 min
MAR 1

Episodes We Love: Rapid Fire — Love & Money

This episode was originally released on July 21st, 2018. When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time? In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style.

44 min
FEB 15

Episodes We Love: Do I Follow My Head Or My Heart?

Cheryl and Steve are no longer dishing out new advice, but we're listening back to episodes we love every week. This episode was originally released November 6, 2015. ____ The Sugars get a letter from a young woman who has fallen head over heels in love. She and her boyfriend only met a month ago, but they are already in deep. Everything seems perfect, and yet the letter writer can't help but wonder if the traumas of her new love's past are hiding somewhere under the surface, threatening to resurface. In this episode, the Sugars do something new — and get the letter writer on the phone to speak with her directly about her fears.

26 min
FEB 1

Redux: Rapid Fire Letters

This episode was originally released July 29th, 2017. ____ In a heated moment, a mother reveals a dark chapter from her childhood to her daughter, then immediately regrets it. What now? In this week’s episode, the Sugars tackle this and several other questions, including how to handle a brother-in-law who treats your vacation as his own free childcare; what to do when your best friend’s husband asks you to lie; and why we sometimes recoil at very public displays of grief.

32 min
JAN 18

Rewind Rapid Fire: Love In Doubt

This episode was originally released on January 5, 2017. How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So in this episode, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.

44 min
JAN 4

Rewind: How Do I Find The Courage To Be My Own Guide?

This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016. The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

27 min
10/26/2024

From the archives: The Great Reckoning

This episode was originally published on July 28th, 2018. Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot share the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning and answer letters from the audience. To some extent, every letter the Sugars receive is a kind of reckoning, as it’s often the letter writer’s first attempt at taking account of their mistakes and delusions. In this episode, the Sugars take a long hard look at transgressions of love, friendship, the self and so much more. Mitchell S. Jackson is the author of “The Residue Years,” which won the Ernest J. Gaines Prize for Literary Excellence. He is the winner of a Whiting Award, and his honors include fellowships from Ted, the Lannan Foundation and The Rockefeller Foundation. His book, "Survival Math," was released in 2019. Rebecca Skloot is the author of “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks,” which was made into an Emmy-nominated HBO film starring Oprah Winfrey and Rose Byrne. Her award-winning science writing has appeared in The New York Times Magazine; O, The Oprah Magazine; and many other publications.

52 min

See All (387)

4.5

out of 5

5,598 Ratings

Head or Heart

01/16/2024

Beekeeper from New England

In my experience, when it’s magic, it’s not hard. You want to do the work because you want to make each other happy.
Been loving this podcast!

Feb 27

Lucy M.P

Great insights and perspectives. There is so much empathy and compassion in each episode, definitely worth listening!
Listener for years

10/20/2024

Catrina 315

I’ve loved this podcast for years! These two have taught me so much about empathy. I still listen to old episodes from time to time, but I’m still hoping there might be a possibility for a new season.
Amazing!

07/24/2024

inferno9920

This is such a life changing podcast! Steve and Sheryl speak respond with so much empathy and compassion to every letter they receive. There is no judgement or condemnation to the seemingly bad actors in the letters. I have only been listening for a week but I trust Steve and Sheryl to give thoughtful, compassionate, and helpful advice. Also the music for this podcast is really good!
About to Burst, Sept. 2017

04/23/2024

Chizzzz6328385857

Very much appreciated the info in part one of your interview with Esther Perel on sexless marriage. But part 2 from the guy’s pov left me wanting more. I, a male in a 23.5 year marriage to a woman, am currently at the edge of my 13th year of celibacy not-of-my choosing and it was hard to escape the sense that the man’s side of the story received short shrift in pt.2. It’s hard to find points of reference/people in a similar situation to me - committed, honest, hardworking and celibate family men who have overcome the unchosen celibacy challenge. Do you know of references or even other of your episodes dealing with this? Yours, Knotted In Fear
I hate this podcast

02/05/2024

Vvvvvvvvfhubivbdfuhig jefni

I hate this is horrible
Starting letters again?

02/04/2024

Wbluetake2

I listened to you both years ago…when did you return to this podcast?
A Spy in the house…

10/01/2023

Nixgolightly

I loved this episode and it resonated with me when I was married to a person living with an addiction. I was a little disappointed that all the hosts weren’t using person-first language when speaking about addiction. Addict is terribly stigmatizing and can further shame those living with addiction.
My favorite podcast

01/14/2024

Horny Toad5

Really good
Phenomenal Show

09/10/2023

AnonymousAndrewPodcast

As a fellow podcaster. This show is what I strive to become. The sugars ate straight up the real deal love everything about this show. From the honesty of the hosts to the guest and everything in between.